IT'S ME AGAIN! After taking a break from S-Ranked Kittens (I know, all you reviewers are probably out trying to kill me…) I had a hilarious conversation that led to this. I have a lot of hilarious conversations, but this one was just hilarious. Akatsuki survival. Oh yah. Well, if you want a random guest appearance, here it is! Also, I might use your OC in this one INSTEAD of S-Ranked. So don't hurt me. YAY! NOTE TO S-RANKED KITTEN PEOPLEZ: No more OCs, and I will update within a week! If I feel like it! Yah!
My grammar is bad in this… and Ren is me! YAY! And our normal amount of Sasuke and some other character bashing is here!
Yeah…
DISCLAIMER: I have all of two quarters, a nickel and three dimes in my pocket. And a piece of lint.
…Can I buy Naruto? I don't think so… unless there's an uber sale…
Welcome to Narutoverse Survivor: Akatsuki Edition, where ten of our favorite evilest ninjas come and SURVIVE!
Rules are:
NO KEKKEI GENKAIS!
NO INTENTIONAL KILLING SLASH MAIMING SLASH EMOTIONALLY OR MENTALLY TRAUMATIZING OR SCARRING!
NO ELECTRONICS!
NO GUNS OR FIREARMS (EXCLUDING DEIDARA'S CLAY!)
NO MARY SUE OCS THAT MAY POP INTO THE STORY RANDOMLY!
AND HAVE FUN!
The purpose of this game is to survive an undetermined amount of time on this desert/rainforest island and then WIN WIN WIN one million ryo! That's right, Kakuzu, one million ryo!
I'm getting on with it… right…
The camera zooms into the sea plane, finally focusing on a smiling violet-haired woman in a business suit without the jacket. The white shirt's front has a few buttons undone, and the buttoned sleeves are also undone. She is barefoot.
"Hiya, everybody! I'm Himura Ren, the hostess of Narutoverse Survivor! Today we land on this unnamed island of unknown locations that was randomly picked off a map of Australia and drop off our ten contestants!" Ren waves and then points to the closest Akatsuki.
The black-haired hunk of hotness, as fangirls call him, smirks slightly, lounging in his seat, watching his partner press his nose against the window like a rather large child.
Ren puts on a pair of cool artsy reading glasses and procures a packet of bright purple index cards out of no where," UCHIHA ITACHI! He used to come from Konoha, where he killed his family, leaving his mentally scarred lil' bro behind to become an emo duckbutt ave- aven… damn, I spelled that wrong…" she pulls a purple pen with sparkly fuzzy feathers glued to it and scribbled on the card,"Damn author… ugh… avenger!" she announces, finishing with a huge grin. She then points to the man next to him.
"HOSHIGAKI KISAME! He came from Kiri, is the wielder of Samehada, and is one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist!"
Ren discards the two index cards, chucking Itachi's out the window.
The camera zooms to the next row, where a blonde and a redhead sit. Ren first points to the blonde,
"IWA NO DEIDARA! He came from Iwa, is the resident terrorist bomber and my best friend! He's my best friend, best of all best friends, do you have a best friend, too? He tickles in my tummy-"
REN! SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT!
"Yes, O Mighty Authoress!" the purple-haired woman grins, saluting the voice that rumbled from above," Deidara's an artist and he works with clay!"
The redheaded man pokes Deidara as the blonde turns an odd shade of green,"Need a barf bag?" he asks sympathetically, remembering how nauseous motion sickness made him as a young child.
"Thanks, danna…" Deidara groans. The barf bag came into use all of three seconds later. The redhead does the nice thing and holds back Deidara's long blonde hair.
"Ooh… that was nice, Sasori! AKASUNA NO SASORI! Came from Suna, is a very famous and talented puppeteer and poison-maker-person, and is also an artist! He's also my best friend!" Ren smiles and does a peace sign, dropping Deidara and Sasori's index cards on the floor.. She skips to another row.
The orange-haired man sitting there is looking at his blue-haired companion worriedly. She is sweating and looking quite pale.
"FUUMA PEIN! He's the leader of Akatsuki, and really really cool! He has Rinnegan! He also looks like Ichigo from Bleach! WE LOVE YOU LEADER-SAMA!" Ren screams.
Said Ichigo-look-alike doesn't acknowledge her. Ren sweatdrops and gets slight blue depression lines.
Her smile is thrown back on when announcing the blue-haired woman,"AKATSUKI NO KONAN! She's the only other girl in Akatsuki, excluding me, but seeing as the authoress said I was just an OC and therefore COULDN'T BE PART OF THE SURVIVOR SERIES!" Ren ends up yelling at the roof of the plane.
Do shut up, Ren.
"Okay!" the woman smiles easily again," Konan has the power to manipulate paper!"
This skill came in handy when Konan creates a barf bag to lean over, looking rather queasy but not getting sick.
Ren throws the two index cards to the ground and goes to the next two. A pouting silver-haired man who's hair is slicked back is sitting next to a hyper man in an orange mask.
"TOBI'S A GOOD BOY! HI, REN-CHAN!"
"TOBI! Also known as *cough * Uchiha Madara *cough * Ahem, excuse me, my throat must be killing me from the talking I've been doing!" Ren adjusts her tie, loosening it, and coughs again, pushing her dress shirt's sleeves to the elbows, exposing writing and drawing all over her skin, and tucking her pen behind her ear.
The silver haired man glares at her," Don't I get a fucking introduction?"
"Don't make me lose my cool, dude." Ren whips off her glasses and glares.
The silver-haired man backs off, and Ren's smile is on her face (once again), ignoring the quiet mutter of," Crazy bitch…"
"AKATSUKI NO HIDAN! He's a Jashinist, is immortal, and… yeah. That's pretty much all that's interesting about him."
"HEY! WHAT THE FUCK?"
"Oh yeah, and he swears! MOVING ON, next is AKATSUKI NO KAKUZU! He has five hearts, and these… weird… tentacaley-ish… things…. yeah." Ren moves her hands around, trying to describe them. She finally settles for taking her purple pen from behind her ear and drawing a quick chibi of it. She shoves it into the camera,"LIKE THIS!"
A piece of her hair falls into her face.
"MY HAIR! OH, GOD, NO! THE HEAT'S GETTING TO IT! HOLD ON MY PRECIOUS! DON'T DIE!" the violet-haired woman screeches, stroking the lock.
Everybody on the plane sweatdropped. Ren looks up and then tucks her hair behind her ear carefully, whispering quiet words to it.
Dammit, woman! Imma dock your pay if you keep going off like this!
Ren whimpers quietly, and glares up,"It's my hair…"
Fine, I'll give you some special shampoo and make sure the heat doesn't affect it too badly… the author's voice groaned.
"Thankies!" Ren beams up at the author.
"Fucking wimp." Hidan mutters, somewhat affectionately.
"Urusai. Anywho, we have AKATSUKI NO ZETSU! He's the checkerboard and the most amazing cannibal plant thing you'll ever meet!"
Zetsu stares at the camera,"Yo. Whatcha looking at, ya pansies?"
"Em… okay, then! And that's everybody!"
The plane does a sudden nosedive to the island.
The Akatsuki starts screaming in terror until Kisame yells,"Look out the window!"
The windows are instantly filled. Everyone oohs and ahs at the pretty island. Half of it is your typical desert islands, and the other half is rainforest.
"I picked it! Isn't it pretty?" Ren says, grinning. The plane lands and comes to a stop in shallow water.
Everyone sits at the beautiful sight.
"So, who wants to get off first?"
Silence.
A butterfly flew past Deidara's face.
"Fine, make a line."
The Akatsuki makes a line on the opening of the plane. Ren passes by and then trips on one of the purple index cards she drops. Squealing, she shoves Deidara out. HARD.
He lands in the water with a yell.
Ren stands there, rubbing the back of her neck and waving two of her fingers in a little salute, eyes closed and smiling sheepishly," Whoops, my bad."
"HEY, DANNA! COME IN, THE WATER'S GREAT!" Deidara whoops. The fangirls drool as he magically is in a Speedo.
Sasori takes off his cloak, and all the fangirls squee as he does a perfect dive into the water.
Angels sing and "For Your Entertainment" by Adam Lambert starts playing as Pein and Itachi take off their shirts, revealing piercings (for Pein), and perfect muscles. The fangirls (and Orochimaru) squee and try to molest them through their TVs, but Ren starts humming Britney Spears' Gimme More and that puts all of them off (except for Orochimaru, who's a creeper).
Konan shrugs and does a swan dive in.
Tobi, despite Ren's complaints doesn't take off his mask. All around the world, Naruto fans die a little inside.
Kakuzu somehow slipped into the water when everybody was looking at Pein and Itachi and is splashing around.
Kisame does a cannon ball in, wowing fangirls around the world with how ripped he is.
Ren chews the tip of her pen and blushes slightly when Hidan takes off his shirt.
He smirks and turns toward her,"Like what you see, babe?"
The blush deepens, but she chucks her pen at him, hitting him square in the nose,"Perv. And DON'T call me babe."
(A/N: Yeah, to KatarinaWolffe, evil-tea, and habu hyuuga, I decided for the heck of it to pair her up with Hidan. It's just funny that way. E heh… it's just implied for most of it, for you happy happy Hidan fangirls…)
Hidan shrugs and jumps into the water. Zetsu is the only one there to support Ren as she practically faints and gets a minor nosebleed.
"Silly Ren-chan…" his white half says.
His black side then gestures to the pilot's compartment," Yo, Obito! We need a little help, here!"
The black-haired, happy Uchiha pilot nods, pulling his orange goggles onto his forehead,"You got it, Zetsu!" he wobbled towards Ren, scooping up her left side. He's still dazed from the excellent nose-dive he had made the plane go into.
Another Uchiha (the co-pilot), steps up to support Ren's other side,"Silly Ren. Always doing shit like that. I can't wait to see my cousin's reaction that I'm still a-"
"SHISUI?" the scream sounds. Itachi is staring at him from the water.
Shisui sweatdrops as his cousin faints dead away.
Yeah… nothing really happened. But it'll happen soon! I want to know the reaction to Ren-chan! She controls ink! And is an artist, too! She kinda fails at everything except basic taijutsu, confusing people, random crap, and fire ninjutsu (not including her art).
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW.
And, if you want a funny story, please read "Being Ninja Or Not" by Sisterhood Of Traveling Kunai. I've co-written it with my AWESOME friends evil-tea (formerly night-dae, a.k.a. Reika), KatarinaWolffe (Hokura), and habu hyuuga (Kazemi). I am Raikura. Oh yeah. Read it, please!
AND REVIEW! Reviews are good and make Ren-chan update more quickly! YAY!