Tangled Choices

She's a broken woman to say the least. The life she had wanted was taken away by the very same man she had embraced it for. "They are not your family!" She could use a stiff drink right about now; drown her anger and her broken heart. Instead she opts for Hershey's chocolate bar and the silence of her empty house. An envelope full of cash stares at her from the coffee table. She wanted to head over to Jax's and hand him the money herself. She didn't even now why she was helping him; well, even though Jax wasn't speaking to her, Abel still needed to be found. She sat for a long while; eating her chocolate and crying at just how empty she felt. Everything in the house felt cold and unwelcoming. Her mind begins to wander, Memories of her childhood we entwined within the walls of this house. Of course not all her memories were pleasant, but they were still hers. She remembers her father had this train set and the engine was gold with black, almost glittery trim. It wasn't all that pretty, but she loved it, especially when the steam escaped from the top. Tara had always wondered if it was real gold, but her father usually shrugged her off and headed to the bar for another night of drinking. That's how she got the large chunk of cash stuffed in the banker's envelope now sitting on the table; starring at her, daring her to pick it up and do something with it.

She was livid. He just left her. She didn't know whether to scream, cry or throw up. The baby made he choice for her and she made it to the bathroom with a second to spare before the bile sloshed in her stomach and quickly rose into the waiting porcelain toilet. Her throat burned and the awful taste of acid lingered on her tongue. But nothing compared to the sting of tears and the broken heart he caused her. She dry heaved for the next 15 minutes before flushing and slamming the seat down and walking out.

Tara was stir-crazy. Pacing her living room up and down, up and down, she swore she was wearing the wooden floor down bit by bit. Anger made her body tense and her tears burn the sides of her face. She could barely breathe out her nose and her mouth was hot and dry. She literally wanted to kill him. She wanted to feel her fingers grip his neck. The stunning image made her drop to her knees and sob. He was a fucked up asshole, but he had a son somewhere on the other side of the world and deep down she knew he blamed her. If only he'd known the choices she had then. During her fit of pacing she remembered the club needing money to get to wherever Jimmy had Abel.

She headed to the basement where she kept some of her old mans' stuff and started to dig through the cardboard boxes. In the fourth box, she finds the entire train set and at the very bottom is the head car. It was coated with a thick layer of dust, but the gold seemed to shine through anyway. She took it to a pawn shop the following morning and the shop owner looked startled. "Lady, do you know how rare this model and make is?"

"I'm not really interested. It belonged to my father. He's dead."

"Well, alright. He continued to asses the intricate detail along the bottom of the engine car. The gold plate hadn't chipped over the years. Probably preserved by the dust bath it was in. None the less, the man offered her $45,000 for just the engine car. "If you've got the entire set, I know someone who will pay $100,000." Tara nearly choked.

"You're just screwing with me aren't you?"

"Lady, I asked you if you knew how rare this piece was. It was one of the first original train sets ever made by Gauge. It's in beautiful shape, but you'll get a better offer from a collector than you will from me. He's a few towns over. I'll let him now you're coming. True to the man's word, he gave her $100,000 in cash. If you saw the size of his house, that amount of money is probably what he uses daily. She took half and stuffed the other half in an envelope and tossed it on the coffee table in her living room.

Now it mocks her. She finishes her chocolate, grabs her keys and makes her way over to Jax's. Clay opens the door and points to the room in the back; Abel's room. He looks up from the rocking chair. Surprised of course. "You here to rip me about Ima?"

"I don't care anymore who you stick your dick in." He's startled by her crude tone and stoic face; emotionless except for the pink rimming the edges of her eyes. But he can't blame her, he doesn't have the right. She tosses the envelope into his lap. "There's enough there to get you all there and back and even extra in case who need information. OR have to bail your asses out of trouble." She turns when he opens the envelope.

"I can't take this Tara. It's too much."

"I'm not giving it to you. I'm giving it to Abel." He grabs her wrist before she can make it out the door.

"Why?" That was what broke the thin glass box she kept her range inside. She roughly pulls her hand from his grip and uses the flat of her palm to connect with the side of his cheek. The rage boils up and her face goes a deep shade of crimson. "How dare you ask me that! You think you're the only one who lost a son that night! You think you're the only one in pain! Look around asshole, we all lost something that night; a son, a best friend, a little baby boy who was defenseless against what was happening to him! But you weren't there! You claim I'm not family, but I loved Abel as if I gave birth to him myself! I put him in your arms! I watched him get stronger and wiser! We were a family and you took that away from me! Just admit it! Admit it, you blame me! Just say it damn it!" The words were stuck to the roof of her mouth, skidding on her tongue and stumbling past her quivering lips. "You blame me for what happened to Abel." He said nothing, but for once in her life she saw guilt in those beautiful eyes, but she also saw disconnect. Her voice is just above that of a whisper, "You weren't there Jax. You weren't the one with the choice! Half Sack was bleeding out, dying on the kitchen floor. There were three other lives at stake!"

"With Half Sack dead, that only left you and Abel." He argues, sticking to his void, stubborn ways.

"How dense can you be Jax?" A look of questioning stumbles over his face, but it soon washes away. She waits. He doesn't answer.

"Fine, what a way to tell you this. I'm pregnant. And if I had thought for a second that I would be able to keep both our kids alive, I would have gladly begged Cameron to take me instead. I would have impaled my self on that knife, if I thought it would do any good. But I had two babies to think about. Cameron didn't want me. He wanted Abel, "A son for a son' is what he said. He thought Gemma killed his son, so he was going to take yours. Chalk this lovely mess up to Agent Stahl! Or don't. I don't give a shit anymore. Cameron might have killed all of us and you'd be left with nothing!" "Then again, you've made it clear I don't mean a damn thing to you. That we were never FAMILY!" The tears had spilled down her cheeks in rapid waves. She doesn't bother to swat them away. A few hang on her lashes. He says nothing but slowly brings the tips of his finger to wipe away the crocodile tears. "Congratulations Jax. I'm done too." She pushes away his hand and storms out of Abel's room, just in time to collapse on the living room floor; Clay at her side. She knew he heard. The bile sloshes in her stomach once again. "Make sure you bring Abel to see me when you all get home. It was nice being part of a family; at least for a little while." He helps her to her feet and envelopes her in his mighty arms. A kiss to the forehead later and she's out the door.

Clay turns to his son, "You're just going to let her walk out of your life?"

"You heard her, she's done." His nonchalance about the scene that just palyed out is the final straw on Clay's patience. He brings his fist to Jax's jaw. He stumbles backward, but Clay's hand reaches out and grabs him by the shirt collar.

"You really are an asshole! After everything you've done and said to her, she brings you money. She bears her soul to you. She tells you she's pregnant for Christ's sake and you let her leave. You let her think she has no family. You and Gemma really need to pull your heads out of your asses real quick. What choice did that woman have? Huh? Give up one child to save another. Give up an unborn child or watch Cameron walk out with Abel; unharmed? Tell me what choice sounds better to you; Abel alive, all we have to do is find him and kick the shit out of who ever has him, or coming home to see Half Sack, Tara and Abel's blood smeared all over the kitchen floor? Then finding out you lost two children that day. I'll be honest; I like the kicking ass scenario better, it's been a while since I crushed flesh with my fists. At least Abel and Tara are alive! Do you think your mother would have sacrificed your life to save Tommy's? Or do you think she left that decision up to God?" Clay's teeth grind against each other and the stiffness in his fingers force him to release Jax. But Jax soon turns into his fathers' arms… and cries. "That woman had given everything to you. And she had one awful choice to make. One that neither of us would have the balls to make."