Chapter 6

Phil popped the trunk of the police cruiser, setting the box he was carrying on the edge. "Hey, what about my dad's car?" Alan asked, and I glanced over at him, trying to hide my smile at the Stu and Jade hat he was wearing.

"I'm sure Doug has it. We'll get it back." Phil told him, opening the trunk and setting the box inside.

"Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it." I stared shocked at Stu as Phil rounded on him.

"Torch it? Who are you?" He asked. I leaned against the bumper and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I don't know Phil." Stu answered. "Apparently, I'm a guy who marries complete strangers."

"Well, she wasn't a complete stranger if you married her." I teased.

"Not the time, Natalie." Phil said over his shoulder.

"This whole situation is completely fucked. These mugs," Stu quickly walked towards me, picked up a mug and threw it down hard, making the entire thing shatter into a million ceramic pieces. "This hat," He pulled the hat off of Alan's head and threw it, too, on the ground, ignoring Alan's cries of protest. "This car, it's all evidence of a night that never happened."

"Actually," I started to say but before I could finish, Phil cut me off with a sharp, "Natalie!" and turned back to Stu.

"That is why," Stu continued, "we are torching all of it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm a school teacher. I gotta family. I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not gunna torch a fucking cop car." Phil stated. Stu looked at me and I shook my head.

"Fine, I'll do it." He shrugged.

"Can I help?" Alan asked, excited.

"Yeah, thanks," Stu replied.

"No one's helping anyone torch a car." I intervened, looking sternly at Stu. "Look, let's just think this through. How are we going to find out what happened exactly if we destroy the evidence? If this is about… Jade," I shook off the fact that her name was a precious gem, and told myself that people were named all the time after them. "Then, we all promise that we won't tell Melissa, though God only knows why we would do that, and we'll figure the whole Stu-married-Jade-and-now-wants-a-divorce-so-he-can-marry-the-crazy-bitch thing. Okay?" I waited for Stu to answer as he glared at me.

"Nothing fazes you does it?" Stu finally asked and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm just trying to look at this proposition from a legal standpoint. And at the rate you're going, it would be a whole slew of charges that I'd have to work my ass off to get toned down. And because I like my ass the way it is, I'm telling you, over my dead body." We had a glaring match until Stu's phone started to ring. The atmosphere around us changed instantly as we all started checking our pockets, thinking it was Doug calling to see where we were. Stu pulled his phone out of his pocket and cursed loudly, looking at the screen.

"Ah, it's Melissa."

"Don't answer it." Phil told him, pushing me out of the way so that he could close the trunk.

"I have to she's called twice already." Stu informed us angrily. "Hi sweetheart, how are ya?" Stu answered his phone, walking away from us.

"Can I ride shotgun?" Alan asked Phil, touching his arm. He pulled his arm away angrily and hiss, "Don't touch me."

"That means I ride shotgun." I translated for Alan and he nodded his head sadly. I opened the passenger side door and slid in just as Stu was replying to Melissa.

"I know the reception out here is crazy. I think it's all the sequoia trees that block the signal." I leaned over the console and steadied myself on the driver's seat as I looked out the open door; my head knocking gently against Phil's hip as I lifted my brow at Stu. Sequoia trees? I mouthed to him and he just shrugged. I rolled my eyes and slid back into my seat, shutting my door. "Eh, it was really fun actually. It was kinda quiet. It was a nice time." Phil got impatient and slid into his seat, shutting his door just as Stu did the same. "We're learning all kinds of vino-factoids." I glanced behind me at Stu and gave him another look and he gave me one back. I turned my attention to Alan who was playing with Carlos.

"It'd be so cool if I could breastfeed, you know?" I nodded slowly as I sat back into my seat and glanced over at Phil, both of us sharing a look. He stuck the key into the ignition and started the car, just as a burnt orange one sped up and blocked us. "The fuck?" Phil muttered, glancing behind us at the car. I looked out of the side mirror and the guys in the car got out and had a Louisville Slugger. "Oh, shit." I muttered as they quickly, and quite angrily, approached us. They started yelling at us to get out of the car, and hit my window, making me jump. "Phil," I squeaked.

"The hell, man?" He yelled back at the guy who hit my window.

"They just started up the tractor, I think it backfired." Stu answered Melissa's silent question.

"Where the hell is he?" One of the guys asked, pointing the Slugger at Phil threateningly.

"Hey, easy, easy," Phil held up his hands as if to appease the guys. "I think we're looking for the same guy, okay?"

"God, I hope not." I muttered and Phil spared a glance my way. The guy closest to me lifted his aluminum bat and swung hard at the windshield, cracking the glass and making us all completely flip out. "No, not okay, not okay, Phil."

"Hey, what the hell man?" Phil yelled as the baby started to cry.

"Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery, that's a – a goat." Stu lied, and not very well.

"Where is he?" The one who hit the windshield yelled out angrily.

"I – I don't know what you're talking about!" Phil replied, flabbergasted.

"Sir, could you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?" Stu yelled up at Phil, hitting the metal that divided them from us. Phil placed his hand on my seat and turned to look at him.

"I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked." The baby started crying even louder and the other guy swung at the windshield.

"Hey, there's a baby on board here!" Alan screamed heatedly.

"Not helping Alan!" I screamed back. "Phil, just go!" I yelled at him, as chaos continued to ensue. Stu tried to explain to Melissa that it was a baby goat, Carlos just continued to get louder, the guy who hit the windshield the second time wanted Phil to get out of the car, and Eddie walked out of the building, yelling about why they were making trouble for his business. The man with the aluminum bat pulled a gun out of the back of his pants and pointed it straight at me.

"Get out of the fucking car!" He yelled.

"Phil, he's got a gun!" Alan yelled out. "We can see that, Alan." I squeaked. "Phil!" I hit his shoulder trying to get his attention, my eyes never once leaving the man with the gun.

Phil put the car into drive and stepped on the gas, rolling over the man with the gun's foot and he ended up shooing Eddie. "Oh, my god, he shot Eddie!" Stu screamed out.

"Fuck this shit," Phil said, putting the car into reverse and hitting the orange car, pushing it out of the way, and driving straight through a bus stop, the glass shattering all around us. Phil expertly turned the car and started speeding down the street. "Okay. Oh, that was some sick shit." Phil said to no one in particular. Carlos started crying again and Stu reached over and started rubbing his belly, telling him it was going to be ok.

"What the fuck is going on?" Stu exclaimed on the point of hysteria.

"I have no idea." Phil answered. Stu started hyperventilating as his phone went off.

"Why don't you just let that one go to voicemail?" Phil suggested.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha." Stu laughed, hysterically. I raked my fingers through my hair, pushing it back off my face. It was quiet for a few beats before Stu spoke again. "That's a fake laugh by the way." I leaned my forehead against my window as Alan talked movies. I would have jumped at the chance to talk movies with him, had it not been that seconds before I had a gun pointed at me. I pointed out the exit Phil should take and he complied with my silent instruction. He glanced at me several times, but remained silent.

The apartment building Jade lived in was nice, and we all climbed the steps up to Jade's apartment, Alan still going on about this one movie he saw several years ago and liked.

"It's got uh, Ted Danson and Magnum PI, and that Jewish actor." Alan described.

"Shut up, Alan." Stu said, annoyed. I stuffed my hands into my back pockets and ignored Phil's glance over at me. "What room was it again?"

"It's 825." Phil answered. A blonde woman in short shorts and a loose fit white blouse, if you could call it that, came out of her apartment talking on the phone as she gasped when she saw us.

"Oh my God, I found him. I'll call you back." She hurriedly hung up her cell and turned to us happily. "Thank God, he's with his father. I was freaking out." She pulled Carlos out from the carrier and cradled him to her. "I missed you sweetie," She cooed at her sleeping baby. "And I missed you." She said huskily before she leaned in and started playing tonsil hockey with Stu. I furrowed my brows as she moaned several times and pulled away, smiling at all of us.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" She asked excitedly.

"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us." Phil said, stunned.

"What do you mean? I got up this morning, I went to get coffee and when I came back you were all gone." It was silent as we all digested what she had said. "Why are you being so quiet?" She asked Stu.

"I'm not being quiet," He replied shyly and I rolled my eyes. Jade just laughed.

"You're so cute. Here I gotta to feed Tyler, come inside you guys." She grabbed Stu's hand and led him into her apartment.

"Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler." Alan said dejectedly.

"Yeah, I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, man." Phil replied distractedly, patting him on the back quickly then tugging on my hand to get me to stop. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly, glancing into Jade's apartment before setting his eyes fully on me. I paused and thought about his question.

"I think so?" I answered. I hadn't meant for it to come out as a question but I didn't quite know if I was truly okay, either. Phil swept my hair behind my ear and leaned his forehead against mine. My heart started flopping around like a fish and my stomach felt as if it had erupted into a million butterflies.

"Hey, you guys coming?" Alan asked from the doorway, and I stepped away from Phil. He looked irritated, so I answered yes and pulled Phil into the apartment after me, being sure to close the door.

"Hey, Natalie, Phil. Do you guys want anything to drink?" I shook my head and Phil answered with a no, thank you and we all squeezed onto the sofa together. Stu was ridged next to me and I elbowed him in the ribs, gently, and told him to relax. He grimaced at me and remained stiff. Jade poured iced tea into a glass and looked over at us. "Okay, what's up? You guys are acting weird."

"What do you mean?" I asked, cocking my head to the side.

"Well, for one thing, Phil isn't acting as if he's ready to just completely take you right there on the couch."

"Oh, well, I think he's pretty sated for the next," I checked my imaginary watched and looked back up at Jade. "Oh, three days." She giggled and picked up the glass, putting it in front of Stu.

"Look, its Jade right?" Phil said, trying to get off the topic of his sex life.

"Very funny Phil," She said, bouncing Tyler.

"Right, uh," He cleared his throat and looked up at her. "You remember our friend Doug?" Jade instantly perked up at Doug's name.

"Are you kidding? He was the best man at our wedding!"

"Exactly, well, we can't find him and we're getting a little worried." I sat forward into the comfortable couch and set my elbows on my knees.

"Oh, my God, that is so Doug." Stu spit tea all over her and Tyler and he started to cry, Tyler not Stu. He covered his mouth as Jade started talking to Tyler. "It's okay, daddy didn't mean it." She said, walking him to the other room.

"Oh my God," Stu muttered.

"What the fuck man? You gotta hold it together." Phil said quietly to Stu over my head. Stu started to get antsy as he rocked back and forth.

"Holy shit!" Stu muttered.

"She is super-hot, you should be proud of yourself-ow! Hey!" I rolled my eyes at Phil as he rubbed his bruised side where I had elbowed him.

"She is wearing my grandmother's ring." Stu explained exasperatedly.

"What?" Phil asked.

"The ring I was going to give to Melissa. Remember? My grandmother's Holocaust ring."

"Fuck, okay." Phil rubbed his mouth and leaned back into the couch as I leaned my head forward into my hands.

"She's wearing it." Stu explained unnecessarily.

"I didn't know they give out rings at the Holocaust." I sat up and glared at Alan.

"What the fuck-ow!" I glanced over at Phil who just shook his head as I rubbed my calf where he kicked me.

"He's okay," Jade said, coming back into the living room.

"Oh, good." Phil replied, ever the chatterbox.

"He was just hungry." She explained. "Ah," Phil nodded knowingly. "He's fine." She said.

"Ah, good. Um, about last night, uh, do you remember the last time you saw Doug." Phil asked Jade as she settled into the armchair across from us and laid Tyler out across her lap.

"Um, I haven't seen him since the wedding." Jade answered.

"The wedding," Phil replied, leaning on me as he dug in his pocket for the napkin timeline. "Okay, we can't remem – what time was that at?" He held the pen up above the napkin, ready to write down every word that left her mouth.

"Well," Jade started, looking up at the ceiling before glancing down at Tyler and moving her shirt off her shoulder then moving her bra out of the way so that he could breastfeed. The guys' reaction was instantaneous. Phil cleared his throat, embarrassed, Stu perked up, trying to see better, and Alan just stared. I rolled my eyes at all of them and offered a slight smile to Jade, who smiled back. "I guess it was about one, because I had to finish my shift. And when I got out, I headed over to the hotel with Tyler." Phil dutifully wrote it all down and glanced up at her, barely sneaking a peek at her breasts before meeting her eyes again.

"And, was Doug there then?" He asked.

"I didn't see Doug cause you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck. So, I just curled up next to Stu." She said coyly, making a small 'rawr' car sound.

"Oooh," Phil replied playfully, glancing over at Stu then me. Stu lifted his hand in a subdued manner.

"Question," He said. "Um, you said when your shift ended. Does that mean you're a nurse or a blackjack dealer?"

"You know this, I'm a stripper." Stu didn't react well to that. He nodded but everything was expressed on his face. He was mortified that he had married a stripper. "Well, technically I'm an escort but stripping's a great way to meet the clients."

"Smart," Phil injected, enjoying every minute of this.

"S-s-s-savvy." Stu just managed to get out.

"But that's all in the past now that I married a doctor." Jade said excitedly.

"Oh, I'm just a dentist." Stu replied. Jade looked a bit confused so I intervened.

"Don't be so modest, Stu. Your name is Dr. Price." I smiled at him as his jaw ticked and his eye twitched. He didn't have time to reply as the door was kicked in and two officers walked in with their guns pointed straight at us. We all threw our hands up and Phil unconsciously leaned back and covered most of my body with his. Tyler started crying again as Jade had leaned forward and the loud noise had scared him.

"Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!" The male police officer yelled, adding to the loud chaos as the guys all around me started shouting, too. They handcuffed us all together, pulled us to their cop car and slid us in as one got in the car we were in and the other took the one we had stolen. The entire ride to the police station I was in a panic.

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm done. I'm ruined. I'm not even going to be able to work at Tito's fast food law firm. I can't believe this. Oh my God." I kept muttering under my breath as the woman communicated with her partner over the radio. Finally, Phil leaned over and put his mouth near my ear and whispered that everything was going to be okay, and that he'll figure things out, and I wasn't going to lose my job, and that we'll find Doug.

We were fingerprinted and photographed and taken to the waiting area. Phil turned to me and asked for a quarter so he could call Tracy. "You can't call Tracy, she'll murder me." I told him, while Stu scoffed. He insisted that she should know that her future husband was nowhere to be found. We bickered for less than a minute before Phil cut in, telling us that he was only going to call her to bide us more time to find Doug. I dug into my pocket for a quarter, trying to ignore the goose bumps that erupted all over my thigh as Phil's fingers brushed against it as I got the quarter out.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I was tired and cranky, and slightly hungry as I could smell donuts from the cop shop. I could barely hear Phil talking about a butler and a spa package that I was apparently using at the moment. I wished I was at the hotel spa, enjoying a nice massage after a slightly noisy night out with the guys. I would know exactly where Doug was, and the night before would have never happened.

"Wenneck, Baker, Price, Garner," The arresting officer called. "Room 3."

"Alright, Trace, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." Phil hung up on her and turned to us. We all stood up and Alan was all tangled up.

"C'mon, c'mon, chop, chop." The officer called to us.

"Just spin around," Stu suggested and Alan did so in an odd manner that had both him and I being even more twisted around. Stu and Phil decided to leave it and walked down the hall with Alan and I backwards.

When we got into the interrogation room, they took off our handcuffs and sat us down on the chairs.

"Gentlemen, and lady, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news. The good news is we found your Mercedes." Phil laughed and Stu nearly jumped for joy. "Yeah, it's over in impound right now. We picked it up at ah, five a.m. this morning, parked in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard."

We all tensed up, and Phil muttered how weird it was.

"Yeah, that is weird. There's also a note that says, 'couldn't find a meter, but here's four bucks.'" The officer placed the napkin down on the table and I straightened up, glancing at the note on the table then glaring heavily at Phil, whose handwriting it was. He just shrugged and I turned to look at the male officer.

"What's the bad news?" I asked.

"The bad news is we can't get you before a judge until Monday morning." The officer sat down and I froze. Stu sat forward and rested his elbows on the table, using his hands to cover his mouth. Alan covered his face and rubbed it hard.

"Monday? As in comes after Sunday?" I asked. The officer looked at me sarcastically.

"Hey, that's pretty good." He told his partner and I bit my tongue to keep my comments to myself. Phil placed his hand on my knee and sat forward.

"Uh, officer, that's just impossible. We need to be in LA by tomorrow for a wedding."

"You stole a police car." The female officer said, emphasizing the point of being in jail.

"Actually, we didn't steal it," Stu started, and I looked at him. "We found it."

"Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward. A trophy or something." Alan added and I glared at him.

"Alan, for the love of God, please stop talking." I muttered as the officers glared at all of us.

"I see assholes like you every day," The male officer said.

"Every fucking day," The female officer added. They started mocking the tourists and I tapped my nails on the table in annoyance. Phil lifted his hand from my knee and stopped me.

"Well, you won't get away with it. Not up in here!" The female said.

"Not up in here!" The male reiterated.

"Sir, if I may," Phil said, and I shook my head.

"You may not. I'd like to speak to my clients in private please." I said to the officers who looked taken aback.

"No, no, that won't be necessary." He said to the officers before turning to me and saying under his breathe, "Just let me handle it." I sighed heavily and nodded, Phil nodding with me then turning to the bemused officers. "I'm assuming that, that squad car belongs to one of you."

"Yeah," The male officer said, a sarcastic tone in his voice.

"Yeah," Phil mimicked. "Look, I'm not a cop. I'm no hero. I'm a school teacher. But, if one of my kids went missing on a field trip, that would look really bad on me."

"What are you getting at?" The male asked.

"Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?" Stu asked, glancing from Phil to the officer to me. I just shrugged, stupidly, because I trusted the man.

"No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding, and you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night. Look, the point is, I think we can work out a deal, discretely of course, ma'am. What do ya say?" The officers shared a look. The female circled something on the paper in front of her and she passed it to the male and tapped it. He laughed and deep down, I knew I shouldn't have let Phil talk.

"Do any of you have heart problems, or anything like that?" The male asked and while everyone else said no, I nodded my head.

"Yes. I had to have open heart surgery about eighteen months ago. I have an irregular heartbeat. Had it since I was a kid." I said, leaning toward the female.

"That's fine. No one else has any problems, though?" Stu and Phil were looking at me strangely while I widened my eyes and nodded my head at them, trying to get my point across.

"Um, no. We don't." Phil said, still staring at me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at them as they led us up from our chairs, out of the interrogation room and into an instructional one. There were kids in there for a field trip and I groaned. This didn't look good.

"Ok, kids. You're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect." Ooh's went around the room while the guys looked at the officer in confusion. Phil turned on me suddenly.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He whispered furiously.

"I did!" Stu gave a feminine yell and we both turned to see him on the floor, out cold, while the class gave a laugh as did the officers. "Oh, my God." I muttered, and brought my hands up to cover my mouth.

"The fuck?" Phil muttered, raking his hands through his hair.

"Now, do we have any volunteers who want to come up here and do some shooting?" Several hands went up into the air and the male picked out a young girl. She stood up and he handed her a stun gun. Phil crossed his arms over his chest.

"Let's go handsome, c'mon." Alan started walking forward and the officer shook his head.

"Not you fat Jesus, slide it on back. You," the officer pointed to Phil, "pretty boy." He moved his fingers instructing Phil to step forward. I placed a hand on his forearm and he turned to me.

"Just don't think about it, okay?" His eyebrows furrowed as he stepped forward, slowly.

"Okay, now it's real simple. All you gotta do is point, aim and shoot. Okay?" The officer asked the girl and she nodded. In Phil fashion, he started trying to talk the girl out of it, while the officer was screaming at her to do it, so naturally, she missed his stomach, which was what she was aiming for, and hit his manhood. He went down like a ton of bricks. I covered my mouth and nose with my hands, my eyes wide over my fingers. The officer just laughed and incited everyone to give her a hand for where she ended up shooting. Alan, confused, clapped as well. I shook my head at him and he stopped. The female officer helped move Phil out of the way and I dropped to my knees next to him as she moved away.

He was shaky and sweating, and in an immense amount of pain, from what I could see on his face. I ignored Alan's shooting and wiped the sweat from Phil's face.

"Hey," I whispered, and he looked up at me. "You did great." I told him and he glared at me. I kissed his cheek and decided to string a long line of kisses from his cheek to his jaw and all the way around until my upper body was over him completely and I had reached his ear. There was a lot of screaming coming from the kids but I ignored it, instead started nibbling on Phil's ear. "You didn't even scream." I breathed in his ear and he managed a mangled groan. I heard a stampede of kids running from the room and I started sucking on the tender skin right behind Phil's ear. Phil groaned again and lifted his arm, allowing it to follow my spine, all the way to my ass, where he started rubbing it.

"Would you stop?" I wiggled away from his hand. "I'm trying to do something nice for you." Before Phil could reply, there was a knock at the door and several EMT's came in. They helped remove the metal bits from Alan's face and Phil's nuts and then sent us on our way with a completely pissed off Stu, a confused Alan, and Phil, who was as normal as one could be under those circumstances. We managed to get a taxi and I told the driver the address for the impound.

Hey readers! I am SO sorry for the long wait. I left my laptop with my dad and kept forgetting to get it back from him. So, please forgive me! I appreciate all of your reviews and alerts, so please keep them coming. School is out Friday, then it's summer, YAY! And the Hangover Part II comes out soon, I cannot wait! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that it was somewhat worth the wait, and once again, I am so sorry about that.

NEZ