What is this I don't even

Disclaimer: It's probably a good thing I don't own Hetalia.

How it had even started, who had suggested it, why they had agreed, why it was those particular players, why the game was around at all, it was impossible to tell at that point. Alcohol could have easily explained it...if any of them had been drunk. None of that mattered anyway. What did matter was that they had agreed and that it was those particular players and that they were in a dead heat to be victorious above all others.

Only one could be the pretty pretty princess.

It was a close game for sure. Sweden, who had the blue pieces, only needed one more earring and the crown to win. Japan, who had the purple pieces, had only needed a bracelet and the crown but had just lost his necklace during his last turn. Russia, who had the pink pieces, needed only the crown to win. And America, who had the green pieces, was the current wearer of the crown but was lacking a ring.

All of them were burning with tense anticipation. At any second it could be anyone's game.

Sweden gave the spinner a whirl and moved his piece wearing his usual terrifying expression. He grunted softly as he landed on an 'Earring' spot. Without saying a word he dug into the little jewelry box and pulled out the matching blue earring, clipping it carefully onto his other ear. The atmosphere seemed to become even more tense.

"Come on ring, come on ring," America muttered to himself as he spun. He cursed when he moved two spaces onto a bracelet square. How useless. He sat back, tapping his arm restlessly then reaching up to adjust the crown.

Smiling with feigned cheer, Russia took his turn, eyes mapping out his path before he moved his piece. A frown replaced the smile as he reached into the jewelry box and pulled out a black ring that could never hope to fit on one of his fingers. "What does the black ring mean again?"

Sweden stared at him stonily and Kiku shook his head, searching for an instruction manual. America looked at the ceiling thoughtfully, trying to think. "Uhhhh... Oh yeah! Ahahah sucks for you! It means if you don't get rid of it and you still have it by the end of the game you can't win even if you have your full set! Suck it, commie! Might as well give up now!"

Russia snarled. "I will be the prettiest princess!"

As he started choking America with his green plastic necklace Japan took another turn. His dull eyes lit up as he landed on a bracelet square. He took the purple bracelet from the jewelry box and slipped it around his slender wrist. The only one in the whole group who could actually fit it over their hand.

Ignoring the continued choking and violence that was taking place beside him, Sweden gave the spinner another spin. He moved the piece tapping it against each square as if his life depended on it. For a moment he looked at the square then looked at America, who was pushing against Russia's face and holding his broken necklace. "'Merica. Give me th' cr'wn."

Russia and America froze and looked at the square in disbelief. The lucky bastard had landed on a 'Take Any Piece' square. "No way! No way- You cheated! You totally had to have- Hey!"

Sweden reached over and snatched it off his head, placing it on his own with proper dignity. He turned the spinner over to reveal the mirrored side of it and brought it up to reflect his grim, nearly violent expression. "'M a pr'tty pr'tty pr'ncess!"

"Damn it!" America threw his beads to the ground. "Not fair! I was so goddamn close! Augh!"

Russia's expression darkened and he leaned closer to Sweden. "Not so fast. Do not think I will allow you to leave here with that title. I will be the pretty pretty princess or no one shall be, da?"

He seemed to pull a pipe from out of nowhere and swung it violently. "Death to the false princess!"

America and Japan quickly backed away as Sweden jerked backwards and barely caught the pipe, gritting his teeth as he held it back. Finally he managed to deflect it, expression becoming even more intense as he stood. "Y're j'st jealous 'cause y' had th' black ring!"

As Russian went to swing his pipe again Sweden grabbed his chair and swung it, the two weapons colliding in midair and jarring their users.

While they fought one another America noticed the crown now fallen to the floor. With lightning speed he snatched it up. "Ah ha!"

Russia noticed him and, after kicking Sweden's chest to get him to back off, turned to attack him instead. "Oh no you do not capitalist filth! You do not even allow for royalty in your country!"

America yelped. "Quick, Japan, think fast!" He tossed it across the room and Japan caught it a bit clumsily. "Run Kiku run! Once you have put the crown in a safe location you and I can both be pretty pretty princesses and create a pretty princess empire that will rule the world with an iron fist!"

Japan nodded his head once but before he could escape through the door he was lifted into the air by Sweden. "'S mine."

Japan clutched at it as Russia took another swing at America. It seemed it would be a battle for the crown the likes of which the world had never seen in all of its-

The door opened and England walked in. "America are you in-"

Everyone paused and stared at him. England looked at them, looked at the board game now askew on the table, back at them. "...What the bloody- No. I really do not want to know."

With that he closed the door again without so much as a click. There was a pause of silence. And then America punched Russia in the face, and Sweden was lifting Japan even higher. And thus the war raged on.

And yet, despite all this, legend tells that it was only the second most violent battle ever recorded for the esteemed and much sought after title of pretty pretty princess.

AN: Sometimes my mind works in odd ways. This nonsense has the honor of being my 30th story. Go figure.

For any of you who might be my regular readers, You and I etc. will be updated on the 14th.