Hello everyone who actually clicked on the link very original title link of my story (that's sarcasm, that title is used and abused but I'm lazy) even after seeing that it's a crack yaoi story. Not that it's something I should be sorry for, but I'll say this anyways, sorry that I couldn't fit the warning in the summary (really I should be apologizing for not being able to write anything good).

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Hidan woke slowly in a dimly lit room that smelled of sour water and old blood. Not terribly unfamiliar, but there was an unusual air of urgency in the room, as if something was calling for him to get out as fast as he possibly could. For some inexplicable reason, Hidan felt like he shouldn't be here. Instantly, he knew that moving would be out of the question, however. His muscles were practically screaming when he wasn't even doing so much as trying to sit up. He felt like he slept nailed to a crucifix (that's not too out of the ordinary for him, actually) and he was ready to beat himself up for whatever the hell he actually did, that is, after he figured out what the hell he was doing here in the first place.

Not only was every nerve in his body screaming with pain, but his heart was pounding at an unhealthy and fast pace. Somehow through the haze of his conscious he felt every bit of discomfort, pain, fatigue, and even emotions that he was too tired, too confused, to completely identify.

The quiet of the room felt as if it were going to devour him, the eerie glow from torches on the walls were somehow intimidating, the prospect of the unknown here was mocking him with potential danger. For the first time in a long time, Hidan felt scared.

His muscles were too tired to even fathom getting up right now, but he simply had to know what was around him here. He tried to look around without sitting up, but he couldn't make anything out besides stone walls and some crudely constructed stone tables that were probably the same as what he seemed to be chained down on. Even the dim light of the torches hurt Hidan's eyes and made his head pound, but curiosity overrode the throbbing pain.

The whole experience so far, despite his sadomasochistic personality, was not anything that Hidan was terribly fond of. Maybe the worst of all was how he felt a little helpless. Even if he wasn't so much in pain, escaping would be no simple matter seeing as he was chained down in unfamiliar territory without any recollection of how he got there in the first place. But that would ideal compared to the shape he was in right now, his arms and legs were not only were sore, but they didn't even respond when he tried to move them even a little bit. Feeling like he wasn't in control was such a foreign feeling for Hidan, maybe even a little frightening.

Due that nagging fear and human need to know where he was, Hidan again tried to survey his surroundings. Maybe even just identify how he got in this place and then he would give his body a bit of a rest while he thought about what he should do. Just search for any shred of familiarity and go from there. He couldn't do any of that just lying down, as he found out earlier. However, the intimately familiar sound of chains rattling reminded him that sitting up would be a very difficult thing to do. He could hardly move three inches from his current position, and unfortunately for him, that wasn't nearly enough to make any decent discoveries.

"Where the fuck... Am I?" He asked, finally frustrated enough to begin verbally expressing himself in what he thought to be an empty room, but much to his surprise he heard a sadistic laugh and then an amused voice.

"Awake are we?"

"Where the fuck am I?" Hidan asked again, now aggressive towards his captor. Somehow, the fear dispersed when he realized he wasn't alone. Maybe it was just his arrogance, thinking that another human couldn't really do much damage to him, but none the less he felt almost a little relieved. This was of course, much to the surprise of the man who was watching Hidan's fear slowly unfold before him and then completely disappear once an enemy stood before him. Oh well, if the job was going to be easy, he wouldn't have been the one who was insisted upon doing it.

While Hidan began searching for someone to begin questioning as to why he was hear and what the big idea was, the other man in the room remained completely hidden by the abundant shadows in the room. He wanted just a bit longer to study Hidan's demeanor before taking any action.

It took awhile, but heavy footsteps came towards the religious zealot and he was able to make out a dull outline of another man in the room. His face was completely obscured by the lack of light, but Hidan could tell he was a rather well built individual. Probably was pretty strong. A faint glare of light on a metal headband revealed that the man was a ninja from the leaf village.

Hidan felt light-headed, and a little sick. Still, that did nothing to change his demanding a loud personality, "Where the fuck am I? I asked you that question like two minutes ago, you piece of shit!"

"You should know. It was your partner, Kakuzu, who sold you out," The unknown Konoha nin commented oh so calmly. His cool and composed personality was the polar opposite of Hidan's hot headed approach and that did everything in the world to piss the silver haired man off.

Even though it shouldn't have really bothered Hidan to hear that, he was immensely pissed off that such a thing happened. Sure, Kakuzu always threatened to do just what he had, Hidan never really believed that it would actually happen. Not because Kakuzu didn't have the balls, Hidan knew that if he wasn't careful that Kakuzu would sell him out in half a second, but his arrogance assured him that he would never get tricked and humiliated in such a way.

Hidan only had himself to blame, and he would later, but right now his hate would be focused on the man before him first. His eyes flashed with a dangerous hatred and he went on in a menacingly low tone, "Just who the fuck do you think you are? I swear to Jashin-sama that once I get out of these fucking chains, I will sacrifice every mother fucking piece of shit in the hidden leaf village." Hidan looked directly at where he assumed the others face was. He would've liked to thrash and make a bigger scene, but his body was too restrained by the metal chains and the drugs Kakuzu used to subdue him.

The other man, unfazed from the threats that were spouted by the half asleep zealot in front of him, found a chair and sat. The torch illuminated half of his face and he looked to be somewhat amused at the situation. "Well, now that we're all nicely acquainted, we might as well tell each other our names."

"Fuck you!"

He let his head rest on his hands, and went on to say, "That's alright if you don't want to tell me. I already know, your name's Hidan. Mine's Ibiki."

"Well then Ibiki, fuck you to motherfucking hell, you little bitch! I swear by everything, Jashin-sama will avenge me! You've just made the worst mistake of your life by locking me down here in this shit hole!"

How much more amused could Ibiki become without being classified as boarder line psychotic? Well, maybe he would have to go quite a bit in reverse to be outside of that label, but he wondered if it was unhealthy to be having so much fun with this. Not that it truly mattered how psychotic he was in the first place, since he was getting paid for enacting torture that always got a confession, and was expected to have something wrong with him.

He went on with setting up the stage for himself, "I was told that Jashinists are often masochistic because of their beliefs. At least the devout ones are."

"And I was told that Ibiki from Konoha is a sadistic bastard that gets some kind of sicm, sexual pleasure from torturing others," Hidan said with a smirk.

Ibiki narrowed his gaze on Hidan. He wasn't even completely sure how the zealot knew so much as his name, and he didn't like that one bit. "I was wondering, about your religion," He tried to change the subject

"What about it, bastard?"

"Is hypocrisy a sin?"

Hidan's eyes flashed with hate aga, and then something else. Ibiki labeled the second as mischievous inspiration.

"Of course not."

"What is a sin?"

Hidan repressed a smile, "Telling secrets, bastard. And if you want to try and torture me, I'd be more than willing to endure your lame ass excuse for torture."

"Why would you endure anything for an organization that won't even bother coming here for you. One of the members is even the one who sold you out."

An arrogant yawn and general look of disinterest took over Hidan's face this time. He was bored of his own game already. "Why does that matter? I don't think that he was given permission to do that. It's no one's fault but mine for not killing the bastard before this happened."

"So you knew he was going to do this?"

"Eventually. I'm sorta pissed though."

"At Kakuzu?"

Hidan looked at the ceiling, "Nah. Kakuzu told me straight that he'd do anything to get rid of me and be by himself. I'm just pissed that he was really capable of getting rid of me."

"Do I detect self-loathing?"

"What?" Hidan glared at the other man. His technique was subtle, but Hidan was smarter than he's given credit for. He knew how to see through torture methods better than anyone, since it was his favorite pass time in the first place.

"I'm just a little curious how you, a great ninja, got here. If I insult you, it's only a bad habit. I'm sorry." Ibiki's tone was anything but apologetic, but Hidan brushed it off and just decided to be a little more on guard.

"Well, I'm kinda a little curious too. I thought me and Kakuzu could last as partners cause we kinda understood each other. I mean, I thought I could tell when Kakuzu would try to get rid of me for real."

"He drugged you, but I'm not really sure how."

"He's a medic. He sure as hell has ways to do something like that." Hidan replied aloofly. He honestly was tired of the conversation, despite his previous desire to meet the famous torture fanatic of Konoha, Ibiki. "Hey, I got a question for you now."

"What's that?"

"Is your method of torture boring others to death? Geez man, I don't care how the old bastard got rid of me. It doesn't hurt my fucking feelings, cause I knew it was going to happen."

"Then why did you stay there?"

"What?"

"Why didn't you leave?"

Hidan stopped for a minute to think. Why the hell did he stay with a guy who promised to sell him out to whomever paid a high enough price?

Bingo. Ibiki got him. He hit a weak spot, and pretty soon the man would be broken.

Or so he thought, before the zealot continued unfazed, "I guess, to make myself a better follower of Jashin-sama."

"What?" Ibiki stared in disbelief, Hidan seemed completely solemn and serious.

"Well, Jashin didn't tell me to leave so I didn't. He wanted me to stay so I'd be sent here. He wanted me here so I could cultivate my hate."

"Is that really what you believe?"

"Eh, something like that. I have faith that Jashin put me here, and when he wants me out, I'll get out."

"You're clinically insane."

"And you're a sociopath."

"No, I'm sadistic, but we already covered that."

Damnit. Damnit. Damnit all to hell. Ibiki was going to be the one going crazy if he didn't find some way to attack Hidan, and soon. Time for a different approach?

"Hidan, would you like to leave this cell?"

"And here I thought we were being all chummy. You want me to leave already?"

"Not leave the village. I don't think I could arrange that. But just leave this cell."

"What do you want?"

"You to talk."

"I am talking... Or at least, I think this is talking."

"You know what I mean. Tell me about the Akatsuki, and I'll arrange for a comfier place for you."

"I'm not telling you anything."

"Under any circumstance?"

"I wouldn't say that," Hidan said with and irrepressible smirk.

"I thought it was a sin to-"

"They're all heretics who reject Jashin-sama. As long as you promise to kill them, I'm just being a good priest helping them along to their demise."

"You're impossibly confusing."

"So I've been told."

"What do you want?"

So far Hidan had just been throwing things out there until something came of the conversation until it became interesting. It was interesting now, but he was at a loss for words. What did he want?

"I guess, untying me would be a start."

"Not yet."

"Pain killers then? I can't move my neck."

"I can arrange that, but it'll take at least fifteen minutes. You can imagine that I don't carry them to work with me."

"That's not all it's going to take."

"What else then?"

"Kill everyone in that organization."

"That's our goal here."

"Give me a nice pad."

"Done."

And, I guess there's one thing that I want more than anything else."

"What's that?"

"A bastard that nearly blew me up, goes by the name of Shikamaru."

Ibiki was reluctant, "I can't do that without the Hokage's permission."

"Then get it, and get him here. By tomorrow afternoon."

"Alright."

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