AN: I'm kidding, relax.

Once upon a time there was a Ryou and he was cute and adorable and an angel and all those good things that make guys into ideal ukes. He was all gentle and kind to everyone he met and super smart and gifted in many things, but modest and never did anything wrong in his whole life because he was a saint on earth.

But he was also very, very unlucky! His father, who unjustly ignored him after the death of Ryou's mother, gave him a glorious present for his birthday to make up for his absence, an ancient Egyptian relic known as the Millennium Ring. Ryou was so happy, because as forgiving as he was he understood why his father neglected him so and was happy for any shred of attention. He wore his present proudly.

Now, Ryou himself never did anything to hurt anyone ever because he was perfect. But the Millennium Ring was infused with the spirit of a vengeful man from three thousand years ago who sought revenge for the murder of his people. He stole Ryou's body and even his name, calling himself after his surname "Bakura", and attacked his friends to further his own means...

That was long in the past though. Defeated at the hands of the Pharaoh he called his enemy, both the former Egyptian king and Bakura himself were mystically given bodies of their own through some obscure ritual that is far too complicated to be explained. It's not necessary anyway, he was brought back to life, so hush.

Ryou of course was still very much himself, even after undergoing things that he never should have had to suffer. His mind was full of gentle justice and he let Bakura stay with him because he couldn't stand to leave anyone to suffer - even if this was the person who took all his friends from him, for now everyone he knew before didn't trust him. But Ryou didn't mind, because Ryou was selfless like that.

Despite this, Bakura was a bastard. Ryou had never shown Bakura anything but understanding and kindness and even let the spirit take his very name and body, but that wasn't enough for Bakura. Bakura wasn't content until he'd made Ryou suffer every minute of his existence, beating him mercilessly for no reason, simply because he's an asshole like that.

Ryou, being the kind soul he was, never asked Bakura why. He never cried, even though human bodies cry naturally when they are put under so much pain and that is impossible, and he never begged him to stop or pleaded for his life. He care for Bakura's every whim, cooking and cleaning and taking care of him as no one ever had before. Because Ryou was good.

Even with all this, Bakura wasn't swayed from his actions. He couldn't even explain to himself why he was doing this. "Why do I hurt him so?" he asked himself sometimes, after Ryou would simply get up and start washing up his own blood from the floor. "Why doesn't he fight back? And how did he get better so fast, I thought I broke his arm just now?" This of course was because Ryou was such an angel that even injuries didn't hurt him for very long. He's that awesome.

One day, after months and months of this, Bakura decided to rape Ryou. Yep, just like that, he's really a bastard isn't he? I mean, he's never shown any kind of sexual interest before in anyone, let alone Ryou, but Ryou is just so amazingly sexy I guess he just couldn't help himself.

So he forced himself on Ryou, and Ryou didn't complain even though Bakura didn't use lube because he's still a cruel, heartless thing. He watched as Ryou pulled himself off the bed and went to clean himself and his magically healing injuries up.

"Why do you let me do this to you?" he asked suddenly, and Ryou turned around.

"Because I love you," he said simply, smiling at his tormentor.

Bakura's draw dropped open in shock. "Are you out of your fucking mind? I broke your legs yesterday, are you some kind of masochist?"

Ryou tested his legs experimentally. "Well, I got better - and I can't help it, I'm in love with you, Bakura."

"Why?" Bakura insisted, standing and going over to stand by his host.

"I.. you know that's a good question," Ryou replied, looking perplexed. "I mean you hurt me, you took all my friends, you don't do anything to support me, you've never done a single kind thing for me, heck you haven't even ever called me by name..."

Coughing lightly into his hand, Bakura avoided his eyes. "Ahem, yes.. so.. why?"

"I don't know, I just do," Ryou replied, smiling tenderly up at him. "I love you more than anything, you can do whatever you want to me and I won't complain."

Bakura nodded, crossing his arms. "Well, spontaneously I love you too, and I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Wait, seriously?" Ryou asked, tilting his head in bewilderment.

"Seriously."

"All this time I could have just told you I loved you and you would have stopped, are you kidding me?"

"Guess so."

"Oh, alright then."

"Aw, thanks for forgiving me so fast."

"It's what I do. Now kiss me!" Ryou said, swooning in the spirit's arms.

Bakura grinned. "We're gonna do a lot more than kissing, yadonushi- I mean Ryou."

Ryou blushed. "Okay! Because I am totally over your sudden raping and am definitely up for sex now. Yes. Can we use lube this time?"

"But of course, my love," Bakura replied, kissing his host softly.

And they lived retardedly ever after.