Of Pineapples and Motor Vehicles

"You slept with Juliet, didn't you?"

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Because, you sang Barry White all the way here and you didn't comment on my choice of shirt. You always comment on my choice of shirt. That means you either slept with Juliet or you beat your high score on Farmville."

"Don't be ridiculous, Gus. I would never play Farmville. Not since that new aquarium game came out, anyway."

"So you slept with Juliet."

"Alright, I slept with Juliet!"

"I knew it."

"I suppose you want an award for figuring it out now?"

"Did you tell her you loved her?"

"Sort of."

"How do you sort of tell someone you love them?"

"I told her she made me want to buy a car."

"But you love your motorcycle."

"Exactly."

"Wow. That's actually sort of sweet. In a weird, non-sweet way."

"Don't flatter me, Gus. It was either that or I compared her to my dad's old fishing pole. The one I secretly loved and wanted to use but never told him."

"I'm happy for you. You finally manned up and told her."

"It wasn't like I didn't have to manliness to tell her, Guster. It was just a matter of when. It needed to feel right."

"Shawn, there were plenty of times that you could have told her. You just chickened out."

"That . . . is not true."

"It is so true."

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"Is not with a cherry on top!"

"What are you, five?"

"How many five-year-olds do you know that have sex?"

"I don't know. Sixteen-year-olds are getting pregnant nowadays. You never know anymore."

"Please don't tell me you watch that crap."

"It's a good show!"

"So is American Idol, but that doesn't mean I watch it."

"That's because it's not in season, Shawn. And you only watch American Idol because you have a man crush on Ryan Seacrest."

"Who wouldn't? He's got the nicest teeth I've ever seen."

"Anyway, does this mean you guys are dating?"

"I think so."

"Poor Declan."

"Yes. Poor Declan indeed."