A/N: In the aftermath that was Red Hot, here's a fun little piece where Lisbon gets one up on Jane and Rigsby. I needed to comfort the little Jane/Lisbon shipper in me. First a little background to get the fic. I encourage you to try this on someone, it's actually kind of fun! Get someone and tell them to spell out the word POST, say the word POST and repeat ten times, i.e. P-O-S-T, post, P-O-S-T, post, P-O-S-T, post and so forth, ten times, not too quickly and not too slowly. Immediately after they finish ask the person the following question, 'What do you put in a toaster?' Nine times out of ten the person will answer 'Toast'. Go on try it and then come back to the story. I use another similar word trick for SILK ('What do cows drink?' 'Milk'). If you're still confused PM me. If you want to know the trick for POTS, again PM me. Enjoy!
Warning: The following fic contains an obnoxious amount of silliness. Please do not take any of it seriously. The author was cracked out when she wrote it.
Disclaimer: I put toast in my toaster and think cows drink milk (technically baby calves do drink milk) but I don't own anything related to the Mentalist.
Toast
"P-O-T-S, pots. P-O-T-S, pots. P-O-T-S, pots…"
Lisbon stopped in the middle of the hallway at the sound of Rigsby's voice coming from the break room. She listened with curiosity as she back tracked into the room. When she walked in, she found him and Jane seated across from each other. Neither one even bothered to acknowledge her presence.
"P-O-T-S, pots. P-O-T-S, pots…"
She bit down on her lip to prevent herself from laughing out loud at the intense look of concentration etched on Rigsby's face.
"What the Hell are you doing?" she demanded, unable to remain silent at the comical scene before her.
Instantly, Rigsby stopped chanting and stared up at her.
"Great," he huffed. "Now I have to start all over again."
Lisbon was slightly taken aback by the tone Rigsby had used. She stared at him pointedly. It took him half a minute before he realized what he had said.
"I d-didn't mean it like that, Boss, I swear," he apologized. "I-I, uh, well, I just, w-we, were…"
He floundered for awhile, looking towards Jane numerous times for support. The blond consultant simply smiled at Rigsby but offered no assistance to the taller agent whatsoever. Quickly shutting his mouth, Rigsby cast his gaze to the floor, wearing the expression of a naughty child who had just been scolded by his mother. After a pregnant pause, Jane turned to Lisbon with a wide grin.
"What if I told you that with the help of our dear Agent Rigsby, I can make you dumber?"
She let out an undignified snort at the hurt look on Rigsby's face.
"Okay, that didn't come out quite right," Jane replied thoughtfully.
"No, no it didn't," replied Lisbon.
"But you're intrigued."
"I'm more insulted."
"I think I should be the one that's insulted," Rigsby grimaced.
"Cheer up, you, will be my esteemed assistant."
Almost immediately, Rigsby brightened at the prospect of being a part of the con instead of being the conned.
"Rigsby, now, I want you to slowly spell out the word 'post' and then say 'post' after you spell it. Nice and slow. P-O-S-T, post. Just like that, ten times. Got it?"
Rigsby nodded his head enthusiastically as Jane turned to Lisbon.
"And you, my fair lady, will need to pay close attention to Rigsby while he is spelling and spell along with him. After you're both done, I will ask you a question and I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind. Ready?"
"No."
"C'mon, Lisbon. I promise it'll be fun."
"Somehow, I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"
"So skeptical."
Sighing, Lisbon reluctantly waved Jane on to begin his trick. Jane beamed as he gave the signal for both of them to start spelling.
"P-O-S-T, post. P-O-S-T, post. P-O-S-T, post. P-O-S-T, post. P..."
"I can feel my IQ dropping already," Lisbon quipped dryly which earned her a glare from Jane.
"...S-T, post. P-O-S-T, post. P-O-S-T, post. P-O-S-T, post. P-O-S-T, post."
"Quick Lisbon, what do you put in a toaster?" Jane asked.
"Bread."
Jane and Rigsby exchanged glances.
"What do you put in a toaster?" Jane asked again.
"Bread," she repeated in annoyance. "Don't you put bread in a toaster?"
"Huh. Well, that didn't go as planned."
"You were supposed to say 'toast'," Rigsby exclaimed.
"Toast? That's ridiculous. Why would I put toast in a toaster?" replied Lisbon quizzically. "Seems a bit redundant."
"But you were supposed to," Rigsby pouted.
"It seems that Lisbon is becoming immune to my tomfoolery," Jane said solemnly. "I think my perceptiveness is finally wearing off on her."
Lisbon shook her head at the disappointment on Rigsby's face when Cho appeared in the doorway.
"We're up. Double homicide."
Grabbing the last doughnut from the box on the counter, Rigsby followed Cho down the hall.
"Hey Cho, I bet I can make you dumber."
"No."
"C'mon man..."
Rolling her eyes, Lisbon was about to follow them out, but stopped when she noticed Jane still sitting in his spot.
"Aren't you coming?" she asked.
"You knew the trick."
"What trick? You asked me a question. I answered. I'm brilliant."
Her lips twitched ever so slightly and Jane pounced on the minute movement.
"Liar."
"Okay," she admitted with a shrug. "So, I knew. You forget I have three younger brothers."
"You made Rigsby believe you have a godly mind impervious to my influence."
She smirked.
"Good. He should know who's boss."
Jane grinned as they made their way to the elevator.
"Hey Lisbon?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you spell the word..."
"No."
The doors opened with a ping and she strolled in.
"Are you saying that you can't spell the word 'silk'? Honestly, I question the state of our public education system."
"I'm not saying I can't, I'm saying I won't."
Smiling brightly, she pressed the button for the ground level.
"Please Lisbon, it's not that difficult..."
"Cows don't drink milk," she interrupted him with a grin.
She simply waved at his astonished expression as the elevator shut in his face. He stared blankly at the closed doors for a moment before chuckling to himself.
"Damn, woman."
Fin for now, Jello forever