Swordsmen Do Not Equal Cupid

Summary: Toon Link enlists the help of his fellow swordsmen to guide him on his quest to find love.

Rating: T

Pairing(s): MarthXRoy, IkeXPit, LinkXZelda, Toon Linkx(?)
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers or any of the characters related to it.

Thinking

"Speaking"

Narrating

Wisps of white swam in the cerulean skies that watched the Smash Mansion, sending out beams of light to make sure it glowed with what could be mistaken for magic and wonder.

The mansion's inhabitants were scattered about and doing whatever it was that they pleased to pass the time. It wasn't fighting season anymore, which left the smashers with a large amount of time to fill on those weeks that special tournaments didn't take place.

Inside, the mansion sparkled in it's spotless glory. The railings were golden and shined so well you could see your reflection. Skylights lined the ceiling to add to that luxurious feeling that tainted the air in the mansion.

Yes, it was a glamorous, disgustingly wealthy living space that held a large number of people yet somehow still managed to retain its mystical snob appeal.

Too bad there isn't a damn thing to do.

Toon Link shifted for the umpteenth time in his bed, wringing the evergreen blanket of wool in his hands. He had been in bed all day long, trying to figure out how to spend the day. Strangely, he hadn't been able to come up with a single idea.

Oh, if Older Me could see me now...

Had Link been aware of his younger self's predicament, he would be running around, screaming something about the apocalypse. Toonie wasn't exactly known for his unoriginality, as he was the mastermind behind 'The Great Frozen Custard Incident'. At this fond memory, the Hylian smirked.

Ha, it took nearly two hours to put that fire out! Then when they found out about the casserole, oh man...

But that's a story for another time.
With a bored sigh, Toon Link decided to take a stroll around the mansion to see if anyone was available to give him a few ideas.
He hopped out of bed only to find himself on the ground with pain shooting up his jawline and down his neck.

I really need to stop tripping over the stupid new wooden flooring.

With that goal scrawled upon his metaphorical mental notepad, Toon Link set off to find someone to pester.

...~~SMASHBROS~~...

After wandering around the mansion for a good ten minutes, and then wandering outside for a good five, Toon Link had given up on finding something productive to do and decided to freeload a few snacks from his elder self's friends. They were having some sort of picnic in the backyard of the mansion and seemed to have enough food to feed half the brawlers.

Swiftly, Toonie took a seat in between Roy and his older self, who didn't notice as he was busy debating with a tall man with spiky blue locks. He looked up to survey the group around him, spotting a few familiar faces.

Let's see...Marth might let me get away with one or two sandwiches. Roy would probably defend me or share with me. Link..well, I don't think he cares that much right now.

To prove his point, Toon Link snaked his hand across the table and snatched a sandwich from the generous pile before him. He displayed shifty eyes as he slowly brought the snack to his lips and took a bite.

"You should be less obvious," murmured a voice. Startled by the sudden sound, the younger Hylian jumped. This, unfortunately, resulted in his beloved sandwich being flung in the air and falling flat on the ground.

"Damnit, Roy!," he yelled, shoving the laughing redhead.

"Ah ah ah! Language~!," Roy teased, still laughing. Toon Link rolled his eyes before grabbing another sandwich and viciously taking a bite from it. He glanced around the table in boredom, still trying to think of something to occupy his time. His eyes first landed on the other Hylian, who was still trying to claim victory against the tall bluenette.

"Link, give it up, you're not going to win. Cats are better than dogs and you know it," the man yelled.

"Cats can't save you from drowning, now can they?" One point to Older me.

"Yeah, well cats don't drive you crazy with their obnoxious barking in the middle of the night!" Nice point there.

Toonie continued to watch the debate as if it were a verbal game of pong, assigning points to each opponent.

"Cats don't even do anything! They just lay there and get pissed at you for accidentally stepping on their tail! If you step on a dog's paw or something they don't go batshit crazy on you!"

"Can't you just agree to disagree or something? All this yelling is giving me a headache..," Marth tried to reason.

"No! This is a serious matter!," the taller bluenette argued. At this, Marth just shook his head and mumbled something under his breath.

"You know, I've always preferred rabbits to cats or do-," Roy reasoned before being interrupted.

"Rabbits?" The debaters froze.

"Uh, yeah? I mean, just look at them! They're fluffy and cute and Marth loves them!," the redhead continued.

"But they stink like a barn," the spiky-haired bluenette responded.

"It's not that bad, really," Link disagreed. Marth took this moment to end the debate,

"Three to one, majority wins. Ike loses."

Ike..so that's his name..

Ike groaned in defeat as Link pumped a fist in the air. His victory celebration ended with a high-five to Roy and a toast to rabbits.

"So, now that that's settled, anything else you guys would like to do?" Marth inquired. Toon Link noticed Roy's eyes quickly flicker to him before he started smirking, an idea obviously forming in that twisted mind of his.

"I know!," the redhead declared. He reached over to grab a can of soda for each person at the table before presenting a mischievous smirk.

"Let's play 'Never Have I Ever!'," he said evilly. The reactions were mixed. Link had a blank expression filled with confusion, Ike smirked, and Marth seemed like he was trying his hardest not to slam his head onto the table.

"Don't you think Toon Link is a little too young for that game?," Marth asked in his mother-hen voice of disapproval. Roy just rolled his eyes before laughing.

"The kid swears like a sailor and he's about Pit's age, anyway. Besides, we're using soda so it's not like he's going to get drunk or anything." Marth shrugged, still doubtful. Roy paid no attention to him as he swung an arm around the younger boy's shoulders and handed him a can.

"Is this your first time playing, Toonie?," he asked with a smile.

I swear, sometimes he's more like a big brother than Link.

"Uhh...should it be?" Toon Link responded reluctantly. Roy laughed and ruffled the Hylian's hair.
"You tell me! So you know how to play then?" Toon Link blinked, trying to recall the rules of the game.

I remember the basic rules but...I don't think Link does.

The Hylian in question seemed to be nervous, if not slightly worried. The younger blonde sighed and shook his head, explaining that he couldn't remember the rules.

"Basically, we go around saying 'Never have I ever' done something, and if you have done it before then you take a drink. If only one person drinks to it, then they have to explain," Ike said in a bored tone. Toon Link nodded and glanced over at Link, who seemed to be considerably less worried.

"Good! So, I guess I'll go first," Roy started, "Never have I ever...watched someone in the shower!"

Everyone but Ike and Marth took a sip.

"Wha-? Toonie!," Link yelled in surprise. Toon Link shrugged, trying not to blush.

"At least I'm honest about it," he reasoned.

"Never have I ever...gotten turned on by the noises my opponent made while brawling," Ike said cautiously.

Link, Ike and Roy drank to that. The younger Hylian shuddered.

Too much information, Older me.

"Never have I ever let someone win a battle," Marth added. Surprisingly, no one drank to that one. Link sighed as he closed his eyes and thought for a moment.

"Never have I ever...fantasized about someone at this table." A few hands twitched before all but Toon Link took a swig of soda. The boy scanned the table, surprised.

Am I the only straight one here? I thought Link...?

"L-Link?," Toon Link stuttered in awe. His older self just blushed and shrugged, not bothering to explain himself. The blonde blinked and looked around the table, wondering who had been the victim of Link's fantasy.

Ew..I don't even want to think about that!

"Toonie, it's your turn," Roy whispered to him. The boy sighed and tried thinking of something to prove himself.

"Alright, never have I ever...serenaded someone!" Roy hesitated before blushing and drinking. Ike laughed and smirked at the redhead.

"Oh? And who was the lucky man, hmm?" He teased. Marth visibly shifted uncomfortably as Roy nearly choked on his own spit.

"Aww, I didn't know Roy was so romantic! That's so sweet," a voice teased. Toon Link looked up in curiosity to see a brunette boy that looked a little older than him.

Another newcomer?

"Sh-shut up, Pit! It was like..a year ago, anyway," the redhead defended, blushing madly. Pit laughed as he positioned himself to sit on Ike's lap.

"So, what song did he sing to you, Marth?," Link asked with a smile. The bluenette blushed and looked away, embarrassed. Once he realized that all eyes were on him, the bluenette mumbled something unintelligible. Roy sighed and turned the color of his hair.

"I...wrote a song for him..," he said reluctantly. An awkward silence passed before laughter erupted from the table. Roy growled and started yelling something about how they were all jealous of his romantic nature, causing the laughter to grow louder.

Marth, now fully embarrassed, suggested that Roy take a walk to calm down. The redhead gave in and grabbed the arm of the younger Hylian, dragging him along.

What the...?

"Hey! Why do I have to go!," the boy whined. Roy gave him a halfhearted glare to answer his question.

"Because you're the one who made me admit it!" He reasoned. Toon Link yanked his arm out of the redhead's hold and rubbed his now aching wrist as he walked.

"It's not my fault you're such a pansy...," he mumbled. Roy scoffed and crossed his arms.

"Love makes you do crazy things, Toonie. Stupid, embarrassing, crazy things that you normally wouldn't do," he explained. Toon Link stared at him in curiousity.

Roy? In Love? Those words don't seem right together...

"Then why do you do them if you know they're stupid?" The Hylian asked. The older boy shrugged and looked up at the sky, as if the answer was spelled out in the stars.

Whoa, when did it get so dark?

"You know, I have no clue, Toonie. All I know is that a smile from the one you love is worth doing embarrassing stuff like singing a song you wrote to someone," Roy laughed as a light blush dusted his cheeks, "even if it's the crappiest song to ever reach the outside world." Toon Link stopped and looked up at the redhead.

It looks like he's...glowing. His eyes are all cloudy and the way he's staring at the stars...is that what love does to you?

"Hey...Roy?," the blonde asked in a shy tone. Roy blinked, as if coming out of a daydream, and looked down at the boy.

"Yeah?"

Toon Link opened his mouth but found no words coming out. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to think of a way to word his thoughts.

"I..I want to know what love feels like," he responded softly. Their eyes locked, cerulean boring holes into the young boy's irises.

Why is he staring at me like that?

A soft smile spread on Roy's lips and he nodded. Toon Link stared up at him, waiting for an explanation.

"I'll help you, Toonie! But let me just warn you...you can't control love," he nearly whispered.

"What's that supposed to mean?," the Hylian asked in slight irritation. Roy frowned for a moment before explaining with caution.

"All I'm saying is that the person you fall in love with...might not feel the same," the redhead said, staring into the younger boy's eyes again.

Whoa. I've never seen him this serious before...

Silence passed as Toon Link tried to think of a way to respond. Before he could say anything he heard Roy laugh nervously.

"Well, anyway, we should be heading back, eh? Don't want Link to think I lost you or something," he said. Toon Link nodded and followed the older male, thinking quietly to himself.

...~~SMASHBROS~~...

When the duo returned the table, they were greeted with the sight of a blushing Marth, a flustered and stuttering Link, and a laughing Ike rolling around on the grass.

"Did we miss something important?," Roy asked reluctantly, taking in the scene before him. Toon Link looked between Link and Marth, smirking as he noticed the shade of red his elder self sported.

Heh, he looks like a tomato.

"Hey Roy! Guess wha-" Ike was interrupted by a foot to the face from his dear friend Link.

"Say a word and I'm telling Pit about that one picture you hide in that one box in your closet," the Hylian warned. Ike visibly paled and shut his mouth. Toon Link made a mental note to explore Ike's closet in the future.

"Marth, what happened?," the redhead asked in a whiny manner. The bluenette just shook his head as his blush increased.

This went on for a while, until Toon Link was no longer able to keep his eyes open or his head from dropping onto the table. Once that happened, however, Link was forced to carry his younger brother to his room.

Toon Link yawned as his evergreen blanket was thrown haphazardly onto him by a tired Link.

"G'night, Older Me," the boy mumbled as he cuddled into the blanket. The older Hylian nodded and mumbled a goodnight before gently closing the door. After a few seconds of silence, the door opened again.

"Oh yeah, and Roy said to tell you he's coming to get you at eight'o clock sharp or something, so be ready," Link informed his younger self. Toon Link grunted in response and the door was closed once more.

The blonde closed his eyes, remembering the moment from earlier when he had seen a lovestruck Roy staring at the stars.

I really hope I get to see what that feels like. Even if it's only for a moment.

A/N: OKAY YEAH I HAVE A BUNCH OF OTHER STORIES TO UPDATE BUT I REAAAALLY WANTED TO GET THIS UP. The next chapter should come out by Saturday, and since Winter Break is coming up I should be updating my stories more often.
I've never written for Toon Link, so I hope he wasn't too OOC. And the 'Great Frozen Custard Incident'? You'll figure out what happened there by the end of the fic, I promise XD
Review, please!