Title: So Cold
Rating: PG-13
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Ianto, Lisa, Jack; Ianto/Lisa, Jack/Ianto
Summary: Ianto examines his feelings for Lisa before the events in Cyberwoman.
A/N: I seem to be on a roll! Don't think I've written this many fics in such a short space of time for a long time.
Disclaimer: If I owned Torchwood, the boys would have had more screentime together, more sex, and Ianto would still be alive.

He realises he doesn't quite love her anymore (it hits him wham! like a frying pan over the head -experience courtesy of Rhi).

It's an epiphany he quickly locks away in the deep dark recesses of his mind. Not loving her would mean giving up, and he cannot give up, not when he's so close to finding her help. Not when she can be his Lisa again (his Lisa, softsmoothsmiling).

But it is so hard to love her, a thing of metal and wires and cold. Lisa laughed but now she just cries. When she moans his name it's now in pain rather than in ecstasy. And she is so cold, the basement, the metal, her hands that used to fit his just so. So cold.

(This is a denial:

There is Jack. Jack who is like the sun, like a candle -oh god, this is so cliche- in the dark, and Ianto can't help but be drawn to him. Jack laughs, and says Ianto's name with a smile on his lips Yaahn-toe like the syllables are chocolate melting on his tongue. Yan-toe. Ianto.

How he gasps it Ianto. Ianto. Like it's a benediction. Ianto. Ianto. Ian- ah!

Ianto lets himself fall. Everything hurts so much he doesn't feel it when he burns.

He's no longer cold.)

But he loves her.

He loves her more than life itself.

Lies back and thinks of Jack moving inside him ohgodfasteryes, puts on a happy face, kisses her and makes promises he knows he cannot keep.

Better than not loving her. Better than leaving her.

Everyone leaves; Rhi and Torchwood, and when they find out Jack and the team will too.

He loves her. He loves her loves her loves her (she is the air he breathes and the coffee he drinks and she is his life and his death and his everything-

-alone he is nothing).

88888

but she's so cold.

Fin