Wow. I really do like writing these, don't I?

Well, disclaimer time. I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. All the Mary Sue Alphabets I've written were inspired by Irony_chan's much better one, so I don't take credit for this idea, either. Any resemblance to any fanfiction or character is completely unintentional, except for the one for T, which was inspired by the hilariously bad insult to both Harry Potter and the English language known only as My Immortal. I apologize if I insulted ayone. Special thanks to Kitty Fowl for proofreading this. I blame any spelling mistakes on my cat, who seems to enjoy walking across my keyboard.

And now, without further ado, I present...

The Fullmetal Alchemist Mary Sue Alphabet

A is for Abby
Who's just ten years old,
Yet a brilliant state alchemist,
Or so we are told.
The author didn't want Abby
To be a Mary Sue
So Abby is helpless
From our point of view.
But the characters think
She's amazingly strong
And in their minds,
She can do no wrong.
All she does is get rescued!
It's really quite boring.
I suppose that might be
Why the readers are snoring.

B's for Brianna,
With long hair of gold.
And her skill at alchemy
Is a wonder to behold.
She's got sapphire eyes
That are occasionally green,
And became a state alchemist
At the age of thirteen.
The "Sparkle Alchemist"
Has never lost a fight.
But her "flaw" (she's too pretty)
Makes that totally all right.
She wears beautiful dresses
With sparkly lace,
And it seems the main characters
Have all been replaced.

C's for Christina,
Envy's twelve year old kid.
I don't think the author knows
Who her other parent is.
She's a vampire catgirl
And maybe a witch.
Her hair is either black or silver.
It has a tendency to switch.
Now Christina's dating Ed
And no one seems to care.
The details that make sense
Are becoming really rare.
After chapter twenty-seven,
The story was abandoned.
The whole thing's one enormous
Defilement of canon.

D starts the name of Darcy
The ultimate Mary Sue.
Darcy is a homunculus
And a state alchemist too!
She's got hair of gold and amethyst eyes,
She's so talented it feels like a curse.
She seems to control the power of love.
But don't puke yet; it gets worse!
She's got magical jewelry,
A katana of gold,
And she speaks twenty languages with ease.
She's breathtakingly gorgeous (or so we are told)
And her middle name is Japanese.
The summary's bad,
The story is worse,
The grammar is melting my brain.
I may not know who the author is,
But there's really no way
That she's sane.

E is for Emma,
And we have been warned
That Emma's the author
In character form.
Well, the author says that she's Emma
But somehow I doubt
That fanboys follow the author
Whenever she goes out
All the boys are in love.
Everyone's OOC.
The girls think Emma should die
(And I totally agree).
Some wish fulfillment is one thing,
But this is annoying!
There isn't a plot,
And it's really quite boring.

F is for Faith
Who's incredibly mean.
Is she a villain or a hero
Or somewhere in between?
For some reason
Nobody even seems to care
That Faith likes to kick puppies,
Hurt people, and swear.
They think that she's an angel.
I have no idea why.
It seems normal standards of friendship
Don't even apply.
And if you should point out
No one would like such a jerk.
You should probably hide.
The author's gonna go berserk.

G is for Gina

The princess of somewhere.
She's got natural pink highlights
In her natural blonde hair.
She's the Rainbow Alchemist,
'Cause she's happy and glad
And when she's in the area,
Nobody's sad!
She's got sparkles and rainbows,
She's a friend to all living things.
And when she's really happy,
She sometimes grows wings!
She became a state alchemist
At the age of thirteen.
And whatever you do
DO NOT GIVE HER CAFFINE!

H is for Hannah
and I'm not sure why,
but the rules of the universe
don't seem to apply.
Hannah couldn't be bothered
With equivalent exchange.
But nobody else in the story
Finds that remotely strange.
Hannah can see the future,
And shapeshift, and glow.
How does she do that with alchemy?
I don't want to know.
It doesn't make sense.
Is she magic or not?
There's hardly any logic,
And even less plot.

I is for Iris,
Whose long flowing hair,
Is either blonde, red, or violet.
Good thing I don't care.
Her eyes are dark blue.
Oops. Now they're bright green.
And she became a state alchemist
When she was twelve or thirteen.
She might be Ed's sister,
Or maybe they're cousins.
She was abandoned as a child
…or maybe she wasn't.
The details keep changing.
What the heck's going on?
I haven't seen a detail reused
Ever since chapter one.

J is for Julie
Who isn't a Sue.
She's got ADHD,
And she's paranoid too.
She's incredibly clumsy,
And can't do anything right.
She's painfully stupid
And useless in a fight.
Yet despite all her flaws,
She still saves the day,
'Cause everyone else's abilities
Have all gone away.
She's supposed to be normal.
The worst kind of Sue.
It's no wonder that nobody
Bothers to review.

K's for Kiana,
(I know the name isn't normal,
But it totally fits,
'cause it's pretty and formal.)
She's got sapphire eyes,
And long pure white hair
(AN: that's not a Sue trait!
She's a good character, I swear!)
It seems every other sentence
Is a note justifying
Kiana's Mary Sue traits
And the author's bad writing.
I'd like to ignore it,
But everything she mentions
Doesn't justify the trait,
It just demands more attention.

L is for Layla
Who's so Sue-ish it's frightening.
She's the storm alchemist
Because she fights with lightning.
She's got natural white highlights,
And natural blue hair.
She's completely invincible,
And she thinks it's unfair.
She just wants to be normal,
She's so pretty it's a curse.
She's the author in Mary Sue form,
Which makes it much worse.
She's sparkly and pure,
And seems to have no flaws.
And the canon characters do nothing
But watch her in awe.

M's for M'Kayla
Who's name has punctuation.
And the laws of grammar
Seem to have gone on vacation.
The spelling's so bad that it's painful
For my poor, innocent eyes.
After reading one sentence,
Any English teacher would die.
There's no plot, no grammar,
And no paragraph breaks.
I can't tell what the author means
Through all the spelling mistakes.
The author cannot be serious!
How could this be accidental.
Maybe the author's a monkey?
Or maybe she's mental.

N is for Nora,
Who's somebody's clone.
Which apparently means
She has to whine and moan.
She spends the whole story complaining,
So there isn't a plot.
How much angst can there BE?
Apparently a lot.
Wait, who has a clone?
I really don't know.
We haven't found out
Who to blame for Nora's woe.
She cries for no reason,
And it's really annoying.
Who the heck wants to read
A story so boring?

O is for Opal,
A new state alchemist.
She and Ed are "just friends",
Although they've already kissed.
There were three paragraphs
To describe the event.
And that description came after
The author had spent
At least half a chapter
Describing Opal's clothes.
Yet she's the only one
To get this purple prose.
Ed saving the universe
Got just two sentences.
Well, it's clear what the author's
Priority is.

P is for Paige.
That's the author's name too.
And the author insists
That Paige isn't a Sue.
Yet Paige has lots of sparkles
And powers galore.
She's died four times
In the course of one war.
She's completely invincible,
Which is getting annoying.
She's amazingly talented
And amazingly boring.
She's flawless and perfect.
She makes readers sick.
And the author keeps asking
Why no one likes her fanfic.

Q is for Quinn,
And I'm not quite sure,
The author understands what
Mary Sue tests are for.
Quinn has seven names,
And color changing eyes.
She can grow wings at will,
Which explains how she flies.
She's the Midnight Alchemist,
and has a magical pet cat.
She's completely perfect.
(But we already knew that.)
Okay, is the author trying to fulfill
Every possible wish?
Or did she use a litmus test
As a checklist?

R is for Rachel
And the reviewers won't quit
Sending plenty of flames
(Although she deserves it.)
At the beginning of each chapter,
The author goes on a rant
About how it's okay for Rachel
To do what other characters can't.
"She brought one person back to life!
That's really not that bad!
She's just really good at alchemy!
Would you quit getting so mad
About every single thing
That Rachel can do?
It isn't my fault
You can't write this well too!"

S is for Starlight
Who's author just doesn't get
That it's not a good name!
And she seems to forget
Whether Starlight's eyes
Are bright green or pink.
And why don't other characters
Seem to know how to think?
Starlight's a chimera.
Part vampire, part bird
(who cares that there aren't vampires
In the Fullmetal Alchemist world?)
She's got wings, fangs, and...claws(?)
Look! She sparkles in the sun.
Wait, but that came from Twilight…
It's a crossover! RUN!

T is for Tara
The author from Hell
And please, please, please
Will somebody tell
This girl how to spell
Her own character's name?
There's at least ten different versions!
No wonder she gets only flames.
She can't seem to decide
If her character's a vampire or not
Although it doesn't really matter
Since it doesn't affect the plot.
Is the story for real?
The author won't say.
So come join the debate!
Maybe we'll figure it out some day.

U is for Umbra
Who's a Villain Sue.
And she's taking over the world
'Cause that's what most villains do.
Nobody can stop her
And no one will try!
She's a homunculus (of course)
So she never can die.
She's psychotic, sadistic,
And invincible too!
Time for the final battle!
So will someone please cue
The deus ex machina.
That's the end of this Sue…
Wait, now she's a good guy?
Now I'm so confused.

V is for Vera
A fan of the show
Who found herself in the story
(How? We don't know.)
She suddenly found out
She's part-homunculus
And is so talented at alchemy
That she became a state alchemist.
But the plot is the same
As the plot of the show.
So Vera will save the day
Because she already knows
How everything happens
And just how to win.
So there's no surprises. Ever.
Just wish fulfillment.

W is for Winry
Who's so OOC
That though she's not an original character
She may as well be.
She's a state alchemist now
'Cause she's just that good.
She's stuck up and snobby
And "misunderstood".
She talks only in chatspeak.
LOL! OMG!
I gotta go save the world now!
See ya soon! BRB!
It seems that full words
Have become overrated,
Like, WTF R U thinkin?
Spelling out wrds is outd8ed!

X is for Xanthe
Who isn't a Sue.
'Cause it isn't her fault
That she's better than you!
Speaking five languages
And having six names
Does not make her a Sue
So please stop with the flames!
Yes, she sings like an angel,
Plenty of people do.
And, yeah, she's a teenage state alchemist.
But hey, Ed is too!
Every new "justification"
Makes all the readers groan.
I don't think the author's reality
Corresponds to our own.

Y is for Yasmin
Who has aqua colored hair
Which you'd think would be odd
And make everyone stare.
But nope, they don't notice
But that's probably because
They've gotten makeovers too,
So they don't even pause
When they see her strange hair,
And her bright purple eyes
And the wings sprouting from her back
Which explains how she flies.
And Yasmin's sparkly long dresses
Never get in the way
Of her latest adventure
And saving the day.

Z is for Zoe
Who wasn't a Sue.
She had good points and flaws,
And weaknesses too.
The story was brilliant,
But too good to last.
Now Zoe's a homunculus
With a mysterious past
Who doesn't have any flaws,
And can shapeshift and fly.
Now Zoe's invincible
And never can die.
The author was worried
That the story was boring.
It wasn't. It was awesome.
But now the readers are snoring.