I know I haven't updated my other two stories yet but this just came into my head after this week's episode. I was so upset that Finn and Rachel broke up but then I was so angry. Rachel gets treated so badly yet no one does anything to support her in anyway, odd after such an anti-bullying stance last week. This is a one shot where Rachel confront the Glee club. I am not sure if it's OOC but it's what I think should have been said.

I knock hesitantly on Mr Shuester's door. I can't help but feel a rush of dryness to my mouth as my stomach somersaults. It'd probably be easier, I think, if I hadn't done this several times before and threatened it on a weekly basis.

But this time it's different.

I'm done.

"Come in" Mr Shuester replies. I feel a sudden rush of affection as he looks up from the mountain of papers he was grading and motions me to sit down. It wasn't his fault, I don't even really blame him for yelling. He just didn't get it, didn't get there was more than one layer to me. So I figure it was easier for him to yell at me for being an egotistical fame seeker than sitting down and getting to the root of the problem.

It happens a lot. People judging me. People fitting me into a box and giving me a label that could fit on a post-it note. Loser. Star Soloist. Quarterbacks girlfriend. Loser again.

The truth is, to me at least, it seems a lot more complex. Like I'm a jigsaw puzzle with lots of different parts. To truly label me would take up the pages of a notebook rather than a post-it note, but I guess high school kids don't really think in metaphors. To be honest, sometimes I'm tired of metaphors. Sometimes they just don't do the job.

Take the break up with Finn. Since it I've felt…. Well that's the point, I can't define it. I've struggled to find an appropriate metaphor to articulate my feelings but when it comes down to it the best way I can describe it was… well sad. It's not the advanced vocabulary I'm used to but it best sums up how I feel each morning when my alarm clock goes off.

"I want to quit Glee." I say meekly. There it's out, I've said now. No turning back.

"Rachel" he started "if this is about the solo." There it goes again, he might as well take out his post-it-note and stick on my forehead.

"It's not about that Mr Shue," I interrupt "Although frankly I do think you should just pick the people whose voice best suit the song rather than trying to create award wining teaching moments. But it's not about that. I'm… just tired. You know since I was three years old I wanted to be a star?"

I watch him nod, his eyes glaze over, like he's comfortable now. He's expecting the same story I've told a billion times. The one where I end up on Broadway and win a billion awards. He's smiling now, thinking about the ending. And that's what a good story should do, take you to another place, make you feel good about yourself. That's why it's called a story. It's not real.

"Well, as you know I broke up with Finn and I feel sad, really sad. I don't care about it anymore, my dream. My dad got me tickets to Phantom this weekend and I didn't even blink, I watched Funny Girl and I didn't sing along, it just seemed, like it was just a movie. Although undoubtedly upset about Finn, the point is if I wanted this dream badly enough it would just grow stronger in his absence; inspire me to keep going; push me through the bad times, nothing else would matter. But other things do matter to me and I if I want the slightest chance of being content with myself in ten years times and avoiding therapy then I need to explore those things too. It's actually kind of exciting, like my life could alter from the path I've created, I could study science and be a doctor, or be a teacher, or a writer. Or perhaps I will sing. Either way, I don't want Glee to be my life anymore. I don't want to need it to feel good about myself."

I watch Mr Shue smile freeze and instantly recognise that look in his eyes. Fear. Well, he should have thought about that about before yelling at me, I think. Ok, so perhaps I am still a little bitter.

"That's really great that you're giving yourself options Rachel, but you can do it all!" he replies, I mean Glee only meets twice a week and I know you're a very organised student …"

"Mr Shue" I interrupt him, my mind made up. "I'm unhappy. At Glee. Sure I enjoy singing, but maybe I don't need it like I did. I have no friends in there. I had Finn and I lost him, and the rest they dislike me, well the person they think is me anyway. Why would I spend my time with people that dislike me? That call me names, they actively think of ways to make me unhappy." A wave of clarity of washes over me, I'm doing the right thing "Life's too short."

The thing about Mr Shue is he finds it really difficult to admit he's in the wrong. I think he knows deep down that he could have done something. He could have stopped Quinn calling me man hands or Santana saying that she wanted to punch me. But he didn't. It probably wouldn't have made a different, but when you're sinking sometimes it's nice to feel like at least one person got your back. I know Kurt left, but I like to think that in one small way I tried, I tried to have his back. I'm feeling sorry for myself now I know, it could be a lot worse, it's just names and bitchiness, nothing violent.

It still hurts though.

"Okay" he says quietly "okay, but you have to tell them. Let's go to the choir room now."

I nod because I know they won't take me seriously and they'll just yell at me some more but that's okay because for every decision I make in my life I like to have 5 clear reasons and the moment I can only count four (I've broke up with Finn; the teacher yelled at me; everyone hates me; I don't know if I want to be a star anymore) so perhaps when they yell at me, which they inevitably will; I'll find my fifth reason.

I see him first of course. I always see him first, it's like I can always pick him out in a sea of faces. I truly miss him, I do. But for once it isn't about him. It's about me.

"Rachel has something she wants to say."

And with that the floor is mine. I fiddle with my R necklace while the words start to eek their way out. I avoid all eye contact with Finn; like I said this isn't about Finn.

"So I'm leaving Glee, sorry to leave you one member short. Thanks goodbye."

I'm pretty sure that the shortest speech I've ever made.

I turn on my heels and make a break for it. I'm due to join science club in fifteen minutes. I'm pretty sure I'll hate it but I made myself promise to join a new club a week in attempt to find my calling. I just want to find things, lots of things to make me feel good enough. Things that mean I don't need to cheat on my boyfriend to improve my self esteem. I shudder at the memory.

"You can't just leave!" he yells. Typical. Now he wants to talk to me.

I shuffle back towards the piano.

"Why?" I ask and for once he hasn't got an answer.

I can see they're all nudging other. Biting tongues. Finding someone that hates me the least to convince me to stay. And in a way I'm glad. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't satisfying to see them that way, but the truth is they need me, I get that. It's just not a good enough reason to stay anymore.

Artie clears his throat. I silently commend them on their choice, I like Artie. He is remarkably sexist towards women but he's always been friendly to me.

"Rachel, we get that you're uncomfortable about your err situation but we need you, we're already missing Kurt and without you we might as well not bother to get on the bus to regionals, let alone the plane to nationals."

I sigh. I don't want them to lose, I really don't. For some of them Glee is their only shot and I know how bad it feels to be part of a losing team.

"I get that and I'm sorry, I truly I am. But you guys needing my voice, is not a good enough reason to stay."

"What about if we just need you?" Finn asks, his voice crackling. He looks totally adorable and it takes everything I have not to run into his arms and kiss him senseless. But I need to do this.

"If you need me I answer then you call me, or you come to my house or you just talk to me" I add pointedly "I don't need to be a part of Glee club for you to do that."

He's temporarily silence. Again.

"If this is about me outing Finn then…" Santana starts. I watch gratefully as Quinn nudges her forcefully and return a smile in Quinn's direction. She was probably just doing it for the sake of the team but I'd like to think that in a small way she was thinking of my feelings.

"You know what it is?" I respond "I've lost the love of my life" I'm proud that I don't let my eyes flicker to him even though, somehow I know he's staring at me. "…and it hurts me, far more than any audition I didn't get or any musical ending that I've memorised the words to. It made me realise that I don't get what I want from my life anymore and that perhaps it's not all about Finn and it's not all about singing. So I'm quitting Glee and I'm trying to find something, anything that makes me feel something, something different than I've felt before. And I'm always going to love singing, it's just not a big enough reason to spend me life with a group of people who really don't like me." I see a few of them shuffle in their seats but no one tries to correct me.

"I like you." Finn and Puck say it at the same time, a few seconds later. Finn looks like he's about to kill Puck. I really don't need more drama right now. Finn always looks cute when he's angry though.

I turn to leave again and then I hear Tina and Mercedes speak quietly "we, well, we like you too Rachel."

I smile at them. "Thank you" and I mean it, I do. I contniue "but the truth is two weeks ago I stood in front of the Glee girls and asked them to do everything they could to stop Kurt hurting. We as a club were rightfully outraged at his treatment and we tried everything to do to stop him being bullied. Where were you for me? My own boyfriend wouldn't even stick up to the name calling, the looks, the taunts. Was it as serious as Kurt's? Probably not. Did it hurt as much? Yes. I don't need to surround myself with the girl who did that with me and the people that encourage it or at the very least bite their tongue. I have pretty low self esteem but even I know I'm better than that.

With that, I'm truly gone. I know he's watching me as I leave, they all are. I know he'll probably call me, and I truly hope we'll get back together, because I love him, I really do. He has flaws; so do I. But at the moment, I think, as I step out into the Lima sunshine, nothing is defining me, nothing is my everything. I have choices, I have decisions.

There's something really good about possibilities I think to myself. Sometimes just getting a few pieces of the puzzles together is enough, you don't need to do the whole jigsaw. I smile at myself.

I guess metaphors aren't too bad after all.

Not a fluffy ending as you like and I'm tempted to turn this into a multi-chapter. I love Finchel but I think Rachel has really bad self-esteem and needs to work on herself too. Please please read and review, this is a different style of writing than I usually do and I'd love to know I've pulled it off!