How Noble Team Survived!

Jorge:

The slip space drive actually transported his part of the ship to another part of the universe. He also survived the huge amounts of radiation that was worse than Hiroshima, and used his infinite ammo chain-gun to fight off everybody. Then he meets up with Halsey and they proceed to have chain-gun babies.

Kat:

She actually had a robot HEAD to go with her robot arm. It had actually bounced off and the only reason she didn't respond was because she enjoyed being in Carter's arms. Bungie simply added fake skin to make her look more appealing to the male players. Needless to say, it wasn't very effective.

Carter:

He bailed out of the Pelican at the last second. Then he laid there in his blood soaked and wounded form, surviving the hundreds of Covenants and Scarabs around the area, and also surviving the glassing of Reach. I mean, he had a pistol. How can anyone not survive without that?

Emile:

Despite the fact that there was blood all around him when you find him later in the game, he was actually napping. If you zoom in with a 200000000x scope, you'll see he's actually breathing. He woke up after that, realizing that he'd been sleeping for quite a while. He then changed his name to Avery Johnson, because he was, quite obviously, black. (No racism intended. The voice and gung-ho personality labeled him as a black game character.)

Noble Six:

The Elites suddenly had a change of heart, and started hugging Six right after the cut scene transitioned to Six's discarded helmet. Six was quite horrified at the thought of homosexual Elites, but then remembered the Halo legendary ending. He then hugged them back.

Jun:

He is actually Master Chief. See, when he says "Jun" in his accent, he pronounces it "John". So, he is the Master Chief. MC's voice is actually due to the fact that his helmet had a voice modifier.

A/N: This is, quite obviously, a joke. Review.