AN: All recognisable characters belong to J.K. Rowling. All recognisable quotes belong to Team StarKid.

As the strong woman stomped her way through the Forbidden Forest, tears dropped on her cheeks.

"No, Umbridge," she said to herself. "You don't cry. You don't cry."

Five steps later, she had no choice but to lean her hands on her knees as she wailed, "You do cry. You do cry, you chubby little fuck. 'Cause that's all I am is a chubby little fuck."

It had been a mistake.

Going back to Hogwarts when Hedwig told her that all the Professors had died, she was excited. Maybe she'd get to be their Mama again.

But the chil'ren were still mean to her, and that Harry Potter was still alive, and still played his little guitar. They were all making fun of her; it just made her feel so sad.

So very, very sad—hungry.

And that was when she knew she should go back to the Cenchaur Tree Village. She should never have left.

She whipped out her (legendary) cell-phone, and quickly typed a message.

Where do you go? I miss my little pony. Less than three.

Not five seconds after she'd hit Send, the burly figure of Firenze walked out from between to large trees. In his right hand was his cell-phone.

"Did you get my text?" she demanded. At his nod, she said, "Well, you didn't text me back."

She took a step forward, and continued, "And I left so quickly last night, but now I'll say—"

Firenze held up a hand, pain flickering on his face. Umbridge ignored him and said, "—that last night was the worst mistake of my life."

Firenze stared at her, hope glowing into his eyes. "Yes?"

She nodded, her pink hat bobbing a little. "I love you," she said.

Firenze smiled and held his arms open. She ran into his embrace.

"They offered me a robot hand," she sniffled. "But all I got was this lousy t-shirt."

She plucked at the Team Edward shirt she was wearing over her pink dress. She would never have worn it—she was a Team Jacob woman through and through—but a leaf had fallen on her dress. She couldn't stand her favourite (and only) dress having even one speck of dirt on it.

"So you came back?" Firenze asked, his love clear in his voice.

Umbridge pulled away from his embrace to look into her Cenchaur's eyes. "I came home."

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AN:

Written for HPJellicleCat's A Very Potter Challenge, for the quote "So you came back?" "... I came home." and the character Umbridge.

Yes, I know I have just potentially admitted that I have no life (c'mon, writing fanfic about a fan parody? Who does that?), but this was just too fun to pass up.

I had such a laugh writing this. I hope you enjoyed it, too =]

Review your thoughts and opinions.