I can't thank you guys enough for the criticism and the love that you have given me over this story. I know the last chapter was pretty short, but I needed an introduction to some of the past pain and problems that Jasper remembers and of course the lovely showing of our beautiful Edward. I hope that you will stay with this story and my boys - who, sadly - I have no right to claim ownership of!

I will make sure many of the chapters are longer. Please feel free to comment on how you like them – do you prefer the more detailed and lengthier chapters or do you prefer short chapters simply detailing events and Jasper and Edward's present day interactions. I will try and accommodate everyone's taste to the best of my ability. Remember that reviews always send their own love and also help to motivate me to post more chapters.

I came across this while sitting outside on my break smoking a cigarette. I decided that I wanted to do an Edward point of view (after all many of you are probably dying to know how and what he thinks). I will only do his point of view when I feel the need, as, I want this to be a truly one-sided story from our beloved Jasper's view of what is happening now that Edward has re-entered his life once again.

I have also been asked why Edward's parents Carlisle and Esme have the Masen surname and not Cullen as most would have expected. I will be talking about it briefly in the chapter and hope you don't kill me for making it a little different – or for liking the name Masen more than Cullen - lol

I own no rights to the Twilight or Queer as Folk - like references. I will gladly say that those belong to Stephenie Meyer and to Showtime, it's producers and it's writers. I am just fooling around with the wonderful characters that they individually created for us all to enjoy.

PLAYLIST : Numb remixed by Dubstep

Chapter Dedications: Chesko Spezzotti

Chapter 4

Of Misjudged Pain

EDWARD'S POV:

It has been twelve years since I've seen his face so closely as I had that night in the club. I think I saw a glimpse of the old Jasper...the Jasper I had known and loved so long ago.

I admitted to myself as I took the long ride home from the coffee shop that I still had a lot to be forgiven for. I had completely destroyed our relationship on my own. I hadn't needed anyone's help to tear everything apart. If I had been Jasper – would I have reacted any differently? No, being honest within my own thoughts, I would have probably left more than coffee stains on his shirt the way he had mine.

The lights had dimmed in my apartment when I finally arrived home. As I turned to switch on the light, my cellphone ringing caught my attention as I glanced down and saw my father's name coming up as my caller.

Seeing my father's name flashing in the dim light like that instantly brought Jasper to my mind and how much he had hated my father and everything about him.

Jasper had never been good at hiding things from me when we were together. I knew he felt the pain that my own father had emotionally inflicted on him, inflicting on him with full knowledge of how much I cared for the boy he was so determined to hurt and destroy.

I could see it and feel it every time he came over for dinner at my house. His posture would become straighter and tighter. His eyes would lose their color. His smiles would be so artificial and his frowns proving his smiles to be nothing more than poorly hidden lies.

I had been so stupid thinking that my father would accept my love for Jasper once he got to know the real Jasper as I did. By my very desire to bring them together didn't change and all I proved and provoked was my father's determination to crush our relationship and Jasper heart as well. How could I have been so stupid to think that my father could ever have loved anyone – even for his own son.

I clicked the phone shut and turned back to face the light of the window. The moon showed through the clouds and I heard a loud thunderclap.

I had managed to survive the pain that had collapsed around me when I had come from the coffeeshop.

I had found where he worked from his older sister Alice.

Alice and I had still talked over the years since I had left. It was my constant thoughts about how Jasper was doing that convinced me that I had made a terrible mistake.

I had boarded that bus with an angry mind that had collapsed the moment I got to my father's business. I had avoided his calls and text messages with full force.

I wasn't angry at him, just every time I heard his voice or saw the picture come up of him onto my phone's screen I would want to scream at him, telling him how I honestly felt about everything that he had done and how much I had missed him.

My father had introduced me into the company with a large smile and to my mother a painful argument after his comment of me forgetting about that 'faggot'.

I became a workaholic after I started at my father's company. I didn't want to date anyone, I didn't want to think of him. I didn't want to upset my mother or father.

I thought I had them all fooled.

It wasn't till after three months away from him that I was sitting in my apartment with my mother, who, had stopped over for dinner while my dad was still working.

She had come there with a smile and a hug and even help me cook my dinner.

She had sat down next to me at the table in the kitchen and we had started talking about how I loved New York.

That's when she had this surprised look on her face suddenly and she reached into her pocket.

"Oh, I found this in your room." she said and pulled out a little book. I glanced over at it..wondering how she had found my old diary. I looked up at her and saw her green eyes look at me and a soft tender smile stood at the corner of her lips.

"I thought you might have wanted it. I know that most of the pages are filled and that you probably don't need it...but I want you to look at the back page."

I looked up at her in confusion before turning the leather bound diary over and opened it from behind. I heard a clack on the floor and looked down.

I saw a slip of white paper and reached for it. I felt my heart skip a beat as I opened it.

"Dear Edward," I read outloud.

"I came over to your mothers when I had been in town. I had heard her side of the break up and wanted to say that I am willing to accept the fact that your choices had pushed away my brother. I am just sad that you didn't tell him anything. You see, he's completely changed. He dropped out of the college that you suggested for him about a week ago. He's very distant and from what Bella tells me...He told her he wouldn't date anyone.

I hope that you understand that I forgive you, because, your mother told me how your father treated him behind your back and you were probably tired of him being in pain that you left thinking it would solve it.

Here's my numb-"

I had stopped reading it. I felt my whole body shaking with pain and anger. I heard the loud gasp come from me as the sobs and tears started and I looked at my mother.

"Why?" I asked her.

She merely placed a soft hand over mine and looked at me with hurt look.

"Edward, what your father did was wrong. If you had told me that he did that I could have done something. However, I don't think you should let the past haunt you. I know you never meant to hurt him."

I moved over to her and let my body collapse and I felt her hands on my back letting me cry.

I had thought I lost him for good.

From then on the years passed by so quickly. I decided to never let anyone see my tears or know that I had failed him. I worked my ass off during the day and at night I would stay up smoking and watching movies that reminded me of him.

I didn't date anyone because none of them were Jasper. Sure, you could say that I had a few dates along the years but most of them drifted away quickly or simply became just friends.

Yet about a few weeks ago I called Alice just to check in. I was back in New Jersey for the week to see a client of mine and I knew she was also here because of some fashion event.

I remember that call like it was yesterday.

"Edward?"

"Yes"

"Oh hi, you caught me a busy time, but I am intrigued as to why you called, what's up?"

"Ummm, just checking in."

"oh"

Silence.

"You want to know how he's doing?"

"Yeah."

the silence had became deafening.

"He lives near Blackwood. the local gay club here in town and he works at Starbucks on 35th. He's doing well dear . If you want to see him. I can-"

I coughed.

"No, I am glad he's doing alright, would you perhaps like to meet up at Galloway's for coffee sometime?"

"Sure, oh and Edward...be good"

Silence and confusion hit me.

"Don't worry darling, I'm sure I'll be seeing you before then."

-Click-

I remember standing there in my hotel room biting my lip. I always knew that she was very over anxious about things. I had gotten to know here well while I was with Jasper and I liked her very much.

She was a tiny little pixie and spoiled but yet so much like an older sister to me.

I never thought that she would tell me where he lived. I never thought that he would live so very near my hotel.

However, fate must have come to fuck me over...or break me again.

I then heard my phone start to ring. I turned my head to notice that my dad's name had appeared on the register tab.

I picked it up with a sigh.

"Hello?"

I heard some car noise and the music playing in the background and my mother's voice.

"Hey m'boy. I want us to go to dinner tonight. I have a night off and your mother and I would like to see you."

I groaned silently, I sometimes wondered if they were spying on me, I even wondered what they were doing...wait! They were in town!

"Edward?" my father's voice asked.

"Sorry, what bring's you to New Jersey?" I asked getting up reaching for my jeans and a sweater.

"I have a meeting tomorrow with Starbucks. I want to help sell their products with new advertising." He said in an almost business like voice.

I flinched at the mention of Starbucks.

"Oh" was all I could muster.

"Anyway son, we'll be at your apartment in a few minutes..so get ready, we're going to Galloway's"

-Click-

I sighed looking out the window before sliding into some dark blue jeans. I was buttoning up my tailored black shirt and doing my hair when I noticed myself in the mirror.

I looked terrible.

My hair was all over the place and my eyes looked musty as hell, lines underneath seemed to make me look dead.

I sighed brushing my teeth and messing with my hair. I even made sure to put a little extra cologne on.

I had to pretend to be straight, since my father thought I had been going through a phase.

He was always wrong.

I glanced around to makesure the kitchen was clean and swept the floor and got rid of an old pack of cigarettes from the counter before I stood near the front door to wait.

I had moved to New Jersey about a week ago. It had been a spur of the moment thing. I loved the people around here and the scenery was very nice outside my window...plus I had secretly hoped that he would still be here.

I had managed also to find the gay club a few days ago and enjoyed the atmosphere, more than I thought I would.

I suddenly heard a knock on the door.

"Edward!" my mother's soft voice squealed.

I laughed and opened the door. I felt my mother's arms wrap around me as my father walked past me.

I turned and saw him smile at me as I lead them to the small living room, constantly watching his eyes roam around the place.

"Looks nice" was all he said.

I looked at them as they sat on my couch. I sat on the other side facing the window that led out onto the patio.

I had known Esme and Carlisle since I was six. I had been adopted at a very young age after my mother Elizabeth had passed away from cancer. My father Anthony hadn't wanted me at all.

They had taught me everything about respect, being helpful, truthful and making me believe that trust was what any good friendship or relationship needed to have.

I thought I knew them both.

I thought that they would love anyone that I loved. However, when my father started verbally abusing Jasper behind my back and my mother kept quiet... well you could say it changed our relationship a lot.

Sure, my mother and I were close, we could discuss anything under the stars but I never told her about my reason's for coming here...my true reasons.

"Thanks" I managed a crooked smile.

We sat chatting about memories and things that were happening in New York. My father even discussed with me what my new assignment entailed...I had to listen since he was my father and also unfortunately, my employer.

After a while my father said that we needed to head over to the small restaurant and we headed there in silence. I was glancing everywhere as we walked through the doors.

I suddenly felt my breath hitch when I noticed who was sitting at the table behind the waitress that greeted us.

Jasper leaned against the back of his chair. He was reading something on his laptop. His hair wavy now and looked a dark brown in the light. I noticed that he was with a Native American boy and his blonde girlfriend.

It wasn't until the waitress had asked what section we would prefer to sit in when things started to become insanely undone.

"Non-smoking" my father's voice said and suddenly a pair of blue eyes were glancing into mine.

A look of shock spread through them. I thought I saw the blonde girl, Rose, look over and swore I thought I saw a smile grace her lips.

"Edward?" My mother's voice took me out of the snap and I turned to look at her. My father was headed to our table and my mother was looking at me curiously.

"Sorry." I said when I heard a pixie-like squeal from behind me.

"Edward!" I turned my head to see Alice walking towards me with a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. It wasn't till she noticed my mother that she stopped.

"Do you know her?" My mother said with a soft smile and she was glancing at us. I saw Alice's smile widened.

"Nice seeing you again Mrs. Masen" she said stopping when she reached us. I could feel eyes in the back of my head.

"What're you doing here?" I asked before I could think and she looked at me a little curious.

"I brought Jas-" suddenly she stopped realizing who we were also in company with. I saw my mother's head turn back in the direction I was looking.

I saw Alice blush in embarassment.

"I meant I invited my friends for a small get-together. I'm in town for the week." she giggled.

"Oh" I said and before I could think, my hand grabbed my mother's arm and I pulled her toward's our table.

I managed to turn my head in time to see Alice reach the table with her 'friends' when I saw two dazziling blue eyes glare at me.

"Was that Jasper?" my mother's voice asked and I looked at her.

"Yeah." I managed, with an edge cutting through the air.

She said nothing as she sat next to my father and I sat across from them. I looked over to the table to see Jasper talking to the blonde girl, Rose.

I felt my phone vibrate and grabbed it as my parent's were ordering their drinks.

Call me later.

The text was from Alice.

I hope it wasn't too long. I know this was a bit boring (I didn't think it was, but it was a filler). I just wanted you to get the background of Edward. I also needed to introduce the fact that Rose and Alice have met Edward before.

However Jasper doesn't know any of that information yet.. I wonder what our dear Jasper is thinking seeing his ex, and the family that destroyed him, walking into somewhere he never would have imagined or expected to see.

I want you to know that from now on we'll start getting to the really juicy parts.

I still am looking for a banner-maker for this. If you think you might like to do this, I would love to hear from you.

Remember that reviews always equal love and are a great motivator !