Well I have revamped my story. I have come to get the greatest Beta ever and I am so happy that she has offered to help. She has done a great job fixing everything that I tried and failed to do. I have to delete the story and repost it. The story contains Mature themes and shouldn't be read by anyone that isn't umcomfortable with adult situations.
So read on if you think you can handle. Thank you to my beta Aixa, she's the greatest...