A/N: Okay, here's the epilogue (finally!) LOL It's not supposed to be taken too seriously; it's just a silly, sort of AU ending I came up with that, hopefully, you will find funny. Enjoy! :-)

Epilogue

Later that night, Hogan went down into the tunnel, and saw Kinch manning the radio. He glanced around and asked, "Did Colonel Fischer and that SS guard get out of here all right?"

Kinch slid his headphones off and nodded. "Yes, sir, Fritz and Gunter from the Underground picked them up. They should be rendezvousing with the sub right now."

"Good," Hogan replied.

"Oh, and Gunter heard from Tiger; she made it back home safely, sir."

Hogan nodded with relief.

Just then Newkirk walked into the main tunnel area. He'd been working on the uniforms they had stashed in a small room off one of the side tunnels. He looked at Hogan curiously and held up his hand, "Look what I found, gov'nor."

Sitting in the palm of his hand was a small, furry round creature. It was obviously alive, because it was shifting slightly in Newkirk's hand and emitting a soft, cooing noise.

Hogan walked up and looked at the creature, his brow furrowing. "What is that thing?" he asked warily.

"I don't know, sir, I found it when I was cleanin' out the SS uniform you wore to the lab. It was hidin' in one of the pockets."

"Hey, you don't think that thing's dangerous, do you?" Kinch piped up, concerned.

"Doesn't seem to be," Newkirk answered.

Hogan tentatively reached out and petted it lightly. The creature cooed louder and began to move across Newkirk's hand, towards the colonel. Hogan smiled. "He does seem to be pretty friendly, doesn't he?" he remarked.

Newkirk nodded. "Yes, sir, he does."

Hogan dropped his hand and looked up at Newkirk. "Well, it's time to hit the sack…" He paused when he saw Newkirk's expression, and glanced again at the furry ball in the Englishman's hand. "No sense leaving the poor thing down here. I think it'll be all right up in the barracks for tonight."

Newkirk smiled. "I was hopin' you'd say that, gov'nor."

Hogan looked over at his radioman. "Come on, Kinch; you, too. I think you could use a good night's sleep."

Kinch nodded. "You're right about that, Colonel."

The three men headed up to the barracks; Newkirk being careful not to drop the furry creature in his hand. He headed for his bunk; and after setting the creature next to his pillow, hopped up and lay down next to it. Kinch climbed into his own bunk, and Hogan disappeared into his quarters.

The next morning, LeBeau got up early and grabbed the pot off the stove to start the coffee. As he walked by Carter and Newkirk's bunks, he heard a strange noise coming from the upper one, where Newkirk slept, and moved closer, squinting in the darkened barracks. He saw what he thought was Newkirk's hair sticking out from under his blanket, and reached up to tap the corporal on the head to wake him up. But when he touched the hair, it moved all by itself, and let out a small, startled screech. LeBeau pulled his hand away like it was on fire, and jumped back. "Newkirk! There's a wild animal on your bunk!" he shouted.

Newkirk startled awake, as did most of the barracks. LeBeau ran over and turned on the lights, eliciting a collective groan from the men. Newkirk sat up and looked at LeBeau; a mixture of confusion and irritation on his face. "Louis, 'ave you gone daft? What's the matter with you?"

LeBeau pointed to the three furry balls next to Newkirk's pillow. "Those!" he exclaimed, "What are those?"

Newkirk looked where LeBeau was pointing, and his eyes widened in surprise. "Well, what do you know? Looks like 'he' was really a 'she', doesn't it?"

"What are you talking about?" LeBeau replied, utterly confused.

By now Carter had gotten up from his bunk and was peering over the top of Newkirk's. When he saw the creatures, his eyes lit up and he exclaimed, "Oh, what are those? Can I hold one?" He reached up to pet the closest one, and it cooed loudly.

Just then the door to Hogan's quarters opened, and the colonel walked out, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "What's going on out here?" he demanded irritably.

"Colonel, that thing I found last night…it 'ad babies," Newkirk replied from his bunk.

"What?" Hogan frowned and stepped over to Newkirk's bunk. Sure enough, there were three of the furry creatures resting next to Newkirk's pillow. His eyebrows shot up and he said, "Well, that was fast!"

Carter picked up the one he'd been petting and cradled it in his hands. He lifted it up level with his face and began cooing back at it.

"Hey Carter," Kinch called out from his bunk farther back in the room, "You know a lot about animals. What is that thing?"

"I don't know…I've never seen anything like it before," Carter replied, still making reassuring faces at the creature in his hands.

"Well we'd best call 'em somethin', 'adn't we?" Newkirk stared down at the other two small furry bodies on his bunk. "'Ow about…fuzzies?"

Kinch raised his eyebrow. "Fuzzies?" he repeated, looking at Newkirk with amusement.

"Well, what would you call 'em, then?" Newkirk replied defensively.

"Hair balls!" Someone shouted.

"What?" Newkirk cried out indignantly, "I'm not callin' 'em somethin' that comes out of a cat's –"

"Fuzzies is fine," Hogan intervened loudly.

"Can I keep this one, Newkirk?" Carter looked up at him imploringly.

Newkirk shrugged. "I guess so, Carter. They don't seem to need their mum anymore, do they?"

LeBeau reached up and tentatively touched one of the remaining two on Newkirk's bunk. It cooed at him, and he smiled. He picked it up and began petting it. "It's very soft," he remarked.

Newkirk picked up the last one, which happened to be the one he'd found in the first place. "Well, I'm keepin' this one," he announced. "I think I'll name it, Freddy."

"That's not a girl's name," LeBeau teased.

"It can be," Newkirk retorted, "'Sides, I just like that name."

"Still miss that chimp, don't you?" Kinch said, smiling slightly.

"And why not? Freddy was much better company than you lot!"

Everyone groaned. Then LeBeau asked, "How are we going to take care of them? We don't even know what they eat!"

Carter rolled the fuzzy gently over in his hand. "I can't even find its mouth!" he exclaimed.

Kinch got up and walked over. "They don't strike me as carnivores. Why don't you try tearing up some bread and see if they'll eat that?"

"Hey, that's a great idea!" LeBeau said. He stepped over to his locker and opened it, pulling out a few pieces of stale bread. Setting the fuzzy down on the table, he tore up the slices into tiny pieces and scattered them near the creature. The fuzzy wobbled over to the bread crumbs and began to eat.

"Looks like they eat bread," Hogan remarked.

Carter brought his fuzzy over to the table and set it down. It, too, began to munch on the bread crumbs. Then Newkirk jumped down from his bunk and put Freddy on the table so she could eat, as well. Soon the crumbs had disappeared, and the fuzzies were cooing contentedly.

Just then the barracks door burst open, and Schultz came barreling through. "Roll call! Raus! Raus! Everybody up!"

"We're already up, Schultz," Carter stated.

Schultz opened his mouth to yell some more, when he glanced around the room and frowned. "Oh, you are all up, I see. Well, then, you can all go outside and line up!" His gaze fell on the table, and his eyes widened with surprise. "Colonel Hogan, what are those things?" he asked, pointing to the fuzzies.

"They're our pets, Schultz," Hogan replied.

Schultz shook his head vigorously. "Colonel Hogan, you know you are not allowed pets in the barracks! I will have to tell the Kommandant…" His voice trailed off as Hogan picked up Freddy and set her in Schultz's hand.

"Aw, c'mon, Schultz, look how cute they are! You can't let Colonel Klink take them away," he pleaded.

Schultz stared at the strange furry creature in his hand. He lifted it up to get a better look, and it started cooing at him. He reached up with his other hand and, petting it gently, asked, "What is it?"

"It's a fuzzy," Newkirk replied.

"A fuzzy what?"

"No, Schultz, that's what they're called," Carter explained, "Fuzzies."

"Fuzzies," Schultz repeated absently; then Freddy started to move in his hand and he chuckled. "It tickles!"

Newkirk reached over and snatched Freddy out of the German guard's hand. "'Ere now, Schultzie, you've 'ad her long enough." He held her in his own hand and began to pet her.

Schultz heaved a sigh. "All right, Colonel Hogan, I won't tell the Kommandant. But you have to promise me you'll keep those fuzzy things hidden!"

Hogan smiled and clapped the big man reassuringly on shoulder. "I promise, Schultz; Klink will never know they're here."

Schultz frowned and shook his head slightly. Then he looked around the room and hollered, "Everybody outside for Roll call!"

The men scrambled outside. Just before they left the barracks, Newkirk, Carter and LeBeau quickly set their fuzzies up next to Newkirk's pillow and followed the rest of the men out.

They stood outside at roll call for over an hour, waiting for Klink to grace them with his presence. When he finally did, it was just long enough to dismiss them. As they filtered back into the barracks, Newkirk, Carter and LeBeau made a beeline for Newkirk's bunk. Their eyes popped wide when they looked at the spot where they'd left the fuzzies – there were eight of them now!

"Colonel, look," Newkirk said, glancing over at Hogan and pointing to his bunk.

Hogan walked over and frowned. "There's eight now? Where did those extra ones come from?"

Newkirk shrugged. "Guess Freddy wasn't finished."

"Well, I hope she's done now. I don't think we can afford to have many more of those things around…someone besides Schultz is bound to notice."

"Yes, sir," Newkirk replied.

"Colonel, where should we put them?" Carter asked, grabbing a few of the new fuzzies, along with the one he'd claimed before.

Hogan thought for a moment. "They should be all right in the tunnel. That's where Newkirk found Freddy."

"You found Freddy in the tunnel?" LeBeau asked, surprised.

Newkirk shook his head. "Not exactly, Louis, I found her in the colonel's jacket; the one he wore to the lab."

LeBeau nodded thoughtfully, but didn't comment.

Newkirk, Carter, LeBeau and Kinch scooped up the fuzzies and took them down to the tunnel. They decided to put them in the room with the uniforms, thinking they'd be safer and warmer in there. Newkirk grabbed some scrap material and made a nice little nest for them. Then LeBeau set down a plate full of bread crumbs, and the men left.

After they got up to the barracks, they found out they'd been 'volunteered' for a working party. They were out most of the day, and when they finally returned, they hurried down to the tunnel to check on their tiny charges. When they reached the room where they'd left them, their jaws dropped…the floor was completely covered with fuzzies!

Carter was the first to speak up. "What happened?"

"There must be at least a hundred of those things!" Kinch exclaimed.

"Someone better tell the colonel," LeBeau said, and looked at Newkirk.

Newkirk's eyebrows shot up. "Why me?"

"Because you're the one who found Freddy," LeBeau rationalized.

"Now wait just a bleedin' minute! Freddy didn't do all this!"

"No, but she started it!" LeBeau shouted.

"Started what?" Hogan asked as he walked up behind them. He looked past them into the room, and his eyes nearly fell out of their sockets. "What on Earth…?"

"They seem to breed very quickly, sir," Kinch commented.

"We can't keep all these!" Hogan exclaimed, "You fellas are gonna have to get rid of them."

"But, Colonel…" Carter started to protest.

"No 'buts', Carter; this is ridiculous!"

"Mon Colonel, where can we take them?" LeBeau asked.

"How about out the emergency exit?" suggested Hogan.

"Blimey, Colonel, we can't just toss 'em out into the woods!" Newkirk exclaimed, aghast at the thought.

Hogan sighed and stared at the fuzzies thoughtfully for a few moments. "Maybe we should let Klink know about them after all," he muttered.

"What?" LeBeau cried out. "Colonel, he'd probably send them to the mess hall and tell the cooks to serve them for dinner!"

Kinch shook his head. "No, Louis, Klink wouldn't do that. Schultz, maybe, but Klink –"

"Oh, c'mon, fellas," Hogan interrupted, "Klink's a lot more soft-hearted than you give him credit for."

LeBeau looked at Hogan and raised his eyebrow. "He is, sir?"

"Sure! Why, when I tell him how much women just love furry little animals, he'll be begging for us to put them in his quarters."

The men nodded, breaking out in smiles. Then Newkirk asked, "But, we still get to keep ours; right, sir?"

Hogan grinned. "Yes, Newkirk," he replied, clapping him on the shoulder.

Kinch went to get a couple of boxes, while Newkirk picked up Freddy and put her in his pocket. LeBeau and Carter followed suit; both men picking up the fuzzies they'd adopted – at least, they were pretty sure they were the same ones – and put them in their pockets, as well. After Kinch returned, the men filled each box with fuzzies and brought them up to the barracks. They set the boxes down on the floor near Newkirk and Carter's bunks; then went to Hogan's quarters to tell him they were ready.

While they were gone, several of the other men in the barracks walked over and picked out a few fuzzies from one of the boxes. They, too, wanted pets.

A few minutes later Hogan emerged from his quarters; his four men following right behind him. Hogan directed them to pick up the boxes and follow him to Klink's office. When they got there, Hogan rapped twice on the door; then barged in without waiting for a response. Klink looked up irritably from his desk and said, "What do you want, Hogan? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"We brought you a present, sir," Hogan informed him; then he waved his men into the office and had them set the boxes down right on top of Klink's desk.

Klink shot up from his seat. "Hogan, what is the meaning of this?" he shouted.

"You might want to keep your voice down, Colonel," Hogan said, "You don't want to scare them."

"Scare who?" Klink asked. He looked into one of the boxes and his eyes grew wide. "What…what are those?" he stammered.

"We call 'em fuzzies, sir," Newkirk piped up. "We found 'em while we were out on the workin' party today. We thought you'd be willin' to give 'em a good 'ome."

"What?" Klink looked up in bewilderment, "Why would I want these, these…creatures? I don't even know what they are!"

"Aw, c'mon, sir," Hogan implored, "They're so small and defenseless…"

"I don't care!" Klink huffed.

"…And besides, you know how women love small, cute, furry animals…"

Klink raised his eyebrow. "They do?"

"Sure they do!" Hogan exclaimed. "Look, I'll prove it." He walked over to the doorway and asked Hilda to come into the office. As she stepped inside, he grabbed one of the fuzzies and held it out to her. Her face lit up as she took it from him and began to pet it.

"Oh, it's adorable!" Hilda said, smiling at the fuzzy. Then she looked up at Hogan questioningly "Colonel Hogan, what is it?"

"It's a fuzzy," Hogan answered.

"A fuzzy…" Hilda repeated, gazing at the furry ball in her hand. She looked up at Klink and asked sweetly, "May I keep this one, Kommandant?"

"Yes, of course, my dear," Klink replied, smiling at her; then he turned to his senior POW. "All right, Hogan, they can stay. You can put them in my quarters for now."

Hogan smiled. "Yes, sir, thank you, sir." He nodded at his men, who picked up the boxes and headed for Klink's quarters. Hogan followed them out, flashing a wink at Hilda as he passed her.

When they reached Klink's quarters, they set the boxes down in the guest room, and carefully removed the fuzzies; piling them on the large double bed. Then LeBeau slipped into the kitchen and returned with some bread. Once they'd torn up a sufficient amount, they left the crumbs for the small creatures and headed back to their barracks.

Soon enough it was time for lights out, and the men settled in to get some sleep. More than half of them had snagged a fuzzy earlier, which they now had hidden near a corner of each of their bunks, underneath their blankets. Everyone was tired, so it didn't take long before the room was filled with the sound of snoring men.

The next morning, LeBeau woke at his usual time and, after yawning and stretching, swung his legs over the side of the bunk and jumped down. He was immediately met by a loud screech, and realized one of his feet had landed on a fuzzy. He quickly picked up his foot and started to set it down in a different spot, but stopped when he saw another fuzzy there. As he felt himself starting to lose his balance, he pushed the fuzzy out of the way with his foot, and stepped down. Then he glanced around the barracks and his jaw dropped – the floor, the table, and many of the bunks were covered with them.

"Mon Dieu!" LeBeau exclaimed, inadvertently waking the entire barracks.

The men started grumbling, and Newkirk called out irritably, "What is it now, Louis?"

"The fuzzies – they're everywhere!" LeBeau shouted.

"What?" Newkirk replied as he began to sit up. Then he looked at his bunk; his eyes widening at the dozens of small furry bodies covering it.

Just then they all heard a tiny shriek come from Hogan's quarters, followed loudly by, "What the…?" A moment later the door opened, and the colonel stepped carefully into the main barracks. As the light from his small room spilled out into the larger one, he glanced around with surprise; then yelled, "Where did all these fuzzies come from? And how did they get in my quarters?"

"I don't know, Colonel," LeBeau answered, "But they're everywhere!"

"Well, you guys better get them cleaned up before Schultz – " Hogan was cut off by the barrack's door opening and the main light being turned on.

"Colonel Hogan!" Schultz yelled, "The Kommandant wants to… Oh!" He exclaimed, moving quickly to avoid stepping on a pile of fuzzies. His eyes widened as he looked around the barracks, his gaze coming to rest on Hogan. "Colonel Hogan! What are you doing with all these, these furries?"

"They're fuzzies, Schultz," Newkirk interjected from his upper bunk.

"Fuzzies, furries, I don't care what they're called!" Schultz shouted, "You can't have this many in the barracks!"

"We know, Schultz," Hogan said, "And we'll get rid of them as soon as possible, okay?"

Schultz stared at him thoughtfully for a moment. "All right, Colonel Hogan. In the meantime, the big shot wants to see you in his office right away."

"What for?"

Schultz shrugged. "He didn't tell me."

Hogan nodded. "All right," he replied. He followed Schultz out of the barracks and across the compound to the Kommandantur. When they entered the outer office, both men's eyes grew wide; the fuzzies were everywhere! On the floor, on the desks, sticking out of the filing cabinets – there were even some clinging to the walls. As Hogan stepped into the inner office, he met a similar scene; with the exception of Klink standing near his desk, an angry expression on his face.

"Hogan, look at this! I thought you said these things were harmless!"

"They are, sir," Hogan replied, "They wouldn't harm a hair on your head…"

"No, but they might bury it," Klink huffed. "My quarters, my office; they've been overrun! And General Burkhalter is due here any minute!'

"I hope he likes animals," Hogan quipped.

"Hogan!" Klink shouted, raising his hand and waggling his finger at the American colonel, "You will get rid of these things immediately!"

"Why me, sir?"

"Because, you brought them here!"

Hogan glanced around the room. "Well, technically, my men are the ones who found them – "

"I don't care who gets rid of them! I…" Klink was interrupted by the door opening, and a very annoyed-looking General Burkhalter entering the office.

"Klink! What is the meaning of this?" Burkhalter shouted.

"General Burkhalter!" Klink exclaimed nervously, "I can explain – "

"What are these things?" Burkhalter cut in, picking up a fuzzy from Klink's desk and examining it closely.

"They're fuzzies, General," Hogan piped up. "My men found them yesterday while they were out on a working party."

"And you brought them all back here?" Burkhalter asked, incredulously.

"There weren't this many yesterday," Hogan said, "They seem to breed very quickly."

"I see," Burkhalter replied, absently petting the fuzzy in his hand. Suddenly he realized what he was doing, and quickly set the creature back on the desk. "Klink, it's time for our meeting before I head for Berlin…" He glanced around the office and frowned. "Obviously, we can't have it here. Fortunately, I have a room in town we can use. In the meantime, I suggest you have someone clean up this place while we're gone." He turned and headed out of the office, followed by Klink and Hogan. Schultz – who had been lurking in the outer room, trying to stay out of the way – joined the exiting men.

When they got outside, they noticed two large trucks parked in the compound, in addition to Burkhalter's staff car. Burkhalter turned to Klink and said, "I am leaving these supply trucks here until we return. Make sure no one removes anything from them; they are carrying special items for the Fuhrer, himself."

Klink turned to his German sergeant. "Schultz, guard those trucks while we're gone!" he ordered brusquely.

"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!" Schultz replied, giving Klink a salute; then he hurried away.

Klink then noticed his senior POW still standing there. "Well, Hogan, what are you waiting for? You're in charge of getting rid of those fuzzies!"

"I'll take care of it, Kommandant," Hogan responded, saluting Klink; then he, too, hurried away, in the direction of the barracks. When he got inside, he was met by several anxious faces. "I take it you heard," he said to his men; sure they had listened in to the conversation in Klink's office.

"Yes, sir," answered Newkirk, who was clutching Freddy in his hands. He looked imploringly at Hogan. "Colonel, do we 'ave to get rid of all of them?"

Hogan clapped the Englishman on the shoulder. "I'm afraid so," he replied sympathetically, "But I think we can find them a good home."

"Where, Colonel?" Carter asked.

Hogan smiled. "Give me some of your chocolate bars, fellas …I've got an idea."

Several hours later Burkhalter's staff car rolled into camp and stopped in front of the Kommandantur. Klink got out and, after a few final words with the general, stepped back and watched as the car pulled away and headed out the gate. The supply trucks followed, and as soon as they were out of sight, Klink waved Schultz over and told him to have the prisoners line up for roll call. Then he climbed up the steps and disappeared into his office.

Schultz dutifully obeyed, and soon the men from the barracks were standing in rows outside their building. Klink came out of his office and strode across the compound. After Schultz informed him that all the prisoners were accounted for, he went to stand in front of Hogan.

"I'm glad to see all the fuzzies are gone," Klink stated.

"I told you I'd take care of it, sir," Hogan replied.

Klink eyed him suspiciously. "So tell me, Hogan, how did you get rid of them so quickly?"

Hogan reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's funny you should ask…"

Klink's eyes narrowed. "Hogan, what did you do?"

"Well, sir, you remember those supply trucks?"

Klink's eyes popped wide. "Hogan, you didn't…!"

"Relax, Colonel," Hogan replied, "I'm sure they'll figure out what to do with them in Berlin."

Klink frowned. "For your information, those trucks aren't going to Berlin, they're going to Berchtesgaden."

Hogan's eyebrows rose. "They are?"

Klink nodded.

Hogan thought for a moment. Then he said, "Well, look at it this way, Colonel, you've probably made the Adolph Hitler Division very happy." (1)

Confusion flashed across Klink's face. "And what makes you say that, Hogan?"

Hogan smiled. "Why, you've just found a whole new way to beautify Berchtesgaden!"

The end…

(1) Hogan's Hofbrau, season one.