A/N: Flu, haven't wrote anything for only a few days and I miss writing already.(⊃д⊂) I'll definitely go back on the other ones once recovered. So this one...well, it's written during lots of coughing, so... yea... Yes, it's a long one-shot, written in one go ... there may be typos around.
AU time period is not explicitly defined, but it should be sometime around the Heian period of ancient Japan. Any possible historical events were not real, and some of the finer details of the culture of that period are ignored or tweaked for my own convenience lol
The passive(?) style of writing might appear different than my other ones (or not?). This is just something I've wanted to try for awhile.
I hope you'll enjoy reading it.
Disclaimer: I don't own K-on!
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Memories of Rain
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A gentle drizzle, belying the destructive forces that will soon follow.
An assertive splatter, announcing the descend of heaven's tears.
A distant roar, infinitely furious and ominous.
A miserly flash, briefly illuminating the shadows shrouding over the city before stifling darkness reformed once again.
Vicious gales blew through the streets, seeking an unknown destination and wreaking havoc through their paths. Impatient winds finally arrived at a large compound, squeezing through the crack between the sliding doors. Once inside the candle-lit room, the breeze caressed the raven stresses of a beautiful girl lightly napping on the wooden desk.
The princess was aware of the intrusion of cold air, yet she remained motionless, despondent and numb.
The gust then grew more audacious and relentless, determined to arouse the girl from her catatonic state. Whimpering at the sinister moans created by the storm, she hugged herself almost desperately. The elaborate, stunning layers of kimono did nothing to warm her body or her heart.
Increasing rustles then caught the girl's full attention. Lifeless grey eyes searched for the source of disturbance. A frantic glint finally sparked in those blank orbs when they landed on her desk, where scrolls were being blown about by the cruel wind, closer and closer to the flickering flames of the candle.
"No!" She called out hoarsely, pushing the candle away from those precious scrolls before the fragile paper caught on fire. Yet in her haste, her long sleeves accidentally knocked over the ink dish, spreading the disease-like blackness over parts of the handscrolls and her clothes.
Gasping, she quickly wiped at the rapidly staining papers with her sleeves, careless of how dirty the once glamorous fabric became.
She exhaled shakily after she made sure the scratchy, almost wild-looking letters on the scrolls remained free of those stains. A delicate finger traced a messy character slowly, as if afraid the lines would disappear.
澪
Mio. Her name. A word that was written down by the sender of these scrolls.
A small droplet landed onto the paper, staining it a different shade of black. Mio immediately covered it with her hand in case anymore of the rain dampened and erased the words completely.
No, the rain couldn't have gotten in her room, no matter how strong the winds were.
Biting her lips, the princess moved away from the desk and walked out to the veranda.
The hissing drizzles and the howling winds were creating an awful dissonance in this seemingly peaceful night, yet Mio was grateful for the absence of silence. Just by standing there, gazing into the fathomless sky , she did not feel as lonely as she were moments ago.
Those droplets from above were her companions, and they had been her companions for several months already. Their cool, refreshing sensation against her skin was comforting, reminding her that the heaven truly sympathized with her as well, joining in her mournful cries.
Akiyama Mio closed her eyes, letting her senses extend and feel nature itself. Somewhere under this same downpour…she must be feeling this too, wouldn't she?
Rain was their companion. It brought them together, the droplets inexplicably but inevitably fusing into one –
The first droplet landed onto her extended finger one mid-afternoon.
It was a warm day – the sky was of a clear, deep marine hue, decorated with splashes of grey that were tinged with hints of orange. The sun peeked out almost shyly, granting the land below with a light shower.
Under this picturesque weather that spoke of the transition from summer to autumn, Akiyama Mio ventured out into her garden resolutely, a small and unusually rebellious smile gracing her soft features.
Her father, the governor of the city, was receiving guests in the main building, and most of the guards were accompanying their master, leaving her relatively unguarded. The North Wing of the Akiyama compound, where Mio resided, was generally devoid of people in the first place. There was only one path, a stone bridge extending over a vast pond, that could lead to this section of the compound. Therefore, the guards were usually stationed over there, giving her the privacy that was rather rare in this era, especially a for a lord's daughter. Mio was quite grateful for her father's paranoia, but sometimes it felt rather lonely too.
This was why she had created this secret garden. It was something to pass her time, something that gave her a sense of accomplishment. After all, the most she was allowed to do was to read and practice her calligraphy.
Carefully, she excused herself from her ladies-in-waiting, claiming that she wished to have some alone time studying the poems and stories.
Temporarily free from prying eyes, Mio was able to slip into her secret garden undetected. A girl, especially someone of her status, should never be seen without covering her face with a fan, or that one should always stay behind the screens.
But Mio found this too cumbersome – how would she be able to tend to the flowers she had painstakingly nurtured in that enclosed area behind the North Wing?
During her silent admiration of the garden, she noticed a tiny dewdrop on a flower petal. Curious, she reached out, only to stop when a small droplet of rain landed on her fingertips.
At the exact same time, something shot out from the bushes. A startled gasp soon turned into a pained whimper when two sharp fans bit into her hand.
"Dammit! I'm too late!" An unfamiliar voice appeared behind her. Mio, however, could not care about this stranger's appearance in such private confines of her vast residence. No, she was in too much pain and shock.
With her eyes clenched shut, she only heard the sharp sound of a sword slicing something before that voice approached her again.
"Hey, you alright? That snake bit you, didn't it? Tsk, I chased it from the main gate to here yet it still got someone…"
The voice was rough yet soft, projecting the owner's lament and concern. Curious at such an expressive tone, Mio opened her eyes timidly.
The stranger had messy, uneven strands of sandy-brown hair; the jagged edges almost suggested that the once-long hair was hastily cut short. Long bangs that should have been pulled back hung loosely in front of a pair of anxious amber eyes. Though dressed like any other warriors, equipped with a sheathed katana, this unusual hairstyle and the quality of the fabric suggested that this person must be someone of low rank.
Mio bit her lips at the persistent sting on her hand, tears already forming at the corner of her eyes. She did not even dare to look down; all she could do was to cradle her hand close to her, hoping to lessen the pain somehow.
"Oi oi, don't do that! I think that viper was poisonous-"
Mio's eyes widened with fear, her breaths coming out in short pants and she was feeling terribly light-headed-
"Hey, wait, ojou-san…!"
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When Mio came to again, she found her father looking down at her sternly, his eyes filled with worry and reprimand.
"Mio, you were saved by a young man from the snake, which is known to have potent venom. He is about your age, an apprentice warrior to Lord Fujiwara's oldest son. Even though he is recently conscripted and that he came from the commoner class, I still expect you to pay proper gratitude to the Fujiwara clan and that apprentice. Are you well enough to move now?"
Mio could only nod wordlessly. She was grateful enough that her father did not choose to punish her; even though she disliked the Fujiwara regency for their methods of ruling and fondness for war, she should not hold any personal grudge to the man who had saved her.
It was quite obvious her father was displeased that she was exposed to an outsider's eyes, even more so by someone of the lower class. But as the governor of this city, he must remain a good relationship with the Fujiwaras, one of the most powerful ruling families.
She glanced at her hand, now wrapped in a scarf, and wondered exactly how the warrior had saved her. She waited patiently behind her screen as her father left and ordered a servant to summon the said warrior.
"Heh, nice to see you're alright, ojou-san…ah, pardon me, Akiyama hime-sama," the young boy grinned openly, not a shred of polite reservation that was a common requirement of aristocrats.
Mio did not know what to make of this. She despised the honorifics used by her servants, yet his lack of etiquette felt rather strange too. It fitted well with his image though. Perhaps that was just what a commoner was like? Mio had no idea, for she had never met anyone other than the servants in her compounds, or the occasional, high-ranking visitors from the Fujiwara clan.
She sat up and placed her hands in front of her, bowing formally. "I thank you, sir, for saving my life. Might I inquire your name?"
The boy appeared to be flustered. He ran his hand through his hair, chuckling nervously, "Eheheh, y-you don't have to call me that, Hime-sama, I'm only a lowly warrior-in-training after all. Name's Tainaka Ritsu, but just call me Ritsu. I'm too young to be called Tainaka-san."
Mio gazed at Ritsu from behind the screen, trying to decipher why she felt that something was off about this boy. Sure, he was shorter than most men she had seen…he was shorter than her, even, and his features were rather soft and feminine. But perhaps, this was just what a young boy looked like? All of the guards at the compound were much older than she was, so she had no clue.
"Ritsu, how exactly did you save me?" It was odd to refer to a stranger but his first name already, but it would be rude of her to refuse his request.
"Oh. Um. After I saw that snake bit you, I just chopped off its head," he paused, seemingly confused at her sudden gasp, "er, right. Then you fainted, so I immediately sucked the poison out of your system-"
"Y-y-y-you what?"Mio felt her face heat up.
"Well, yea, can't let it stay in your bloodstream for too long, can I?"
"Oh no no no no no-" Mio mumbled frantically. Sure, she did not care much about the unspoken rule of 'not revealing your face to anyone other than your own father, and especially not to any other men who weren't your husband'. However, on top of having her face seen by this boy, he had also made contact with her skin-
She could vaguely remember the sensation of something warm on her hand-
"Oi, i-it's no big deal, alright?"
"H-How can you say that! I'm never going to get married!" Mio buried her face in her sleeves. Her father must have thought this boy had gotten rid of the snake and she had just fainted from the shock. If her father found out about this-
"Hey, look at me, you're ok," Mio almost squealed when a hand landed on her shoulder. Ritsu was now in front of her, a small smile on his face. "Well… I hope you don't tell anyone this…but…I'm a girl too, just like you."
Blinking, Mio could only gape rather inelegantly at the now embarrassed …girl. A girl. Dressing like a man. Training to be a warrior. Wielding a sword.
Mio simply could not connect such information.
"You must be wondering why I'm doing this," Ritsu scratched the back of her head, "Well, you heard about the forced conscription right? My father died long ago, leaving only my mom, my brother and I. My mom serves as the nurse to the newly-born future emperor at the Fujiwara clan. So, at least, our family had some sort of social standing. But even that could not get my brother out of the conscription... he's only a kid! Plus, he gets sick so easily. So yea, I volunteered myself."
"So…no one knows…you're actually a girl?" Mio whispered in disbelief. This concept was still overwhelming for her.
"Uh-huh, I'm quite good at hiding that!" Grinning again, Ritsu held Mio's hands in her own, mindful of the wrappings, "So you don't have to worry about what happened earlier, 'cuz I'm also a girl, k?"
Mio's heart rate should have returned to normal after hearing this. She should have been relieved yet, with her hand wrapped in warmth and faced with such a friendly, cheerful smile, Mio's heart pounded even harder.
"T-thank you, Ritsu. I promise I won't tell anyone your secret."
"Thanks, Hime-sama!"
"…just call me Mio."
"Eh? Yea we're both girls but still, you're the princess-"
"I insist."
"…alright then, er, Mio."
No one, other than her father, had ever referred to her by her first name. This sense of closeness and possible companionship…it was what she had always wanted to experience. Mio couldn't help but smile at the girl.
Ritsu looked away, her ears now red. "Y-yea, gotta go. Can't let Fujiwara-dono wait for me. Nice meeting you, Mio. Bye!"
Blinking curiously, Mio watched as the stuttering girl made her exit. Then, the black-haired princess stroked her injured hand, wondering whether the tingling sensation was due to the poison, or the contact she had with Tainaka Ritsu's hand.
The third droplet landed on the princess's unsuspecting forehead several weeks later.
The Fujiwara envoys had been visiting the Akiyama compounds frequently, discussing an upcoming war against the Taira and Minamoto Clans.
Mio never tried to involve herself with such matters, for it was not her job, nor was it expected of a girl to learn about the details.
After that incident in the garden, Mio took even greater caution whenever she tended to the flowers. She even carried a fan just in case – what if something similar happened again...or worse, she fell into the pond or something, and her savior was truly a man? How appalling would that be!
If it weren't for her father's over-protectiveness, she would have been married off to the imperial prince long ago. Mio shuddered at the thought.
She was able to converse with Ritsu every now and then – the girl would often find some sort of excuse to see her, whether it was an escaped hare, thieving crows, mischievous squirrels… all these ridiculous excuses that Mio actually accepted and allowed the apprentice to accompany her.
The princess admired Ritsu greatly, especially about her courage to join the military just to save her fragile brother from that fate. Ritsu only laughed it off, saying that she was the one who admired Mio instead – there was no way she would ever become a refined, beautiful lady like Mio – she was simply too rough-and-tumble. Mio had blushed hard then, countering that she could never wield a katana to save her life. Ritsu had responded by saying she could barely write, her letters were like scrawls made by a drunken man. The arguments would go on and on, both of them enjoying the banters and each other's company even more so.
Mio often found herself looking forward to the girl's visit, and today was no exception. She walked through the gardens, noting the falling leaves and transformation of its colors, asserting the very presence of autumn. A state where nature was slowly being stripped of its glamor, exposing the delicate and most primal of all life forms, to prepare for the arrival of winter's cleansing ritual. Then the rebirth, the spring, would follow after, bringing the seasonal reincarnations to a full cycle.
Smiling lightly, Mio plucked a brittle leaf from the lower branch, twirling it. She held the representative of autumn in her palm while the environment itself enveloped her simultaneously.
She was a defined form, and the surroundings were insubstantial – two completely different things coexisting peacefully and complimenting each other… such thoughts never failed to make her sigh in awe.
Strangely, she felt that the same analogy could be applied to her and Ritsu... could it not?
The sound of wood clanging together attracted her immediate attention. She had always enjoyed watching the guards spar – it was something she would never be allowed to do herself, but the intensity and utter concentration during those matches made it exciting to observe.
Indiscernible voices reached her as she approached the East Wing, where some men were gathered on the veranda watching two figures sparring. She recognized the captain of her guards right away, and his opponent was –
- Ritsu?
Mesmerized, Mio stared at the crude yet powerful attacks made by the short girl, her unpredictable strikes were like an unstoppable storm, forcing the captain to go on the defensive, and not even giving the older man any opportunities for counters.
"That's my apprentice!" The arrogant voice of the Fujiwara prince spoke up from the crowds, "So don't feel too bad, Captain, he is trained by me after all."
The man gritted his teeth, yet he was still unable to do anything to stop Ritsu's attacks. Mio still could not believe what she was seeing. Ritsu was a girl, just like her!
Yet, how were they so different?
Was it because of their different status?
Or was it simply because Ritsu…was an exception?
The way Ritsu moved – confident and energetic, all the while wearing her large grin, as if she truly and completely enjoyed this spar, showing off her skills in front of all these spectators and simply living in the moment.
Mio still stood under the shades of the trees, dazed, even after the match had ended and the crowds had cleared.
Light rain began to descend, yet she was still staring off into space, replaying the match in her mind. One, two…and the third drop dripped from a leave onto her forehead, startling her out of her thoughts.
"Yo! Whacha lookin' at?"
Blinking, she found Ritsu smiling at her rather impishly. "Heheh, you sure look cute with that expression, Mio!"
"W-what!" Blushing, Mio was about to raise her fan to conceal her face in reflex, then stopped herself just in time. There was no point. It was just Ritsu…and it was too late to hide her red face anyways.
"Well, every time I see you, you always have that serious face on, as if you are deep in thoughts or something. Now, you look several years younger, ha. It suits you better, ya know? Yea, you're a princess and all, but lighten up! Don't think too much! Enjoy the sun! You'll feel so much better and happier every day!"
Mio's eyebrow rose. "…it's cloudy, and it's raining, Ritsu."
Unaffected by the retort, Ritsu simply spread out her arms, catching even more rain on her already damp clothes. "So? You don't have to be under the sun to enjoy the sun!"
"…that makes no sense." Though standing under the cover provided by the tree, Mio still shivered at the chilling breeze and small droplets of rain seeping through her kimono. Yet, somehow, she had no desire to return to the warmth of her room.
"Well, it may be hidden right now, but the sun is still there, you know? It'll appear once the rain stops," Ritsu replied, dramatically folding her arms with her chin raised."So, just imagine it, Mio, can't you feel the sun?"
Frowning, Mio took a deep breath and tried to imitate what Ritsu had done. Yet, her action only soaked her kimono even more so, and her hair was starting to stick to her neck.
And her forehead was freezing because of the wind blowing against the wet track left by that droplet of rain.
"I don't get it, Ritsu. I'm still cold," Mio tried to wipe her forehead with her sleeves, yet the area still felt rather cold.
"Aww, let me see," Ritsu then tiptoed and pressed her lips to Mio's forehead. The princess froze, unable to think, unable to breathe.
"There, all warm now, yea?"Ritsu laughed, poking Mio's cheek. "My mom does that to me and Satoshi… so, did that work?"
"B-baka!" Mio turned away, willing her heart beat to calm down.
She had no idea what she was feeling, or what Ritsu was feeling when she did that. Mio, however, knew that she was definitely warm now…she could picture the steam coming out of her ears, judging from how hot her face felt.
Then a familiar hand tugged at hers. "Come on, we should get you inside before you catch a cold or something. My master…heck, your father would have my head if you get sick!"
As Ritsu lead her back into the compounds, Mio found herself staring wondrously at the smaller but definitely dazzling presence in front of her.
The fifth droplet landed gently between the crevices of the stone bridge, a few months later.
There were rumors of an affair between the Akiyama princess and the apprentice of the Fujiwara prince, but the prince merely brushed those rumors off, saying a commoner like his apprentice would never be able to interest a member of the imperial family like Mio, especially when he, the prince, was around.
The prince's own confidence, or ignorant arrogance, was enough to stave off the worst of those rumors.
And so, Ritsu was able to visit Mio fairly undisturbed. To the servants in the compounds, the two appeared to be good friends only, for while Ritsu tended to joke around their mistress a lot, the young apprentice was also courteous towards her. Sure, the two were oddly close, but they did not show any signs of the so-called affair either. Mio's father thought Ritsu was just a messenger boy, delivering letters or poems from the Fujiwara prince – the idea of an affair was just so ludicrous that he never paid attention to those rumors.
Mio herself had been mortified when such rumors first started. She had never thought about the possibility of such a thing, but she supposed from an outsider's point of view, it could have been easily true.
No one knew about Ritsu's secret after all.
It made Mio felt especially special, that she was the only who knew so. It was also thanks to this secret that she was able to see and talk to her friend almost daily.
She truly treasured the time they had together. Before, she could only converse with the flowers she raised, and she could only read the collections of poetry and romance tales with the rain as her only companion.
But now, because of Ritsu and her innate ability to make everything entertaining, Mio realized that she had grown dependent on the amber-eyed girl's presence to brighten up her day. The princess also enjoyed the short yet meaningful contacts they had between them.
Whether it was just holding hands, a brief hug, Ritsu's teasing pokes, Mio's playful punches – both of them liked what they had between them. The companionship was indescribable, but it had undoubtedly become the center of their daily life. Without the other, Mio would practically have no recollection how such a day would go by.
Once you got used to something, once that 'something' became a habitual occurrence, any consequent events would be thrown off the tangent should that 'something' disappeared. This was the one conclusion Mio had come up with regarding their special relationship, but Ritsu had only laughed and patted her head, "You feel what you feel, Mio. Don't analyze it too much. You don't need a reason behind everything, you know."
Ritsu was right, Mio decided. There were just so many emotions she felt about the warrior that cannot be explained by simple or even complex logic. But the princess could not understand how Ritsu's mind worked – how could one just accept things the way they were, without even having an inkling of curiosity for the reasons? When you discovered something that was deviated from the norm, wouldn't you try to find out the 'why'?
Then again, the fact Mio and Ritsu were such close friends was that very abnormality. Once again, Mio found herself trying to convey her thoughts on the matter to Ritsu, hoping to hear her reassuring opinions again. The two were in the middle of an evening stroll through the immense garden when it started to rain.
"Ritsu."
"Hmm? What is it? Do you want to go back inside?" The girl paused, stopping on the stone bridge over the pond.
Mio glanced at the ripples created by the increasing rainfall. First and second droplets descending upon the lotus leaves floating above the clear water. Third and fourth ones dropping from the sides of the bridge into the vast pool below. The fifth one disappeared under the cracks between the stones that supported the bridge.
"We're both so different aren't we? Even though we're the same age, we're both girls, yet just because we're brought up differently…"
"You have the status," Ritsu spoke up softly, surprising Mio, who did not expect the girl to share the same thoughts as her. "And I am just a soldier under a powerful regime."
"Yet I could not do anything, except being locked up in a prison called my home. You are free to roam outside, experience adventures that my wealth cannot attain," Mio continued their dialogue, her gaze dropping rather sorrowfully.
"Bah, those are all meaningless without you by my side, yea?" Ritsu broke the seriousness in their exchange with a light laugh, "That's the whole point of us being close friends – so we can share the joy and," she held Mio's hand tightly, "lessen each other's burden."
"Friends…," it was something that Mio had longed for, as long as she could remember. Yet now, even as she was saying these words, there was something foreign about them. Something was not quite…right about this description.
Was she being too greedy?
Mio noticed a pair of doves resting on a tree branch. Rain was still pouring from between the gaps of the leaves, dousing the birds with its coolness.
"Look at them, Ritsu, see how they are cuddling beneath the cover of the leaves? They don't have complete shelter, yet why do they appear so content out there? Surely, it must be freezing. "
"The answer is simple," grinning, Ritsu embraced her as tight as possible. "See? It's not freezing at all, is it?"
Mio rested her chin on Ritsu's shoulder, returning the hug. In spite of the bitter cold, in spite of the torrents of rain, she truly felt warm in the girl's arms.
"We're not just friends, Mio…" Ritsu's voice was so quiet that it was almost lost amidst the drizzling rain. Mio pulled away, puzzled at the hesitation and slight fear in the girl's tone. She gazed into those hazy amber eyes and understood the intent in them.
Mio's eyes drifted shut as Ritsu's lips brushed against hers in a rather endearingly shy manner. Instinctively, Mio kissed back just as bashfully.
As their kiss deepened, pouring their feelings behind this innocent act, neither of them found the rain cold anymore.
The seventh and eighth droplets landed continuously in the dead of the winter, counted by the princess after she was woken up by the terrible storm brewing outside.
Even with the cauldrons of coal heating up the room, Mio still felt undeniably cold from the frigid air. Automatically, she burrowed under the comforts of the blankets, snuggling into the arms of her sleeping lover.
Ritsu mumbled something incoherent before wrapping her arms around Mio, eyes still closed. Mio smiled at the almost-childish expression on the recently-promoted warrior's face.
Nights were their haven, the time when they were allowed to express their earnest affections for one another, away from the gossipers. A time that just belonged to the two of them. Mio did not know how Ritsu did it, but the girl would always visit her without fail, stealing into the Akiyama compounds undetected. Ritsu's absence at the Fujiwara palace was certainly noted, but no one would ever suspect that the lover of the skillful warrior was the imperial princess herself.
The absurdity of such relationship helped them kept their covers once again.
Mio's grey eyes roamed over her lover's body in fascination, gazing at the faint scars on her tanned skin and staring appreciatively at her well-toned arms. Every single aspect spoke volumes of Tainaka Ritsu's unique existence.
Mio glanced at herself, frowning at how smooth her own skin was – pale and rather dull, like a doll. There was nothing that really defined her, was there? She was just a typical imperial princess, a mere pawn to be used in a political marriage. Her father's reluctance at marrying her off was waning, especially when faced with such a powerful and beneficial proposal from the Fujiwara Clan. It won't be long until the prince would personally visit her(1), and…
She buried her nose in the cradle of Ritsu's neck, seeking that protective warmth the girl unconsciously gave off. As if sensing her lover's unease, Ritsu placed a short but chaste kiss on her lips.
"Are you thinking about the Fujiwara-dono, Mio?"
The princess could not even bring herself to reply. She wove her fingers through Ritsu's tawny locks, kissing her deeply. Her tongue searched for Ritsu's almost desperately, wanting to engrave every single detail of their union into her mind, just so she could prove to herself later that this was not a just some breathtaking dream.
It was not a figment of her imagination. This was real. Ritsu was right here with her, at this moment.
Yet just what did the future have in store for them?
Panting, Mio gazed deep into her lover's eyes as Ritsu hovered above her, their foreheads touching. This seemingly simple gesture was more intimate than any of their love-making, for they were now looking through each other's soul. Nothing was hidden; everything was stripped bare, awaiting the judgments of their other halves.
Doubts, fears and dreams, all intertwining and morphing into raw desire to possess the other, to become part of the other.
They were with each other now. Anything else could wait. Yes, she would not think about any obstacles, complications that may very well tear them apart in the future-
Ritsu kissed the corner of Mio's eyes, clearing away the readily forming tears. The conflicted princess sighed shakily, trying to hold back her sobs less she ruined this wonderful ambiance. Lips curving, Ritsu cupped her face, staring into her eyes once more.
"You're beautiful, Mio," instead of complimenting the billowing black hair fanning across the pillows, or even the generous curves of her body, Ritsu kissed her chest, right above her heart.
Mio's heart ached and swelled at the same time.
Words weren't necessary. No proclamations of love were needed.
Holding Ritsu close, Mio kissed her again with everything she had.
The rain continued to fall, bearing witness to the passion between the two young lovers, and providing a soothing, almost maternal blanket over them, as if shielding them from the hardships of tomorrow.
The ninth droplet landed on the reborn leaves of spring, yet such soft sound was like the rumbling roar of thunder as Mio stared at Ritsu in numbing shock.
"…you are…going away?"
Ritsu had not looked at her since she sneaked into the compounds this morning. Her long bangs were obscuring her eyes, but Mio could see the barest signs of tears on her cheeks.
"The war is inevitable, Mio. I've been promoted to captain of one of Fujiwara-dono's troops. I have no choice."
Mio took a tentative step forward, reaching out for Ritsu, yet the warrior only backed away.
"We're not meant to be, Mio. I have neither the position nor ability to make you truly happy. My master, the prince…with his influence and manpower, he can protect you properly, more than I ever could."
"No," Mio shook her head firmly, willing her voice not to shake, "We've gone through this before, Ritsu. You were the one to convince me otherwise, even. There has to be some way…"
"There isn't, and you and I both know it, Mio."
Frustrated at Ritsu's uncharacteristic attitude, Mio grabbed Ritsu's shoulders before the girl could back away again. Words died in her throat as Mio stared at Ritsu's red, wet eyes.
"O-of course I don't want to see things this way either! But it's getting harder and harder to ignore. I-I'm going off to war. I'm going to kill people. And they…they are going to kill me too."
Mio pulled the shivering girl in her arms, trying her best to whisper soothing words. Of course Ritsu was scared. Even with her confidence, even with her swordsmanship, wars were simply too unpredictable. Ritsu might not return…
…was that why she wanted Mio to find someone else?
"I don't want to kill anyone, Mio... but I should have made my peace with that long ago. I'm a warrior, of course I would need to bloody my hands but...but...no, I don't want to touch you with such filthy hands..."
"My family is sponsoring the campaign. Though indirect, I'm just as guilty as you are," Mio murmured, speaking of the matter in a detached way. After she could not associate the people she knew to 'taking other people's lives', not her family, and certainly not the girl in front of her.
"...Mio.I'm not being pessimistic here. I'm only saying the truth," Ritsu voice was hard, but it was shaking too, "I want you to be happy. I want to make sure of that before I leave, so-"
"I will not be happy with someone else, Ritsu."
"If I don't come back, I don't want you to... I don't want you to...," the warrior took a deep breath, "You have so many good things ahead of you, Mio. Fujiwara-dono... you can be the the future Empress, and I'm not even-"
"I heard the prince is going to personally lead the battle," Mio cut her off, stroking Ritsu's back, "…so we don't have to worry about him making unannounced visits to my chamber. When you come back…we can think about what to do next then. You will come back, Ritsu."
The warrior exhaled wearily, almost completely slumped against Mio, and nodded slowly.
Ritsu was just a girl, like her. Yet she had to face the cruel world in a man's disguise, taking in burdens too heavy for her small shoulders.
Mio hugged her tighter. Yes, she will only think about other things once Ritsu returned safe and sound. She will focus all of her thoughts in praying for her lover's return.
Even though she could practically hear the breakdown of the illusionary barrier shielding the two of them from the rest of the world.
"...yea. We'll worry about that later. I will come back. I'll definitely come back to see you," Ritsu grinned, a simple action that brought such relief to Mio.
Cupping the girl's cheeks, Mio pulled Ritsu into a long, tender kiss.
"I believe in you," she whispered firmly against Ritsu's lips. The air left their mouths in white puffs, mingling. Just by sharing each other's breaths, Mio felt they were both living on the same life force. Nothing could ever separate them.
"I'll wait for you."
The tenth drop landed in Mio's lap as she smiled to herself, reading the letters Ritsu had sent.
The princess sat on the veranda, her eyes drinking in the words over and over again, memorizing them by heart. The fresh scent of spring, mixed with a few fluttering sakura petals blew by her cheeks. She breathed in deeply, filling herself with the hopeful atmosphere created by the brilliant sunlight, unobstructed by any clouds.
The sun shower sprinkled over her garden in a light-hearted manner, raising her spirits even more so.
The war had yet to officially start. The Fujiwara military was simply traveling to their destination, so Ritsu must have found some method to sneak her messages to the servants to bring back to Mio.
The princess chuckled to herself, gazing at the rough penmanship again. No rule, no pattern… the words were written down in a way that reflected the writer's mood. Compared to Mio's own cursive writing, she preferred Ritsu's style so much more.
By just looking at them, Mio could almost picture the large grin on the girl's face, or even her funny-looking frown whenever the girl attempted to compose poems.
Ritsu hated writing, there was no doubt about it, because she did not want anyone to see how little she knew of the literature and calligraphy.
Yet the girl had sent these messages to Mio, just to reassure the princess of her well-being.
Mio felt as if Ritsu was right here with her, still accompanying her and cheering her up with her presence alone.
Yet the realistic side of Mio knew this could not go on for too long.
Her spirits dampened as she gazed at the date on the scroll. Ritsu's last letter had arrived weeks ago – after all, they must be busy in preparation of the battles. Mio could practically taste the bitter scent of bloodshed in the air, even though she was basking under such wonderful sunlight reminiscent of the girl she longed to see.
Like an ominous foreshadowing, the clouds from the distant horizon now drifted close enough that they blocked the light right above her, casting shadows over the vibrant land below.
Mio hugged the scrolls close to her.
No, she did not want to say goodbye.
The eighteenth drop landed outside the window, glistening like jewels.
But they were unwanted luxuries.
They meant nothing.
There was only one treasure to the Akiyama princess.
Mio did not know how much time had passed already. She had heard terrible rumors of what was happening far away, of the horrific battles where many and many lives were cruelly extinguished and forgotten.
Was Ritsu...?
No, it was unthinkable. Ritsu was just busy.
Mio mustn't let her negative thoughts reach the warrior.
She wiped her eyes and was about to blow out the candle light when she hesitated. Swallowing, she moved away from her desk and buried herself in her blankets, hugging her pillow.
With her eyes closed and under the warmth of the sheets enveloping her, it was as if Ritsu was here, hugging her and coaxing her to sleep.
Outside the shelter of her room, the sky continued to cry.
The twentieth drop was lost amidst the storm raging in the darkening sky.
Mio rested her head on her arms on top of the desk, her mind buzzing with feverish pain.
It was the end of summer...or was it the end of autumn already? Mio did not know, nor did she care. Thinking about the time that had elapsed since she had last seen Ritsu would only make even more tears to leak out of her heart.
The war was over.
Yet there was no sign of Ritsu.
Some time ago (again Mio could not bring herself to be conscious of the time), an envoy from the Fujiwara clan had come to announce the death of the Fujiwara prince. The prince had been fatally wounded during one of the battles, and was sent home to recuperate. Unfortunately, they said, the prince could not recover fully and he had finally passed away.
Mio could only think about one thing.
Did the claw of death claim Ritsu too?
After that, everyone, including the servants and her father, all thought she went into mourning for the prince's death. Little did they know, the Akiyama princess had secluded herself even more so than ever because this was the only way she could immerse herself in the memories of Tainaka Ritsu, the captain who had brought victory to the Fujiwara Clan.
Mio could see traces of Ritsu everywhere - the now lifeless garden where they had first met, the stone bridge where they had first kissed - everywhere, even seeing the rain falling from sky would remind her of the girl.
The captain who had been missing after the last decisive battle. The morals of the enemy troops had been incredibly low already that the captain's had easily and completely defeated them even with the absence of Fujiwara-dono.
Everyone had celebrated and praised the valor of their esteemed prince, voicing their concerns to the wounded man. Yet no one seemed to care much about the real person who had accomplished the feat at all.
Such was the discrimination between the higher class and the lower class.
Information was scarce, but a loyal soldier under Ritsu's command had managed to tell her that the Captain had sustained several injuries prior to the last battle, yet the Captain still fought on anyways, saying that 'he' wanted to end this war once and for all, so 'he' could go home.
Mio almost couldn't breathe then, so stifling was the ache in her chest, but she had managed to inquire the state of Ritsu's injuries.
The soldier did not reply or rather, he was unable to reply. This only meant one thing, that the injuries were so severe that Ritsu's men were forbidden to speak of it...
But then, why did anyone let Ritsu continue to fight? Had they no heart?
And what happened to her during that last battle?
Where was she now?
The soldier had frantically summoned the princess's ladies-in-waiting, for he could not go beyond the screen to comfort her. But even he had tears in his eyes, just hearing those sorrowful cries from the broken princess.
This brief flashback ended abruptly in Mio's mind, for the time that followed was blank. She did not remember what she did after that.
All she knew were Ritsu's letters.
She continued to stare at the scrolls, as if she could see through them, and see those warm amber orbs of the sender beneath.
What was her feeling for Ritsu again? Was it still the same as before? Did it continue, or stop since that day?
The sun was still hidden behind the clouds, further concealed by the perpetual night.
In spite of the unruly storm bellowing its unknown rage in the distance, the raindrops still fell softly onto the veranda, as if trying to sooth her with their quiet symphony.
Countless droplets fused into one, splattering furiously against the roof of her room.
Akiyama Mio continued to stand on the veranda, extending her arms and desperately trying to feel the warmth Ritsu had described. The sun was invisible to her eyes, but it did not mean that it wasn't there. She just had to feel it.
If she just tried hard enough, she would be able to see Ritsu.
Yes, within the monotony of surroundings, beyond that beautiful yet lifeless painting of the sky, surely, Ritsu was coming home.
The warrior just wasn't punctual, that was all. Sometimes that she was late to their rendezvous at night long ago, so Mio was certain she had just lost track of time.
After all, how else could Mio sense that familiar warmth unique to the amber-eyed girl, even in such horrid weather?
"Mio."
The princess blinked, wondering where the light was coming from. Ah, there, in the distance, the sun was rising...so an entire night had gone by already?
Did the rain just whisper something to her...?
The droplets continued to land, yet their sounds were so faint now, even though the sky was crying harder than ever.
"I'm here."
Blurry grey eyes widened as they spotted a figure standing under a withered tree in the garden.
The figure opened her arms invitingly.
Mio rushed towards the figure, mindless of the pouring torrents, into the embrace of the person she missed so dearly.
The rain in her heart finally stopped.
A/N: ('_') ...
I'll leave it up to you to decide why some segments were short, especially the last few ones, and what really happened in the end...
I was looping a certain song while writing this, even though this one shot doesn't fit the song's mood at all ^^;
I hope the historical setting didn't confuse anyone too much. Feel free to ask me, or correct me :)
(1) The way a marriage is valid... the man would visit the lady in her sleeping quarters three nights in a row, then in the fourth morning, they would be considered husband and wife. It matters not if the lady wants to sleep with him or not.