Author's Note: Here, have some angst. No, really, have some angst.
I don't know what happened :S
Jack watched shadows dancing on the ceiling and worried. He did that a lot these days, which was what he was worrying about now. He couldn't remember the last time Ianto had slept alone, without Jack, or the last time that Jack had left his bed before morning for anything other than an emergency – unless the midnight munchies didn't count as an emergency.
Had he really just thought the words 'midnight munchies'? Yeah, he had. That couldn't be good.
He tried to ease away from Ianto to get out of bed, but Ianto just snuggled in tighter and held on. It was a good job that Jack didn't need the toilet, really. They'd started out their relationship-thing, sex, mutual clinging against the darkness in Jack's bunker, where there was room to swing a cat, but not for two men to share a bed without either of them falling out of it unless they got very close. He should have left Ianto to sleep more often, then he wouldn't have got used to snuggling like this. It wasn't snuggling, it was just clinging for practical purposes. And it came in useful on the nights they spent in Jack's bunker.
Jack sighed and stilled obediently, rubbing his hand up the line of Ianto's spine. There was a small smile curling Ianto's lips when he turned his head, and his lips rested pressed against Jack's chest in an unconscious kiss. It broke Jack's heart.
He'd been trying to deny it, ignore it and unsee it for so long, now, but he was having to face facts and accept that Ianto loved him. It should have been a gift, a fantastic, wonderful, beautiful thing and he wanted so badly to be happy about it. But he knew that when someone loved him, it meant that their relationship would be over soon.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't give them what they wanted. He could make love to them, but he couldn't love them. He could give them everything he had, and it would never be enough. Time and hard-won experience had taught him that.
It was why he avoided relationships, especially those inside Torchwood. He could make a one night stand feel like the world revolved around them for one night, give them one night of being cherished and cared for and, quite frankly, spectacular sex. And then he could walk away and not have to risk seeing the look in their eyes turn to affection, then to love, then to anger and disappointment when they realised that that was all he had to offer them. Over the years he'd tried everything to keep them, but it had always turned out to be another form of sex, and another kind of not enough.
And now Ianto.
Jack thought he'd given up on hope a long time ago, but now he found himself hoping that Torchwood would take Ianto away from him before he could disappoint him. Ianto was too young to die, but Jack was too old to bear the looks of condemnation when the team realised that it was his fault that the relationship broke up. At least if Ianto died, he might have their support through it.
He wished he could enjoy being loved.