I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Everybody Loves Cartman

by cell12

Chapter 18

It had been an epic weekend, one they would never forget - but, of course, school had to intrude into their lives.

Kyle had hated sleeping alone, in his own bed, on Sunday night. He had never much minded being alone when he had dated Stan but now it was almost torture for him. His body craved the feel of Cartman pressed against him. His nostrils demanded the heady scent of Cartman's sweat. It was only now that he fully understood what Eric had meant about jealousy. He did feel envious of Kenny - who got to spend more time with the larger boy. it wasn't something he wanted to feel but he couldn't help it. He vowed to be extra nice to his poor friend - just to let him know that Kyle was accepting of the additional time he got to spend with Eric.

Stan's night hadn't been great either. For him though, it was more about what would happen on Monday morning at school. Stan wasn't sure how Cartman wanted to play things. The larger boy might want to keep his head down and act like everything was normal or he might want to stride into school with all four of them pressed around him - attracting as much attention as possible. Personally, Stan was good with either scenario and all variants in between. He did worry though about his dad. Randy Marsh hadn't been too happy when he found out that his son was gay. His dad wasn't homophobic - just an idiot who couldn't get his head around the idea of a gay quarterback. 'You can't be gay - you play football,' his dad had said when Stan first came out to his parents. Even now Randy regularly asked at breakfast, 'Are you still gay son?' Stan couldn't help but wonder how his family would take the idea of him being in a group relationship centred around Cartman. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep Sunday night.

Butters had left Cartman's house on Sunday evening floating on a wave of happiness. When he got home, he had told his mother everything straight away. Too naive, maybe, to even consider keeping everything secret. Linda Stotch had taken it rather well. Coming to the conclusion that, given everything that had happened to him, Butters happiness was the most important thing - not how he achieved it. The effeminate boy actually had a good nights sleep - despite missing Eric and his other friends.

Kenny certainly had the best night out of the four of them - he got to spend another night with Cartman. He'd actually been reluctant to initiate sex, which was so unlike him, because of feeling guilty towards his friends. Cartman had squashed that nonsense out of his head pretty quickly. 'They'll be nights in the future when ah'm with one of them and not you Kenneh,' he had told the poor boy, 'why should we deny ourselves a pleasure that our friends expect and won't begrudge.' Kenny had eventually agreed and had spent a wonderful night with his boyfriend. Kenny didn't really worry about the future but he knew that he wanted to be all over Cartman, hugging and kissing the larger boy as much as possible and he was fine with having to share Cartman's attention. he did wonder though about how Eric would want to play things out at school.

Cartman and Kenny were the last ones to turn up at the bus stop on Monday morning. The larger boy trudging along as usual - with Kenny walking alongside, occasionally leaning in to hug his friend.

"Hey guys," Cartman said when they finally arrived.

Butters moved straight away to greet Eric with a kiss and a hug. Cartman didn't appear to have any problems with public shows of affection, as he willingly let the effeminate boy snuggle against him for a few seconds before speaking.

"Do any of you want to ask about last night?" Cartman said with a broad smile on his face.

Kyle swallowed - he had been trying all morning to think positive thoughts.

"How was last night Cartman?" Stan finally asked.

"Ah missed you," Cartman replied looking at Stan, "and Kahl and Butters." As he said Kyle's name he turned his chocolate eyes to the Jewish boy. With Butters' name he used one arm to gently hug the boy who was still pressed up against him.

Cartman's answer wasn't what Kyle had expected. He had mentally prepared himself to listen to the Fat-ass bragging about his night with Kenny - but instead Cartman was trying to be sensitive and including.

"Hey guys," Kenny finally spoke - his voice filled with unnecessary guilt.

Kyle moved to give his friend a hug, "You don't have to feel guilty about spending a night alone with Cartman. Hopefully we'll all get a chance to do that in time."

"Kahl, you're starting to sound like you care," Cartman said in mock surprise.

Kyle felt his face flush with heat. Did he care? He certainly wanted to be with Cartman last night - and not just for the sex.

"Ah seem to remember that it was Kenneh and Butters who had crushes on me," Cartman was taking great delight in stringing this out, "you and Stan were only using me for my big cock. Is it possible that you're both starting to feel something for me?"

Kyle looked down at his feet, his face was bright red from a mixture of anger and embarrassment. He was confused about what he was feeling for Cartman right now. The feelings were new but he felt they could grow into more with time.

Stan, on the other hand, already knew how he felt and who he wanted, "I like you Cartman - I think I'm starting to fall in love with you."

Cartman's jaw dropped as he listened to the raven's confession. Seeing Stan's scared face he extended his hand out towards the other boy - fingertips stretching to reach out.

Stan reached forward in return, allowing their fingers to twine, before stepping towards Cartman who embraced him.

"Ah feel the same way Stanleh," Cartman said before leaning in to kiss the quarterback.

Stan turned his head to look at his best friend, "Dude, don't let your stubbornness ruin this."

Kyle gasped at Stan's insightfulness. He had been searching his mind for any reason not to fly into Cartman's arms from the first second the larger boy had arrived at the bus stop. Stan knew this and had confronted his over it. He took a deep breath and slowly walked towards Cartman as Stan and Butters moved back.

"Morning Kahl," Cartman said smiling - as if he was just greeting his friend for the first time, "you're looking extremely fluffy today."

"Fluffy?" Kyle was confused, that particular remark had come from nowhere.

Just then Cartman snatched the hat right off Kyle's head - running a few steps away and dancing with it.

"See," Cartman pointed with one hand - while the other held the ushanka straight up, "your hair looks fluffy."

Kyle charged at Cartman, his hands reaching for his hat, reacting rather than over-thinking. His anger was finally making him forget his tentativeness.

Cartman teasingly held the hat away from him. Behind Kyle the other three boys were watching the antics and silently laughing. Kenny guessed that Cartman was doing this to put Kyle at ease.

"Now Kahl ah'll give you the hat back for ten kisses," Cartman told the red-head, "they all have to be on the lips and each one has to be better than the last."

Stan pinched his nose as Kyle threw himself at the larger boy and started kissing, "I thought that they might have stopped the fighting."

Kenny sniggered, "You better get used to it Stan, that's what works for them."

After Kyle had reclaimed his hat from Cartman they rejoined their friends.

"So ah guess we're in a group dating thing then," Cartman spoke quietly - clearly not as confident as he liked to pretend.

"It's called a polygamous relationship," Kyle corrected.

"Ah'll take your word for that Kahl," Cartman replied - clearly not taking any offence at the remark. "Ah didn't have the time to look it up on Wikipedia last night - ah was busy doing other things."

"I thought you were with Kenny last night?" Butters looked puzzled.

"That's who he was doing," Kyle explained to the effeminate boy.

"Oh," Butters blushed as he finally realised Kyles meaning.

"Don't worry Butters you'll get your turn soon," Kenny winked at the younger boy.

"I told my mom about us last night fellas," Butters nervously mashed his knuckles together.

"And she was OK about it?" Stan asked.

Butters nodded, "She said it was unusual but if it made me happy she would accept it."

"Will she say anything to our parents?" Kyle asked - suddenly very worried.

"I asked her not to," Butters told his friends, "but she only agreed to give you enough time to tell them yourselves."

"Shit Butters," Stan shouted, "my dad had a hard enough time accepting me in a relationship with Kyle - I have no idea how he'll take this!"

Cartman placed a reassuring arm over Stan's shoulder, "If it gets really bad Stan, you can always stay with me." He looked around at all of his friends, "That goes for all of you."

"You're fine with everyone knowing about this?" Kyle's eyes locked on Cartman as he asked the question - searching for any sign of deception.

"Ah don't care what anyone thinks," Cartman replied. "Ah do what ah want," his voice changed to mimic the teenage girl he first stole the phrase off. Cartman returned to his normal voice, "Or in this case - ah do who ah want."

"My mom might not take it too well when she finds out," Kyle admitted.

Cartman snorted dismissively, "Ah've already told you Kahl - you can move in with me if your mom kicks you out."

"But what if she tries to stop me seeing all of you - what if she wants to send me away to a strict boarding school or some anti-gay camp?" Kyle was starting to panic unnecessarily.

"She won't do that," Cartman tried to reassure, "she's already accepted you being in a gay relationship with Stan. This isn't that much worse. Tell her the truth about how you feel and mention how scared you are of her rejection. Ah'm sure that you'll be fine."

"But what about when we go to college? Will we be forced to split up?" Kyle was starting to look for problems.

"We'll all go together and live in a nice house off-campus," Cartman said easily. "Ah've already got it covered."

"Cartman," Kyle was clearly stressed, "just because you're the only seme in our group relationship - it doesn't mean that you're the one in charge. You don't have to solve all of our problems by yourself."

"We don't expect you to pay for everything either," Stan added.

Cartman closed his eyes and breathed deeply for a few seconds - trying to calm himself before speaking. They couldn't understand how protective he felt towards all of them.

"Have any of you seen the film Brewster's Millions - with Richard Prior and John Candy?"

The question Cartman asked had come out of nowhere and puzzled the four other boys.

It was a few seconds before Stan replied, "Is that the film where he has to spend thirty million dollars in a month to earn his real inheritance - which is a lot more?"

Cartman nodded eagerly, "That's the one Stan. Well ah'm the same."

"That doesn't make any sense Fat-ass," Kyle chipped in.

"Ah'm sure Kahl," Cartman drew out Kyle's name - clearly upset by the Fat-ass insult, "that you remember when ah bought my own theme-park"

"Isn't that when Kyle had really bad piles?" Butters asked innocently.

Kenny sniggered in the background.

"We all remember Cartman," Kyle snapped, "you bought the theme-park over in North Park, renamed it Cartmanland, then sold it and got screwed on the taxes."

"Brewster's Millions was my grandmas favourite film," Cartman told his friends. "When she died, she set up a similar challenge for me."

"Why haven't we seen you with the money then Cartman?" Stan asked.

"Ah don't get it until ah'm eighteen," Cartman told them, "until then ah thought it best not to tell anyone - in case they only liked me for my money."

"That's pretty hard to believe Cartman," Kyle said sceptically.

"Ah've got paperwork at home ah can show you - if you don't believe me," Cartman insisted. "My grandma was a shrewd woman Kahl - she ran houses across three states."

"What sort of houses Eric?" Butters naively asked - the other three had obviously worked it out.

Cartman tried to reply with dignity, "Rest houses Butters - where men go for a few hours to rest."

Butters still looked puzzled.

"He means whore houses Butters," Kenny explained - not worrying about his crudeness, "places men go to have sex with women for money."

"Oh," Butters said - clearly wishing that he hadn't asked.

Cartman spoke proudly, "When me and my mom went to grandma's funeral and will reading - ah was told that she'd left me one million dollars. Ah was only told about grandma's secret challenge after the rest of my family had left. Ah had to choose between just keeping the one million dollars or taking a chance for the big prize. If ah was able to lose the one million, with no material assets - inside of a month, ah would inherit the bulk of her estate. Obviously ah succeeded. My investment portfolio currently stands at a little over thirty million dollars."

None of Cartman's four boyfriends said anything - each of them was slightly stunned by his revelation. They were still quiet when the bus arrived a few minutes later.

"Oh and Kahl," Cartman said looking backwards towards the Jewish boy - as he waited to board the bus, "about that Fat-ass remark. Don't expect me to stay that way forever - ah've finally found a type of exercise that ah like." He winked provocatively at his friend to show he wasn't angry.

'Moses help me - I'm in love with him,' Kyle thought as he stared at Cartman's hot ass climbing on board the bus.

Author's Notes: I hope I managed to spring one last surprise on everyone with the last chapter. I've had the Cartman/Brewster's Millions idea tucked away in my mind for some time now - waiting for a chance to use it. It's a great film if you haven't seen it.

I don't think that I've mentioned before that the title of this story is an obvious play on the classic TV sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond - in my opinion, one of the best sitcoms ever.

My next multi-chapter story will probably be just Kyman, although I do have an idea for a light Kenman one-shot I might write. Either way Kyman love to you all, cell12.