A Pair of Idiots

"That's it, Ranma! YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TODAY!"

And Akane bashed his pillow on his head and kicked him out of their room.

Ranma spun around furiously, intent on shoving his way back into the room and to his warm warm comfortable bed—

When she slammed the door shut, followed by lots of scraping and huffing noises, which Ranma recognized as the heavy chest of drawers settling into guard duty in front of the door. In a split-second, his plan of action was clear and he sprinted down the hallway, bounded over the stairs and was out in the backyard in the blink of an eye. He leaped to the roof and, gripping the clay-tiled eaves firmly with his toes, he let himself hang upside-down in front of his goal – the window to their bedroom, his and Akane's.

He jammed his fingertips under the window pane and was just about to push it open – locked or not – when the gleam of a moonlit thread suspended in air alerted him to something unusual on the other side of the window. He cupped his hands against the glass and peered through them and saw—

DAMN THAT TOMBOY! How dare she setup a string and pulley system attached to the window and suspend a bucket of surely cold cold cold water right above it? AAARRGH! That sexless uncute tomboy!

In spite of the thick glass of pane separating them, Ranma clearly heard loud shuffling noises emanating from the dusky shadows of the room as Akane snuggled underneath what were surely very warm blankets, and Ranma starkly swore to himself that he would have his revenge tomorrow.

Without any other choice, he settled himself down onto the tiny cold scratchy couch with just his pillow for a companion and grumbled dark imprecations and threats under his breath. Oh, she would suffer tomorrow. Oh, she would, she would, she certainly would. And then they would know who had the last laugh. Evil laughter rang in the confines of his mind as he plotted his cold dark gory revenge on the unsuspecting young woman sleeping upstairs.

Between plotting and restlessly tossing on the uncomfortable couch, Ranma finally slipped off to a somewhat blissful sleep. He snored softly and tried to slip deeper into slumber when, suddenly, he became acutely aware of a pair of eyes on him. All senses suddenly on alert, he whipped around and glared accusingly at the most unwelcome of all intruders.

"Come here to gloat, have you?" Oh, how he wished that didn't come out sounding so pouty.

Akane fidgeted, her thumbs twiddling in discomfiture, and peered out at him from under her lashes.

Oh, oh, oooh! Giving him the puppy eyes, was she? Ranma refused to bow. Narrowing his eyes at her he intensified his glare even more.

Akane tucked her chin into her neck and pushed her lower lip out.

"Whaaaat?" Dammit, how did that whine get in there in his voice? Stupid Akane! Stupid puppy eyes! Stupid pouts!

Slowly, Akane moved closer to the couch and paused, her eyes bigger and shinier and— was that a drop of tear hanging off her lashes? Arrgghhh! Ranma jolted up in panic, his arms flailing wildly.

"Akane," – no, Ranma, no! Don't sound so pathetic! – "I'm sorry…"

And Akane threw herself into his arms, taking them both down onto the couch.

"A-Akane?" Ranma stuttered, unsure, even his mental evil incarnation baffled into silence.

"Ranma…"

"What happened?"

"It's not warm enough over there." Akane sniffled and burrowed closer into his chest.

"Oh, oh…" It took Ranma a few moments to wrap his mind around the concept that the warm warm comfortable bed he had so badly desired a few minutes ago wasn't warm enough. Without him. Heh, he had always known.

"Want me to come over there and make it warm?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

Akane squeezed herself closer to him, before she mumbled, "No, I swore you would sleep on the couch today."

Ranma snorted and rolled his eyes. "Stubborn as ever, eh, tomboy?"

"Jerk."

"What are you gonna tell the kids tomorrow when they find us sleeping here?"

"I'll tell them we needed a change of scene."

Ranma couldn't help the large smile that split across his face as he tightened his arms around her and tucked her closer against him. And after that, they didn't have any trouble falling asleep on the suddenly very roomy, warm and comfortable couch.

...

Two pairs of knowing eyes peered down at the clueless couple sleeping on the couch, then turned to glance at each other.

Nabiki Tendo's niece gave a smug smile and held out her hand to her brother. "I told you, didn't I? Mom wasn't gonna last even fifteen minutes without Dad."

Grudgingly, the small boy fished out some candies and deposited them in his twin sister's little palm. "Keh, they're so disgusting," he pronounced, with all the wisdom of a six year old when confronted with old people and their icky mushiness.

"They're in love, baka," his sister averred, by way of explanation.

"They're idiots." And that settled the matter.

His sister couldn't help but agree.