(Personally, I effing love Abusive!Sirius, so this is a multi-chapter fic of songs that I feel would match Sirius' and Remus' not so healthy relationship. NOTHING IS MINE! The characters are J.K. Rowling's, and this first song belongs to Eminem, except when I change every 'she' to he' and 'her' to 'him'.

'M' for verbal, and physical abuse, homosexuality, cussing, and angst. ENJOY!)

Songs (Actually anything underlined is part of the song.)

Flashbacks

Thoughts

(Remus' POV)

I took the slap. It hurt, but he's done worse before. He's done so much worse…

Then the breath is knocked out of my stomach, and I found myself on the shiny tile floor. Looking up, I see him. I see his beautiful grey eyes narrowed, and darkened with disgust.

"You just gonna sit there, Remus? Aren't you gonna fight me like a real man? Or are you just gonna lie back and let me hit you like the filthy little Faggot you are?"

I wince. I hate him… I have to. I spit a mouthful of blood at Sirius. It hits his shin.

Anger flashes across his face. Fast and dangerous as lightning, Sirius yanks me up and slams my head against the bathroom mirror. I feel the glass break and a warm thick liquid trickles down my neck.

"And you call yourself a werewolf." Sirius hisses, and drops me to the floor. He stares at me for a few seconds and then leaves. Moments later I heard the crack of appaperation.

I let my head hit the floor and tried to convince myself that I hated him, but I couldn't seem to stop myself from loving Sirius Black.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

That's all right because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

That's all right because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie…

(Sirius' POV)

James opens his front door. He doesn't look surprised to see me standing outside his door in the snow. He doesn't seem surprised to see my still clenched fists stained with my boyfriend's blood either.

"You hit Moony again, didn't you?" James asks. He doesn't have any emotion in his voice. I nod, and James sighs and steps aside so I can walk into his house.

The snow melts off my shoes, and I can feel James' warming charm on my clothes, but that's all.

I can't tell you what it really is,

I can only tell you what it feels like

And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe

I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight

As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight

High off his love, drunk from my hate,

It's like I'm huffin' paint

And I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate

I decide stay at James' house that night. I hear someone coming into the room. I turn around, and see Lily and her slightly swollen stomach standing at the foot of the stairs.

"Did you and Remus fight again?"

I nod and use my wand to unfold the living room couch into a bed. James hands me a small pile of pillows and blankets. "Do you want a pair of sweatpants to sleep in?"

"Yeah, thanks James."

James nods and walks past Lily and goes upstairs.

I sink down on my makeshift bed and lower my head into my hands. A soft warm hand gently touches my shoulder and the soft smell of lilacs envelopes me.

"He will still love you, you know. Remus, I mean."

And right before I'm about to drown,

he resuscitates me,

he fuckin' hates me and I love it,

I shake my head. "He shouldn't." My voice cracks, and hot tears burn my eyes.

"I know." Lily whispers. There is a long silence before Lily decides to speak again. "What happened this time?"

"He tried to leave me." I whisper. Again.

Flashback

Sirius was late coming home from work again, and Remus had, had enough. It was the fourth time this week that this had happened, and the arguments had just gotten worse each time. This time, when the muggle oven stated that Sirius would be, yet again, more then an hour late coming home from work, Remus went into their bedroom and started to pack some clothes into a small suitcase that Sirius had bought him that Christmas when they had gone to France to visit Remus' family.

Remus had, had enough. He had enough of the late hours, and the bad moods that came with them. He was getting out.

When Sirius had come home he was in a bad mood. The floo at the ministry was blocked due to security measures and the anti- appaperation wards had been activated, so Sirius had to take the Knight Bus home. Sirius hated the Knight Bus.

As soon as Sirius entered the small flat, he noticed the lack of a hot dinner waiting for him, and no devoted lover welcoming him home. It pissed him off.

"REMUS!"

Remus slunk into the kitchen, hiding the suitcase behind his back. "Yes, Siri?"

"Don't 'Yes Siri' me." Sirius snarled. "Where the hell is my dinner?"

Remus flushed. "I- I didn't make it yet."

"Why the fuck not?" Sirius slammed his hand down on the counter violently, and Remus flinched. "Do you know how fucking hard I work just to pay the rent? Do you- Wait, where you going?" Sirius stops yelling at Remus long enough to finally notice the small bag half concealed behind his lover's back.

"I-I'm leaving you." Remus whispers, and starts to walk past Sirius.

"No you're not." Sirius grabs Remus' upper arm and throws him to the floor. "Come back."

We're runnin' right back, here we go again

It's so insane, cause when it's goin' good it's goin' great

I'm superman with the wind at his back, he's Lois Lane

As Remus hit the ground he remembered falling on this floor just this morning. But that time it wasn't because of Sirius' bad temper, it was because Remus couldn't stand letting Sirius going to work without them making love together one last time…

But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snap

Whose that dude?

I don't even know his name

I laid hands on him

I'll never stoop so low again

I guess I don't know my own strength

Remus cried out as the side of his face hit the corner of the wooden table. His cheek burns and Remus can just feel it swelling. The taste of blood fills his mouth, and he tries to numb out the pain as Sirius hits him again and again and again. He tried to think of a different kind of pain. The good burning kind he felt in his heart when Sirius came inside of him with love in his eyes.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

Well that's all right because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

End Flashback (Sirius' POV)

Lily listens to my story without saying anything. When I'm finished, she looks at me with pity in her eyes. "I think that you and Remus should go to a counselor."

"Oh?"

Lily nodded. "I know you love Remus, and I know he loves you…. But… this 'phase' in your relationship is really unhealthy."

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe

When you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em

Got that warm fuzzy feeling

Yeah them chills used to get em

"I really do love him, you know…" I whisper.

James comes back into the room with an old t-shirt and a ragged pair of sweatpants. He hands me the clothes. "I just flooed Moony."

I shrug and started to change. Lily didn't mind, and James has seen it all before.

Now you're getting fuckin' sick of lookin' at em

You swore you'd never hit em,

never do nothin' to hurt em

James nods. "Yeah. You hurt him really badly, this time."

"I know."

"He wont be there when you get back tomorrow."

I look up at James in surprise. "What?"

"He's leaving you for good this time…." James takes off his glasses, and cleans them, a nervous habit he picked up in school. "He asked me not to tell you, but you're my best mate."

I'm standing up before James even finishes speaking, and I appaperate right into my kitchen, right in front of Remus. He shrieks and whips out his wand. I disarm him and push him against the wall. This time he pushes back.

Now you're in each other's face

spewin' venom in your words when you spit em

You push pull each other's hair

Scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em

So lost in the moments when you're in em

It's the rage that's the culprit, controls you both

"I'm leaving you!" Remus screams. "I can't take it anymore! I can't take it!" He stalks past me and walks out the door. I hear him walking down the stairs, and outside into the falling snow.

So they say it's best to go your seperate ways

Guess that they don't know ya

Cause today that was yesterday

Yesterday is over, it's a different day

Sound like broken records playin' over

But you promised him next time you'll show restraint

You don't get another chance

Life is no Nintendo game, but you lied again

Now you get to watch him leave out the window

Guess that's why they call it window pain

I watch Remus from the kitchen window. He's really leaving this time… This time he's not here to see me cry…

(Remus' POV)

How come it just gets harder to leave, every time I try? I feel tears cascade down my face and my heart break. Why did Sirius have to make it so hard to leave him? I risk a glance up and I see Sirius' face staring at me from the kitchen window. I whip my head around. I don't want him to see me cry…

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

Well that's all right because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie…

I try to appaperate, before I remember that my wand is still in the flat. I start to turn around and see Sirius running towards me. He clears his throat.

"Y-you left your wand."

"I know. I was about to go get it."

"Where are you going?"

"I- I don't know… my parents house, maybe." I take my wand from Sirius' outstretched hand and pocket it. "Thank you." I turn to leave but then I feel Sirius' hands wrap around my waist. "Don't leave me Moony.Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean, and we fall back into the same patterns, same routine, but your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me When it comes to love you're just as blinded."

"Sirius, don't." I whisper. "It hurts too much. Just let me go." I tried to move away again, but was stopped.

"Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me, maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems. Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano… All I know is I love you too much to walk away. Come inside, pick up the bag off the sidewalk. Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk? Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball. Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the drywall."

"Next time, there won't be a next time." I whisper, but I allow Sirius to pick up my bag, and pull me back into the flat. He takes me as soon as he closes the door, right up against it.

(Sirius' POV)

As soon as the door closes, I throw the suitcase aside, and strip us both of our clothes. When I push inside him with no preparation at all, Remus sobs my name and clings to me as I make rough love to him against our front door.

I don't say his name, instead I whisper, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Like a mantra as I thrust into him again and again.

I apologize even though I know its lies

I'm tired of the games I just want him back

I know I'm a liar if he ever tries to leave again

I'm a tie him to the bed and set this house on fire.

Remus comes with one stroke of my hand, and I continue to move inside of him. "Never leave me." I pant. "Promise me, Moony. Promise me you'll never try to leave me again."

"I promise." Remus gasps. "I love you."

With those three words I came, murmuring Remus' name against his lips.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

Well that's all right because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

(WOOOO! First chapter is done! I would like 10 Reviews before I post the next chapter. Not all chapters will be this angsty. LATERS!