Per my usual, this story has dark elements containing torture, rape, bondage, and a relationship between two women. If you're not into any of those things or are under 18, don't read.

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount. Addison Blake belongs to me.

Crewman Addison Blake crawled through the Jefferies tube, trying not to flinch each time her knees came into contact with the cold metal grate. She stopped at the next junction, checked her bearings and mentally cursed at how everything on Voyager looked the same. It had been almost six months on the ship and she still managed to get lost in this maze. She had always prided herself on her navigational skills, but she now realized that was only when she had landmarks or the sky to guide her.

She secretly hated this ship, all ships in fact, but kept that fact to herself, seeing that she couldn't do anything about it. At least there was more space on Voyager - the Maquis ship had been tiny, with tight quarters and no privacy. She had felt semi-claustrophobic then.

The blinking light on the panel ahead of her indicated that she had finally reached her destination. She settled herself in the middle of the tube and pulled off the main panel. Opening up her tricorder, she scanned the gel pack that was underneath. Ever since the packs had been infected, Blake had been assigned to routinely monitor them. Since they couldn't be replaced and were vital for ship's operations, Captain Janeway had put them on a rotating inspection schedule. It took Blake a month to check them all, after which she started over again.

It was tediously boring work. But she didn't mind it. She assumed she got the job because she didn't have any other useful skills. When they had interviewed the Maquis crew members to see where they could be placed on the ship, Blake didn't volunteer much. She wasn't even sure how she let herself end up here to begin with. She had been dating a Maquis, Timmy Meru, who kept pushing her to join. She had never fought, knew nothing about space travel (had only used it to get from one planet to another), and didn't care much for politics. But, he was insistent and she finally gave in.

The trip into the Badlands had been her first time on a Maquis ship. Figures. She was only supposed to be there as an observer.

She finished up her diagnostic and put her tools away. Before heading back, she swept her midnight black hair back into a ponytail. Her straight, fine hair never wanted to stay up and she was constantly fighting with it. The universe (or her parents) must have had a sick sense of humor to give a name like Addison Blake to a dark haired, olive skinned misfit.

When she finally reached the end of the Jefferies tubes, she glanced at a chronometer and realized she was late for her training session with Lieutenant Tuvok. She groaned and, after returning her equipment to engineering, took off at a sprint towards the cargo bay.

Ever since the Maquis training with Tuvok had been such a success, more of the Maquis had been assigned to work with him to bring them up to speed on Starfleet regulations. Blake didn't particularly care one way or the other; it was just another way to pass the time. Fortunately, Tuvok mostly only asked them to learn about ship operations and perform physical exercises. Otherwise, he left her alone.

She arrived at the cargo bay and rushed through the doors.

"You are 6 minutes late, Crewman Blake."

The rest of the training group was standing at attention in a row, with Tuvok now facing away from them, looking at Addison.

"Yes, sir, Lieutenant. I mean, I'm sorry, sir." Blake stumbled over her words, as she always did when speaking to somebody she didn't know well. Which was everybody.

She walked quickly over to the rest of the group and took a spot at the end. For the most part, the members of this particular group were similar to her - struggling to find a place on the ship. None of them had the severely bad attitudes that Tuvok had faced in his first group, but neither did it seem that any of these "recruits" cared much about their lives on Voyager.

Today, they were continuing their module on security. Many of them had some experience with hand-to-hand combat, although it was woefully lacking in any type of discipline. Tuvok felt it was necessary for each of them to have at least basic knowledge on how to defend themselves in the event that the ship was boarded or they were sent on an away mission.

He divided them up into pairs and watched them perform the movements, occasionally stepping in to make corrections. He had already sat down with both Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway and had discussed each crewman at length. Over the past few weeks, Tuvok had found skills in each of them that he felt could be fostered and would lead to permanent positions on the ship.

All except for Crewman Blake. Tuvok found the woman to be unfailingly polite and easy to direct. She never took a step out of line and did every exercise he gave them, correctly. However, she never offered anything about herself and never pushed beyond what was asked of her. Tuvok knew that most of the humans on the ship would have been complaining about being posted to gel pack inspection within days of being assigned. Yet, Blake hadn't said a word.

Commander Chakotay knew next to nothing about her, either. Ensign Meru had worked with Chakotay for years while they were in the Maquis and was now a trusted member of the Engineering Department. Only on Meru's recommendation had Chakotay allowed Blake on the trip to the Badlands and he had done so grudgingly. Blake didn't have many useful skills, from what he could tell, even for the Maquis.

Tuvok watched Blake sparring with another female crew member. Her movements were fluid and she quickly disarmed her opponent. It wasn't a difficult maneuver, but was done swiftly and efficiently. She obviously wasn't used to fighting, but she picked up on the techniques quickly and had a natural instinct to protect herself.

When they finished the session, everyone quickly gathered their things and left, mostly talking with each other and heading as a group to the mess hall for dinner. Addison didn't say a word to anyone around her and Tuvok watched her walk towards the exit alone.

"Crewman Blake, please stay behind." Tuvok called her back to where he was standing.

Addison looked nervous as the rest of her classmates left and she was left with the Lieutenant.

"Have you given any more thought to what position you might serve aboard Voyager?"

It took Blake a moment to answer and when she did, her voice was hesitant.

"No, sir?"

"You are content then with the job you have been assigned?"

"Yes, sir. It's fine." She hoped this would be enough for him to let her leave.

"You seem to have an aptitude for the exercises we learned today. I would like you to consider the possibility of training further for a security post."

"Security? I've never done anything like that before. I'm not sure I would be good at it."

"Nevertheless, you exceeded the skill level of anybody in this room. I believe you underestimate yourself. I would like you to report for training tomorrow at 0700. You are dismissed."

Addison was too shocked to move for a moment, but then she got her bearings back and hurried out of the cargo bay. She didn't know what to think about this turn of events but pushed it out of her mind when she realized she was now late for dinner.

She rushed to her quarters but slowed down when she reached the doors. As they slid open, she peaked inside, hoping they would be empty. She didn't hear anything and relaxed, heading to the replicator.

As she was about to program in a meal, she heard someone approach from behind and she felt strong hands grab her arms before she could turn around.

"You're late. Your class finished fifteen minutes ago."

"Tuvok wanted to talk to me after, Timmy." She tried to shrug herself out of his grip, but his hands tightened and he spun her around to face him.

"Talk to you about what?" His voice was deep and accusing, his face only inches from hers.

"Nothing, Timmy. He just wanted to talk to me about my job assignment." She was hesitant to share the details, wanting to digest them herself first

"He spent ten minutes talking to you about gel packs? You're lying. Who were you with?"

"Nobody, Tim. I was just talking to Tuvok!"

He obviously didn't believe her and she could feel that her arms beneath his fingertips were going to be bruised when he let go. He pushed her away from him and she hit the wall, stumbling as she tried to stay on her feet.

"Are you going to make dinner? I've been waiting for you and I'm starving."

Addison quickly turned back to the replicator and brought the food to the table when it appeared. They both sat down and ate their dinner in silence. After they finished, Addison cleared the dishes and went to take a shower since she was still sweaty from her workout.

When she came out, Timmy had already taken off his clothes and was waiting for her in the bedroom. She was exhausted from her day and hoped he wouldn't be interested in having sex, but as soon as she entered the room, he pressed her against the wall, kissing her roughly.

"Timmy, I'm so tired, can we do this tomorrow?"

He pushed himself away from her, hands on the wall by her head and glared at her, "You're such a little slut. You're late for dinner, hanging out with other men, and now you don't want to sleep with me. I've gotta say, I'm sick of you never giving me what I need."

He took one hand off the wall and she felt it between her legs, pushing her thighs apart.

"You understand that this is mine, right, Addison?"

She knew there was no point in arguing and so she just nodded.

He pushed her onto the bed, pulling the towel away from her body as he did and lowered himself on top of her. She turned her head away from him and waited for him to finish, hoping it wouldn't take too long so she could go to sleep.

The next day, Blake arrived at the training room a few minutes early to meet Tuvok. She hadn't wanted to be late again. He was already there, doing some Vulcan martial arts form that she wasn't familiar with.

She stretched as she watched him, wondering what he had planned for her. She always tried her hardest to fly under the radar, to avoid standing out or attracting attention. She berated herself now for whatever she had done to warrant this special notice from Tuvok.

When he finished, he turned to her and invited her onto the mat. He ran her through the exercises they had been working on the day before and when she performed those flawlessly, he continued on to more difficult moves. She was in relatively good shape, Tuvok had noticed that when he first took on her group. She had no trouble with the runs and he saw her in the weight room in her off time.

Even so, under different circumstances, Tuvok wouldn't have considered her as a candidate for security training. Unfortunately, the members of the security team were dwindling rather rapidly as they were always at the forefront of any conflicts Voyager ran into. And there had already been many conflicts. In addition to keeping his staff out of harm's way as much as possible to preserve their numbers, Tuvok had come to the realization that he was going to need to start training new recruits.

After an hour of work with Blake, he was pleased enough with the results that he ordered her back for the next morning as well. He visited Lieutenant Torres in engineering and pulled Blake off gel pack inspection. Torres growled at him when she found out she would have to reassign the duty to some unsuspecting member of her staff.

He then set up a schedule for the newest member of his team that included classroom study on security protocol, general workout sessions with other security team members, weapons training, and hand-to-hand training. He was hopeful that he would be able to train her, although she was far from being typical Starfleet material. She had the potential physically, but he was still concerned about her apparent lack of élan.

After a few weeks of training, Tuvok was pleased enough with Addison's improvement. She was soaking up the written material and was quite good at the weapons and fighting training. He had hoped that the training and interaction with the other security personnel would draw her out of her shell a bit, but she seemed just as reserved as when they first began. He noticed she spent none of her free time outside of her quarters and had no friends, other than her boyfriend, Ensign Meru. He seemed to be fairly social and popular amongst the crew, but she never accompanied him when he socialized.

Tuvok was giving his security report to Captain Janeway one morning and decided to ask her advice on the crewman.

Normally, he would not even consider the crewman to be an issue; however, he couldn't afford to have somebody in a position of authority who couldn't interact with people effectively. He knew that he had limited ability to deal with emotional issues and had found that on a starship with no outside resources, the psychological welfare of the crew was an aspect he could not afford to ignore.

Captain Janeway listened to Tuvok, thinking that this was normally something she would leave up to Commander Chakotay, as personnel issues were his domain. However, it had seemed like every attempt to engage the woman had met with failure. Janeway, while obviously more compassionate than Tuvok, also would have been more inclined to let the woman be. However, she didn't have the luxury of having unhappy or unproductive crew members on Voyager.

Janeway had never actually interacted with the woman, in fact wasn't sure if she would even recognize her if she saw her in person. Since they had become stranded, she had made a concerted effort to be involved in her crews' lives and now she wondered why she had never had the chance to engage Crewman Blake. She decided she needed to rectify that.

"Why don't I come to your next training session, Tuvok? Maybe if I meet her, I'll have more insight into how to deal with her."

That earned a nod from Tuvok, "It could not hurt the situation."

The next morning, Addison and Tuvok were already training when Captain Janeway arrived to meet them. They were sparring and Janeway thought that Addison was doing a fairly good job fending off Tuvok, although she could tell he was barely putting in any effort.

Tuvok had not told the Crewman that the Captain was coming and when Tuvok stopped, Blake was surprised and nervous to see Janeway in such close proximity. She unhappily thought about how a few weeks earlier she had been allowed to quietly go about her business while now she seemed to be in the glare of the Officers' gazes.

She stood at attention behind Tuvok as Janeway approached.

"At ease, Crewman."

Addison relaxed her position slightly, but still watched the Captain warily. Janeway studied the woman for a moment as she approached Tuvok. She was average looking for the most part. She was slightly taller than Kathryn, athletically built and attractive features, but nothing that would turn heads. It was her eyes that caught Janeway's attention the most. Contrary to her glossy black hair, her eyes were a faceted brilliant green.

Janeway had become used to the many reactions that she evoked from her crew. Most people felt nervous, awed, angry, impressed (or a combination thereof) by the Captain. Her young crew members (like Ensign Kim) looked at her with reverence. The older ones with respect. The Maquis treated her as an unknown entity. Most had been angry at her decision to strand them here. Still they viewed her through a veil of distrust, although she felt that she was slowly overcoming that. They knew she held their lives in her hands and she could see the mixed emotions that brought out in them.

Kathryn had studied quite a bit of psychology during college and knew that the defiance she saw from most of the Maquis was in direct conflict with their need to win her approval. Over the years, she had found that the majority of people wanted somebody to look up to. In fact they craved it. She was banking on it.

Crewman Blake's wariness, however, didn't seem to do with any of that. Kathryn thought of herself as being extremely competent at reading people. So she was surprised by what she saw in this member of her crew. The woman actually seemed to be disinterested in the Captain. She looked like she would rather bolt out the door than have anything to do with her superior officer.

Janeway turned towards Tuvok, "Lieutenant, the Crewman seems to be coming along quite well, based on reports of where she began."

"Yes, Captain. Her progress has been adequate. I would like to find her a partner more suited for her skill level to practice with."

"Adequate? Crewman, that's high praise coming from a Vulcan." She turned towards Blake and smiled.

Addison faced reddened and she gave a little nod before breaking eye contact. Janeway wasn't sure if the blush was from embarrassment or pride. There was something that fascinated Kathryn about the woman, something she couldn't pinpoint.

She turned back to Tuvok, "You know, I haven't had a chance to stay in fighting form since we left Earth. It might do me some good to have somebody to practice with."

Addison could barely keep herself from reacting. Seriously? What were the chances that the Captain would choose to spend time exercising with her?

Janeway, never one to miss anything, saw the flash in Addison's eyes before the woman could conceal it.

"Will that be a problem, Crewman?"

"N-no, Captain. No problem." Shit, she didn't think she had shown her dismay, but obviously the Captain had noticed.

"Very good. 0700 tomorrow, then, Crewman?"

Addison nodded, "Yes, ma'am." Oops, again. She remembered hearing that the Captain didn't like being called "ma'am" but preferred "Captain". Well, she was lucky Addison used any term at all. Before arriving on Voyager, Addison had never been in a situation where there was a chain of command that required this forced respect.

Tuvok nodded at the Captain and before she was even out the door, he had Blake learning something new.

This time, when Addison arrived at her quarters, Timmy was out. She was relieved. She hadn't had much time to herself recently. Her training kept her constantly surrounded by others. If she wasn't working with Tuvok, she was training with the other members of the security team. The only time of day she had on her own was when she was studying and then she was too focused on the material to focus on her own thoughts.

At night, she was almost always with Timmy. Sometimes, they went to the mess hall or to Sandrine's, but after the first few times when Timmy had accused her of flirting with other men, she had made sure to keep her eyes to herself and not engage in too much conversation. Of course, Timmy got angry at her for ignoring his friends. Instead, she found it easier to stay in.

In turn, the other members of the crew thought of her as standoffish. They stopped trying to be friends with her and in private referred to her as a bitch.

To be honest, she didn't really like socializing anyway. She didn't have anything in common with the others and being in groups made her anxious. She missed her time in the Jefferies tubes, where she had only herself to worry about.

She let her thoughts drift back to the events of the morning. She knew there was some reason the Captain was taking a special interest in her. Many people in the past had tried to engage her, to win her confidence or be friends with her. She hadn't allowed any of them to succeed and she wasn't about to begin now. Not that Janeway wanted to be friends with her. But she knew how hard the Captain tried to make everyone on the ship feel like they fit in. How much she professed to care about each person's happiness.

Happiness was not one of Addison's goals. Nor was having friends. When she first met Timmy, he had spent a lot of time wooing her. Her standoffishness alone made her seem like a challenge for men. They didn't realize that she didn't care who she was with. Her only regret was that being with Timmy had landed her on Voyager. The only positive was that she had a place to sleep and enough food to sustain her. It had rarely been like that in the past.

She came to a decision then to do her best to get through the training without attracting more attention and hopefully settle into a security position where she could get back to staying out of the spotlight. Lying low hadn't worked for her, so hopefully, learning as quickly as she could would get her through this unpleasant experience.