So originally this was supposed to have a lot more P/O in it.

But my muse changed its mind at the last second and now it's just Olivia-centric. As much as I love me some Bolivia, I just wasn't feeling it today.

Anyway, this season is blowing my mind. And I just needed to get some of my thoughts down before my brain exploads because of Anna Torvs awesomeness.

Olivia Dunham is no stranger to nightmares.

She's had them since she was a little girl. About a variety of things; being kidnapped, Rachel's death, aliens, losing Frank, missing the finale of Lost, getting shot, being the last person on Earth... They range from the bizarre to the understandable. And everything in between.

Olivia's never been one to dissect her dreams, however. They are what they are, and she doesn't have any control over them. Sometimes they're easy to understand, like the ones with Rachel. Sometimes they're a little harder, like that time she had wings and Lincoln was trying to convince her to give him the secret recipe so he could open his own KGC.

But lately she's been having some very odd nightmares. And the odd part is that they're not exactly nightmares.

They started the night Frank left. She chalked it up to missing him, but they've continued for two weeks, and now she's starting to get concerned.

They change each night, but she always wakes up feeling the same way. Like she's just found another piece of the puzzle. Like she's remembered something crucial.

Because these dreams don't feel like dreams. They feel like memories. Moments that she knows she's experienced.

Like living with Rachel, an older Rachel, and little brown haired girl. Making pancakes in the morning and having her sister tease her about her job. Playing Operation and Simon Says and other games. Hugging and kissing and cuddling that little girl.

Ella.

There are others ones about the Secretary's son. But he's Peter in her dreams, and they're friends. More than friends, sometimes.

She dreams about card tricks and sitting on a bench and him pulling her out of some tank and a kiss.

The Secretary makes some appearances, too. But he's not the Secretary in her dreams- he's Walter, and he tells her she should practice safe sex and that he wants her to milk the cow and bring him back some Red Vines, please.

But those are just the happy ones. The ones that make her smile when she thinks about them and give her a sort of hope.

She has sad ones too.

Ones where she's fourteen and at her mothers funeral. Ones where she's nine and pointing a gun at a man and everyone's shouting and when she finally pulls the trigger she gets the feeling that it's still not over.

Ones where she's kneeling in front of Charlies gravestone and trying to tell herself it's not her fault.

She's sick of it. She's sick of feeling like the only time she's really awake is when she's dreaming. She doesn't want to have them anymore. She wants everything to go back to normal. She wants to be Olivia Dunham.

The only problem is she doesn't know which Olivia Dunham she should be.