Sarah vs the mixed CD

Chapter 1

A/N Apparently there's one more season 3 story to tell – it takes place after 'The fake name'. My first song fic, inspired by Doc in Oz – his is so much better though. If you haven't read 'Flame trees' yet, I highly recommend it.

I don't own Chuck. Other disclaimers to follow at the end.

Sarah pushed her hotel room door closed behind her. Wearily she rested her head against it for a moment. She was still emotionally drained from the day before. She hated watching Chuck lose himself. Yesterday he lied like a pro. He took on the identity of an assassin and he pulled it off. With help from her. It made her realize what she has become over the past ten years and it made her somewhat desperate to get that person back that she was before. And born from that desperation she showed up at Daniel's and told him her real name. It felt wrong the minute 'Sam' slipped from her lips. He was not the guy she wanted to tell. Then Chuck showed up. He heard. She'll never forget the look in his eyes when he turned to her. He was there to sell his cover, but the hurt was real. As was the fear when she had that gun pointed at her head. They both felt it. All she could do was lock gazes with him, hoping he could still read her as he'd done so many times in the past. I'm so sorry I failed you.

She wondered how Chuck was doing. He took a personal day and spent it in his room working on his computer. She saw Hannah on the surveillance feed clearing out her locker. According to Casey, Chuck broke up with her. Sarah suspected that Casey only shared the information because he felt bad about the crack he made yesterday morning when Chuck came bouncing into Castle. She felt the flicker of pain crossing her face before she could hide her emotions and he must have noticed. Even Shaw suspected she was still in love with Chuck, which is why he agreed to take things slow. It seemed the only one who didn't know was Chuck, but she was sure her confession to Shaw was the last straw.

Sarah let out her breath slowly and pushed herself from the door. She felt something under her foot and bend down to pick it up. It was an unmarked disk. Frowning she moved over to the bed and started up her laptop. She kicked off her shoes while she waited for the application to open and slipped the disk in.

She gasped when she heard his voice.

Hi Sarah, it's Chuck. Please don't push the stop button. Look, I know things between us are…well, you know…and we haven't really talked about it, so I was thinking…hoping that maybe…if you could just take a few minutes and listen to this. That's all I ask. I know music is not really on top of your list of priorities, so I'll try and give you a little guidance here. Forgive me if this seems a little…I don't know…high school, but you see…despite being an eloquent schnook, I really suck at writing letters. Besides, this is how nerds do it. With technology.

Sarah couldn't help the small smile that formed. Chuck still had his sense of humor. He didn't lose everything that made him great.

The first song I chose is called…uhm…it's called Sarah. I know you're real name is Sam, but the thing is…to me, you'll always be Sarah. Do you remember what you told me the first time I asked you what it was like to be undercover? You said that the details are different, but you're still you. So even though you chose to tell Shaw, I like to think…hope actually, that I still know you better. That's unless he figured out the olive and pickles thing. Then again, he did read your file. I can do that too, you know. It's in the Intersect, but I choose not to. As much as I want to know everything about you, I respect your privacy. Of course nothing will make me happier if you want to tell me about it someday, but if you don't, that's okay. So without further ado, here's your song.

Sarah smile faltered and she pressed the pause button. This was the last thing she expected. Two years ago Chuck told her they could never have a future because he'll never know anything real about her. Now he's forgiven her for her mistake with Shaw. Dare she hope? There was only one way to find out. She pressed the play button, folded her legs under her and leaned a little closer to the screen to hear better. And she listened to every word when the song started.

Another restless night without you
Secret feelings locked away
I close my eyes and think about you
I memorize each word you say
Oh emotions tear me apart
Thoughts never spoken are here in my heart

One memory immediately sprang to mind. "You're a spy now, Chuck. You have to keep your feelings to yourself." He did just that. The man who was always so open closed himself off, especially to her. And she never thought she could hurt worse than that day in Prague.

Every day you pass beside me
never once you look my way
The inner conflict that's inside me
to try and find some words to say

She watched him quite often through the surveillance when she was alone in Castle. It was as close as she allowed herself to get. She watched until the whiskey bottle was half empty on the night he burned Manoosh. She ached to go to him, but he didn't need her protection anymore. He declined her offer to take care of the asset for him. She saw the way he smiled and toasted with Hannah at the family dinner. For the first time she felt the pain of being replaced.

Sarah I need you
Sarah you take my breath away
Sarah I gotta have you
Sarah you take my breath away
Hey you take my breath away

Chuck still needed her. She needed him probably more. Pausing the disk again, she got off the bed and went to her closet. She unzipped the back pocket in her suitcase and took out the picture. Without looking at it, she balanced it in the bottom corner of the screen. She lay back against the headboard and closed her eyes as the disc continued to play.

A/N I'm bored, so sue me. The song is 'Sarah' from Chris Norman. He's that guy from Smokie, I think. I could be wrong. I googled this, the other songs will all be recognizable. So now I have four unfinished stories published – eish. I should have some time on Friday to work on 'Anniversaries' and hopefully finish it by then. This one should be finished quite quickly – four chapters in total and the second one is almost finished. I'm having trouble downloading season 4, so that story is gonna take a while. "Covers" is still an inbetweener, but the updates will be more frequent than in the past. Then again, life happens.