Behind The Smile

The idea kinda came randomly. I'd read some of the Tsubasa manga and I recently started and finshed watching the anime, and I happen to like Fai a lot. I'd been looking up pictures on Photobucket too, which nearly drove me crazy because I really want to know what happens to him, and what happened between him and that Ahsura guy. Main reason I started watching the anime actually. =/

It was late – already dark outside. I was heading for the bath when I happen to catch a glimpse of him through the sliding glass doors. Fai – slightly unruly blonde locks framing his face, eyes as blue as the sky on a cloudless, sunny day, and a very affable disposition. He was sitting on the wooden porch with his back to me, leaning back on his hands, his head tilted toward the starry sky. As usual, a smile graced my lips at the sight of his presence. I couldn't deny that I'd become quite fond of the magician on our journey.

He didn't seem to notice as I quietly slid the door open. "Hey, Fai," I said warmly, stepping out onto the porch with him.

"Kurisu-chan!" He turned to me and smiled, like he always did – so warm and welcoming but also keeping you at a distance. It was real, but it was fake – a mask. He smiled but I knew what lie behind it, a secret pain he kept hidden. I had seen the mask crack before; I had seen small glimpses of what lie behind the smile, and if I looked close enough I could see the sadness in his clear blue eyes. I wanted to know what it was – wanted to know why it was there – but I never asked. I just smiled as I sat down next to him.

"What are you doing out here so late?"

Smile still frozen on his face, Fai turned his eyes back to the dark sky. "Well, it just feels so peaceful at night, you know? All the lights go out and everything's still and quiet – almost as if the whole world is sleeping under a blanket of darkness." He turned his eyes back to me for a brief second, asking me without words if I agreed.

"Yeah, I really like the night. The darkness feels kinda comforting," I agreed softly. There was something both comforting and unsettling about the metaphor the magician had chosen to use, but I couldn't quite pin down what it was.

I saw the faint glimmer flash in the blonde's eyes – the small spark of pain that showed through the usual smile. "Yes, the darkness feels safe…because it's harder to find things in the dark. The darkness can hid many things underneath it and prevent them from being found. But the night doesn't last forever; the sun has to come up eventually."

Fai might not have noticed, but during the small speech, his smile had slipped away, his voice forlorn. And I could hear the words between the words that he hadn't spoken, ringing dully like a distance echo – what truly lie in his heart.

Fai let out a long breath and turned to me again, smile back on his face. "Well, at least that's how I see it."

I merely stared at him for minute, the echo of unspoken words still bouncing off the walls of my mind. I decided, this time, it was time for me to speak. "You want the darkness to hide you. That's why you like the night. You wish it could blanket you and that the sun didn't have to come up, so you could stay hidden where the person you're running from won't find you." I myself wasn't sure if my words had been a statement or a question, but even as I spoke, I feared his reaction if I was wrong. But the mask slipped, leaving Fai to stare at me with an openly readable expression; and by the look on his face, I could tell I must have been at least somewhat right.

A moment passed by in silence before Fai smiled at me again, but this time it wasn't a mask of happiness; it was a sad smile, acknowledging that I'd been right.

"You're very perceptive Kurisu," the magician praised softly. "And yes, you're correct."

"I've seen it in your eyes before, the pain you hide behind that smile," I said, only just above a whisper, so I didn't know if he'd heard me, but he let the smile fade and simply regarded me with soft eyes. "What happened to you?" I asked louder, but still quietly in an attempt to mask some of the emotion in my voice.

My eyes were averted from the magician, but the feeling of a hand placed over mine caused my head to jerk back to the side, my eyes meeting his before flickering down to his hand on top of mine then back up to his face again, my mouth slightly ajar and eyes wide in a mix of surprise, wonder, and utter confusion. Fai, in contrast, had a gentle smile – not trying to hide the pain, but still keeping me a distance. "That's none of your concern, Kurisu. My burden is mine alone; you needn't worry yourself about it." His words weren't a reprimand; his voice was gentle and kind. I realized then, it wasn't so much he didn't want us to know, rather he didn't want me or the others to carry his burden.

"But…" My lips parted in defiance. Too long I'd kept silent, not asking, not saying how I really felt. I wanted desperately to know and this time I wouldn't keep quiet. "But I want to. I want to know everything. I want to see you smile for real. I—" The words came tumbling out in a rush of water from a broken dam, and before I'd realized it, I'd pretty much told him exactly how I felt. Realizing the dangerous ground I was treading on, my voice dropped, but I'd already gone too far to turn back now; I finished my sentence, turning my head away to avoid his gaze. "I want to be the one to make you smile."

I waited in silence for how Fai would respond. I felt his hand leave mine, and my heart sank. But not a moment later, I felt arms wrapping themselves around me, pulling me close, one hand placed gently on my head, bringing my head to rest near the magician's chest. For a moment times stopped – nothing moved, I couldn't think, too shocked by how close Fai had suddenly drawn me in.

"It seems I haven't been the only one hiding things." Fai's voice broke the stillness, soft and understanding. He had heard the words I hadn't spoke, the echo of what truly lie in my heart. "Thank you," he whispered, pressing his face into my hair.

Neither of us moved or spoke for a long time, just sat there enjoying the closeness. I figured he must have needed someone to hold after keeping everyone at arms length for so long, I didn't mind. I could hear his heartbeat, his breathing – I never wanted to move from this moment. I'd savor it as long as I could.

The future ahead of us was still uncertain, but as Fai held me in his arms that night, I felt fairly certain that maybe, just maybe, someday he'd tell me everything.

And I'm done! \^o^/ I'm so happy! This story is my baby. =3 And there will most likely be a few sister stories to this when I finally get my paws on more of the manga and learn more about Fai. I really love Fai and I want to see him smiling for real. I hope he has a happy ending. ^^

Really hope you liked this as much as I do! ^^ Review please!