Don't even ask why it took me so long to put out the next chapter of this, because I have no excuse.

Captain Robison:  You better run, then.  People hate long updates.  Anyway, the only things she owns in this fic is Ivan and the cell phone.

Link:  *marches out of the Temple of Time*  Off we gooo, into the wild blue yonder!

Ivan:  What blue yonder?  The sky is the color of black doom, evil foreboding, bad things -

Link:  =.=  Off we gooo, into the scary black yonder!

Ivan:  That's better.

They continue on and venture into Hyrule Market, expecting to find happy people talking about crazy things while chickens run around their feet.  What they found instead would forever haunt their sleep.  What could be so horrifying??????!!!!!!  Let's read on and find out!

A giant ball of bluish-white light hovers over the well in the middle of the market.  It can be none other than....

Link:  Navi!  *backs away, an expression of pure horror plastered on his face*

Ivan:  *hides behind Link*  How did she get so big?!

Link:  Maybe there is something more to those mysterious clouds beyond the Desert Colossus.  *draws his sword and points it at Navi*  Away, foul demon!

*crickets chirp*

*chirp*

*chirp*

*CHIRP*

Link:  *takes a step closer and pokes Navi with the tip of his sword*

Navi:  Hey!

Link:  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  *runs to the far side of the market*

Navi:  *repeats "Hey!  Look!  Listen!  Hey!  Look!  Listen!" over and over*

Ivan:  *ventures forth*  I think it's just a statue.

Link:  What sick deranged creature would build a statue of that vile insect?!  *inches his way along the wall*

Ivan:  There could only be one man so evil.  *stares solemnly at the statue*  He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Link:  You mean Ganondorf?

Ivan:  *rams into Link's head*  Of course I mean Ganondorf!  Who else would I be talking about?!

Link:  You could be talking about anybody.  Mido, Kaepora Gaebora, Zelda, Nicole Kidman... *ticks the names off on his fingers*

Ivan:  I said "he".

Link:  *stares blankly at Ivan*  Your point?

Ivan:  *falls out of the sky and lands with a thud on the ground*  Oy......

RRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNGGGGG!

Link & Ivan:  AAAAIIIIII!!!

Link:  What was that?!  *grips his sword tightly, looking around wildly*

Ivan:  *cowers under Link's shield*

RRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNGGGGG!

Ivan:  *bounces back and forth between Link's back and the shield due to the sound waves*

Link:  *flinches every time Ivan hits him*

Sheik:  *stands on top of the Temple of Time, watching Link convulse wildly*  o.O  There's no way he's the Hero of Time.... o.o'''''''

Link:  *finally realizes the ringing is coming from him and digs around under his shield.  After pulling out a couple dirty socks, old leaves, and Kuroneko, he finally found the Cell Phone of Time*

RRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNGGGGG!

Link:  *pushes the 'yes' button on the Cell Phone*  Hello?

Voice on the Phone:  Hey, is this Running Man's Pizza?

Link:  No.

Voice:  Okay, well I'd like to order a Speedy Delivery for a –

Link:  I'm not a pizza man.

Voice:  I don't care what you are, I just wanna order –

Link:  *hangs up the phone* 

Ivan:  What and idiot.

Link:  Yeah.  I mean, what's pizza?  *completely blank look*

Ivan:  I don't know…. *lightbulb goes off in his head*  You must visit the castle!  Nothing is the same as it was before you were sealed in the Sacred Realm.

Link:  *points his sword in the direction of the castle*  Onward!

Our heroic hero and faithful fairy carefully edge their way past the Navi statue, which is still spouting "Hey!  Look!  Listen!"  Taking a moment to gather their tiny hold of sanity, they continue down the path to Hyrule Castle….which is no more!  In its place is a giant black castle of doom!  As we all know, the castle is floating over a sinking pit of lava with no way to get into it without hurtling into the boiling magma.  Large iron fences decorate the tops of the castle walls.  The points of the iron posts are….knives and forks?!

Oh no!  Does this mean Ganondorf has bewitched the castle silverware?  Why does something think Hyrule has a pizza place?  What the heck is Kuroneko doing in a Zelda fic?  Just how much does Link have behind his shield?  What insane person would build a statue of Navi?!?!?!

And those are the five questions of the chapter!  Six, only SIX(though more is good, too), people need to review for the next chapter.  Which, I promise, will come out a heck of a lot faster.