Hey! OK, so this crossover just begged to be written. It started off as a quasi-joke with me and my sister, LifeInABox66, but somehow gained momentum and eventually became the monstrosity you see before you. Written as actual emails between us – I wrote Bakura and she wrote Prussia's responses.

Based off manga canon for Yu Gi Oh and, uh, world history for Hetalia.

Warning: Spoilers for Yu Gi Oh Millenium World and for German history from the Weimar Republic to the Cold War.

(Rated M for language that is more persistent than actually creative or explicit. Best to err on the side of paranoia.)

To: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet

From: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom

Subject: The Master Plan

First, I would like to take the opportunity to say that in no way, shape or form do I read your blog. I am not one of the horde of questionable sanity (and taste), AKA, a fangirl.

I am, however, interested in working with you. Obviously, not immediately, and only after a trial period in which I may ascertain whether you are truly a criminal genius approaching a fraction of my own calibre. Yet the fact remains, I cannot afford to take any more rash actions. Having a mildly intelligent underling to take them for me would aid my plot.

Please do not reply if you have a superpowered split personality, as I have had… unfortunate past experiences with that condition. Unless you are the superpowered side, in which case I would like to know in advance, but would not pursue the matter.

Forgive me my brevity.

Yours,

Bakura

To: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom
From: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet
Subject: Huh?

OK, who is this 'Bakura' supposed to be? Huh? Is this France? Cause if so, and if this is some kind of stupid joke, you know exactly where I'm going to shove that rose you always carry, and let me tell you – it's not going to be pretty.

Right. So. If you're not France, who the fuck are you?

Working with me? Yeah, so not going to happen. For one thing, that means work. For another thing, you don't read my blog. Fuck you.

(Wait, I have fangirls? Really? Not ones who read my blog! The only people who do read my blog are guys and Hungary. Hungary in no way constitutes a fan. Am sensing a real problem here. )

Uh, superpowered evil side? Well, I am pretty goddamned awesome. Does that count? Guess not. Not even going to ask about the 'unfortunate past experiences'. Not particularly keen on mental scarring, after all. On the other hand, am friends with France. Huh.

I'm pretty sure I can get an underling. Maybe even a mildly intelligent one. Well. Maybe. Depends.

Except, hold it, I just said I'm not going to work with you! And I'm not!

Probably.

But I'd sort of like to know who you are.

Yours, stupendously awesomely,

Prussia!

To: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet

From: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom

Subject: The. Master. Plan.

No, I am not France. For one thing, that's an utterly moronic name. For another, this France person apparently carries roses. The depths of hilarity that would be achieved by me carrying roses… the number of inventive murders that could be carried out… Or perhaps I am France, and these emails are a pathetic attempt am screwing with your head. Hm. Letters that screw with people's heads. That's an idea I could use, actually.

As for the rest of your babbling: why would you not have fangirls? You are obviously of significance in the eternally raging war of order versus chaos, given your blog is typed in Japenglermancientegyptian. Anyone even mildly significant has fangirls. Bane of my existence.

But now to get down to work, as I need to find out the nature of that significance. Not that I don't already know quite a bit about you, Nation. Whilst I am loathe to disclose any details of what my master plan entails, I do have one question. What do you know of an individual called 'Egypt'?

If you've never heard of such a person, ignore this email. Delete the details of our correspondence. Unless, of course, you want to become a mindless lackey. But that's more Marik Ishtar's department.

And by the way? Breathe a word of this to anyone, and repeating the action will become decidedly more difficult.

Bakura

To: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom
From: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet
Subject: The Fuck?

Whoa. Whoa, wait. What. You're not making much sense, you know that?

Kay, so you're not France – am getting that particular message loud and clear. What I don't get is if not, who the fuck are you? And, like, yeah, you're screwing with my head! Even if you're being serious, there's still major head screwage going on here!

And the rest of my 'babbling'? Huh. Friendly. Way to alienate the guy you supposedly want on your side. Nice going, Bakura. Whoever the hell you are.

Uhh – order versus what now? OK, seriously, explain to me what a 'fangirl' is, cause whilst it sounds pretty awesome, I really don't get it. But hey. Fans. Always good. Also, Japenglermancientegyptian? Wha? You mean the language that nations use to communicate with each other? Didn't know anyone else knew about that. Definitely did not know it had such a word-salad name. Hokay. So you're not a nation. In that case, how the hell do you know about all of this stuff, including stuff that I don't know about?

You're not going to make this easy, are you. All right. I'll answer your stupid questions.

Let's get this one thing straight: I ain't no-one's mindless lackey.

Egypt? Well, yeah, course I know him, though not as well as England and France do. Actually I saw him today. Went up to him and asked what he knew about a chick named Bakura – he just gave me a really weird look. I asked around about 'Marik Ishtar' too – all I got was some incoherent squeeing from Hungary when I mentioned your name alongside his, which really wasn't helpful at all. But that's Hungary for you – she never makes much sense.

So, yeah, I've been dropping your name around. What are you gonna do about it? Last time I checked, I'm still breathing, and it's going to take a whole lot of effort to change that. Nations aren't mortal, moron. So yeah. Do your fucking worst.

Also? Quit threatening me. I'm too awesome to be threatened.

PRUSSIA! XD

To: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet

From: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom

Re: The fuck

He. Hehehe. Who the fuck am I? Me? Well, let's just say that there are kings and rulers in this world – 'bosses', I believe you call them – and there are those who… oppose them. Not with petty revolutions, or sanctimonious speeches. Oh, no. So much more than that. People like me, we let the revolutionaries choke on their own blood and the words in their throats. Even the Gods wither and fade around us - trust me, I've outlasted most of them. Kings can never compare to us, decaying under the weight of their own power and their stained, reddened gold. Gold that we pick away at, slowly and surely, until one day… Ask Egypt why they stopped building pyramids. Just ask. Then tell him: the King is back.

To: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom
From: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet
Subject: FREAKING ECONOMIC MELTDOWN

Bakura. Bakura! BAKURA YOU BITCH! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO THE ECONOMY? OH MY GOD, WOMAN, YOU JUST CAUSED A GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS!

(OK, it has to be said: your worst? Is pretty goddamn impressive. I'm prepared to listen.)

So, I asked Egypt why they stopped building pyramids. He... kinda sorta nearly strangled me, he was so pissed off. Seriously, you're going to make the guy hate me. He already thinks I'm sort of insane because of all the random questions I've been asking. Anyway, he went on this long rant about... tomb raiders? Like, I dunno, the video game? So, what are you, like, Lara Croft? Superpowered-economic-screwy-upper Lara Croft?

What. The hell. I ask.

You know something? You're really shit at explaining stuff.

Anyway, Kings? Yeah, not a patch on Nations. I'm immortal. I'm everlasting. Millions look up to me. I'm pretty fucking kick-ass awesome. So all that King stuff is hardly going to make me piss myself in terror, is it? And you know something about revolutions? They tear down every sad little nonentity that claims to be King. Like you – some weird Internet freak, pretending to be part of something bigger and way greater than you could ever even hope of understan -

Whoawait, hold on, backupasecond. King? Not Queen? Hold on, you're a... you're a guy?

With a name like freaking Bakura? Just how sadistic were your parents, anyway?

(Guess that explains all the Hungary squeeing.)

Well, anyway, I told Egypt the King is back, like you said. He, uh... he sort of went all quiet and... pale. And hyperventilated a little. It was actually kind of scary.

Not that I get scared, of course. Because I am the embodiment of all that is awesome. But you've probably already realised that.

PRUSSIA :P

To: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet

From: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom

Subject: Fuck Off

Brat. I'm three thousand years old. You don't impress me.

…And neither do your assumptions. I don't exactly adore my name, anyway. It's convenient, that's all. I'm willing to not slit your throat for thinking I was female, as long as you never make reference to your mistake ever again. And yes, I realise that slitting your throat won't kill you. Your point?

Egypt's reaction was… interesting. To think, that a nation would notice mere scum like me. The people damaged the most by Egypt's petty 'bosses' were hardly the ones I would expect him to remember.

But all of this is irrelevent – merely a point to ponder at a later time. I'm just interested in Egypt's power. Out of interest, as nations, would you be able to sense a large amount of spiritual energy? Souls out of place, perhaps? If something hideously, indescribably wrong came into being within your borders, would you feel it? If so, your input is rather valuable. Continue our correspondance. Even if not, Egypt is still of some personal importance to me (then again, much of my plans could be described as personal.)

Having reread your email, I take objection to your reference to my parents. Lucky that I'm in a good mood, or throat slitting would be becoming increasingly imminent for you. As it is, I'm just bored. You've noticed that I'm possibly one of the most powerful people in the world right now. Why, pray tell, do I have history homework? Not like I particularly care, but skipping detention in order to further my plans will lead to detection, and under no circumstances can I afford to be detected. I'm lucky, because my property's the most apathetic person I've ever had the misfortune to 'meet'. I'm unlucky because nowhere does he seem to have notes on interwar Germany.

I would usually rather chop my own leg off than ask this, but I need said appendage to move. Would you, by any chance, be able to supply some facts about Weimar for me? I assume you were present at the time.

Bakura

To: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom
From: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet
Subject: Fuck you too

Hey, watch who you're calling stupid names. 'Brat'? The fuck? You may be three thousand years old, but just remember this: I am so, so much more important than you in every single way possible. You're no-one. And me? I'm goddamn impressive. So you should. You know. Be impressed.

OK, you know what I think? I think all your stupid threats are bullshit. (Aside from the whole credit crunch thing, but you can't really expect me to believe that you actually caused that. Because you totally didn't.) So you know what else? I STILL THINK YOU'RE A GIRL. What are you going to do about that, huh? Slit my throat? Go on and try. It'll be nothing I haven't had before. Shit, it's not as though battlefields are freaking health and safety protected. I've been 'killed' more times than you can imagine by both humans and nations and I've always come back, bigger and better than before. I now survive on sheer force of personality alone. Because basically I'm just that fucking awesome. And you're a girl.

Also, if you ever managed to actually hurt me (really fucking unlikely) you'd have my friends to deal with. West would beat you to a pulp, then England would black magic your ass from here to Budapest, where Hungary would go berserk and frying pan you close to death. Then Spain would rub tomato juice in the wounds so it really stings. And then he'd set a really pissed off Romano on you, who'd probably give you rabies or something. Then we'd package what's left of you up and ship you to Paris where France would probably sexually harass you or something. And you'd be really annoyed and disturbed at the end of it.

Basically what I'm saying is that throat slittage is a really fucking stupid idea.

'Property'? Am sitting here with a dubious expression and a raised eyebrow. Do I even want to know who this person is? Is this some creepy kind of SM thing, or just your regular kidnapping/slave trade? No, really, I don't want to know.

Oh yeah, and after you've been shipped to France, I'll give you to Egypt so he can have revenge or something.

I asked him about the King thing again today. Or at least I tried. He was avoiding me. He... I think he whimpered when I brought it up again.

I don't think Egypt likes me much anymore.

What did you even do to him? Besides steal all the gold from the pyramids and shit.

Oh, the Weimar Republic? Man, that period rocked. Seriously. World War One wasn't exactly a blast – except in the disturbingly literal sense – but Revolution was actually kind of awesome. I mean, step outside the door and you've literally got a protest just waiting outside the front step for you to join! And they were the cool sort of protests. The whole no-holds-barred we've-got-a-big-problem-with-all-the-shit-that's-been-happening-and-damn-if-we're-not-going-to-yell-about-it-and-break-things spiel. Where you're suddenly not just you, but part of this humungous crowd that's going to crush everything in its way unless things start changing right now. Everything was falling apart, but we were going to put it back together again and this time in the right order – just terrific. Also, you know. Breaking stuff. Always good.

Uh, until the Freikorps showed up. Not so good.

And don't ask me about the stuff that came after that. Otherwise I'll cut your leg off for you. And I'm betting if I slit your throat, it'll do a whole lot more damage than it would if you slit mine.

(Where are you, anyway?)

Till next time, Kura!

PRUSSIAAAAAAAA!

To: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet

From: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom

Re: Fuck you too

You answered exactly none of my questions (aside from the one about Weimar Germany). Way to go. I'm getting bored at this point.

Don't call me 'Kura.

If I'm such a 'girl' (what the fuck is that about, anyway? I'm obviously male – just look at my host's profile picture), why are you emailing me? I can always use a different nation, if you care that much. You just looked easy to manipulate.

I did nothing to Egypt compared to what Egypt did to me.

In response to your query, I am in fact Japanese. Currently.

To: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom
From: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet
Re: Re: Fuck you too

Kura my (wo)man!

As always, your heart-warming reply filled me with happiness and light. I don't know how you learned to be so cheerful.

Seriously, no need to be all offended. Geez.

Oh yeah! The questions. Forgot about those. Maybe cause I don't actually care about whether you get your precious information or not. I thought we'd already established that there is no way on this planet that I am ever going to work as anybody's lackey. Particularly not for some megalomaniacal, sado-masochistic three-thousand-year-old schoolkid.

Hey, how'd the history essay go, anyway?

I looked at the profile picture (host? Another thing to add to the list of things I am not going to ask about but would sort of like answers to at some point) and I've got to tell you, it did not exactly clear things up on the gender front. You might be male, but there is no 'obviously' about it - and this coming from the guy who knows Poland.

Anyway, just cause you're a girl (maybe) doesn't mean I don't want to email you. What kind of screwed up logic is that?

Easy to fucking manipulate? Tchyeah, you've been real manipulative so far. I am totally a slave to your every whim. You can tell by the way I still haven't answered your questions!

OK, fine.

So, we nations are pretty damn sensitive. (And, in my case, awesome. But anyway.) We can basically sort of feel all our people and their emotions, and if something's not right or there's something severely screwed up, we'd definitely notice. In fact, we'd probably start acting all screwy ourselves, because anything that happens to our people happens to us too.

(Come to think of it, Egypt's been looking a little queasy recently. What have you been doing?)

But yeah, that's probably why Egypt seemed so scared of you. Because when something major happens in the country, let me tell you, it leaves scars. Of the emotional variety. But also the physical variety. It depends.

As to why you have history homework, that's probably something you should take up with your history teacher.

If you don't 'continue our correspondence', I'll get Japan to slit your throat. Just saying.

Yours, with the utmost awesomeness – just in case you needed reminding,

PRUSSIA!

PS You should really read my blog. It's like awesomeness distilled.

To: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet

From: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom

Re: Re: Re: Fuck you too

Destructive blood-thirsty eternal Slifer, I am MALE.

You are incredibly annoying. I'm fairly sure I've mentioned that. And please get over the happiness and light. Although I suppose if it's my dashing good looks, I can deal with that.

Interesting, about how sensitive you are. Very, very interesting. So, for example, should several objects of untold mystical power, capable of creating battles to the death with the universe at stake, all at the whim of a user, fall into the wrong hands, I assume he would feel a little queasy?

Actually, I have no idea why the bastard's queasy. He has his sanctimonious pharaoh all back and alive and semicorporeal. What more does he want? Surely he can't doubt that the power of friendship will conquer all, smiting 'evil' from the land and destroying the nasty thief? That fool. To think that sealing someone away inside a hunk of 9 karat gold would get rid of them.

The history homework went very well. I divided up my time well enough that I didn't have to do it. It is useful to have a host, even if mine does collapse under the weight of his depression and sorrow at his meaningless life occasionally. Pansy.

Maybe I should add my history teacher to my collection of souls. It's been growing a little depleted lately, thanks to events that I'd rather not get into.

I told you. Lackeys are Ishtar's thing, not mine.

Bakura

To: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom
From: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet
Re: Re: Re: Re: Fuck you too

Ah, Bakky! Nice to hear from you and your dashing, effeminate good looks. Who the hell is Slifer? Believe me when I say I'm not expecting an answer at this point.

Yeah, untold mystic power would definitely leave us a little screwed up. Except for England, who gets off on that sort of stuff. Uh, but what is this – a shonen manga? Look, I've done the whole 'world at stake' thing before. Done it to death. Cold War, anyone? Yeah. Not doing that again. Could you just be a good sado-masochistic schoolboy and make all the world-in-danger stuff go away? Global recession is bad enough.

OK, you know the thing where I ask questions about all the incomprehensible stuff you said last time and you just ignore them? Well, this time I really do want an answer, damn it! Who is this 'host'? This Ishtar dude? And the Pharaoh? Thought they didn't have those anymore. And... 9 karat gold? All I have to say is: wha? Yeah. There isn't even a 't' in there - that's how confused I am. Conversation's no fun when I only understand 50% of it! And most of that's punctuation!

So I'm sitting in the bathtub at the moment, using West's laptop that I sto – liberated – from his room. Veneziano, Romano and Spain came round for dinner, so everything's a bit of a train wreck. I managed to escape round about the first course by using the 'gotta go do some last minute paperwork before tomorrow's mass bitching session – I mean, world conference' excuse right before the tomato sauce started flying. Am trying to ignore the muffled screams currently emanating from the room below. Hoping to God that it's just Romano being pissy and not actual countrycide. You never know, though, which is why I'm barricaded in here with eight bottles of beer and a machete.

Please, please, please add Russia to your collection of souls. Imagining the two of you battling it out just contains way too much awesome and hilarity. Add Busby's Chair to the mix and the world might explode before the economy does.

Just remembered I actually do have paperwork. Paperwork which I'm very happily not doing. Wish I had a lackey to do it for me. Am considering kidnapping Sealand.

Once more, with extra awesomeness,

PRUSSIA, LORD OF EVERYTHING THAT IS AWESOME!

To: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet

From: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fuck you too

One day I swear to Zorc I'll stop emailing you. As it is, boredom, my plots and my own apparent masochism account for this.

Plan's changed, by the way. I don't need Egypt anymore. Millenium items seem to be throwing themselves at me.

Perhaps you require some explanation.

A very, very long time ago, there was a murderous bastard. Said murderous bastard murdered many people. A lot of complicated, boring and needless stuff happened, and now I play interminably long card games in order to collect certain gold items which, when combined on a slab of prophetic crumbling rock, will give me untold power. You can probably guess which particular murderous bastard will be the first person on the receiving end of said power.

If you want the longer version, you'll have to wrap your head around the fact that I inhabit one of the gold items, and the murderous bastard is a three thousand year old pharoah. Also the card games are inexplicably riveting. I'm not even being ironic, here – they are. But I really don't feel like giving myself a headache by explaining the host thing, or indeed the different bits and pieces which combine together to make a soul.

I think I preferred it when I just ignored your questions and you were oblivious to the specifics of my situation.

Give me some of the paperwork. Then film your boss' reaction to the words 'murder', 'pain' and 'die' written in blood on them. It will be amusing.

Believe me when I say that kidnapping won't solve your problems. I would say that the easiest and most effective way to get something done is to manipulate a person to the extent that they will do as you ask, in good will. Mind control, kidnapping and other methods are highly overrated. If somebody really trusts you for whatever misguided reason, they'll do as you say.

Bakura

To: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom
From: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fuck you too

Hey! Kura-Kura!

So you'll admit to the masochism but not to the sadism? Weird. Or, as you'd say, 'interesting'. (It's not; it's just creepy.)

Plan's changed? You don't need Egypt? So why the hell do you still need me?

... You want to keep talking to me! You like me, don't you? Admit it! You think I'm the epitome of awesomeness! It's not as though I blame you. I mean, I am pretty damn likeable.

I should probably be telling you to stop it with the fantasy/horror stuff and actually tell me the truth, at least some of it – but I'm actually finding it difficult to be sceptical. I mean, I went to Egypt's house yesterday – he pretended he wasn't home and barricaded the door when I arrived, but I snuck in through the back and found him hiding in a wardrobe with a butter knife; some people are just unfriendly – to see what he made of it. I told him about the gold stuff and the rocks and the Pharaoh and the vague mention of souls.

He tried to knife me first, but like I said, it was a butter knife, so yeah.

Anyway, eventually I explained that someone – no, I didn't mention you by name so you can get that just-swallowed-shit look off your (effeminate) face – had mentioned some of this stuff, just in passing. He kind of relaxed after realising I wasn't some agent of the Dark Side or something (oh, hang on, I totally am now, aren't I? Oops. My bad.) So... he told me some pretty crazy stuff. There were souls, and thieves, and kings, and, yep, card games. And a guy called the Thief King, who I assume was you. Except it's not you, because apparently there are two, or three of you, or something? But the first one's not actually you? This is way too fucking complicated.

I asked Hungary about it too, mostly just to distract her from hitting me on the head with a frying pan. She wasn't all that helpful. What's a 'bishonen', anyway? And what the hell does it have to do with ships?

On the manipulating thing: yeah, I'd do that if I was a total jerk. Seeing as I'm not, I won't. Because I'm fine with honest, open violence and belligerence - sure, whatever, tough world and all that shit. But lying and deceiving? That's just evil.

All right, let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, not as long ago as all that, there was a murderous bastard. Said murderous bastard basically wanted to take over the world, but he was also completely fucking psycho because he wanted to kill certain groups of people for completely dumb and ignorant reasons. Here's the thing – he did it by making people trust him. Making a nation trust him. He made us – uh, the nation, I mean - do all kinds of evil things, but the nation did it because he believed what the murderous bastard said, and the murderous bastard was a cheat and an inveterate liar. What I'm trying to say here is that manipulating is a really fucking nasty idea. Which is why I'm sort of worried about you. Don't go doing anything insanely stupid or evil, please.

Oh, hey, but when you get untold power, can I have control of some of the world? I don't care who or where, really. So long as I get an Empire again! Bigger than Turkey's or England's or France's were! That'd be so cool!

On the 'murder', 'blood' and 'die' thing? Honestly, I doubt Angela would bat an eyelid. She'd just raise an eyebrow, ask me where I was drinking last night, tell me she hoped that France, Spain and I hadn't done anything too illegal and leave it at that.

But seriously, if you're offering to do the paperwork, I will send it to you. Sealand is proving... difficult to coerce. As in he keeps calling me a jerk and demanding pay in exchange for doing all my work for me. But I know kidnapping won't solve my problems! I mean, if I actually did that (and I was joking, by the way; the weirdness of the fact you took me seriously is not lost on me), West would kick me out of the basement! And then he'd lecture me or something!

Anyway, gotta go – world conference beckons. Hope to hear from you soon, if I get out of there alive.

PRUSSIA, AWESOME INCARNATE :)

To: PrussiaTheGodAwesome-dotnet

From: KingOfThievesDubiouslyAmoral-dotcom

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fuck you too

Apparently the concept of irony is foreign to you.

I'll admit that talking to you isn't as horrifically, soul-gnawingly horrible as I thought it would be from reading your blog. After all, I thought that you were just a deluded, beer-obsessed narcissist with a strange obsession with birds. As it is, you're a deluded, beer-obsessed narcissist with a strange obsession with birds who refers to yourself as 'AWESOME INCARNATE' and has proved to be completely useless in furthering my plot…

For once, I am willing to admit ignorance. I have no idea why I'm still emailing you. Boredom, I assume.

Not that I have reason to be bored.

My plans are all coming together – almost all of the Millenium Items have gathered, and my deck is stronger than it's ever been. I am in an unlikely alliance with someone who may yet prove to be the key to destroying the mortal vessel of the pharaoh.

Never speak to me of ships again. I may have powers beyond mortal comprehension, but even I flinch when I hear the word 'Thiefshipping'. I've known people with less willpower than I to jump off cliffs at the mere mention of 'bishies', especially in conjunction with the phrase "Squee!".

You can worry about me as much as you like. Too bad I don't have time for stories. What I'm doing merely has the side effect of wanton destruction. Ultimately, that isn't my goal – just a technicality. Don't be so presumptuous as to define what I'm doing as 'good' or 'evil'.

And for future reference, you don't get an Empire. In fact, I'm not even going to dignify the rest of that paragraph with a reply.

And you call me disturbing (which is completely unwarranted, by the way). Angela sounds unnerving, to say the least. For one thing, the idea of you and the embodiments of France and Spain in one room with alcohol doesn't send her running for the hills.

What paperwork is there to do, and does it – wait, I've just realised that it will be in German. How do you expect me to help you? You actually expected me to help you? You'll have more luck kidnapping Sealand, to be honest. And who the fuck is Sealand, anyway?

Have 'fun' at your world conference. Do tell me if the growing influence of a children's card game on the world economy is mentioned.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a blimp to catch.

Bakura

A/N: Please do not try too hard to reconcile this with the actual timeline for Yu Gi Oh. We tried. It was tricky. Heads actually exploded. Sorta messy. Yeah.