Disclaimer: I own nothing. All J.K. Rowling's characters. All lyrics originally belong to Team StarKid (edited bit is underlined), all jokes and characterizations belong to Team StarKid.

The short little blonde git strutted down the corridor, singing a tune to words he knew very well.

This year you'll bet, gonna get out of here

The reign of Malfoy's finally here

I'll have the greatest wizard career

It's gonna be totally awesome

His marks for his examinations had come in yesterday, and he seemed second only to Hermione Granger. His father would be pleased, because along with the grades, Draco would be including a letter with exciting news: he'd finally learned how to use the potty!

But that wasn't the only good thing that happened yesterday. Ronald Weasley better be wearing his diapers when he finds out, because he was gonna shit his pants.

Look out world for the dawn of the day

When everyone will do whatever I say

'Coz Weasley won't be in my way

Granger slept with me coz I'm totally awesome!

"WHAT?"

Draco whirled around, and his smirk widened. Standing at the other end of the corridor was none other than Ron Weasley himself.

The lollygagging ginger had a disgusting Red Vine peeking from the corner of his mouth. Draco frowned a little in distaste, but nothing was going to stop the smirk unfurling on his face.

"Maybe this will convince you," he said, pulling out a large folded paper and handing it to Weasley. "Yes," he gloated. "It is a crayon drawing of Hermione and mine's wedding."

"Why—why are you wearing spacesuits?" Weasley asked, sounding close to tears. "And why is the priest a talking lion?"

Draco reached for the paper, and stowed it away carefully. "Those are mature things you wouldn't understand."

He looked up to find Weasley near tears. "Whatever," Weasley choked out.

"Got a problem, Weasley?" Draco sneered.

The redhead glared at the blonde. "No."

"No?" Draco jeered sarcastically. "Looks like you had a little one."

He jumped in front of the fleeing redhead. "Maybe a tad jealous?" He continued blocking the redhead, taunting him the whole time. "Maybe because I'm an older, more mature man who can use the potty and everything?"

Weasley shook his head stiffly, before pushing his way past Draco and stomping down the corridor. Draco grinned, then continued on his merry way.

Coz I'm the one who is totally awesome!

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AN:

Written for Dear. Dark. Destiny's Fun Creative Thingamajig Challenge.

Had a blast writing this story =P Draco Malfoy is one of the greatest characters ever.

Review your thoughts and opinions.