Disclaimer - This should be painfully obvious, but I don't own our favourite two troublemakers. They're property of J. K. Rowling, but, judging from how much we steal them all away, maybe she should keep better tabs on them so stuff like this doesn't happen. ;)

In case you didn't realize...This is going to be slash. Don't like? Don't read. I promise I won't set you under the imperius curse. This is the only warning you're gonna get; here there be monsters. ;) Or, in this case, Sirius' devious little ways.

"Where the hell is the little bastard?" Muttered a tall Gryffindor student, bending over a huge piece of parchment and scanning it like his life depended on it. He frowned, bringing his lit wand closer to see. It was really late, but he was hoping a certain Slytherin was still out and about in the castle. I'll make the bugger pay yet, he swore, starting his search in a different section of the Marauder's Map.

Finally, Sirius found what he'd been after. Snivellous was in the library, over in a back corner. The animagus grinned. The prank Snivellous had pulled on him had been both embarrassing, and overly well done. He had to give the git points for that, at least, but he was going to get him back.

Grabbing James' cloak, he threw it over himself and pocketed the map after blanking it out. Silently, with years of practice, he snuck out of the dorm and headed downstairs towards the library, where his quarry lay.

Getting into the library was a bit trickier, as Pince always locked the doors, but Sirius had long ago learned the spell to let him in, and it only hindered him slightly. Sneaking in, he oriented himself in this less familiar place before heading off between the shelves. As a rule, Sirius didn't go anywhere where learning and studying and, dare he think it, homework was done, if he could help it. This was Mooney's turf.

Coming up to the corner where Snape was, Sirius found himself sneaking along the row of books, even though he was completely hidden. When he turned the corner, wand raised and ready to hex the greasy git up and down, he found himself stunned into shock.

Snape was asleep! Of all things. The boy's head was drooped onto his chest, his feet propped on the table, where all of his work was spread out. A book was spread face down over his chest, and he was breathing deeply, his mouth hanging slightly open.

Sirius moved closer to stare down at the completely defenseless Slytherin, his face devoid of its usual wicked grin and/or glare. He had the urge to take Snape's discarded cloak and cover him with it. He immediately shook that thought away. Stupid dog traits. He'd been running around in his animagus a bit too much this week, he guessed, seeing as how a dog's personality was rubbing off on him. Unconditional love, and all that, he supposed. And he liked to knaw on the bones from his dinner too.

But this was Snivellous. He didn't deserve any of Sirius' love, unconditional or not. An intelligent part of Sirius' brain told him that that was an oxymoron, but he ignored it, changing his attention instead to the book slumped over Snape's chest. He wondered what it was. There was no title on the front, and it was an undescript - and predictable - black. He stood for a moment before leaning over and carefully plucking the book off of his sleeping classmate.

Shifting his gaze from watching Snape's face for any signs of alertness, he pulled off the cloak and stuffed it in his pocket before taking the book to the candle that burned low on the table to read by. His gaze snapped back to Snape after he read a line. This was a journal! He grinned, oh, this is even better than hexing him into next week! Think of all the dirt we'll have on him now! But as he flipped back through it, skimming pages, he didn't find any deep, dark secrets, or anything that was actually particularly useful to him. It was like one of those…whaddya-call-ems…Sirius tried for a moment to think of the word for it, knowing there was one. But he soon gave up. Anyways, it was just random thoughts meandering along as Snape wrote them. It wouldn't help him in his quest to get back at Snape.

Sighing, he perched on the arm of a chair, flicking through the journal a bit slower. Snape's inner voice actually sounded a lot like his own. Sarcastic, sometimes dry humor, but mostly taking everything that happened to him as it went. Random doodles were thrown in at places, and his handwriting was scrawled lazily, instead of the Slytherin's normally neat handwriting.

Sirius found himself snorting with the effort of holding back a laugh as he read a particularly funny comment Snape had made about one of their teachers. He didn't know the git could be so amusing, and he felt his curiosity pique again as doubt touched over him. Maybe Snape wasn't so bad, really. Sirius scoffed at himself; it was Snape. Of course he was bad! He glanced up to see if he'd disturbed Snape, and froze, his thoughts derailing completely.

Snape regarded him with wary eyes, his black gaze searching Sirius' stunned and guilty one. He hadn't moved an inch from where he was slumped, but his gaze narrowed into a glare as Sirius carefully set down the journal. The animagus felt strangely guilty for reading it, even though that's what you do when you find an unattended - in this case, unguarded - journal. You read it. Still, he felt like maybe he'd crossed a line somewhere or something.

But, being Sirius Black, sarcastic adolescent troublemaker that he was, recovered quickly. "Oops, you caught me. Better be more careful with your possessions, Snivellous, or I'll rid you of them for you," he looked pointedly at all of the homework spread on the table and smirked.

Snape sat up a bit straighter in his chair and blinked slowly. Sirius noted his eyes were still glazed from sleep and pounced on that, too. "Need help waking up, git? I could levitate you upside down, again. That might help, don't you think?"

The Slytherin looked at Sirius with a tired expression on his face, "Did you ever notice, Black, that you talk too much?" He glanced over his homework without really seeing it and rubbed his eyes again. "Not that you really think about what comes out your mouth."

Sirius' gaze narrowed, and he pulled out his wand, growling angrily, "Don't talk back to me, you greasy little prick."

Snape looked warily at the wand now pointed in his face and sighed. "I don't have time for this," he snapped, "Do you intend to do something? I have work to do, and I'd prefer if we could get this over with," he made no move towards his own wand, which Sirius found curious.

"You do realize why I'm here," he said slowly, his wand lowering slightly as Snape rubbed his face again.

"Of course. For that prank. Go ahead and get your revenge. Like I said, I don't have time for this. I don't care."

"Since when don't you care about me humiliating you?" Sirius was confused. And even though he'd attacked Snape before, the other always ended up going for his wand in self defence. Or at least had it out. The git's wand was nowhere to be seen. His Gryffindor side kicked in a bit, as Sirius realized he wouldn't attack anyone, even Snape, when he was defenseless.

"Black. Use your head. There's no one around for me to be humiliated in front of. Besides," he added carefully, as if admitting this was admitting a weakness, "I'm tired." He regarded Sirius again cautiously, and quirked an eyebrow after a moment. "I've managed to silence the biggest blathering idiot in school?" he smirked, "You must be losing your touch."

"Am not," Sirius said lamely, for some reason not wanting to fight either any longer. Instead, he changed tack. "Why are you here?"

Snape raised another skeptical eyebrow, "Why do you care?"

"I don't. I just wondered."

"Work. It's what you're supposed to do in school, Black."

"Well, yeah, but not at three in the morning," Sirius waved his arms around, "Everyone's asleep."

"Apart from us. I know this will shock you, Black, but sometimes your stupid pranks have consequences for me. Like missing classes when you lock me in closets and getting me into detention," he paused, and then sighed, pinching the brow of his nose and frowning, "Often I have little time for the things I need to get done."

Sirius couldn't shake the feeling that he was in the wrong. Which he was, but Sirius still saw it as doing good, in his naivety. "Er," he said intelligently.

"Once again your vocabulary astounds me," Snape said dryly, pulling his journal away from Sirius carefully and then putting it in his bag before turning back to his homework.

Sirius watched him curiously for a few minutes. Where did the angry, always ready to give as good as he got, prick of a Slytherin he knew go? Snape ignored him for as long as he could, but when it was obvious that the Gryffindor wasn't going to leave him alone, he sighed. "Black. Don't you have something better to do? Like, drown yourself?"

Sirius' gaze narrowed, "Hey, watch it, I'm still the only one with a wand out."

"Yes, and you've really put it to use, haven't you?" snapped Snape, throwing him a glare, "I only will ask once more. Why are you here?"

"Because I'm going to get back at you for what you did to me," Sirius replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do you plan on doing that anytime soon? Or are you going to try and burn a hole through my head by staring at it?"

"Sheesh, you'd think being nice to a guy would mean something," muttered Sirius.

Snape leaned back in his chair and leveled another glare at Sirius, "You're not being nice, Black. You're being annoying. I don't think you know how to be nice."

"Wow, I didn't know you could think," said Sirius, feigning shock.

"Maybe you should come up with some new insults. I'm actually getting bored of these grippingly humorous ones you use every time you see me," countered Snape sarcastically, sneering.

"I'm getting bored with this conversation," snapped Sirius, waving his wand threateningly.

Snape just stared at him, "Then why do you continue it? Leave me alone, Black."

Sirius frowned, and lowered his wand again. There was something wrong here, with them. Snape wasn't jumping to the bait, and Sirius found he didn't want to fight with him either, even though he was still pissed about the prank. What is wrong with me? He silently screamed at himself. Hex the bastard, already! He just stared back at Snape, who eventually turned again back to his homework.

Sirius watched him again for a bit, noticing how tense the other was. Why was that? Oh, cause he was there. That's right. There were circles under Snape's eyes, too, like he hadn't slept well in a while. Him again. Despite himself, Sirius was feeling bad. He shook his head to clear it, gazing vacantly at a bookshelf. He was Sirius Black! He didn't feel bad! He noticed the quill had stopped scratching its way across the parchment and glanced back at Snape.

Black eyes were now watching him calculatingly. "What?" asked Sirius innocently, "I'm not even talking. What did I do now?"

An eyebrow rose slowly, "The Black I know would've hexed me while I was asleep. I'm still trying to figure out what it is you're doing here. Other than waste space."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Was that really necessary?"

"Are you really necessary?"

Sirius frowned. "I'm out of sorts tonight, apparently. Like you are."

Snape snorted, "Out of sorts? What, did you not meet your quota of one night stands this week?" he adopted a sarcastically sympathetic look, "Oh, poor Black. Whatever shall he do?"

Sirius glared at him, "At least I do get laid, which is more than I can say for you. Maybe you wouldn't be such a prick if you did sometimes."

"Your words tear my fragile heart to pieces; I'm insulted," said Snape dryly, "You probably wouldn't be such a prick if you didn't."

An idea was forming in Sirius' head, one that he wasn't sure he liked. It certainly had shock value, even for him. But, hell, was he really considering this? His conscience warred inside.

"Do you ever relax, Snivellous?" asked Sirius, noticing that Snape was still tense, as if he were ready to run at any moment. Which he probably was.

"Not by your standards, I'm sure."

"You probably should. That would definitely take some of the git out of you. You're so uptight all the time."

Snape leaned back in his chair and looked at Sirius, "Why the hell are you so buddy-buddy with me suddenly? Why do you care?"

"I don't," Sirius said, "I just wondered."

"Curiosity killed the cat," Snape snapped, "Or in this case, stupid dog."

Sirius' eyes narrowed, but he continued, a wicked gleam in his eyes. "Curiosity does get in my way a lot. Are you going to answer me?"

"I wasn't aware you'd asked a question that I hadn't answered." Snape replied levelly, picking up his quill again.

Sirius thought back, and realized that Snape was right. For once. Well, once that he'd admit, anyways. "Well, why don't you relax?"

Sighing, Snape set his quill down again without having used it and glared up at Sirius, "I can't. You're here," He glanced away, "I'm not used to relaxing, anyways."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Oh, come off it! Haven't you just not done your homework, or played a game of Exploding Snap, or snogged some random girl until you can't remember what your name is, let alone why you're worked up?"

"You know of all people that no one would dream of doing that sort of thing with me," Snape said, keeping any emotion from his voice, "You remind me enough. I don't play card games, and I, one of the seemingly only people in this school, care about my education." His voice had become more and more clipped as he spoke, and Sirius grinned at him. A nagging voice in his head told him he was going to regret what he was about to do, but he ignored it.

Slipping off of the chair's arm he was perched on, Sirius tucked his wand away and slowly approached Snape, standing right in front of him and leaning against the table. He smirked playfully, "Perhaps I can help you."

Snape's hand dropped from where it had been propping up his chin and he stared at Sirius. "What?" He asked in a flat voice, leaning back as he tried to figure out what Sirius was doing.

Sirius was silent, and Snape continued, "I don't understand, Black. How the hell would you help me? More importantly, why would you do that? Besides, I don't need help."

"Au contraire." Sirius said, that playful smile still on his face, "I think you do." He leaned forwards a little.

Snape's eyes grew wide as he recognized that smile. It was the one Black usually used on girls he was chasing. He frowned worriedly, "What are you on about, Black?"

Sirius placed both arms on either side of the chair, blocking Snape if he decided to run. "Use that intelligent head of yours and figure it out." He kept his head close to Snape's, enjoying watching the boy squirm with discomfort.

"Ge-get away from me." Snape said, leaning as far away from Sirius as he could. What the HELL was Black doing?

"I don't think so," muttered Sirius, before he leaned forwards and kissed Snape. It wasn't as bad as he expected it to be, really. His lips were soft, and partially opened in shock as he felt the rest of Snape's body seize up. Sirius, not one for missing opportunity, roughly made his way into Snape's mouth, kissing him more forcefully.

Snape still didn't react, other than to raise his hands, intent on pushing him away. Instead, he found them acting of their own accord, grasping the Gryffindor's shirt tightly. Sirius broke away, gauging the emotions flitting across Snape's face before climbing onto him. Snape swallowed uncertainly, still too in shock to do anything.

Sirius leaned down and started kissing along his jaw, reaching his ear and biting it playfully. He smirked as he heard a quick intake of breath. Snape shut his eyes, trying to force his arms to push away rather than pull forwards. Sirius was kissing him. What the hell did his friends slip into his drink? Was all he could wonder blankly. He couldn't deny that it felt good. To be desired. To be touched. He was too confused to even wonder why Sirius was doing what he was doing. Far too confused to remember he hated the boy. Loathed, even.

Sirius moved down onto Snape's neck, gripping his shoulders, running his tongue over Snape's collarbone, and then nipping at his throat as Snape swallowed again, trying to find his voice. "Black." He finally choked out, his voice full of uncertainty and fear, "What are you doing?"

Sirius paused in his ministrations to answer, quietly, "I should have thought that much was obvious."

"But…why?" Snape was starting to come to his senses, and Sirius grabbed his head, kissing him forcefully again. This time, he was satisfied to feel Snape hesitantly kiss back. He only stopped when he'd run out of air, and hovered in front of the other, his breath coming in gasps. Snape's breathing wasn't any better, coming in ragged, uneven bursts. He realized he was getting hard, and hated Sirius for being the cause of it. Why Sirius, of all people? Was he really that desperate for someone's attention?

Smirking devilishly, Sirius slid off of Snape to kneel in front of his chair. He smirked even more when he saw Snape reluctantly let go and barely contain a whimper at the loss of body contact. No matter, he wouldn't be unhappy for long. "I'm helping." He said simply, not really answering Snape's question.

Snape opened his mouth again to say something, but Sirius had come forwards again and had slid one hand up the Slytherin's shirt while the other fumbled with his trousers. Snape drew in a quick breath and shut his eyes, unbelieving. The small, rational part of his brain told him to lash out at Sirius, kick him in the face, or something, and get away. For once, he didn't listen to it. It felt much too good.

Sirius finally got Snape's trousers to listen to him and pulled them down slightly. Reaching into Snape's boxers, he easily found what he was looking for and brought it out, stroking Snape's manhood. Snape's breathing hitched, and he grew even harder under Sirius' treatment, letting out a low moan. Sirius, still grinning, rose up, and started kissing Snape again. The other boy met him with some enthusiasm this time, keeping it up even though he'd long ago run out of breath.

Sirius broke away, kissing his neck again, pausing when he found a sensitive spot. He bit down, drawing out a strangled, quiet cry from Snape. Snape was starting to squirm, as Sirius started pumping Snape's shaft a bit faster.

Then he stopped and drew back, kneeling down. This time, Snape did try to keep Sirius from leaving his lap, but Sirius easily avoided his grasping hands. He pulled Snape forwards in the chair, and then bent his head over Snape's erection. Snape took in a breath, as Sirius took his member into his mouth. He licked carefully, grazing him with his teeth, and Snape grabbed ahold of his long hair moaning and panting, his thoughts white. A heat was growing in his abdomen, and he jerked his hips as Sirius teasingly stalled, drawing back whenever Snape got too worked up.

After a few minutes of the tantalizing sensations, it grew too much for Snape. He tried to say something other than groans and gasps, but he couldn't remember how to speak. "Bl-Black. Stop it. I c-can't tak-." Sirius rolled his tongue over the tip of Snape's cock, and Snape sucked in another breath, trying to continue, his words coming out in a sound that was half cry, half moan.

Sirius paused, causing Snape to squirm, rolling his hips, trying to do something with the unbearable feeling of being on the brink. Sirius finally complied as Snape grew frantic. Apparently having no gag reflex, Sirius deep throated Snape repeatedly. Snape's eyes grew wide, but he couldn't see anything except pleasure, coming in bigger and bigger waves as he climaxed, spurting his juice into Sirius' mouth. Sirius took it all in as Snape's groan shattered, leaning over to put his forehead onto Sirius' head.

The Gryffindor waited patiently for Snape to come down and catch his breath, then drew away. Snape grappled blindly for him, pulling him into a kiss. Sirius grinned, and snogged him hard, dominating Snape's mouth, and Snape let him.

When they broke away from each other, Snape's face was flushed, and his eyes were wide as the world came crashing back and he realized fully what had just happened. Sirius looked thoughtfully at him, and then stood up. "Right then. See? Relaxing. It's good." He yanked Snape's trousers back up for him, seeing as how the Slytherin was incapable, his hands shaking. He patted Snape's head and grinned wolfishly at him; Snape stared up at him, mouth agape.

"What…what was that?" He demanded, trying to keep his voice from shaking. He looked like he couldn't quite focus on Black, as if his eyes wouldn't behave quite properly.

"It's called a blow job, idiot." Sirius said, back to his sarcastic self. He had to admit, it had been fun. He could feel his own erection pressing uncomfortably against his pants.

Snape managed to quirk an eyebrow, still breathless, "You know what I mean."

Sirius shrugged, and gave him another wolfish grin. "You needed to relax. You're always so uptight. Lucky for you, I know how to relieve stress. Besides," he grinned again, "I'll bet that'll be more embarrassing for you to remember every time you see me from now on than any curse you or I know." He winked at Snape, and then left the library, who still sat, completely dumbfounded.

A/N: I've no idea how I did. I tried not to completely fail at them being OOC, but Snape is currently incapable of forming coherent thoughts, haha. And Sirius? Well, he's Sirius. Let me know what you think, if you don't mind dropping me a line. Reviews are made of love.