The boys that had attacked Rachel had been expelled from school directly after the incident, but the prosecutor had declined to categorize their assault as a hate crime. As a result, the judge having decided they were just three stupid young boys who had made a mistake, they received community service – and a record that would be expunged when they turned 18. Rachel felt a little cheated, given that they were already seventeen, but at least the boys weren't in school any longer; in fact, the family of one of them had already moved out of town.

Quinn, however, was furious. She was like a little ball of fire when they found out, stalking around the house and slamming things around, talking to herself, and Rachel was able to catch a string of swear words that made her eyes widen. Rachel had only two reactions to watching Quinn's ire: she was incredibly turned on, and incredibly confused.

Turned on because, well, Quinn Fabray was a force of nature when she was angry, and when that anger was because of Rachel (though not directed at her – that inspired an entirely different reaction in Rachel), it was a sight to behold. Her eyes flashed, her lips thinned into a set line, and a slow flush of red would extend from Quinn's cheeks to the tips of ears and down to her collarbone. Her hands would curl into fists and her legs, long and lean, seemed to make her ten feet tall. When Quinn looked like that, Rachel wanted nothing more than to drag her girlfriend upstairs and throw her onto the bed, proceeding to have wild, angry sex that would make both of them scream.

And that was why Rachel was incredibly confused.

Quinn was no longer her girlfriend. In fact, she claimed to not even love Rachel anymore. So she had no idea why she was so angry on Rachel's behalf.

It wasn't like the situation had gotten any better. Quinn was still spending time in her own bedroom, and she'd fall asleep there, but when Rachel would wake the next morning after a nightmare, Quinn would be in her room, asleep on her floor. She'd caught Rachel watching her a few times, and Quinn had turned a brilliant shade of pink and just rushed off, not meeting her eyes.

She still cried in her room. Rachel had heard her numerous times: loud, anguished sobs that were just barely muffled by her closed door. Rachel longed to go in there; there was a pain that she felt so far deep inside herself that she could feel it in her palms, this ache to rush to Quinn's side and envelop the blonde girl in her arms, telling her that it was okay, that she did still love her, that everything was going to be all right…

But she couldn't. And she wouldn't, because she loved her.

Quinn was beside herself with hurt. She spent her nights lying on Rachel's hard bedroom floor, staring up at the ceiling and wondering what she had done to make the smaller girl fall out of love with her. There had been nothing, no signs, no indications, and she just didn't understand what was going on.

She'd stopped praying, and stopped going to church. Quinn Fabray was pissed as hell at God, and the one time she actually decided to talk to Him, she'd said as much. This was not how her life was supposed to be going, not now, not after she'd been on top for so damn long, and had had to work so hard to get there. And it was only because of Rachel that she'd gotten there in the first place. Quinn might have been on top, but that was because, she knew, of Rachel holding her up. She was content with her position on the top rung of the social ladder of William McKinley High School because she knew that Rachel would always be right there, holding her up and shining that light that only Rachel had on her, Quinn, who didn't deserve any of it. But now Rachel wasn't there, and Quinn didn't know how to cope.

And it would have been fine for her to make the decision to break up, because she had a good reason. She was being noble, for God's sake, and sticking to the deal she'd made with Him two months ago. She was doing what she had to do to protect Rachel, and it was pissing her off that He'd let her strike a deal when He knew that Rachel didn't love her anymore. So she gave up on Him. If Rachel didn't love her anymore then Quinn no longer needed to protect her, really, and so for the first time, she felt like she had before Rachel had re-entered her life, and changed everything.

Lost. Adrift. Confused.

Broken.

It was Brittany who brought a clarity to the whole situation, Brittany who had always seemed so dim and fascinated with ducks and ballads, the Brittany who looked at Santana as if she was the only woman in the world, the Brittany who, Santana confessed, made her feel exactly that way, too.

The two Cheerios had come over for a movie night that Rachel had insisted on, because the tension between her and Quinn had gotten to be just too much. Santana wouldn't have been Rachel's first choice to invite over, but Quinn – albeit jokingly – had suggested Finn and Puck, and Rachel figured that even Santana was a superior choice over a potential bloodbath.

They sat on the couch, Rachel next to Brittany, next to Santana, next to Quinn. Santana and Quinn had spent the better part of ten minutes whispering furiously to each other, and once or twice Santana had gestured at Rachel, causing Quinn to slap her hand down. Rachel quirked an eyebrow at her and Quinn folded her arms across her chest, looking away.

"Hey, Rach?" Brittany said, playing with Rachel's hand.

"Hmm?"

"You're like a barn owl."

"What?" Rachel said, as Santana eyed her, and then Brittany.

"You're like a barn owl! Like the one on your sweater," Brittany laughed. "You're fuzzy and cute, and make people want to hug you."

Santana laughed, and even Quinn smiled at that. Rachel ducked her head and grinned. "Thanks, Brittany."

"Do you know what barn owls do?" she whispered.

"Um… well, I guess they fly?"

"No, silly!" Brittany swatted her, grinning. "They mate for life." Rachel looked at her, not following. Brittany sighed. "When a barn owl finds its mate, it's their mate for life. You're a barn owl, Rachel. When you've found your mate, you should hang onto it for life, and not let stupid stuff tear you apart."

Rachel looked down at Brittany's hand in hers, tears suddenly rushing to her eyes. Sometimes Brittany just said things that… made so much damn sense. She knew Brittany wasn't really talking about owls, but about Rachel and Quinn. It hurt, and made a lump rise in her throat. She dared to sneak a glance at Quinn, and her heart melted when she saw that the blonde-haired girl was crying silently, tears rolling down her cheeks and dripping onto her hands, clasped in her lap.

"And Quinn is a wolf," Brittany continued, leaning over to gently poke the other girl in her knee.

Quinn looked at her, trying to ignore the sad and wounded expression on Rachel's face. "Why am I a wolf, Brittany?"

Brittany rested her head on Santana's shoulder; the Latina kissed her cheek gently. "You're a wolf because you take care of Rachel. Or… you used to. I don't know why you don't anymore." Brittany pouted a little, not noticing when Quinn winced. "Wolves are always so brave, strong and protective, and a wolf won't let anyone hurt their mate. Like Santana won't let anybody hurt me."

"Damn right," Santana said. "So wait, what am I?"

Brittany smiled serenely. "You're an anglerfish." Santana cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, because the male anglerfish fuses itself with the female, and it's like, they're not two anymore, but one. Like you and me."

Santana beamed and hugged Brittany, while Rachel and Quinn exchanged small smiles.

"Of course, since they fuse together, that means the female kills the male," Brittany continued, looking confused. "Santana? I don't think I want you to be an anglerfish anymore."

Santana and Brittany left after the movie, and Rachel and Quinn sat on the couch, apart from each other, watching television and occasionally sneaking little looks at each other, and those same smiles, like they used to do a long time ago on Rachel's bed. All too soon it was time for bed, and they descended the stairs together, Rachel looking at Quinn from her doorway as the other girl went to her own bedroom.

"Quinn?"

"Yes?" Her voice was hopeful, melodic, and Rachel fought back a wave of tears.

"Good night," was all she said, and closed the door.

Quinn pursed her lips and sighed, shaking her head. "Good night, baby," she whispered into the air.

That night, the nightmare came again, right on cue, as if by clockwork. Quinn was awakened by the sound of her name, and she leapt out of bed, waving off the two Mr. Berrys, who were standing in the hall, and she quickly made her way to Rachel's bed.

Rachel was awake, thankfully, and Quinn didn't have to worry about getting a black eye – Rachel had punched her twice, previously. But she was holding herself, shaking, and Quinn's heart went out to her. "Rachel," she said gently, sitting down and tucking Rachel's hair behind her ear, ignoring the thrill that ran through her when Rachel leaned into the touch. "Honey, I think maybe it's time you started talking to somebody. Maybe Ms. Pilsbury can—"

"I don't want to talk about it," Rachel sobbed, trying desperately to catch her breath.

"Rachel, you have to," Quinn said. Seeing that she was getting nowhere, she slid onto the bed and wrapped her arm around Rachel. "Shh, shh," she soothed. "It was just a nightmare, honey. You're safe, nobody's going to hurt you, you're not in the dumpster—"

Rachel shoved her with such force that Quinn nearly fell off the bed. "It's not me I see in that fucking dumpster, Quinn! It's you!"

Rachel opened the dumpster.

"Quinn!"

Quinn's body lay on top of a week's worth of garbage, her perfect, sweet face battered, nearly beyond recognition. There are bruises on her arms, her legs, a gaping gash in her neck. Blood streaks down her cheeks, into her hair, over her ears, out of her mouth… It's everywhere, a sea of red broken only by two circles of hazel.

Quinn's eyes, open. Staring up at the sky with no expression, no emotion, nothing. Lifeless.

Dead.

Quinn could only stare at her.

"I see you," Rachel choked out. She buried her face in her hands and cried. "I see you laying there in the dumpster, and you're bleeding, god there's so much blood, and your eyes are open, and you're dead, and it's my fault!" Rachel ended practically in a scream.

"Rachel," Quinn breathed, and held out her arms, Rachel nearly launching herself at her. She curled herself around Rachel, holding her tightly, pulling the girl onto her lap and rocking her.

"There are a lot of things that I can do," Rachel sniffed. "I can recite all the lines to Funny Girl. I can tell you at which time a certain song appears on Funny Girl, down to the exact minutes and seconds." Quinn had no clue where this was going, but the speech was so basically Rachel that she was content to let her keep going. "I have an impeccable sense of humor, I can regale hundreds of people with stories that I have at my disposal, and we all know that my voice is unrivalled." She sighed and tucked her head against Quinn's neck. "But there are some things I can't do. I can't do math. I apparently can't dress myself well enough for other people's tastes. And I can't… I can't… I can't lose you."

"Then why did you break up with me?" Quinn asked, struggling to understand while at the same time wanting to take Rachel's pain away from her, to pull it into herself, so that the girl with the brown hair she held clutched in her arms would be happy again. "If you don't want to lose me, then why?"

Rachel sniffed, her hands clinging to the front of Quinn's pajamas. "I don't want… what happened to me to happen to you. And… if you loved me, then… it might. I can't bear the idea of someone… doing that to you. And if you and I aren't together, then… you'll be safe."

"Oh, Rachel…" Quinn lifted Rachel's head with her hands, gently using her thumbs to wipe away the tears on her cheeks. "It's not your fault, Rachel. What happened was just stupid, a bunch of idiots who were just blinded by their own ignorance." She thought back to Brittany's words then, realizing how right she had been. She really shouldn't have been so surprised. "Rachel… you not loving me hurts so much more than any physical attack ever could."

"I do love you," Rachel sobbed then, pulling away from Quinn. "I broke up with you so you'd be safe. But what does it matter, when you don't love me anymore?"

Emboldened by the fact that she hadn't lost Rachel's love after all, Quinn moved to hold her again. "I have something to tell you," she said quietly.

Rachel looked at her suspiciously. "What?"

Quinn sighed. "When you were at the hospital," she began to explain, "And we were all waiting to find out if you… if you…" she took a deep breath. "When we were waiting to see if you were okay, I went to the chapel and prayed. And I told God that if He would let you live, then I would break up with you, leave you alone… to keep you safe."

Rachel raised an eyebrow in spite of herself, saying, "Well, that was kind of dumb."

"Hey!" Quinn said indignantly. "I was trying to protect you! You broke up with me for the same reason!"

"Well, then, we're both morons!" Rachel shot back. She stopped then, a smile toying at the corner of her lips.

And then Rachel was hugging her close, and they were both laughing. "I love you," Quinn whispered against Rachel's lips, then kissed her. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Rachel said, nuzzling her face against Quinn's collarbone, and Quinn nearly purred, it just felt so damn good to have Rachel back in her arms. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," Quinn said. "I just… it felt like I'd almost lost you, Rach. Seeing you, there…." She stopped and closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly.

"Hey, hey," Rachel's hand was on her face, and Quinn opened her eyes to meet Rachel's, dark and brown and full of life, and it took her breath away. "I'm here, baby, okay?" She smiled and kissed Quinn, slowly, deeply, and both of them were gasping for air when she reluctantly pulled away.

"I'll make a deal with you."

Quinn cocked her head at Rachel. "What?" she said, wondering what she was about to get herself into.

Rachel kissed her hand, and Quinn's heart melted at the gesture. "I'll protect you," Rachel said, "And you'll protect me. But we do it together. If we don't… they win. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but, I'm pretty sure that Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray never accept failure. What do you say?"

Quinn smiled. With one hand cupped behind Rachel's head, she lowered them both to the bed, sliding on top of Rachel and kissing her. "Deal."

Then, slowly and sweetly, with soft words and even softer touches, Quinn and Rachel came together, and found the courage to take back what they both thought they had lost.

The next morning, Patrick poked his head into Rachel's room and, seeing two obviously naked bodies entwined and asleep under the covers, he smiled and exited. They could afford to miss a day of school.

Rachel's nightmares never came back.

Two days later, Quinn and Rachel returned to school, hand in hand, Quinn's chin lifted in defiance as she dared anyone looking at them to make a move.

Santana spotted them first, leaning against her locker, and she grinned. "So I guess the barn owl and the wolf are back together, huh?" Brittany clapped her hands, and Santana kissed her on the lips.

Quinn laughed. "I guess the… uh… not-anglerfishes are pretty damn happy themselves, aren't they?"

"I don't really like being compared to an owl," Rachel complained, once they were out of earshot of Brittany. "And I liked that sweater."

"What animal do you want to be, then?" Quinn said softly, pressing Rachel into her locker and kissing her.

Rachel's eyes sparkled. "How about I just settle for being Rachel, and being yours?"

Quinn pretended to consider this. "That might work."

Rachel swatted her arm and kissed her.

Rachel didn't get into Julliard, but only because she didn't apply. That had resulted in the biggest fight she and Quinn had had since their "breakup," but as soon as Quinn heard Rachel say that a person didn't have to go to Julliard to make it on Broadway, and besides, she really didn't like the idea of her girlfriend going to NYU without her, when there were going to be so many girls throwing themselves at Quinn, and maybe Rachel needed to go with her just so those bitches knew to keep their hands to themselves, Quinn knew she'd lost the argument. And, she found, she didn't mind losing. Not one bit.

New Directions placed second at Regionals, guaranteeing them a spot at Nationals in New York. The team had gone out to celebrate, but Rachel and Quinn had opted to stay at the hotel, ordering room service and watching the sunset as they ate and talked. Quinn was nervous, but Rachel hadn't noticed.

"Rachel?" Quinn said during a lull in the conversation.

"Yes?"

"Be my girl."

Rachel smiled. "Baby, didn't we go over this a while ago? I am your girl."

"No, you don't understand," Quinn shook her head, and brought out the small black box she had been keeping in her pocket. She opened it, displaying the small silver ring. You'd need a magnifying glass to see the diamond, but Quinn had worked and earned and saved for this very moment, and she was damn proud of herself.

Rachel stared at it, her eyes wide and uncomprehending.

"Look, I'm not good at these kinds of things," Quinn sighed. "I don't have the… way with words that you do." She hoped Rachel had caught the sarcasm, Quinn's feeble attempt to diffuse the tension of the situation, but she hadn't, and was still staring. This was not going well.

"I know that we're only eighteen, and I know that a lot of people will probably say that we don't know what we want. But I also know that both of us are in love with each other, and I know that I don't want anybody else. I… I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Rachel. Please… marry me?"

Rachel stared at her for a minute longer, blinked, then promptly burst into loud unhappy tears as her face crumpled.

This was Quinn's worst nightmare and she dropped the box on the table as if it burned her. "Rachel, please don't cry," she said frantically. "We don't have to get married, I'm sorry I asked, look, I'll put the ring away, it's okay, please, baby, don't cry!" She wanted to cry herself, though; didn't Rachel love her?

"You ruined it!" Rachel wailed.

Now it was Quinn's turn to stare, confused.

Rachel reached underneath the table, bringing out a small black box and opening it, slapping it on the table in frustration.

It was the exact same box as Quinn's, and the exact same ring. Except the ring in Quinn's box was Rachel's size, and the ring in Rachel's box? It was Quinn's size.

"I had it perfectly planned," Rachel hissed through her sobs. "I've been working on this for a month. I have a notebook dedicated to it, Quinn, an entire notebook full of suggestions and ideas and techniques! I was going to get down on one knee and romantically proclaim my undying love for you, and you – ruined – it!"

Quinn gaped. When she recovered herself, she said incredulously, "So… you do want to get married?"

"Of course I do!" Rachel wailed again. "But I wanted to propose!"

Quinn couldn't help it – she cracked up. She threw back her head and laughed so hard tears began to roll down her cheeks, because it was so unromantic and so messed up, but it was so like Rachel to view a marriage proposal as a competition, and Quinn was just so fucking glad that Rachel did want to marry her that she just couldn't stop laughing.

"It's not funny!" Rachel snapped, but when Quinn could finally look at her, she was grinning a little.

Quinn wiped her eyes and got up, coming around the table to Rachel and kneeling between her legs. She reached up to cup Rachel's cheek in her hand, smiling.

"You suck," Rachel said feebly, but smiled and bent low, pressing a kiss to Quinn's lips.

Quinn held her ring out to Rachel. "Trade you."

The next morning, when Rachel and Quinn joined the rest of the team in the hotel dining room for breakfast, cheeks flushed with the afterglow of post-engagement lovemaking, Quinn noticed that Santana and Brittany were sporting the exact same expressions. Then she caught sight of their hands, and two silver and diamond bands encircling pinky fingers.

"We'll get actual wedding rings eventually," Santana said then, casually, "But Britt and I kind of like these, too, for right now."

Quinn smiled. "Whipped."

Santana smirked back at her. "You better believe it. What's your excuse, Fabray?"

"Please," Quinn scoffed, wrapping her arm around Rachel's shoulder and tugging the girl to her. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

As they stood on the stage behind the curtain, waiting to make their performing debut at Nationals, Quinn looked over at Rachel and decided that she had never looked more beautiful. In a maroon dress, with her hair curled and falling in waves over her shoulders, Rachel was radiant. Quinn thought back to that horrific day, and how lucky she was that Rachel was standing there, across from her, and what she would have done if Rachel hadn't… She pushed it out of her mind, though, when she saw that Rachel was crossing the floor to come stand in front of her.

"I love you," Quinn said, and kissed her.

"Oh, come on!" Santana said behind them. "Can't you all be apart for like five minutes?"

"I want a kiss," Brittany said, and Santana was giving her one in a heartbeat as Quinn smirked.

"I love you more," Rachel said, an impish grin on her face and a sparkle in her eyes.

"So you say."

"So I mean."

"Okay, you win," Quinn laughed.

"I always do," Rachel tossed over her shoulder as she resumed her place on stage.

The music started, the curtain rose, and Quinn thought back again, to that day, and to the simple little lullaby that she had learned so long ago, sung to Rachel as they lay together in a hospital bed.

She watched as Rachel moved to the center of the stage for her solo, tears rushing to her eyes when she looked back at Quinn and smiled. Rachel was her light, and Quinn would be forever content to bask in it.

The music swelled to a crescendo, Rachel's voice soared, and so did Quinn's heart.

Let it shine.