So I went and spread the ashes of my fur baby the other night, and when I got back I was feeling a little down and sat to write and this is what happened. Not unsurprising that I ended up doing the same thing, minus the angel and Impala though, sadly (same music though!). I always drive though to clear my thoughts, and some reason I always end up at the same beach, sitting in the dark just looking up at the stars. It's quite relaxing and always clears my head and my thoughts up just fine.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy.
No major spoilers or anything, a small mention of 4x01 and if you haven't seen that episode...well...why are you here and not there watching it? And I'm thinking this takes place a little after 5x10, but there's no mention of it.
Also, I did some reading around and despite what I found about people saying Castiel is really just the angel Cassiel with the letters switched around, but when I googled Castiel, hidden amongst all the gorgeous pictures of said angel there were some sites that were about the actual angel itself. So, what I say in there is based on those, nothing on Cassiel though who is a whole different angel. So, if something's wrong...blame Google. Not me. It's all Google's fault.
Okay, enough of that, read and enjoy. Possibly leave a review since they feel like little Dean's and Castiel's coming to bring me cookies via iPhone email alerts.
Stairway to Heaven was playing softly from the speakers, a pack of gummy worms sat on the seat beside him and the road stretched out before him, curving gently into the trees and disappearing into the darkness.
Dean had left Sam back at the hotel, they'd finished up a simple case, a small salt and burn that hadn't caused any troubles. It was nice for once, to have a job that gave them no issues, no angels and demons bothering them, no Lucifer or Michael to worry about for those small moments. But Dean had wanted to get away for awhile, he needed to clear his head, he needed to just be alone.
They were in Northern California, a small town nestled in the redwoods not to far from the ocean. The road he was on was a small two lane highway, not very well traveled, and it was just what he needed. It wasn't twisty and curvy like he sometimes wanted, but it wasn't straight and flat either. It gently curved through the forest, cutting through the darkness with ease. It was a good road to just lose himself a little, not having to pay attention to much of anything, allowed his thoughts to drift.
The guitars swelled from the speakers and his fingers idly tapped the beat on the steering wheel. The Impala's engine purred and the tires hummed along the fresh asphalt, she hugged the curves and corners with ease, engine responding sweetly to him whenever he pressed a little more on the accelerator.
A gummy worm hung from his mouth and he chewed on it absently, slowly pulling it up into his mouth when he was done chewing on a section. He was glad for the isolation at the moment, glad for the stars shining brightly overhead, no moon to interfere, glad to just be alone so he could think. No Sam to watch his every move, no Sam to worry about him, no need to keep up his walls and his masks and the attitude. He was free to be just him right now and that's all he really wanted.
Until Castiel appeared in the seat beside him.
He was used to the angel appearing randomly, so it didn't startle him like it used to, he just cast a glance over and turned his attention back to the road. Stairway to Heaven gave way to Ramble On.
"Hello, Dean." He responded with a sigh, his mouth to full of gummy worm to be able to say something coherent anyway.
"Your brother was worried about you."
"I told him I was going for a drive."
"He was still worried." Dean huffed out another sigh and looked over at the angel again, he was staring out the windshield like it would hold the answers to everything.
"How'd you find me anyway?" Silence answered him, like Castiel didn't want to give away his secrets. Dean shook his head but smiled a little and turned his full attention back to the road while saying, "I'm not in the mood to talk Cas."
"I'm aware."
"So why are you here?"
"Just thought I would keep you company." Dean rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. The angel wasn't staring at him, wasn't expecting things of him so he supposed it was alright to have him there. There was always a little feeling of peace from having Castiel around anyway, Dean didn't know if it was just because of how Cas was or if it was something he did on purpose. Either way he usual welcomed it, Cas knew him, knew when he needed to hear something and when he didn't want to hear anything at all.
So the two of them sat, Led Zeppelin playing softly in the background, Cas staring out the windshield, Dean slowly eating his gummy worms and idly driving.
For some unknown reason Dean found himself saying, "Sam did some research. Out of curiosity." He felt the angel's gaze on him, but Cas didn't say anything.
"About you, I mean. Research on you."
"I see."
"Told me you were the angel of Thursday. That true?"
"Yes. Thursday is my day." Getting information out of Cas was like getting information out of Sam or himself. Like pulling teeth. Cas should be an honorary Winchester just for that. They drove in silence for awhile, Dean figuring he wasn't going to get anything more out of the angel when Cas surprised him by saying, "I'm also the angel of travel."
"Travel?"
"Yes." Was his simple answer. Like pulling teeth.
"Good match for me and Sam then huh?" A slight, barely there smile tugged on the angel's lips before saying, "Yes."
"So...Thursday? What's that do for you on that day? More power or something?" Cas shook his head and simply said, "No." Another lengthy silence before, "Before I was assigned to raise you from Hell it was my duty to help people who asked for help on Thursdays, or who were born on that day."
"Interesting." He pulled a gummy worm from his package and stuffed the end in his mouth, attention back on the road in front of him. Cas seemed to be content with sitting like a statue beside him, calm in his ways as he always was. Dean slowed a little and cranked his window down, enjoying the cool breeze that rushed in.
It smelled of fresh dirt, eucalyptus trees and something he couldn't place. Just smelled of nature. No grease, fried food, oil or smog clogged the air out here. The sky was clear and dotted with stars, he was alone on the road this late at night and the Impala was purring. He suddenly hadn't a care in the world. Everything was okay for now. A few minutes later Cas lowered his own window down and the volume of the music lowered until it was off. Dean found he didn't mind. All there was now was the sound of the tires humming over the pavement, the engine, the wind rushing in through the windows and the occasional cricket and other insect noises made their way in.
"Use your magic ninja fingers for that one Cas?" Another faint smile was his answer.
He continued driving, no solid destination in mind. The air flowing in became a little cooler, the smells changed from nature to ocean. Tinged with salt that only got stronger the closer to the water they got.
"Pull in there." Cas said suddenly, pointing to a parking lot that appeared out of the darkness, he debated pulling in or continuing around the hairpin turn that would take them up somewhere. In the end he ended up pulling into the parking lot, he wasn't sure why he was listening to the angel, but he figured he should. Cas could be downright scary when he wanted to be.
He pulled into a spot that was in front of the trail that led down to the water, cut the engine and looked around.
"I don't have a flashlight." They were far from any sort of civilization, no town or city lights brightened the sky around them. It was dark, silent except for the occasional blast of a fog horn not to far away. He didn't know why it was going, there was no fog. Cas didn't answer him, instead placed a hand on his shoulder and when he blinked he was standing on the beach, gentle waves lapping at his feet, sand hard under his boots.
Cas had lowered himself to the damp sand, legs crossed underneath him Indian style, hands spread out behind him so he could lean back and look up at the stars. Dean hesitated for a minute then lowered himself to mirror Castiel's position.
It always took his breath away when he looked up at the stars when there were no lights to interfere, the sheer amount of them alone was enough to leave his brain in a little puddle. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness around them the Milky Way became more visible to him, scattering across the middle of the night sky.
"Always like looking at the stars." He finally muttered. Cas hummed his agreement beside him. The two of them just sat for awhile, not speaking, just watching, and when Dean's hands started to tingle from the lack of circulation he laid himself down and crossed his arms under his head, continuing to just look.
The sound of the gentle waves lapping up a few feet away, echoed by the harsher, bigger waves on the other side of the rocky hill, made for the perfect soundtrack to the night. Dean found himself closing his eyes to the stars to just listen.
"Hey, Cas?"
"Yes Dean."
"What's Heaven like?" He could remember asking his own mother that same question when he'd been three, he remembered her answering it was a place like home. He couldn't remember the rest of what she had said, but he always remembered that. Home. He hadn't known a home for a long, long time.
"It's...different for everyone." Dean opened his eyes and turned to look over at Cas who was still sitting, eyes trained to the sky. He didn't look like he was concentrating on the stars, but something beyond.
"What people see depends on the person, but everyone feels at peace, there is always happiness."
"Sounds like a nice place." Another hum of agreement.
"You miss it don't you." Castiel's gaze shifted from the stars to Dean, the blue of his eyes hidden in the dark.
"Yes."
"We'll get you back there Cas." Cas didn't say anything, just continued looking at Dean, then returned his eyes to the stars above them. Dean still had trouble comprehending everything that Cas was, everything that he had done for him, for Sam. He'd given everything up for their little motley crew. He couldn't understand why he would give up Heaven of all places for humans. He could remember Cas saying all he saw here was pain, so why give up Heaven? That peace and happiness?
"Because there are good things here too. I've come to realize this in my time with you and Sam." Dean jumped a little, despite the waning grace Cas could still hear and read his thoughts when he wanted too. Even if Dean found it highly annoying.
"Apologies, sometimes you just think to loud." Dean huffed and looked over to Cas.
"You really see some good things now? Especially during the Apocalypse?"
"Especially now." Cas didn't offer anything else to say and Dean didn't push. He didn't want to accidentally talk the angel out of helping them save the world.
Another lengthy silence stretched between them, but Dean didn't mind, it was actually the most relaxed he'd been in a long time. His thoughts wandered to the first time he'd met the angel, he hadn't know what he was, had been scared pretty shitless, not that he'd ever admit it to anyone. Cas sure knew how to make an entrance though, he opened his mouth to say something about it, but Cas beat him to it once more.
"You stabbed me in the chest." Said in a tone that made it seem like he was announcing the dinner menu.
"Yeah well...purely self defense." He glanced over at the angel again, saw the slight, barely there smile on his lips again. Dean sat up finally, stretching out the sore muscles in his back as he slowly got to his feet.
"Come on Cas, lets head back before Sammy has an aneurism worrying about us." Cas nodded, stood much more gracefully than Dean had, placed his hand on his shoulder and found themselves back in the Impala, ready to go.
I know we kinda saw what Heaven was about in Dark side of the moon but well, I didn't know how to explain it. Especially when I myself don't really believe in it. I'm more of a reincarnation kind of person, but to each his own.