Author's Notes

This was my first attempt at an Outsiders one-shot. It's in Johnny's point of view. I tried to make the grammar as close to his as possible. I always thought the way he talked in the movie was cute, so I tried to project it into this writing. :) Anyway, it's just a scribble of what I feel that Johnny never got a chance to say to/for Dally before both characters died in the book/movie. It's nothing special, but I hope I was able to capture his character well enough for my first time.

The Outsiders belongs to S.E. Hinton.

EDIT: This story was NOT intended to be a song fic! It was inspired by the song, as well as named after it because I couldn't think of a good enough title, but it is not a song fic. :)

Life ain't always what we want it to be. Shoot, nothin' I ever wanted in life came to me without some sorta struggle.

Tough home life and even tougher life outside a home, if I can even call it that. Only thing I ever had were my friends. I guess they're all I ever needed anyway. They're what keeps me goin' when things are gettin' to be too rough. I owe every second of my life to them, I guess. Otherwise, I dunno, I mighta killed myself.

I especially owe a lot to Dally. He probably don't know it, but he's my everyday inspiration. He's like a guardian angel. Yeah, I know he may seem real rough around the edges, but deep down, he's a real nice guy. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks that, but heck, Dally's always had my back and I trust him with my life.

The others can think what they wanna think about old Dal, but I know what I'm talkin' about. I don't know why he's always helpin' me out when I can't even help myself.

I'm weak, I know, and I probably don't deserve his help, but he helps anyway. I've never ask 'im to do anything for me, but he's always there when I need him. Don't think I could go a day without seein' that funny grin a his, or that tough, don't give a shit attitude he's got.

I dunno when I started feelin' like this. This weird, kinda homesick feelin' I get whenever I'm away from Dallas. It ain't normal. I always feel safe when I'm with Dally. Without him, even when I'm with Ponyboy, or any of the other guys, I just don't feel right. I don't feel safe enough. I know I'm an easy target. I know I am. I know I can't protect my friends, I can barely protect myself. I'm always scared them Socs are gonna come outa nowhere and beat on us, or maybe worse. They always do, even if we ain't done nothin' to 'em. But Dally just makes everything better. I couldn't live without 'im, I'd go crazy or somethin'. I know I would. And I think it's the same way for Dally when I'm with 'im too.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a little too attached to Dally. The others been givin' me these weird looks lately, cause I'm always followin' Dally around.

Just the other day Two-Bit was callin' me a lost puppy, followin' Dallas around everywhere like he's my master or somethin'. Dally laughed and said somethin' about givin' me a collar and a leash to put on me. I was only half payin' attention. My head was somewhere in the clouds. I don't mind the guys' smart remarks though. They can say what they want, ain't nothin' that'll keep me from hangin' out with Dally when I can help it.

Shoot, he could put a collar and leash on me for all I care and I still wouldn't mind. He could do just about anything to me, I'd like 'im all the same.

I suppose it's a mutual thing, what me and him got. I've always looked up to him more than any a the other guys, and I know he's got a soft spot for me too. We understand each other better than any a the others. We both been through a lotta horrible, painful things.

The thing is, I got him and the gang to help me through my troubles. Dally never had no one to help him through his. There's a lot more to know about Dally that he'd never tell any of us about. All the things he's gone through, and what he's probably still goin' through. Not a lot a people even see past his cool, relaxed exterior. He's got such a wall built that no one even notices the chaos goin' on in that head a his sometimes. Only the gang knows that there's more to 'im.

But none of us know what. Dally only tells us what he wants to tell. What we could never really know the answers to when we ask "What happened?" Or "You doin' okay?" cause he won't tell us nothin'. He only ever tells us the things we wanna hear. The things we hope are true. But I always worry he don't tell us the truth. And as close as we are, it scares me that I can't tell when he ain't tellin' the truth or not.

He gets himself into trouble an awful lot cause a that. He bottles things up and acts like his problems ain't a big deal. Like he don't ever need any help. And he continues to think that, even when he's gettin' himself into shit he can't deal with on his own. That's how he gets himself into so much trouble all the time. More than any a the gang put together.

He's already been to the cooler a few times before. Prison don't help him any. We all know that. He's always tellin' me, 'Stay outa trouble kid, you can't go to jail. Horrible things go on in there, and I don't ever wanna have to see those things happen to you.' He never told me what kinda things go on in jail, but anytime he ever brings stuff like that up I get scared. Not cause I'm scared to be there, but cause I'm scared a what its done to Dally.

The gang is always worryin' about me, I know they are. Poor little torn up Johnny, you know? But to be honest, I'm always worryin' about Dal. I wish they would take some time to thinka him too sometimes. I ain't the only one needin' support. I'm just the only one that shows it.

There been times I wondered 'bout Dal's mental health, and I'm sure I ain't the only one. He gets so angry sometimes. And when it gets bad enough, I can always see a hint of hurt in his eyes. Some sorta vulnerability that no one else can really see. Mostly cause they ain't lookin' for it. Who would? It's Dallas Winston. No one needs to worry 'bout the toughest hood around. But I can always see things about Dally that others can't. Only ever for a second though, then he puts on that cool front again and hides away behind his wall. The wall I hope to someday break down, and let the real Dallas Winston free from.

Cause even if I am weak, and I know I am, I've got a part of Dally that no one else has. And someday I'm gonna be able to use that to my advantage and save him, just like he saved me. In so many different ways.

My locks have all been picked. And all with such ease. Probably cause they ain't that hard to open when Dallas Winston is the one pickin 'em. They wouldn't open for anyone else, and I'm startin' to think I've already started pickin' some a Dally's locks. Even when I don't notice I'm doin' it. I know it might take a while. The things that have happened to Dally ain't gonna be easy to get past. But I'll keep tryin'. As long as I have a breath left in me I swear I'll keep tryin'.

That way, someday, I'll get to see what Dally's been hidin' behind that wall his whole life.