This took longer than it should've to post. Sorry folks. Hope you enjoy!

Jonen C

The Incident started innocuously enough: "Did anyone see where Zero went off to?", asks Sach, bored out of his skull as the thrice weekly lecture on appreciating the hard work needed to get post-impact society back to the point it is today carried on. And on. And on.

Misato Katsuragi was in a bad mood. Misato Katsuragi was tired, sore, overworked, underpaid, put upon and flat out annoyed. Misato Katsuragi had not had anything even remotely alcoholic to drink in three days.

But she had finally - FINALLY - managed to catch up on the backlog of paperwork that was the final legacy of the Fourteenth Angel.

She had successfully evaded both her superiors and her subordinates - minions, really, but more like pests - on the way out - another successful extraction from the responsibilities of work.

All this was nothing more than another reason for celebration. This evening, she was going to do a good old fashioned pub-crawl with the old gang, even if it killed her.

But first, she was going to rectify her involuntary state of sobriety, and deaden the uncomfortably heightened awareness that was sure to follow.

She unlocked and opened the door to her apartment, kicked of her shoes and slid open the door to the kitchen, zeroing in on the fridge like an anti-ship missile in the terminal phase zeroes in on a target, hand reaching out to swing open the fridge door and crack open an oh so delicious...

Misato Katsuragi froze.

Standing on the dinner table, not ten feet away from her position by the fridge, was the Fourteenth Angel.

... If the Fourteenth Angel was ten inch tall.

The silence hung awkwardly, much like it felt that it really did not belong, but had to put in an appearance in the absence of a suitable, dramatic and tense, musical accompaniment.

"I'm hallucinating! I've gone so long without alcohol that I'm actually seeing things! Haha! Yes! That's it. Obviously! I'll have some drinks and grab a nap for a couple of hours and it'll go away."

Satisfied with this semi-rational, if completely inaccurate, explanation, she tore open the door to the fridge, grabbed a can of sweet liquid sustenance and...

The can was blasted out of her hand, splashing into the wall, leaving a stain of flash boiled beer over a dented scorch mark.

Misato Katsuragi, Major in the JGSDF on permanent assignment to the UN Special Duty Organization NERV, stared alternatively on her now painfully empty hand, the mess on the wall and the angel on the table as the most brilliant tactical mind of her generation kicked into overdrive and re-evaluated the situation.

"What. The. Fuck?"

The eyes of the miniature Angel of Might glowed, and with a voice that sounded like it should belong to some sort of brawny, action movie hero, rather than a ten inch figurine, it spoke.

"I am Zeruel, Angel of Might. You killed Father. Prepare to die."

The glowing eyes flashed once and Misato - tapping into reflexes kept in perfect condition by constant training, what other people would consider reckless driving - dodged to the side and went for her gun as a second blast zapped past the space she had been occupying to add another scorch mark on the wall.

The battle had begun.

Shinji had a bad feeling about this.

The door to the apartment was unlocked, and the noise coming from inside was... Ominous at least. He hesitated outside, afraid to fully open the door and step inside for fear of what he might find.

"What are you? Chicken?"

Asuka had no such doubts, tearing the door open and stepping inside.

And stopping dead as she entered the bombed out wreck of an apartment.

Shinji hung his head at the sight, realizing it would most likely fall on him to restore the apartment to a livable condition. On the bright side, he figured, it didn't look that much worse than when he had first moved in.

"Are those bullet holes?"

Then again, maybe not.

Curiosity killed the cat, the saying goes, and the noise emanating from the Kitchen triggered a hitherto rarely seen suicidal instinct in the Second Child - she stepped over what had once been the door to a wardrobe, now more suitable for firewood and moved up to the hole where the kitchen door had once been located.

By a heroic effort, her instinct of self preservation managed to get off one last order, and she hesitated a few feet short of the opening, turning back to Shinji and gesturing hard for him to catch up and provide her with some sort of backup or cover, alternatively a human shield or decoy or something.

Shinji, to his credit only briefly entertaining the thought of just giving up and going over to Ayanami's place - he had heard Sam rambling how Rami had been helping her improve her living conditions, perhaps not surprisingly the miniature Dodecahedron was apparently something of a neat freak - sighed and walked forward to meet what would certainly be his doom.

The two Children shared a look and on unspoken agreement, peeked around the corner and into the blasted out remains of the kitchen.

Sitting on an abused, but somehow still intact, chair was Misato Katsuragi - born survivor, functional alcoholic, certifiable bad ass - occasionally sipping from a can of her favorite brand beer as she cleaned her rarely seen and even more rarely used pistol sidearm.

The noise - something not entirely unlike an anthropomorphic personification of a sawmill working it's way through a storehouse full of self-playing, electronic harmonicas, with a vengeance - was coming from the second occupant of the room. The third occupant, a Hot-Springs Penguin terrified to the point of catatonic paralysis, was visible covering in the remains of the freezer that had, until recently being rendered an ex-freezer, served as his quarters.

The mini-Angel of Might, colloquially called Zero by the other mini-Angels, was snoring, lying flat on his stomach on a kitchen dinner table that was surprisingly (miraculously?) untouched by whatever disaster had affected the rest of the kitchen, and apartment in general.

Somehow hearing the surprised gasps of the suicidally curious Children she was ostensibly responsible for over the din of the sleeping miniature giant, Misato gave a jaunty wave and asked how things had been at school, as if everything was perfectly normal, and not, in fact, royally fucked up.

Shinji wondered if he shouldn't, in fact, have run away when he still had a chance.

Asuka just fainted.

The sofa had not survived the battle, but it's corpse was still intact enough to serve as a seat for the now shell-shocked Children while Ritsuko Akagi, Technical Director, debriefed the Director of Operations.

"... anyway, once we established that my bullets couldn't penetrate it's AT-field, not to mention grenades just pissed him off, and that his beams just tickles, we sort of devolved into shouting insults and accusations at each other. Turns out it was of the impression that I personally, killed the First Angel, for some reason, and was out for revenge. Anyway, when I pointed out that, if anything, it was me who should be inflicting vengeance - and it countered that I sort of already had - we sort of came to a grudging truce and decided to settle our grievances like civilized beings."

"So you drank the remains of the Angel of Might under the table? Figuratively speaking."

"Naw. Twelve cans into the contest I distracted it and clocked it in the back of the... Head? With a frying pan. Turns out it's got something of a glass jaw or something."

"... Right. This of course never happened. We are attributing the damages to the apartment to a terrorist bombing and assigning you new living quarters." The doctor turned slightly to address what looked like an orange stain of circuitry on the shoulder of her jacket. "And if you guys can not keep this from happening again, we are going to be investigating how to kill you all off permanently. Understood?"

luckychaos

Shinji found it odd that, when asked about her sudden limp, Asuka simply growled and ignored him. Then again, this was hardly strange behavior for her. She had probably tripped or something and was too embarassed to admit it, he'd decided, and his mind turned to back to cooking.

Asuka kept glaring at her leg, as if the force of her glare alone would scare off whatever was causing her limp. Unfortunetly for her, it was somewhat oblivious.

"Get off of me!" she whispered through gritted teeth.

The tiny form of Sahaquiel only increased its hold on her.

"Hey Asuka."

"What."

"You should be nicer to him, Asuka. He just wants you to be happy!"

"I'll be happy when he lets go of my leg!"

"Aw, Asuka, you don't meant that. Everyone likes hugs!"

"Well I don't."

"Oh. Do you like being licked, Asuka?"

"Only when it's Kaji doing the licking."

"Then just pretend I'm Kaji!"

Gaghiel's tongue, which seemed at least twice as large as his own body length, slammed into Asuka's face, causing her to shriek and fall out of her chair. Shinji rushed over to see what was wrong.

"Asuka! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, idiot! Back off!"

After muttering 'Sorry', Shinji left, leaving her alone with her tormenters.

"Dummkopf! Get away from me! I don't want to be licked, especially by a stupid dead fish!"

Gaghiel sniffled, wiping away tears with his tiny flippers, then let out a wail and ran away into Asuka's room.

"A little harsh, don't ya think?"

She turned to see the gold Israfel with its arm folded.

"I don't care. He's just a stupid fish."

"Aw, come on now." Israfel started wiping off saliva with his stringy arms. "You know he's just trying to help."

"Yeah, yeah. But why would I want help from something like him. Or, or that." She gestured at Sahaquiel.

"Yes, well, it may be difficult to see sometimes, but we're people too, you know. We have real feelings, just like any other Lilim." He tapped his finger on her nose at the word 'Lilim'.

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Schiess that sounded lame."

"Worked on Shinji."

Slowly but surely Israfel seemed to be inching closer and closer to her face, and this didn't go unnoticed.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Merely trying to get a closer look at your beautiful face."

Wrong answer.

*SMACK*

"Ow! Come on, babe, we can make this work!"

But Asuka was already limping away. Sahaquiel rotated his position on her leg to face him and winked.

For a full minute Israfel simply floated there. Then he grumbled "...magnificent bastard" and flew after her.

GreggHL

"Pilot, did I give you permission to bitch?"

Asuka stares at the freefloating halo hovering over Rei's head. Rei glances upward at the newest addition to their family of shoulder Angels and shrugs. Well, after blowing herself up, Asuka has realized that, maybe, she should give Ayanami a bit of slack.

"Now, listen up," Armisael barks, "I'm gonna explain the birds and bees to you three, since you apparently lack any sort of social graces whatsoever. In which case, the remains of a creature born from the ass cheeks of a glowing giant will have to serve, as he is apparently more knowledgeable about losing his virginity than you three are! Big Z?"

Zeruel floats off of Shinji's shoulder as the halo shrinks. Plunging head first in through the top, the ring slowly stretches as Asuka and Shinji both tilt their heads, watching as Zeruel, with a high pitched roar, tears the ring open and emerges.

"And that's how a human is born! Any questions?"

Neon Prodigy

Maya Ibuki was taking a sip of coffee when the annoying orange blob appeared over her shoulder.

"Maya?"

"Mm?"

"Why didn't you tell me you had so many interesting fanfics bookmarked!"

Suddenly, the coffee was all over her computer screen as Maya wiped her lips.

"Wh-what? You were looking through... aah!"

"Yes! This... femslash thing opens up so many more story possibilities! Why I just started one of you and Doctor Ak- ack!"

Iruel was cut off as the woman grabbed it.

"Don't you dare! If Sempai finds out, I swear I will find a way to download every virus imaginable into you!"

"Ahem."

Standing a mere few feet away, Ritsuko Akagi, Makoto Hyuga, and Shigeru Aoba were staring at Maya attempt to strangle the angel.

"Uhm... hi?"

"*cough* Maybe I'll write that Makoto/Aoba fic instead..."

Luckychaos

"Wait, go back!"

"Why?"

"I thought I saw something in that store back there."

Shinji stepped back a few paces and peered into the store.

"No."

"No what?"

"No we are not going in there. It's...wrong."

"I thought I saw more of my kin! Imagine; a whole herd of Shamsels just waiting for me to return home!"

"Sam, technically I'm younger than you, and even I know those weren't Shamsels."

"I want to make sure. I won't be satisfied until you go inside there and closely inspect all of them. This is my family we're talking about here."

Asuka didn't realize something was wrong until she saw Shinji walking with his back entirely rigid and eyes wide open. In fact, she was sure he hadn't even blinked since he came home. There was also the fact that his stutter was way worse than usual.

"I-I'm g-g-gonna g-go t-t-t-to-to b-b-bed nnnnnow."

When he closed his door, he sat down on his bed with his legs crossed.

"Hey bud, you kay?"

"Why are you worrying about him? I'm the one who just found out his species is being used to pleasure the filthy lilim!"

"See Shinji? You think you got it bad? Just look at poor Sam here. He's now the proud member of a race of sex toys."

"PROUD? You think I'm PROUD of this?"

"Okay man, just...let's compare traumatizing experiences here, okay? You've had your arm broken, face smashed, stabbed, laz-uhed, eaten, and temporarily absorbed into your mom. Now tell me, HOW is going in a sex toy shop worse than all of THAT?"

"You know what, you're right!"

"Atta boy!"

"...I still don't feel better."

"Honestly man, HOW can you comfort someone who just found out that they come from a race of vibrators?"

Which is when a little orange blob appears next Sach and Sam.

"Please give me the address to this magical place you call a sex toy shop. I love the lilm. So, so much."