I was watching an old Season 1 episode with my dear friend Corinne, and we noticed Emma's rather... interesting pamphlets. I got to wondering about what sort of circumstances could POSSIBLY require some of the more ridiculous ones, and thus, a series of itty-bitty oneshots was born :)
This is bizarre. I know. They all will be.
Radon: The Silent Killer
With the exception of a toothpaste-meets-cardigan incident while she was getting ready, Emma Pillsbury had been having a fairly uneventful morning, although it was only second period. As she finished cleaning the glass wall separating her from the high school hallway, the bell rang, and students poured into the hallway. She spotted Lucy, a girl who had once been a stress-eater of her own hair, walking and swishing her long blond mane behind her.
"Why, I solved that one without a pamphlet," Emma thought to herself.
Suddenly, the door banged open, tearing Emma from her memories of afternoons teaching Lucy about other stress-management strategies.
"Miss Pillsbury?" asked the intruder. "I need help."
"What can I do for you, Brittany?" Emma asked as she motioned for the slightly lost-looking Cheerio to sit down.
"My house has bugs," Brittany informed her. Emma shuddered at the thought, and nudged her bottle of Purell a little closer to the girl.
"I see," said Emma. "Well, um, I'm not sure that would really be a, um... a problem for a guidance counselor." She looked up to see Brittany's face fall. "But you know what, Brittany? I'm going to help you find an exterminator," Emma added as she pulled a phonebook from under her desk.
Brittany perked up again.
"Exterminator? Like the movie?"
"E... e... e... No, not like the movie. Exterminators kill... bugs." Emma flipped through the pages. "Aha! Exterminators! Let's see... Brittany, do you know what kind of bugs they are?" Emma asked as she restrained another shudder.
"My mom said they were called... uh..." Brittany thought for a moment. "Radon! She said 'Brittany, stay out of the basement, there's radon,' but I like the way the radons smell. So I went in the basement."
"Radons?" Emma repeated.
"Uh-huh. They're bugs that look like mice. But they smell nice."
"Wha- OH!" she exclaimed as it clicked together in her mind. "Brittany, radon isn't a bug, it's a gas. It's extremely dangerous; they call it the silent killer. In fact, I've got a pamphlet right here!" she said, beaming as she pulled the pamphlet from the box and slid it across the desk.
Brittany picked up the pamphlet and considered the cover for a moment.
"Miss Pillsbury, I can't read this. There are too many... letters."
Emma's already wide eyes widened. She took a deep breath before picking up her phone. She called Brittany's third period teacher to inform her that Brittany wasn't going to be in class today.
"This one's an 'R', Brittany."
Soooo... Whaddaya think? Please do be honest, but not mean. Also: I'm still on the fence about one thing. Should I keep this little series between our favorite mysophobe and our favorite functionally illiterate cheerleader? Or should I let ALL the Glee kids receive the wisdom of the Pillsbury Pamphlets? Thoughts?