Forgive…

I didn't expect to be here. Yes, I saved my son. I realized that all those years ago, it was me who had been wrong… so terribly wrong. I destroyed the last true Sith, the one festering evil that was still present in the dull, dampened universe. It was still dull, and it was still damp, but it would get better. I left a clean slate for my son to start with. It was up to him now. I had done everything that I could do. And it still wasn't enough. It shouldn't have been enough. By all accounts, nothing should've been enough to redeem me for all of the wrongs I had committed. Nothing.

Yet here I stand, in a place so utterly light and so peaceful that it's mind boggling. No Sith Lord would end up here. That's the one thing I'm sure about right now. So then what am I? I can't possibly be a Jedi, or anything remotely close for that matter.

The Force is swirling around me. It's everywhere here. And it's visible. Everything around me is shimmering in light, almost glowing. The colors are so vibrant and I squint, sure I'm about to go blind. All I've seen for the last twenty years is blackness through a window of red. That stupid mask wouldn't allow me to see anything but. And where am I exactly? I have yet to figure that out.

I open my eyes, taking a good look around. I'm surprised to find that I'm standing in a familiar place. The humidity hangs in the air, though not as heavy as it was before. A stream is trickling along a little ways to my left, taking all the time in the world to get to where it wants to be. Lush, green vegetation is growing all around me. Life is singing out from the thick trees, the low, bulging bushes, the brilliantly-painted flowers, and even in the short, soft grass beneath me. I hear it. Actually hear it. It's a beautiful song, full of laughter and tears of joy, melodious notes raised in song. How I never heard it before saddens me. It should've been so obvious.

A lot of things should've been obvious. If only I would've listened. If only I hadn't been blind. If only… I hate that phrase.

I sniff, holding back the tears threatening to fall. I don't deserve this… this… goodness. It's just plain good. Something I never was.

My feet are moving, carrying my weary soul through a place long forgotten, yet remembered in the deepest parts of my mind. The memories are rushing forward now, stopping my feet, forcing the tears to finally break through whatever I had been trying to hold them back with. They carry so much weight with them. Are they happy tears or sad tears? I don't know. I know I'll never see him again, yet in my memories he's still there…

"Just settle down, padawan." His calm, accented voice sends calming tremors down my back. It relaxes my body for a moment.

A moment. Meditating is so hard. My itching body can't take it. How can a person sit still for so long? I spare him a glance only to freeze, eyes riveted on the form to my right.

He's floating. Floating!

Gently, a couple feet above the damp earth. His eyes are closed, a relaxed smile etched on his face. Focus. He told me before we came here that meditation takes a lot of focus and patience. I had neither of those, but I suddenly wanted to have them. I wanted to float too.

I stubbornly stand up and cross my arms, pouting. "Master."

One of his brows quirks, though his countenance remains unchanged. I know he heard me.

"Can you teach me?"

"It cannot be taught."

"But you said that it takes focus and patience. Teach me those."

He smiles softly. "You must learn them yourself. Those I cannot teach you."

I look at the ground, dig at it with my toe. "How long will it take me to learn them?"

"I am still learning, Anakin."

That surprises me and I don't believe him for a second. I stoop and pick up a smooth river stone, toss it a few times in my hand, and then, just out of curiosity, I chuck it at him as hard as I can. His left hand snaps out and the stone thwacks into his palm with hardly a noise, but the damage has been done. His eyes flash open and he falls, clumsily, onto the grass. He's just sprawling there, flat on the ground, staring up at the canopy of trees. I can't help it.

I giggle.

He turns to look at me. A grin slowly lights up his face for the first time since that dreadful funeral almost a year ago. "See. I'm still learning. Lost my focus."

We both burst into laughter.

I never knew he fell on purpose.

I blink and the memory fades. My cheeks are wet with silent tears. This place is so silent now. Awe-inspiring, yes. Loud with the life-giving Force, yes. But somehow silent. A muffled cry interrupts that silence. It's me. Whimpering like a small youngling again. I'm alone, and I always will be.

My feet move again. I allow them to carry me through the trees down a distantly familiar path. It was one that few ever took, mainly because it was barely even there. Most Jedi stayed on the paths that had been constructed. My master and I hadn't been 'most Jedi'…

I followed him through the thick blanket of leaves, careful to stay just far enough back so that branches wouldn't smack me in the head when he passed them. I had no clue where we were going. All I knew was that the ground was soggier than usual and that mud was caking all over my boots. Dew quickly soaked through my clothes. I was wearing only a sleeveless tunic, just like my master. It quickly clung to my body, becoming sticky and uncomfortable. Bugs were swirling around my head. One fly was particularly irritating as it constantly buzzed close to my ear. I finally gave up and smacked at it, only to mash it into my hair. "What are we doing exactly?"

He looks back at me and I have to grin. His face is streaked with dirt and his hair is wet and spiky. "Looking for what cannot be seen."

Ah. Right. Looking for what cannot be seen. That which cannot be found. That which does not exist. Another famous Jedi riddle. I grew to despise riddles. I sigh in frustration. "Which is what exactly?"

He stops abruptly and I almost run into him. My master pivots and stares at me. "Do you want to find out?"

Not really, but I'm slightly curious. "Of course."

He smiles. "Then you must look. Open your eyes, Anakin. There is much to be seen that has yet to be witnessed."

We start moving again. "Can you please stop talking in riddles? It's getting on my…" We break through the last layer of shrubbery and bugs and are suddenly standing in a bright, open clearing. "nerves," I finish. I can't believe we just walked through all of that to get to this. The clearing is vibrant. A bright, luscious green hidden from view. That's pretty much it. There's a small, wimpy fountain in the middle of the clearing. Nothing fancy like so many others. There's a small round ball in the middle where the water is spurting. Yes, merely spurting. It coats the ball in a shimmering layer of moving glass. Nothing spectacular. Nothing worth getting a gazillion bug bites over. "This is it?" I ask him in exasperation.

He walks forward and stands by the fountain with an oddly satisfied expression. "Yes, Anakin. This is it."

My feet take me to the clearing. There are no bugs this time. No branches whacking me in the face. No wet tunic sticking to my body. Just a path defined by two sets of feet that had walked it so many years ago. It's the same as I remember it, but the green is perhaps more vibrant than before, if possible. The fountain is still there, spurting softly. I walk forward and look at it, allowing a small smile to break onto my face. Yes. This is it. This is the Force. A small, insignificant spurt that drives everything around me. It hardly ever gets noticed for more than a mysterious power that few can wield. Few ever look for it, and fewer still ever find it.

My master found it. I found it too, but only just now. Why didn't I find it before? What if I had? Would things have gone differently?

"Why did you abandon me?" I whisper, angrily lashing out at the little spurt in front of me. "Why did you choose me? Why? You took everything! What did I ever do to you? You brought me here to rot in eternity, didn't you. This is all a kriffin' joke!"

Language, Anakin…

"Shut up, master!" I scream. Great. I'm imagining things now.

I quiet down enough to where I'm just seething. Breath in, breath out. Calm. There is no emotion, there is… heck yes, there's emotion! Who wrote that stupid Code? And suddenly I'm ranting and raving again. I feel the darkness closing in and desperately try and push it away. Where is it coming from? Everything here is so light! I thrash around, franticly trying to force it away from me.

But it's still coming. My sight begins to grow hazy. The red starts to seep in again, and suddenly I don't fight it. I embrace it, just like I used to. Like I did. I did it all those years ago on Mustafar, I did it for twenty years after that, and I will do it again. Last time he reached for me. Last time he tried to help me, tried to turn me back.

He's not here… he's gone… he's abandoned me just like the Force… he's… he's…

A sliver of white breaks through the inky blackness. It's there for but a moment before it turns a deep blue. A tinge of purple starts to break from the edges. It soon turns to a bright, joyous red. A soft chuckle breaks through my misery…

Anakin…

A whisper, though I barely hear it. There's a bridge forming in my mind, between myself and something else. It's growing, yet fading at the same time. Is this my way out? Do I want a way out? I survived before in the dark, and I can sure as heck do it again. Who needs a kriffin' bridge? I angrily turn from it, but I stop when a voice drifts across the bridge.

Language, Anakin…

No.

He's dead. I killed him. Saw it with my own eyes.

But I'm dead too.

I just seem to realize that. I focus on the bridge now, really focus. Then I see it. A force signature unique only to him. It's on the other side, swirling with brilliant colors. Orange mixing with yellow and red, spreading out to the blues and the purples.

It's his sunset.

I feel the darkness slipping, being beaten back by his light. It's trying to hold on to me, but as I take a step closer to the bridge, I feel it finally let go. It fades, only to be replaced by a light so bright I actually stumble in shock. It latches on to a familiar section of my mind.

A shattered bond suddenly pulses to life. I can't hold them back any longer. I feel whole again, and the tears fall freely. I break from the recesses of my mind and come back into the clearing. The fountain is still in front of me, but the water is suddenly spouting a good five feet into the air. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Anakin…

It's still only a whisper in my mind, coming over that bridge. Why can't he actually be here? I truly will never see him again.

"I'm right here, Anakin…"

No, you're not. You're gone forever. Cast away from me like I wanted… or used to want. I'm sobbing now, shoulders hunched over. My tears fall into the fountain's clear waters.

"Don't cry, brother. You're not alone."

A voice only he could have. Comforting and amused at the same time with his distinct accent. Really, the Force is playing a really sick joke on me right now. I lift my head and turn towards where it was coming from… and take a quick step back. Obi-wan. "No, I killed you."

He smiles. His trademark grin. I've missed it. "So you did, Anakin. I always said you would be the death of me."

For some reason, that makes me laugh. He was always right, even when he was joking. I take a couple steps closer and reach out a hand. He just stands there patiently, looking at me with clear blue eyes. My hand reaches his shoulder and presses against it. He's real. He's real. My eyes start to water again and I turn away. "I don't deserve this," I mutter between sobs.

I expect him to say something encouraging, but no. He only states the truth, as always. "No, you don't." A pause. "No one does."

I turn to look at him again, confused. His gaze goes from me to the fountain and a soft smile grazes his lips. Then something happens that I've seen only once before. A long time ago on a fiery planet filled with hate and darkness. He cries.

"What's wrong, master?" I ask him, suddenly panicked.

He lets out a short laugh and wipes the tears from his cheeks. Then he turns to me and places a hand on my shoulder. "Nothing, Anakin. Absolutely nothing."

And he's right. Somehow, someway, everything is just fine. "But how?" I can't stop myself from asking. I just can't comprehend how I ended up here.

"Forgiveness is not earned," he says quietly. "No one deserves any amount of mercy or compassion."

"Then why are we here?"

"Because forgiveness is given. Just as I forgave you all those years ago, the Force has forgiven you now."

Forgiven… I was forgiven. And then all of the tears that had threatened to break free over the years come pouring out in a tidal wave of relief. All of the power I could ever have possessed wouldn't have prepared me for three words that he just said. I forgave you.

Forgiveness is not earned; it is given. The strength it takes to forgive the things I've done… and he did it years ago. And the Force forgave me as well. I look up and see his gentle smile, his bright, clear eyes, and lower my gaze to the hand he's reaching out to me. I must have fallen to my knees as I cried.

He was reaching for me for thirteen years. He reached to me throughout the war, through all of my nightmares, through my secret marriage with Padme, through the last few years of our friendship, and he even reached out one last time as I shattered our bond on Mustafar. I ignored him every time.

This time, I hesitate for a fraction of a second before slowly grasping the offered hand. His grip is strong. So strong. I know he'll never let go.

Then he pulls me up.

Out of the darkness and into the light.

I'm forgiven.

The End...

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~ Lewis B. Smedes