A 4Chumblr Fic

A/N: So, if you are a member of or frequent visitor to the websites Tumblr, 4Chan, or Omegle, you will know about the recent trolling war that went on. Tumblr trolled Omegle, constantly talking about Harry Potter, Doctor Who, or using our quirky phrases like "What is air?" and "What even?" to annoy people.

What happened next was that some very, well, not "dumb", but... okay, dumb, people on Tumblr were like "Hey, we should troll 4Chan!". The rest of Tumblr, scared for their lives as they rightly should have been, was outraged, and many long and frantic posts about how they were NOT going to troll 4Chan were made.

4Chan threatened to invade Tumblr on November 14, 2010, and this is a spoof of what happened.

Thanks to all my friends and followers on Tumblr who, through their hilarious reactions to the 4Chan "takeover", inspired me to write this fic.

Enjoy:

4Chan was anxious to get going. He knew he didn't have much time; he had to be back at his dorm before 12 because he had a 7 am Web Design midterm in the morning. He walked down the stairs in Linux Hall at the Tech and Design College, and made his way to the foyer. Omegle was waiting at the security desk, just like he said he would. He held out a key card that said "Liberal Arts: Windows Hall". 4Chan guessed that Omegle thought that having this card was the only upside to having drunkenly slept with Gaia that one time at DeviantArt's Halloween Party. Out of nowhere, YouTube showed up with his camera, eager to film what might be the most epic trolling battle of all time.

Key card in hand, 4Chan walked out into the cold November night. It was the 14th; the night he had promised that little airhead Tumblr that he would put her in her place. As he walked on the path past the Macintosh Lecture Building, he encountered Firefox and Safari walking out of Professor Jobs' seminar on Operating Systems.

"Hey, 4Chan, what're you doing out in this weather?" said Safari as they approached him.

"I'm gonna go sort out Tumblr, once and for all," he said, with no explanation.

Then, as if it were an afterthought, he asked,

"Where's Internet Explorer? I thought he was with you guys when you left?"

Firefox spoke this time,

"Dude, that little bitch went back to the dorm right away. He kept complaining about how cold it was the entire seminar, and then he just ran for it when we got outside."

4Chan snorted, "God, he's ALWAYS freezing."

The three friends laughed, and Firefox and Safari decided to follow 4Chan and YouTube to see what was going on.

When they reached the cafeteria and admissions building, they encountered ICanHasCheezburger, MemeGenerator, Flickr, and PhotoBucket as the four left the dining hall. They had heard about the upcoming confrontation from Twitter, who was calling everyone she knew to tell them about what was going on between Tumblr and 4Chan.

Twitter also apparently reached another friend, BlogSpot, who was furiously typing away in his room, in the process of writing a very lengthy and opinionated post about what was happening. Not that anyone was going to read it.

The four newcomers joined the growing crowd that was advancing on Microsoft Hall, and if anyone looked out the window they were able to see the group making their way through the November night to the building ahead of them.

Inside Microsoft Hall there was plenty of activity going on. Almost everyone knew that 4Chan was coming; he had announced it earlier in the day, and Twitter had been telling everyone. Both 4Chan and Tumblr were her trending topics that night.

Friendster kept running up and down the halls, knocking on doors and repeating over and over that "4Chan is coming, and we're all gonna die, and I can't do this, and I don't want to die, and I love you all, and omg…"

No one was really listening to her.

Myspace just turned the music up louder and went back to ignoring them all, not interested in anything that was going on with anyone else.

By the time 4Chan was almost at Microsoft Hall, his entourage had grown to include Oovoo, Skype, and Chatroulette, who were quickly joined by zShare and DivX.

Z and Div had been watching a movie with Megavideo, but he kicked them out halfway through because his girlfriend Money came home early.

4Chan finally reached the building, and swiped the key card to let everyone in. The now rather large group stood in the foyer, warming themselves for a moment, and 4Chan addressed them.

"Maybe you guys should just stay here. This is between me and Tumblr, not any of you."

The group was quiet for a second, and then they all burst out into laughter.

"Yah, right," said Chatroulette, "like we're gonna miss this."

The rest of the group nodded and agreed, and 4Chan sighed and began leading them upstairs to the floor he knew Tumblr's dorm was on.

As they passed the dorms on Tumblr's floor, people looked out to see what was going on.

Imdb saw the group, and saw YouTube filming, and mused to herself,

"I could totally make a movie out of this! It would make millions! I'm gonna have to talk to YouTube about that footage once this is all done."

peeked his head out into the hallway to see what was going on, but soon went back to watching the "Rock of Love" marathon on Vh1 with EHarmony and PlentyOfFish.

4Chan finally reached Tumblr's room, #394. He dropped his bag and started pulling out his tools for humiliating, disgusting, and annoying the hell out of Tumblr.

In the box next to her door that was labeled "Hate, Love, Anons, TMI's and FMK's" he shoved several cans of SPAM. He taped a bunch of horror film stills onto her Doctor Who, Supernatural, Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries, True Blood, Skins, and Big Bang Theory decorated door. And, finally, he slipped a large stack of porn pictures under the crack between the door and the floor, and waited for her reaction.

Within a few moments the door opened, and a face poked out. It wasn't Tumblr, it was TinyChat.

"Are you looking for Tumblr?" she said sweetly.

4Chan grimaced at her annoying voice.

"You know I am. Have her come to the door so I can finish trolling.

Another head popped out, taller than the previous one.

"And why would we let you troll our friend?" said AIM.

"Girls, get out of the way. I'm gonna get her, whether you like it or not" 4Chan growled.

A tinkling laugh sounded from inside the room, and the door opened all the way.

"Oh, girls, get out of the way. I'll deal with him."

Tumblr, dressed only in a tank top and pajama shorts, was standing in the doorway, clutching the stack of porn pictures. She shuffled through them, and then looked at the gory and violent stills on her door. And then she laughed.

"Oh, Channy, did you really think those were gonna scare me? I mean, have you ever SEEN True Blood? Have you ever read any of the stories me and FanFiction write?" she said, indicating her roommate FanFiction, who was lying on her bed, staring at the mob at the door.

Tumblr continued,

"Seriously, we write about things that would make you cringe. Sonic Screwdrivers go places they were NEVER meant to go. And Severus Snape's big nose can be very helpful, if you catch my drift."

4Chan gulped, his pervy mind immediately grasping what she was talking about.

4Chan gulped, unable to speak, as his mouth had suddenly gone very dry. Tumblr noticed this, and, turning to her roommate and friends, asked in her soft, pleasant voice,

"Hey, girls, can you give me and Channy here a minute? Why don't you entertain all these girls and boys out here?" she said, indicating the crowd that was bunched around her dorm room door.

FanFiction, Aim, and TinyChat swept out of the room, giggling as they went, and, before he could move his feet, 4Chan felt himself being pulled into the room by the front of his jacket.

After pushing her guest into the room and closing the door behind him, Tumblr turned around to face him, hands on hips, hair almost falling out of its messy bun. Before she spoke, Tumblr reached up to pull out the elastic band holding the escaping hairs, and, as she did so, exposed a small strip of smooth, pale skin to 4Chan's searching eyes.

He had never really looked at Tumblr before; she was in a few of his classes, but they didn't really have much direct contact. The only common friend they had was Meme, and even then they didn't hang out with him at the same time. As he looked her up and down, he discovered what he had been missing by not socializing more with her group of friends. Tumblr was a regulation hottie. Not flamboyantly, like Twitter or Facebook; more subtly. She had curves in all the right places, and wasn't creepily skinny like some other girls. She wore glasses, but not thick, obnoxious ones that made you like you were trying too hard to be "rebellious". Her eyes were a piercing green, and she had a sprinkling of freckles across her small nose. He lingered for a almost a whole minute on her full lips; almost unable to tear his eyes away from how the lower one was slightly fuller than the larger, and how it looked when she bit it, like she was now.

In truth, Tumblr was examining 4Chan too. She had never looked at him; had only heard stories of his computer skills and ridiculous nerdiness. But she didn't judge based on others' opinions; after all, she loved a lot of the same things that he supposedly did. She didn't really remember why he was even mad.

"So," she broke the silence, "why are you even here, again?"

4Chan tried to look angry, but he was still sort of preoccupied with tearing his eyes away from Tumblr's fantastic legs. They looked great in the pajama shorts she was wearing; she actually filled the leg holes, instead of looking like she was swimming in them.

"Uhhh" he began; grasping for some type of answer. "Well, you posted something about trolling me. And, um, people don't do that…" he trailed off.

Tumblr just laughed at his attempt to look indignant and act tough. She had a clear, silly laugh, one that made everyone else want to laugh, even if the subject wasn't particularly funny. It was all 4Chan could do to keep himself from laughing.

"Channy, I was really overtired when I wrote that. And I was on a kind of nerd-high from all the Harry Potter and Doctor Who trolling I had done on Omegle for the past couple of days. I didn't actually intend to troll you, I was just joking around. I think Twitter told Omegle about it, and that's why this whole mess got started!"

4Chan heard what she was saying, and it made a lot of sense; he really should just forgive and forget, but there was still one thing that was making him angry.

"Stop calling me that ridiculous name" he said, almost growling out the words.

Tumblr smiled, and walked forward, causing 4Chan to back up against the dorm room door.

"What nickname, Channy-boy?"

"THAT nickname," he ground out, his jaw clenched together from anger. The jocks at his high school used to call him that, and he had never let people call him anything other than 4Chan since entering school at University of Internet.

Tumblr grinned, and pressed closer to the frustrated man in front of her. Their bodies were almost touching, and her face was only inches away from his.

"Hey, Chan, relax a little."

With that, she leaned the last few inches closer to him, and their lips connected. The kiss was angry, hungry, and sweet, all wrapped up into one physical gesture. Tumblr was sexually frustrated from thinking all her life that she would be forever alone, and 4Chan was angry about being teased by the very girl he felt like he was falling for.

4Chan flipped Tumblr around so he was now pushing her against her own door, and caught hold of both her wrists, pinning them above her head. She laughed her beautiful laugh and said,

"We're like some type of teen movie, aren't we, Chan?"

He tried for several long moments not to laugh, but her joy was infectious. They were both soon alternating between hungry kisses and uncontrollable giggles. Soon their forays became more serious, with the laughter dying down, and the kissing and touching becoming more animalistic and passionate. Tumblr finally pushed 4Chan back from the doorway, and onto her bed, falling on top of him. Clothing was soon being pulled off by both parties, and connections of all sorts were being made.

Meanwhile, outside in the hallway, everyone had long since stopped trying to hear what was going on inside of Tumblr's dorm, and people were getting bored. Luckily, Facebook showed up just then with snacks and alcohol, and a party was started one floor down in the large suite that DeviantArt, Gaia, and LiveJournal shared.

Oblivious to the festivities, 4Chan and Tumblr were getting to know each other better than ever, and as their each neared their climax, Tumblr took her chance to piss off 4Chan in the best way. She maneuvered her way on top, and, while distracting him with some very specific skills, she leant down to whisper in his ear as the exact moment he let go.

"What is air?"

At the moment 4Chan was way too busy drowning in his own climax and the feeling of Tumblr orgasming around him to fully pay attention to what she had said. But several moments later, when they were both catching their breath, he remembered what she had said. Instead of yelling, or getting up to leave, he put an arm around her, pulled her in close, and tucked her hair behind an ear to allow her to hear him better.

"What even" he responded, in a satisfied and blissful voice.

Down below, unbeknownst to both the unlikely couple and the raging party, in one of the few dorms in the Linux Building, a face appeared at a window.

It was MSN, looking out into the cold night, and wondering why no one ever returned his calls or invited him to parties.