EDIT: Because of some complaints over the use of real people in this story I have had to replace the names of the Top Gear presenters with either nicknames or discriptions, dispite my previous assumption that, by using their television personas, I was in the clear for using their real names. Hopefully this will now comply with FFN guidelines.

Having just finished driving and evaluating the latest supercar to enter the studio, the show's most 'power crazed' presenter turned to the camera and delivered one of the most anticipated lines on Top Gear.

"And now we turn it over to our tame racing driver." The camera zoomed in on him. "Some say that his preferred drink is human blood, and that he is actually a vampire in Her Majesty's service. All we know is… he's called… The Stig!"

On a racing circuit in a secret location, red eyes gleamed behind a blue-tinted visor and a fang-filled manic grin stretched across a face hidden by a white racing helmet. A white gloved hand turned up the radio as the engine of the supercar revved.

A little known fact about vampires: while daylight made null most of a vampire's powers, it had the interesting side effect of increasing their driving skills.

The supercar peeled off the line in a cloud of smoke to the sound of tire squeal and the lyrics of The Rolling Stones' Sympathy for the Devil.

In a large mansion in the British countryside Sir Integra, unaware of her tame vampire's day job, screamed in fury as her search through the Hellsing mansion for the red cloaked Nosferatu came up empty.

As he barreled around the Hammerhead and entered the follow-through at insane speeds, Alucard's grin grew even wider as he sensed his master's rage. He supposed that it was a good thing that few in the Hellsing Organization were fans of Top Gear.