Edge of Insanity

Hatochiisai aka Ahmose Inarus

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

SLASH WARNING! Hotch/Reid

Everyone loved Drs. Blair and Tsai from 'Unexpectedly Expecting' so much, I decided to bring them back! YAY!

CHAPTER 12

Reid woke to the sound of rain beating on the window. He looked around. He was in the infirmary. He blinked, slowly.

"No…" He breathed. His mind spun. No… no no no… but… Paloma… if… no… was it… did it really happen? No… if it had, Hotch would be here. There was no way the man would have left him alone… there was no way he would still be in this place… it was just… but if it HADN'T happened, then… no… No… NO!

Reid closed his eyes as he began hyperventilating. "No…" He whimpered, his throat tight from lack of use. He lay there in a panic for a few moments, then bolted upright and got out of bed. He turned and picked up the plant in the corner (the one he had dumped his oatmeal in so long ago) and ran out to the nurse's station.

"Oh!" The nurse gasped, eyes wide. Reid ignored her. His eyes were on the large window behind her. The nurse let out a scream when Reid hurled the potted plant past her. The window shattered.

"Stop!" The woman cried. "Dr. Reid! NO!" She watched in horror as Reid climbed through the window and onto the building ledge, not noticing the broken glass cutting his feet. He stared out at the fiery colors of the autumn trees, smudged and muted by the sheets of rain. Slowly, he turned and began to walk along the ledge. He passed windows, not noticing the people staring at him on the other side.

In the day room, someone shouted "Hey! The new kid is committing suicide!" Jay began to ramble about corn flakes being a government conspiracy and Pietrov began screaming in Russian again. Riley just stared in horror as he watched Reid walking along the ledge.

Hotch pulled out of the parking lot of the restaurant. Haley was riding shotgun and Jack was in the back seat. They had just finished a productive dinner in which Hotch had gotten an idea of how Jack wanted his new bedroom in the new house to be like, and when Jack wasn't paying attention, he and Haley had engaged in arguing over Hotch moving into a house with Reid in as civil a manner as they could. Haley was STILL not happy about her husband sleeping with the young Doctor, and was still against allowing her son see this relationship, but Hotch (and Jack) were wearing her down.

When Hotch's phone rang, she sighed and rolled her eyes. She had learned a long time ago to dread his phone…

"Hotchner." Hotch answered. She looked over at him. And she was watching when he went pale, his eyes widening. "… what?" He gasped. "… God… I… I'll be right there!" And he threw the phone aside and looked at Haley. "You're coming with me. I don't have time to drop you off."

"What now?" She hissed, angrily. "Did your BOYFRIEND have a NIGHTMARE?"

"… Spencer's out on the ledge of the third floor of Willow Ridge." Hotch murmured softly so Jack wouldn't hear. Haley stared.

"… Is… is he going to jump?"

"… That's what they're afraid of." Hotch said, turning on the flashing lights and stomping down on the gas.

"AARON! DON'T YOU DARE!" Haley cried. "NOT WITH YOUR SON IN THE CAR!"

"GO DADDY!" Jack cheered. "Can I hit the siren?"

"Not from back there, Buddy." Hotch called over his shoulder.

"Can I come up front?"

"Not right now, Jack." Hotch said.

"Aaron, slow down!"

"Faster, Daddy, Faster!"

"Jack! NO!" Haley cried. "AARON! RED LIGHT!"

"SIREN, DADDY!" Hotch threw the switch and Jack cheered in delight as the siren began to scream. Hotch leaned on the horn, and blew through the red light and tore down the road, watching cars moving to get out of his way.

The drive seemed to take forever to Hotch, but finally, Willow Ridge came into view. Several FBI issue SUV's were already there, and a tent had been set up with equipment. Hotch pulled the vehicle to a stop right by the tent and ran over through the cold rain.

"Where is he?" He demanded. Rossi turned and looked at him, then handed him a pair of binoculars.

"Third floor. The corner. He's between the two gargoyles." The veteran profiler told him. Hotch raised the binoculars and peered through, allowing Morgan to wire him with a microphone.

Sure enough, he found his lover curled up hugging his knees to his chest, huddled down between two gargoyles that were about as big as he was. He was soaking wet, and the pale blue pajamas were plastered to his skin. His lips were blue.

Hotch lowered the binoculars and blankly passed them off to whoever was beside him.

"I'm going up there." He said, and ran for the door of the building.

Haley stared after him, then looked down at the binoculars he had passed her. She then turned and stared after her ex husband, allowing her son to swipe the binoculars to play with.

Inside, Hotch made his way up to the infirmary, and despite the shouts of the police and doctors, he climbed out onto the ledge and stared down the length of the building, blinking rapidly in the rain. Slowly, he began to make his way down the narrow ledge towards the corner of the building. Within a few steps, he was soaked to the bone.

"Spencer?" Hotch called. Slowly, Reid opened his eyes. Hotch slowly knelt and held out a hand. "Spencer… please… come to me, baby… let's go in and get out of the rain." Reid winced and closed his eyes again. "Spencer, PLEASE." Hotch called. "Don't to this."

"Hotch, you need to get back inside, man." Morgan called to the Unit Chief over the radio. Hotch ignored him.

"Spencer, please look at me." Hotch begged. He watched as Reid began to rock himself.

Down in the parking lot, the team, the police, the staff and Hotch's wife listened to the man pleading with the broken youth. JJ was chewing her fingernails, and Emily stood off to the side, staring up at the building ledge.

Morgan was leaning over the table, bracing his weight on his hands. Rossi had one hand on the table and the other on his hip.

But everyone turned when Jack suddenly spoke up.

"What's Daddy doing up there?" He was peering through the binoculars.

"… Daddy is up there because Dr. Reid needs his help." Haley said, gently brushing her hand over her son's hair and taking the binoculars from him.

"Daddy's gonna save him?"

"… He's going to try." Haley said. Hotch's voice again came over the radio.

"Please Spencer… please come to me… please… I love you, baby… don't leave me…"

Tears came to Haley's eyes.

"Spencer, PLEASE! Don't do this… don't leave me alone… you… I need you… You're my HEART, Spencer…"

Haley sobbed… Aaron had never said that to HER before!

"I… please don't make me live without you. I don't think I can… I…" Everyone listening could hear the desperation in the man's tone.

"Haley…" Rossi gasped, whirling. "I need Jack."

Back up on the ledge, Hotch was still trying to get Reid to take his hand. "Spencer… baby… PLEASE…"

Slowly, Reid moved to stand. But he didn't look at the man's outstretched hand. He slowly walked over to the very edge of the ledge until his toes were literally hanging over the edge.

"SPENCER?" Hotch shouted. Slowly, Reid turned and looked at Hotch. "Spencer…?"

"… I'm no good anymore…" The boy said softly. "And I'm tired of fighting. I'm sorry." And he closed his eyes. But as he began to lean back, a voice reached them over a megaphone.

"Hi Docto'Weed." Hotch's eyes widened and Reid's eyes snapped open in shock. "What are you doin'?"

"… Jack?" Reid gasped, and slowly turned and looked down at the parking lot. There, he saw a tent protecting everyone from the rain. And under that tent was a table. And Jack was sitting on it. Rossi was talking to the little boy, while Morgan held a phone up to the child's face. A moment later, Hotch's phone rang. And then the man called out.

"Spencer… it's for you…" And Hotch reached out. With a shaking hand, Reid accepted the offered phone and lifted it to his ear.

"… Jack?"

"Hi, Weed!"

"Hi, Jack." Reid said softly.

"Why are you in the rain? You're getting wet!"

"… I… Yeah… I guess I am."

"Come inside! You can get warm and dry and we can have cocoa!"

"I… I don't know if I can."

"Daddy will help you!" Jack informed him. "Will you play with me when you're dry? Please?"

"I… I…"

"Don't make daddy sad…" Jack told him. Reid blinked and looked at Hotch, tears running down his face. Hotch had tears in his eyes as well. "He loves you." Reid let out a soft, gasping sob.

"Jack, I… I can't, I…" Reid turned and looked at Hotch. "Don't do this to me…" He gasped, his tears coming faster and faster as he pleaded with the man desperately. "Please… don't make me keep going like this…" Hotch just stared at him, and Reid saw so much in his eyes… anguish over the pain his young lover was in… fear that he couldn't stop him from taking the fatal plunge… and utter dread at the though of outliving his broken little mate…

"Please…" Hotch whispered, holding out his hand to the boy. "Please…" But Reid turned away and Hotch found himself staring at his lover, balanced on the brink of disaster once more.

"Weed?"

"… Yes, Jack?" Reid asked softly.

"I love you, too."

Reid froze. The phone slipped from his fingers and plummeted down three stories to smash on the ground. Then Reid's face fell into his hands, and he cried. Hotch's heart clenched when he saw his lover sway on the spot, and he just acted.

Reid gasped softly when he felt strong arms wrap around him, and then he was pulled back away from the edge and into a safe embrace. He vaguely heard Hotch call, "I've got him." And he allowed Hotch to guide him back to the nearest open window. Hands reached through and Hotch passed the boy to them, and then assisted Hotch through. As soon as he was in, though, the Unit Chief dropped to his knees and pulled Spencer Reid close. And then he just held him as the boy fell apart within his arms, sobbing hopelessly. Several minutes later, the team got to them, Haley and Jack with them. Jack blinked, then walked over and tugged on Reid's sleeve.

"Weed?" He asked, softly. Reid's sobs hitched and quieted, and Reid turned and looked at the little boy. "Why are you sad?" Reid just stared at him, then lowered his eyes. Jack blinked, then leaned over, wrapped his arms around Reid's neck, and hugged him. "Daddy, he's WET and COLD!" And Jack kissed Reid's cheek. Haley clenched her fists, but watched the young man close his eyes, tears flooding down his cheeks. Hotch smiled slightly and ran a hand up and down the little boy's back.

"Dr. Reid is hurt and sick, Jack." The man told his son. "He's having a very hard time."

"He needs a bubble bath and hot cocoa!" Jack announced. Hotch smiled slightly.

"It's a start." The man said. Jack let go of Reid and took his mother's hand.

Everyone stood around, watching Hotch hold Reid close.

"Spencer…" The man whispered. "Why did you do it?"

"… Paloma. She was here… I… She… Bur then you were there… and… that was the last thing I remembered… then I woke up and I was still in here. And you weren't there… if Paloma had really been there, had REALLY tried to kill me… then I wouldn't still be here. And you would be with me. But I woke up here… alone… so it didn't happen. I… I was… hallucinating… having episodes… I… I really am like my mom…" And he started to cry again.

Hotch closed his eyes, a pained expression on his face.

Haley turned away… it had been HER fault that Hotch hadn't been by Reid's side when the boy awoke. She had INSISTED that Hotch come have lunch with Jack and herself. And by insisted, it was meant that she bitched him out over the phone for about forty five minutes until he finally gave in.

"Oh God… no baby…" Hotch breathed. "I… I am SO sorry, Spencer… there was something I had to do… You weren't hallucinating. It was real. And… I just… I… I'm sorry… But it's all over now."

"Aaron?"

"Yes?"

"Please… don't leave me here again."

"I won't. I'm taking you away from this place. Right now. I PROMISE."

"Take me home?" Reid asked, softly. He watched as the Unit Chief's face fell.

"I… I can't." Hotch whispered. Reid tensed, eyes wide. "Spencer… you're NOT crazy. But you need help." Hotch sighed. "You're going to spend a couple of weeks at a facility near home. And you'll be getting treatment with Dr. Melinda Blair." He gave the boy a hopeful smile. "You like her, remember?"

"You're… locking me up?" Reid gasped, leaning away from the man and refusing to make eye contact.

"No." Hotch told him. "It's outpatient treatment. Look, this is how it will go. You are going to spend one week there. Then you can come home. You will see Dr. Blair every day. But when I have to leave on a case, you will go to the facility and stay there until I come back. But you can leave it during the day. You can even go visit Garcia when the team is out on a case. But you will have a curfew. Please understand, this is for your protection."

"I know." Reid said softly.

"… You do?" Hotch asked, surprised.

"… I'm a mess, Hotch…" Reid sniffled, shivering. "And… I know I need help."

"You'll go?"

"Yes." Reid said, and Hotch hugged him tightly. "I want to get better." Reid whimpered, then sobbed. "I want my life back!" And he clung to his lover, and cried. Hotch just held him. The pair were left alone, and Hotch just let Reid get it all out. Finally, Reid was quiet. When Hotch checked on him, his lover was fast asleep, tear tracks on his face. Hotch sighed, gathering his agent into his arms and standing. Then he looked at the team.

"JJ… can you gather his belongings?" He asked. JJ nodded and turned, heading for Reid's room. Hotch turned and made his way out, taking Reid away from Willow Ridge. For good.

Reid awoke in a strange room, but he was warm in a comfortable bed. He slowly turned at soft, female voices. Two women stood in the corner, talking quietly. He blinked. It was his physician and therapist.

"… Dr. Blair? Dr. Tsai?" Reid murmured. The women stopped and turned, then smiled.

"There you are." Dr. Blair greeted cheerfully. She walked over and wrapped her arms around the young man. Reid smiled and hugged back. After Dr. Carlson, Dr. Devereux and Dr. Harris, it was a relief to see a doctor he knew and trusted to take care of him.

"How are you feeling, Dr. Reid?" Dr. Tsai asked, the tall brunette giving him a warm, motherly look over the rims of her small glasses.

Reid smiled back, though he kept his eyes lowered. "… Okay, I guess." He said, his voice very low and submissive in nature... as was his entire body posture.

"When you're up to it, I want to do a full physical."

"Okay."

"And I want to do a full evaluation." Dr. Blair added.

"Okay." Reid said again. "… Where's Aaron?"

"You were exhausted. You've been sleeping for eighteen hours." Dr. Tsai said. "We had your team come in and take him to get something to eat and freshen up."

"I see." Reid nodded, then looked around.

"This is the McBride Psychiatric Treatment Center." Dr. Blair said. "I do work here for patients with PTSD and other similar conditions. This is NOT a long term care facility. And only a fraction of the patients reside here. Now, this room is going to be on reserve for you until further notice. You will stay here for a week while we get you healthy again. And then you will switch to outpatient. You will stay here when—"

"When my team is out of town on a case, I know." Reid mumbled, eyes darting around, nervously.

"Are you okay with that?" Dr. Blair asked.

"I… Yeah. I think I am." Reid said. "Honestly… just knowing that I'm not crazy, and that I'm not going to be institutionalized for the rest of my life… it really makes a big difference. Things aren't… hopeless anymore." The two doctors smiled at him. But Dr. Blair was concerned. There was something in his eyes. She knew he had a long way to go.

"Can we do your physical, now?" Dr. Tsai asked. "Or do you want some time to settle in?"

"Now is fine." Reid conceded.

"I'll give you some privacy, then." Dr. Blair said, and left the room. She went to get some coffee. As she headed back to the room, she smiled.

"Agent Hotchner!" She called. The man turned about to knock on Reid's bedroom door. He smiled and lowered his hand, and walked over.

"How is he?" He asked.

"He's... okay. Knowing that the diagnosis Dr. Carlson gave him was false gave him hope again. I think he's going to be okay with treatment."

"Good." Hotch said, nodding. Then he knocked.

"Who is it?" He heard Dr. Tsai call.

"It's Aaron Hotchner!" Hotch called back.

"Come in!" Reid chirped, and Hotch smiled at the eager tone in the boy's voice. He opened the door and stepped in, closing it behind him as Dr. Blair declined to enter with him. Reid was sitting on the edge of the bed in his underwear, and Dr. Tsai was listening to his heart. Hotch smiled at Reid, and Reid looked up at him for a moment, then gave him a small, tentative smile in return. Dr. Tsai asked Reid to turn around. The young man did as he was asked, turning and kneeling on his knees on the bed, and sitting back on his heels. He bowed his head as he felt the stethoscope press against his back.

"Slow, deep breaths." Dr. Tsai said. Hotch's smile faded as he took in his lover's body. He watched the pronounced rib cage expand with each inhale. He watched the bony shoulders rise and fall with each breath. He frowned at the sight of the sharp shoulder blades protruding from his back, and the ridges of each vertebrae in his spine. Concern overtook his face. His lover was emaciated. And it made him sick to see it.

He watched Dr. Tsai removed Reid's splint and check his wrist, and discuss having a follow up X-Ray done. Then she removed the bandages on his left elbow, checking where he had scratched himself bloody, and then she checked the self-inflicted gouges in his biceps.

Reid faced her again and she took out a penlight, shining it in his eyes, then sticking a tongue depressor into his mouth the checking his throat. Reid gave Hotch a small smile again as she checked his ears, and then he lay back as she did an abdominal palpation. Hotch frowned at the position Reid took... he had his hands resting by his head in a submissive position, face turned away, eyes closed... even his shoulders were hunched up in a defensive manner. Reid even flinched when Dr. Tsai tugged his underwear down just long enough to take a quick glance at his genitals to make sure everything appeared normal, and then replaced the garment.

"All done." Dr. Tsai said and Reid sat up, thanking her softly as she handed him his pajamas.

"Everything okay?" Hotch asked.

"His injuries are healing fine." Dr. Tsai said. "Right now my concern is his obvious state of malnutrition." Reid pulled on his clothes. "I think his main PHYSICAL concern for the first week he spends here will be getting his stomach used to eating again."

"Can I have coffee?" Reid asked, hopefully.

"No." Dr. Tsai and Hotch said in unison. Reid pouted.

"Are you ready to talk to Dr. Blair?" Dr. Tsai asked.

"Once I get some coffee." Reid grumbled.

"Spencer…" Hotch growled, sternly, but was pleased to hear his lover push for something he wanted.

"… Alright, alright…" Reid sighed, and Dr. Tsai went to get Dr. Blair. While She was gone, Hotch walked over to his lover and sat down on the bedside.

"… You have some visitors." He said, gently.

"Really?" Reid asked. "Who?"

Hotch smiled and went to the door, peeking out. "You can come in now."

Reid looked up, and stared. Sirena and Aguilo walked in, Winters behind them. Reid tensed at the sight of Aguilo. But Sirena ran forward and threw her arms around his neck. Reid blinked, then lowered his head and returned the embrace.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I… I am. Yes." Reid said softly, looking up when Aguilo walked over.

"… I'm sorry." Aguilo said to him. "For everything." Reid stared at him for a long time, then nodded. "Jaguar is sorry, too. He's… in a hospital. He's getting help."

"For what?" Reid asked.

"… Whenever Master left, Paloma was in charge. After Master died, Jaguar turned to her. He was… dependent on her." Aguilo explained. Reid slowly nodded. "The rest of us, she intimidated until we became like Jaguar."

"That's why Preciosa wouldn't come. She's afraid of Paloma." Sirena said. Reid nodded again. Hotch found it interesting how Reid was able to make eye contact with Sirena and Aguilo, when he wouldn't with anyone else... but then again, they had been slaves together. They had all been in the same position and the same rank. They were submissives, just like Reid was.

"Paloma is dead now." Reid said softly.

"Yes." Sirena said with a grin. "Now JAGUAR is finally free."

"We ALL are." Aguilo said. "Thanks to you." Reid nodded yet again, then looked up at Aguilo.

"… What is your name?" He asked. Aguilo smiled.

"Armando." And the two young men clasped hands.

The rest of the day was a whirlwind of people for Reid. His team, the staff of the McBride facility, and his evaluation with Dr. Blair. When bedtime arrived, he was relieved. Hotch was there with him, and the man's presence eased the fear that still dwelt within him, despite the attempts of everyone to make him feel comfortable in the McBride Center.

Reid smiled up at the man as he tucked him in, caressing his face with his fingers and smoothing down his hair, damp from the shower. Then Hotch leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to Reid's forehead, relieved that within the course of one day, his little mate felt comfortable enough to make eye contact with his lover.

"You look so tired." He chuckled. "Get some sleep. I'll come see you in the morning, okay?" Reid smiled and nodded.

"Okay." He said. Hotch picked up a duffel bag and reached in, pulling out the Bedtime Bear Reid had been clinging to at Willow Ridge. Reid blinked, then grinned and reached out, taking it. He held it, and stared at it, running his fingers over the worn fur of the plush toy, and tracing the embroidered moon patch sewn to the bear's tummy.

"I've never seen it before. What is it?" Hotch asked.

"Mom bought it for me. A few weeks before I was born. She said… every child had to have a special toy when they're born. When she went into labor, she took it to the hospital with her. It was in my bassinet before I was." Reid grinned, bringing a smile to the elder's face. "You know… when I was born, I was really little. My bear was the same size as me." Hotch grinned. "I… I slept with him every night. And then I went to college. And… I packed him away in a box in the back of the closet. Stuffed toys had no place in college. College was for grown ups. And… I just…" Reid sighed.

"Get some sleep, Spencer." Hotch said, cupping the boy's cheek in his hand and running his thumb over the line of his cheekbone. Reid rolled over onto his side and cuddled his bear close, allowing his eyes to fall closed. And Hotch stayed with him until he fell asleep.

"He's going to be okay." Hotch turned and looked at Dr. Blair. She smiled and walked over. "He's in good hands now."

"I know." Hotch said.

"He'll be home before you know it." Dr. Blair told him, and Hotch smiled.

"… I know." Hotch said again, gently brushing his knuckles down Reid's cheek. "I know." He leaned over and kissed his lover's cheek, then left him to sleep.

END

Okay. I have several other fics in progress. I'm focusing on 'Alas, Babylon' since this is the fic most of you expressed an interest in, but I'm also working on 'Wild Wild West' and 'Knights of the Old Republic'. I'm stuck on 'Brave New World'. I'm also working on the sequel to 'Edge of Insanity', which is called 'Return from the Edge', but it's slow going. It will probably be a few weeks before another chapter fic comes up.

HOWEVER, I am working on a handful of one shots to keep you busy with, and I will TRY to have one up every Wednesday and Sunday, but I can't promise it.

Coming up next is going to be a little one shot to follow 'Edge of Insanity'. It will be entitled 'My Lovers Son'.

And my deepest love and thanks to all of those readers who have been on this journey with me, Hotch and Reid ever since 'Snowed In', so long ago. And for those of you who came in mid series, 'Snowed In' is the first fic in this.. ridiculously long series that I have written. If you want to go back and get caught up, there is a guide on my profile with a list of what fics are in the series, and what order they go in.

Thank you so much, and Please review!

~Inarus

PS If you have a question and actually want me to answer the question, you may either ask it in a review (BUT YOU MUST BE SIGNED IN SO I CAN REPLY) or send me a PM. And IF YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER then make sure that you have enabled your account to receive PM's (this means you, SilverSun23 ^_~)! If it's disabled, I CANNOT ANSWER (and this happens a LOT... it's frustrating) and I will not answer in an Author's note at the beginning or end of a chapter. I find that a waste of space and a bit annoying. I will only put PUBLIC messages in my author's notes, not one-on-one communications. That's between me and the question-asker, not between me, the question-asker, and all of the readers. It's not the readers' business, the readers don't care.

Thank you.