Hello, my phellow phans. Over the years, I have noticed many, many lists of traits involving the overall obsession of the phandom known as 'Phantom of the Opera' appear, and yet they have never been specific to the various types of phans: Leroux Phans, Kay Phans, Crawford Phans, Gerik Phans, Fop-Hating Phans, OC-loving Phans, the Truly Obsessive Phans, Christine Phans, and, though I say this only out of legal obligation to a vastly minority group, Fop-liking Phans (ugh). SO, I have decided to sort the various categories and sub-categories of us phans to make it easier for one to identify what type of Phan they are: whether you are a Daroga Phan or an EM Pairing Phan, you shall know soon enough, for now comes the time for the Ultimate Guide to Phandom to rise.

So now I bid you adieu, and wish you good reading of this most extensive guide to phangirlism. I ask that you please review, and as a bonus for reviewing, should you come up with your own idea as to what makes a phan into a Phan and send it in through review, I shall pick the best one for the Phan Trait of the Chapter (as I do not know how often I can update). Your name will be mentioned, of course, and all shall be swell. As well, send in requests for various lists. If they are general enough to have several key traits about them, then I shall dedicate the chapter itself to you.

And on a final note, I have not read any lists for some time; as a result, some possible signs as to whether or not one is a true Phan will possibly be repeated. After all, I do believe that every Phantom lists involves singing some form of POTO song at some point. I do not mean to plagiarize anything, but I do warn you now, should any complaints arise. I will acknowledge that some might be on other lists, but I will not read others, as that might confuse the ones I have simmering in my head at the moment, and I do not want to intentionally steal anyone's thoughts.

That should be all this time, except that I do not own Phantom of the Opera; I am merely a commentator.

And now... we begin.

The Ultimate Guide to Phangirls

by

LePhantomessa

Chapter One: The Average Phan

1.) You know that POTO stands for Phantom of the Opera. If anyone spells it 'PTO', 'PO', or 'PotO', you have a strong desire to strangle them in some way.

2.) The Phantom's name is Erik. The last name has been speculated on, but never confirmed. If anyone uses Destler, you dismiss them impatiently.

3.) You have read/seen at least 2 separate forms of Phantom and have listened to at least one Broadway/musical version.

4.) You know what a 'Punjab' is.

5.) You know who Ayesha, Carlotta, and Buquet are.

6.) One day you want to name or middle-name your child 'Erik', 'Erika', or 'Christine'.

7.) You know that the real name of the Opera House in Paris is L'Opera Garnier, NOT the Opera Populaire.

8.) At some point during the day, every day, you will hum/whistle/sing a song from ALW's Broadway Production of POTO.

9.) You know that ALW stands for Andrew Lloyd Webber.

9a.) You also know what MC, SB, ER, GB, LC, SK, and GL stand for, nor do you need any explanation for what they mean.

10.) You know where Persia is/was.

11.) You've had entire conversations with other Phans centered around the great Michael Crawford/Gerard Butler controversy.

11a.) You know what the great MC/GB controversy is.

11b.) You already have a side in the controversy and will defend it until the world ends (or until Ben Affleck plays Erik, God forbid).

12.) There is a clear line in your life dividing it from before and after you first heard of POTO.

13.) You own at least one piece of Phantom memorabilia.

14.) You have either written or read one piece of phanphiction.

15.) You spell every word beginning with 'f' with 'ph' instead.

15a.) There is only one exception to this rule, and it is the word 'fop'.

16.) Everytime you see the commercial for Philadelphia Cream Cheese and the word 'Phan' appears on screen, you squeal excitedly.

17.) You think that Erik could do a LOT better then Christine by dating you instead.

18.) If someone mentions the word 'fop' in a sentence, you immediately leave the room, send a withering glare over to the person who ruined your evening by bringing up the fop, or go find a punjab lasso to strangle said person with.

19.) If you meet someone whose name is Erik (or Eric) then you become much more interested in what they have to say or in what they do.

20.) If anyone thinks that being a Phan means being a fan of the band Phish and tells you so, you sneer and call them an insolent ignorant fop, before educating them by unnecessary force.

-l

Well, that's all for the first - sorry, I mean phirst- list. Soon, we shall begin the various World lists, in which you shall discover what it means to be a phan of some of the popular worlds of POTO. Starting with: Leroux. Stay tuned!
~LePh~