Disclaimer/Pre-Author Note: A series of funny clips came to me after having a roundtable discussion on Final Fantasy with some fun friends of mine. I played Final Fantasy 7 a long, long, time ago, so my knowledge of the characters is rusty. Well, since this is most of this is comedy, pretty much all of the characters will be OOC. And this will be somewhat AU 'cause Aerith is still alive and Midgar isn't destroyed. Now on with this wild and crazy show.

Part 1: Prelude

On a patch of farmland, several miles away from Midgar, a little girl was swinging on a rope and board swing, passing the time before it was time to do her chores. It was past lunchtime and sun's light was still prevalent, but, oddly, the sky went black. Streaks of lightning shot across the sky off in the distance. The wind picked up blowing the girl's hair around her face. Her father rushed out, fearing a tornado would hit soon. He called for his daughter, but she sat, transfixed at the whirling dark clouds in the distance. The farmer rushed to her, and yelled at her over the wind. The girl pointed out towards the clouds, where the nearest city was and the farmer glanced up.

Descending from the whirlwind was a gigantic spaceship. But it was no ordinary spaceship; it was a flat oval shape, with tentacle-like appendages underneath. A glowing blue light, that was like the ship's eye was in front of the oval disk. This ship was clearly made from technology far too advanced to be from this planet.

The glowing blue light, shone even brighter, then a beam burst forth downward. The horizon glowed orange, as where ever that beam hit burst into flame.

The farmer wasted no more time and gathered his daughter and scrambled back inside.

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The 7th Heaven bar in Midgar was quiet as usual a few close friends hanging in the bar. Tifa was wiping the surface of the counter. Barret was snoring at a table and Cloud was drumming his fingers on the counter to a tune to his head, probably "Pokerface." As much as Tifa liked Cloud, she couldn't stand his constant Lady GaGa music fetish.

Aerith was glaring at Cloud, annoyed with his drumming. She was trying to tune her senses to the world, because she thought she picked up something strange, but Cloud's drumming made it hard to concentrate.

Rude and Reno burst through the doors.

"Guys, guys turn the radio on!" Reno leaped over the counter and turned on the radio. He moved the dial to clear the static.

"…reports everywhere of UFOs around the planet, destroying towns and cities…"

"UFO's?" Cloud asked standing. Barret snorted and awoke.

Red padded towards the counter to take a closer listen.

"…the city of Albrecht was burned to the ground about an hour ago with few survivors. No one is certain what these crafts are and what their purpose is but so far if anyone were to spot these things in the sky you are advised to take cover underground…"

"What the—what the hell are these things…?" Barret grumbled. Reno shrugged wide-eyed.

"Could it be from Jenova's kind?" Cloud turned and yelped stumbling backwards. He was stunned to see Vincent standing directly behind him. He practically came out of nowhere.

"Jesus! Don't do that! How many times do I have to tell you…?"

Vincent's eyes narrowed. Cloud breathed in and breathed out, his hand over his heart, "You scared the daylights out of me."

"He tends to do that every once in a while," Yuffie's jovial voice interjected as she came up beside Vincent, a wide grin on her face.

Vincent crossed his arms, "It seems we have a problem."

Barret laughed, "And you have a tendency to just appear whenever there is a call to action."

"We are real good Samaritans," Yuffie nudged her taciturn friend, "Right Vinny."

The former Turk inhaled through his nose, "Why won't you leave me alone."

"'Cause you're my baby daddy," she said in a husky voice batting her eyelashes.

Reno's eyes went wide and he asked in a high-pitched voice, "Saaay Whaaaat?"

"It's an inside joke," Yuffie assured, patting Vincent's shoulder.

"Riiight," said Cloud in a low tone of voice, eyes shifting across the room.

"Shouldn't we be doing something?" Tifa asked trying to keep everyone on track.

"Yes," Cloud nodded, "Aerith…"

"I'm on it," the young Cetra said before mumbling, "If you'd stop playing Lady GaGa with your fingers."

She listened to the planet, searching…

"Got it, there's a disturbance near Yulunga."

Cloud clapped his hands together getting the band's attention, "To Yulunga to kick some alien ass."

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The outskirts of Yulunga was quiet and deserted, most the inhabitants evacuated underground or left the city entirely. There were damage to the buildings but the town wasn't burned to a crisp as most other cities, but there were no signs of any foreign ship.

"Hellooooo!" Yuffie called into the empty streets, "Nothing here…maybe you're losing it Aerith."

"No, I still sense something…" but she was worried that there was nothing here. Literally nothing.

"Hey Rude," Reno whispered to his partner, "Let's find the nearest arcade and highjack the Dance Dance Revolution game."

"You still can't beat my high score in this destitute place, " the other man said in his deep voice.

Vincent walked alone along an alleyway hoping to find any evidence of what attacked this place. The debris was crowding the streets making it difficult to maneuver easily. The sound of metal clanking got his attention and he could've sworn he saw something slither amongst the rubble. He followed the disturbance to a huge pile of trash and debris. He cocked his head.

Cloud walked with Barret and Red ready to fight at the slightest movement.

"I see the devastation here, but where is—"

"Guys!" they heard Vincent shout, shocked to hear the usually quiet man raise his voice. They rushed towards his voice and turned into the alleyway. The red-clad man was staring at a rumbling pile of garbage backing away slowly.

"Look at what I found!"

The gigantic pile fell way as a spacecraft bigger than this town itself, rose of from the ground with loud noises making the ground quake.

"Cloud," Vincent said softly not taking his eyes off the gigantic object rising on long metal tentacles, "I think you're going to need a bigger sword."

The spacecraft rumbled and snaked one of its iron tentacles through the debris into the air. Then, suddenly, sharp claws burst from the tip.

"I don't think it wants to be friends," Reno muttered causing Cloud to roll his eyes.

They wielded their weapons ready to strike. The tentacle shot straight at them and they leaped out of the way as the metal appendage destroyed the street. Cloud jumped on one of the other tentacles running up it towards the underbelly of the ship. The others remained on the ground trying to distract it while Cloud went to strike at the heart. Right in the center of the belly of the ship were lights flashing in a circle. That must be the core. Cloud jumped and ran his sword through that center.

"Ah ha!" Cloud laughed in victory. He withdrew his sword, but as he turned he felt his body being pulled. The claws of the UFO gripped his body and wrenched him away from the underbelly and flung him away. He flipped onto his feet as he landed, sliding on the ground.

"What the hell happened?" Barret yelled at Cloud from the other side of the road, moving resolutely towards the young man.

"I thought it would work!" Cloud shouted back. "That's always how it is in the movies!"

Barret and the rest looked flabbergasted.

"Are you f#&$ing kidding me!" Barret shouted, a vein in his forehead bulging.

"I have never fought against a giant spaceship before, forgive me!"

"Both of you shut up! Just shut up!" Tifa yelled trying to keep both of them in focus.

"Me shut up? Why don't you shut up?" Barret yelled back.

"Excuse me?" Tifa looked aghast at Barrets tone towards her. "You don't tell me to shut up!"

The spacecraft made a rumbling sound as the blue light in front of the craft started to glow.

Cursing Vincent yelled to his comrades, "Get underneath it quick!"

The warriors ran as fast as they could towards alien vessel. They barely managed to dive out of the way, as the death beam hit the ground, running up through the town, effectively destroying it completely.

Their burning debris hit some of the humans and the heat of the beam scalded their skin, causing sunburn. They regained their wits and slowly stood. The UFO's tentacles retracted into the ship and it ascended into the dark cloudy sky disappearing into the black clouds.

The fighters were silent as they at the damage. The village was gone. Burned to the ground in a matter of seconds. Cloud glanced at the sky muttering, "We are so f#&$ed."

A/N: I will say I like Sephiroth better than Cloud, because the latter's "my life is crappy-angst, angst, angst, self-pity, angst," routine got old after a while. But Cloud's still okay. I have no qualms against Lady GaGa or her music. It was just a choice. Please Review.