"Uncle Erestor."

"Yes, Lindir?"

"I have a problem."

"You always have a problem when you disturb me at this hour, Lindir. I am trying to work."

"I am sorry. Should I come and bother you later?"

"No. What is this problem?"

"Elrond says that I have to participate in the elflings' play this year."

"Oh, are they already making arrangements for this year's play? How time flies. What is to be the subject of this year's play, Lindir?"

"The Two Trees."

"Oh? Then it sounds as if it will be a very beautiful play this year, Lindir, with many beautiful props. I look forward to seeing it."

"But I do not want to participate in this year's play."

"I am sorry to hear that, Lindir. Why do you not want to participate in the play? It will be fun."

"They want me to be the spider."

"Oh? Well, someone has to be the spider, Lindir."

"But I do not want to be the spider."

"Now, do not look at me like that, Lindir. If you are so upset about being the spider, how about you ask Elrond to let you play a different character?"

"It was either the spider or Morgoth."

"Oh."

"Or Finwë. I told Elrond that I wanted to be Finwë the most, but as I get sick at the sight of blood, Elrond told me that I had better not take the role of Finwë or Morgoth. He says tomato sauce looks very much like blood and he does not think it would be very good if I threw up on the audience."

"Yes, I do not think it would be very good either, Lindir. So, I suppose that is why you chose to be the spider."

"Yes, but I do not want to be a bad character."

"Why were you only allowed to choose between those three characters? Why not Fëanor or Glorfindel or Finrod or... or... one of the Valar?"

"Because Elrond does not like me."

"Now Lindir, Elrond likes you very much. There must be a different reason. Were you late to class?"

"Well, I did not want to participate in the play at all, so I tried to miss the lesson, but then Glorfindel came and caught me and dragged me to class and by then, everyone else had picked the best roles."

"Oh dear."

"Uncle."

"Yes, what is it, Lindir?"

"Do you think Elrond could change the story to make the evil characters the good characters?"

"Why, Lindir?"

"I do not want to be an evil character."

"Well, I think it might be a bit difficult to change history, Lindir. The evil characters did, after all, destroy the Two Trees."

"Yes, but maybe the Trees were really the evil ones and Morgoth and the big spider were only trying to save the world."

"But they were not, Lindir."

"How do you know?"

"How do I know what, Lindir?"

"How do you know that the Trees were not evil? You were not alive then, were you?"

"Indeed, I was not alive, but many of our friends were alive then. Like Glorfindel and Galadriel."

"Yes, but what if they are mistaken about the Trees too?"

"Lindir, how could the Trees be evil?"

"Well, well, well, maybe they were poisoning the water supply through their roots! Maybe they were blinding people with greed at the sight of their beauty!"

"And how, Lindir, do you propose to argue to the audience that Morgoth and Ungoliant only meant well considering what both characters did after they destroyed the Two Trees? Was Angband good? Was the massacre of thousands good? Was not Morgoth's favourite lieutenant none other than Sauron? Are not Ungoliant's children the giant spiders that are currently causing havoc in Greenwood? Lindir, I think it will be very hard to convince Elrond to change the script simply because you do not want to play an evil character. Unless you can come up with solid proof that your character deserves to have the audience's sympathy, then you will have to stick with playing an evil character."

"Uncle?"

"Yes, Lindir?"

"Why do you have to be so realistic?"

"That is just how I am, Lindir. And stop sighing heavily like that, it is most distracting."

"Uncle?"

"Yes, Lindir? I hope this is the last question; I really need to get back to my work."

"Could you ask Elrond to turn the play into a comedy?"