Gah! Something is diffidently wrong in the universe when Cuda makes me puke! I had just spent the last five minutes over the toilet puking my guts out. For the last three days whenever the smell reaches my nose it is a race to the toilet. And that's not the worst part. Most of it is just the dry heaves because I haven't been able to keep anything down in almost a week and I think it's starting to show.

I quickly shower again so I wouldn't smell like Cuda all day, there's something I never thought I would hear me say. I realize after I am done I have a deodorant problem. All mine are Cuda and well Cuda makes me vomit. God I will never get used to that! I guess I will have to use one of the guys's. Ha thank God Logan uses this environmentally safe crap that has like no smell but masks his nasty B.O. Honesty if Logan doesn't shower daily he reeks.

The next problem is my hair because once again all Cuda. And I can't use Logan's because is only works for short hair like his and the same with Carlos'. And Kendall, well I wouldn't even if he did use hair care products. I guess I have no choice but to go all natural. Which means if it gets to hot my hair will frizz out.

"James are you coming man?" Logan asks popping his head in the bathroom "We have to be at the studio in like twenty minutes."

"Yeah I am almost ready," I say quickly applying eye liner. I watched in the mirror as Logan rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Dude I am grabbing a pop tart. You want?" Logan asks from the kitchen. I walk out of the bathroom just as he is grabbing his from the toaster.

"No I am good," I say sitting down at the counter across from Logan. He is not even half way through the first one when the sugary strawberry smell hits me. I practically jump over the counter making a B-line to the bathroom across the small kitchen. I lunge to the toilet, barely making it before I puck. Which I didn't know was possible I thought I had emptied my stomach earlier. Logan kneels next to me, rubbing my back gently. I rest my head on the toilet seat, gross I know but I was too exhausted to move.

"Dude are you okay?" he asks continuing rubbing small circles on my back.

"I don't know," I say honestly, turning my head to look up at him "The smell of the Pop Tart got to me."

"Come on man," he says helping me lean back against the wall, "Deep breaths." I did as he said as he got up and went over to the sink. He came back and placed a cold washcloth against my forehead.

"Thanks," I mumble "I don't know what wrong with me Logan. This has been happening all week. I can't keep anything down and the most random smells make me sick. I can't even wear Cuda!"

"Wow you are sick," he says whipping down my neck with the wet cloth "Maybe I should call Gustavo and tell him we are going to the doctor."

"No," I say shaking my head "I will be ok. It's probably just a bug or something."

"James you just said you have been puking all week," he says "that's not normal."

"Logan I will be ok," I say trying to reassure him, "We can't miss rehearsal." We were going to perform on The Tyra Banks Show in a week and we needed to practice.

"James," he says shaking his head.

"Logan," I say cutting him off "if I am still not feeling ok by tomorrow I will go willingly to the doctor." I waited for Logan to consider this. I know he was thinking about how stubborn I am and how it would be easier to have me go willingly then have to drag me.

"Promise?" he asks making up his mind.

"Promise," I say, thankful he is letting it go for now. "Let's get going. Where are Carlos and Kendall?"

"They already left," he says heading for the door "They had to do something I guess." And with that Logan and I made our way to the studio, riding in silence the whole way. Carlos and Kendall did in fact beat us there.

"Dogs! You're late!" Gustavo yells as soon as we run into the dance studio.

"I know, my alarm didn't go off," Logan says covering for me. By the look Carlos and Kendall exchanged I guessed they knew it was a lie. "I'm sorry Gustavo."

"Well don't let it happen again," he said then turned to the entire group "Now I think you dogs should do Forget About You on the Tyra Show."

"Gustavo," I groaned "don't you think we have kind of over done that song?"

"NO!" he shouted "It's a fan favorite and those fans are gonna be watching the Tyra Show to see you guys perform it! Now move!" we all got into position and Gustavo started the music.

"Get a call on a random afternoon, I pick it up and I see that it's you," Kendall sang "Like my heart, you were breaking the news, As you say that it's over, it's over, it's over." I hate this song, another way for me to be reminded that he is Jo's and not mine. "Heading out 'cause I'm out of my mind. All my friends are gonna see me tonight. Staying here until the sun starts to rise. I'm know I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna," I can feel the blood beginning to pound in my head and my legs are feeling a little wobbly.

"Dance hard, laugh hard," just as we started jumping that's when everything went black and the next thing I remember is someone slapping my face. When I open my eyes I see it's Carlos who is slapping me.

"Dude are you okay?" he asks not realizing he is still slapping my face.

"What happened?" I ask pushing his hand away.

"You passed out," says Logan who is also kneeling next to me along with Kelly and Gustavo. "You hit your head pretty hard."

"Oh that explains the headache," I say rubbing my head, "Where's Kendall?" I can't see him anywhere.

"He is showing the paramedics up," Kelly says.

"What?" I say sitting up a little too quickly. Everything started to blur and I felt unstable again. Luckily Logan and Carlos grabbed me and eased me back down. "I don't need any paramedics."

"Dude you passed out," Carlos shrugs "we didn't know what else to do."

"Yeah and you said you've been sick all week," Logan says "It wouldn't hurt to go and get checked out." As much as I hated to admit it Logan was right, well partially. If I go the Doctor will say it's just the flu and then everyone will quit pestering me.

"And you're not going back to that Dr. Hollywood," Kelly says, she hasn't like him since the time he wanted to kill me to cure my sneezing, "My brother just transferred from Boston so you are going to him." Right then Kendall came back into the room with the paramedic's right behind him. They rushed over, shoeing everyone out of the way so they could work. They asked me the usual questions, name, date, birthday. I always have hated how every time a new paramedic takes over they ask you the same things. Against my protesting they loaded me onto the stretcher and carried me out.

To add insult to injury all the Rocque Records employees stopped and watched as I was wheeled out and what was worse there were a handful of paparazzi waiting outside for me. Great any guess whose face is gonna be all over the internet. They get me all loaded up and are closing the doors when a hand catches one of them preventing it to close. The hand proceeded to open the door and I saw that it belonged to Kendall. Kendall jumped in without a word and came up and sat next to me. He reached out and for a moment I thought he was going to hold my hand but he pulled his hand away and neither of us said anything the whole way to the hospital.

Once there Kendall is told to wait out in the waiting area while the look me over. I willingly let them do their normal poking and probing and answering their questions. A tall black man wearing a white lab coat and stethoscope, whom I assumed was Kelly's brother, came in and talked to a nurse over by the door before coming over to me.

"James Diamond?" he asks looking over a chart a nurse had just handed him before smiling up at me, "I'm Dr. Wainwright. It says here you passed out?"

"Yeah that's what everyone is telling me," I say while he checks my eye dilation "One minute I was fine, rehearsing for a show and then I felt light headed and the next thing I know I am looking up at the ceiling."

"Someone said you have been sick for awhile. How so?" he asks moving on to my limp nodes.

"Just nauseous," I say "and tired I guess."

"You guess?" he asks giving me a look.

"I just don't seem to have much energy," I say rolling my eyes.

"Okay that's better," he says scribbling down "How long have you been feeling nauseous?"

"I don't know, about a week. Maybe a little bit longer," I answer watching him continue to write. Nothing is more annoying than when doctors nod and write.

"You're heart rate is a little irregular. I want take your blood and run some test. And I want you to stay the night too."

"Do you have to?" I ask "I'm not a big fan of needle."

"I am afraid so," he says apologetic "I just want to make sure everything checks out okay. Rule out all possibilities."

"But it's probably just the flu right?" I ask getting more nervous than I know I should be.

"It could be," he says finally finishing writing and handing the clipboard off to a nurse. "Now Sheryl here is going to take your blood and then get you set up for the night." With that he walked out leaving me with Sheryl. After she took my blood like promised she took me to a room on the other side of the hospital where she gave me one of those annoying hospital gowns that never stay closed. Thankfully I am able to keep my boxers on. When I came out of the bathroom Kendall was sitting in one of the two arm chairs. His eyes met mine and looked like he was about to say something but as he was opening his mouth Carlos and Logan came in.

"Dude!" Carlos yells rushing over to me with Logan hot on his heels. Both of my friends rapped me in an extremely uncomfortable hug. "Are you ok?"

"What did the doctors say?" asks Logan pulling back.

"Not much," I respond unsuccessfully trying to push Carlos off of me. The guy has a serious death grip. "They are doing some blood test now." Finally Carlos let go allowing me to breathe again.

"You let them stick you with a needle?" Carlos asks astounded. "Dude you hate needles!"

"Yeah I know but I didn't have much of a choice in the matter," I say sitting down on the bed.

"Did they say what could be wrong?" Logan asks sitting down next to me.

"No the doctor just said that my heart rate was a little high," I say looking over at Kendall who still hasn't said anything at all. He is just sitting over there and his face is totally unreadable which sort of freaks me out.

An hour and a half past by and within this time Logan and Carlos had comforted me and fought with each other for twenty minutes before Logan went to get me some water and Carlos sat down next to Kendall and flipped the TV on. Mama Knight and Katie came in and Mrs. K imminently started babying me by making me lie back, tucking me in, and sent Kendall out to fetch more blankets incase I needed them, who still hadn't said anything. He hasn't even made eye contact with me since right before Logan and Carlos came in. All in all it seemed pass by in a blur. The Dr. Wainwright finally came in looking very grim.

"May I have a moment alone with James please," he asks everyone, all of whom look as if they are going to put up the fight of their lives.

"It's okay they can stay," I say in hopes to avoid the argument that was about to endure by the looks on all of my friends faces. "I'm just going to tell them anyways."

"Alright then," Dr. Wainwright says "everything checked out okay except your hCG levels are abnormally high."

"What?" shouted Mrs. K and Logan together both looking like they just got hit over the head.

"What is hCG?" I ask totally confused. I wish doctors could just speak English.

"Human chorionic gonadotrophin is a hormone that a woman's body releases when she is pregnant," Logan answers still staring at the doctor.

"But I am a dude," I tell him just in case after all those tests he couldn't tell I am definitely not a girl.

"I am aware of that," Dr. Wainwright says "but the normal levels of hCG in a man is 0-5 IU/ml. and yours are 7,340 IU/ml."

"What does that mean?" Mama Knight asks coming over to me and putting her arms around me.

"Well," he says choosing his words carefully "I at this point I would say it is Seminoma."

"Cancer!" Logan asks shouting. At this Kendall jumped to his feet. The first time I had seen him move without his mom sending him on errands.

"What?" I shout "I can't have cancer!"

"James honey just calm done and listen to the doctor," Mama Knight says rubbing my arms.

"I am just saying it is a possibility. If it is very curable with a 95% survival rate," says Doctor Wainwright.

"By cutting his nut off!" Logan shouts.

"WHAT?" I scream jumping up and out of Mrs. K's embrace. "There is NOWAY that is happening!"

"Well we still need to take you to do a couple more tests just to make sure," Dr. Wainwright says trying to calm me down. God I didn't want one of my nuts chopped off! This can't be happening to me! I am James Diamond! Pop star! Pop stars don't get cancer!

"Okay," I say "Let's get this over with. Logan will you come?"

"Sure thing man," Logan says coming to stand next me. I was wheeled down to an exam room and laid there quietly holding Logan's hand as they did their examination. They gave me a shot of morphine to help relax me and ease any pain. My eyes got heavier until I slipped off to sleep, dreaming of a day five weeks ago.

FLASHBACK

"Hey I'm back!" I announced as I came back into 2J from a full day of shopping. Camille and I decided to have a "girls" day and let's just say the Los Angeles Mall had benefited greatly from it. After eleven trips to the car and a nice Chinese dinner we called it a day. I dropped my bags on the counter before grabbing myself a bottled water out of the fridge and I smelled something strangely familiar but I couldn't put my figure on it. I look around and over on the couch I see Kendall all slouched over and I went to investigate. "Kendall?"

"Mhmm," is all he offered up. In his right hand he was holding an empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Sense coming to L.A. we all kind of took to the occasional drink but this was only 8:30 for crying out loud!

"Kendall," I said lapping his face a little "Kendall." His eyes eventually fluttered open and it took him a minute or so to focus in on the room. His eyes finally found my face and I could see recognition finally set in.

"God James," he groaned attempting to push me away "Why'd you wake me up?"

"Because I wanted to make sure you weren't dead," I responded sarcastically "Kendall it's too early for you to be this shit faced. Where are Logan and Carlos?"

"Camping at Venice Beach with some kids," he mumbled. I picked up the empty bottle and when I reach over to set it on the table I laid eyes on an ash tray holding joint butts and the mystery of the strange smell was solved.

"Kendall where the hell did you get pot?" I shouted.

"Guitar dude," he replied with a sheepish grin.

"Kendall do you know what drug use can do to our career?" I asked. The smile vanished and was replaced with a dark glare.

"You mean what it can do you YOUR career," he snapped bitterly "That is all anyone cares about around here is their "career"" he air quoted "First Jo and now you. My best friend. My Jamie." The last was said with him pouting.

"First off," I said grabbing his chin to make sure he was looking at me "I am doing this because I care about you. Do I have to remind you of what happened to Mary Kay? Or Lindsey? What about Paris Hilton? Huh? The press would have a fucking field day and Gustavo would have your ass. Second what happened with Jo?" His eyes glazed over and that stupid irresistible smile returned.

"You care about me?" he asked. God this is gonna take forever I thought.

"Yes I care about you Kendall. You're my best friend," I said. I could've sworn that that smile got a little bit brighter, "But what happened with Jo?"

"Oh we had a fight," he said mopping again "It was about Jett. Again. I said things, she said things, and I said maybe she should date Jett and she said maybe she should. And the rest is a wonderfully drunken blur."

"Kendall this isn't the way to deal with it," I said pointing to the bottle and joint butts.

"You're right," he said sitting up and scooting a little closer, eyes bighting up with an idea. He stared twirling a lock of my hair in his fingers.

"Kendall what are you doing," I asked not entirely sure where this was going.

"Dealing with it," he said getting even closer, sliding his other hand up and down my arm. I had to catch my breath, I have always liked Kendall every since when we were in kindergarten and he punched a sixth grader that was making fun of me. That day I knew he was my knight in shining armor. No pun intended.

"This is a mistake," I whisper as he laced his fingers through my hair and pulling me closer still. I closed my eyes because I knew if I looked into those pleading green eyes I would give in. God I wanted this but I couldn't let him do something he would regret as soon as he woke up.

"The mistake is that I didn't do this sooner," he whispered back, we are now so close our noses are touching. At that moment I feel in love with Eskimo kisses.

"You're going to regret this Kendall," I said, as hard as I tried not to cry I could feel the sharp burn of tears in the corner of my eyes.

"James," he said placing a soft kiss on my lips and a single tear escaped "James, open your eyes." I tried to tell myself "no" to will my eyes to stay shut forever or at least until I felt his forehead leave mine. But having a mind of their own my eyes slowly opened and I saw those beautiful green eyes so full of want and need. "I won't regret this. Promise." And as if he sensed my reluctance about to break he added, "I need this."

"Okay," I said fully aware I was setting myself up for heartbreak. He kissed me again but longer and deeper. We both put something different into the kiss, his kiss was full of need and a search for comfort and mine was a kiss of love and desire. I had dreamt of this sense forever. His hands found their way under my shirt, exploring my stomach. He pushed me back onto the couch, deepening our kiss. I welcomed his tongue eagerly.

Kendall tasted way better than I ever could have imagined, even with the taste of Jacks and pot I could still taste his cinnamon toothpaste. He started rubbing against me and I could feel he was already just has hard as I was. I wasn't a virgin so I wasn't really afraid of what was going to come next, just a little nervous because I could tell just by him rubbing against me he was pretty thick. My hand had found its way to under his waistband. I rapped my hand around his cock which earned me a soft gasp. Kendall sat up and I was afraid he realized what was going on and was going to run away. But he just smiled down at me as he pulled my shirt off. He sat there for a moment admiring my washboard abs and toned chest with his eyes, fingers tracing it. He pulled his shirt off next, discarding it with mine before coming back in for another kiss. I rapped my legs around him as he picked me up and carried me to his room. He made quick work of the remainder of our clothes.

Naked Kendall was the most stunning thing I had ever seen. His body wasn't as toned as mine but still very impressive. And as my eyes trailed down I was right about him being thick, and long too. Even after seeing him in swim trunks and boxers for years I never would have guessed he would be this big. He may be the biggest guy I had ever been with.

"James," he said stunned, breaking me out of my trance. I looked up and saw he is just as mesmerized with me as I was with him. "You are so beautiful. Just… perfect." I felt my checks burn under his gaze. He got on the bed and crawled on top of me, kissing his way back up to my lips. Our tongues went into a battle for dominance, fighting each other so one could explore the other. Our hands worked on their own now, touching every inch of each other's body. His hands felt like fire on my skin and I wouldn't be surprised if he left scorch marks. He spread my legs and pushed my knees up. One hand left me and I remember hearing the nightstand drawer open and him fumbling around. After a minute of his hand being absent Kendall pulled away and looked in the drawer. "Shit!" he exclaimed sitting back disappointed.

"What?" I ask propping myself up on my elbows.

"I am out of condoms," he said "I used the last one up on my last date with Jo and I forgot to pick up more." My mind raced over what to do. I always had had safe sex, my dad pounded that into my head enough that it stuck. But this was Kendall and I was sure he would have told me if he had something. And I am sure Jo isn't the kind of girl to cheat. But Kendall is technically cheating now, or is he? Does that fight count as a break up? But if we stopped I may never get this chance again. And it's not like I could get pregnant from this or anything.

"It's ok," I said making up my mind "We can go without."

"Are you sure?" he asked. I nodded pulling him back down for a kiss. He pulled back again but this time he grabbed lube.

"Let me," I said taking the lube from him. I poured a big glob in my hand and started coating his thick shaft. As I worked him over he moaned with pleasure, and when I had him lubed up enough I let go and pulled him back for a kiss. God I will never get used to his kisses. He lifted my legs up and positioned himself at my entrance. It felt like I waited an eternity before I felt him slowly push inside. Only his head was in and I was already stretched farther than I had ever been.

"Mhmm," I moaned "keep going." Kendall pushed farther inside and we repeated that twice more before he was all the way in. He waited a couple minutes so I could adjust and he leaned down, playing with my neck. He drove me wild bighting and sucking, and I never knew that nibbling earlobes could be such a fucking turn on. Slowly he began moving in and out, in and out. I moaned to signal for him to go faster, to which he eagerly complied. Soon we got into a good rhythm. He dug his fingernails into my hips as he pounded into me making me arch my back. I knew I wasn't going to last long, he was hitting my sweet spot right on. "Kendall…" I started.

"I know," he moaned "I am close too." Twenty seconds later I was at my max, I cried out as splattered us both with cum. I felt his cock swell and I knew he was about to blow. He slammed into me one last time, throwing his head back in ecstasy as he completely filled me with his hot seed. When he was all finished he collapsed on top of me, head on my chest. We laid there like that completely out of breath until he rolled off and pulled me into his arms. He fell asleep stroking my hair. There was no way of undoing what had just happened and no way of preventing his freak out. I decided not to think of it now, to enjoy the rest of my afterglow. With my head on his chest I fell asleep listening to his steady heart beat, with his arms still wrapped around me.

When I woke up the next morning Kendall was gone. No note, no message of any kind. I threw his sheets in the wash before taking a shower. I examined the damage on my body, only to find little bruise and the nail marks he left on my hips.

Kendall never came home until long after Carlos and Logan were home, going straight to his room.

END FLASHBACK

I woke up alone back in my hospital room feeling sore in some unmentionable places. It was dark outside so I must have been out for hours. I'm not awake long before Kendall comes in.

"Never could handle you morphine well," he jokes walking over to me.

"What time is it?" I ask still pretty groggy from the morphine.

"About nine," he says sitting down on the bed "Mom sent Katie home with Carlos and Logan while she goes and gets your dad from the airport."

"My dad's coming?"

"Dude he's your dad," Kendall says taking my hand.

"What are you doing Kendall?" I ask pulling my hand away.

"Doing what?" he asks, hurt.

"You have been avoiding me sense well since that night," I say before being shushed by Kendall.

"James look," he says glancing at over his shoulder to make sure no one is coming in "I'm with Jo alright." I knew those words were coming but they are still like a dagger in my heart. I mentally curse myself for saying yes because I knew this would happen. I knew he would go back to Jo.

"I know," I whisper unsuccessfully holding back tears. The more I cry the more embarrassed I got from crying in front of him and the more embarrassed I became the more I cry.

"If I could take back that night I would," he says whipping away tears "But not because I regret it. But because of how I hurt you."

"You don't regret we had sex," I sobbing looking at him threw blurry eyes.

"I regret we changed our friendship," he says getting up on the bed and pulling me into his arms. "You are my best friend James."

"Maybe we are supposed to be more," I mumbled into his chest.

"Go to sleep James," he kisses the top of my head.