A/N Okay, this is a story I've had on my mind for a while. Basically, it features a whole cast of new characters, but the rest of the gang will also feature heavily. It's set about ten years into the future, and at the moment there's a queen called Yelena, and Lissa is heir apparent. Rose and Dimitri have made up, because I'm strongly R/D and can't live with the idea of them not together. I love Adrian, I do, but I love Dimitri more! The main character is Zanna, and she's been sent to guard Lissa, who's pregnant (she's with Christian), and needs extra protection.

Disclaimer: No, I do not own Vampire Academy. Sniff.

We'll go from there…

Preface

No, it wasn't fair. I'd never been any trouble; I'd never done anything to her personally. It hurt. It hurt to think that I wasn't good enough, that her cruel words actually meant something in the Moroi world. He loved me; I knew he did, but to have been brushed aside like that... Well, it hurt. Alex had told me to take the fact that she said I was a good Guardian, and leave it at that. But I couldn't. Her saying I was worthless and unwanted just confirmed all the fears I'd had from childhood. That nobody loved me, that I was just there and had no real purpose.

And it didn't matter what Alex and Dom said. In the end they would forget me. Alex would end up marrying some stuck up royal and use me as his "something on the side". I held back the tears and put the letter down. It would do me no good to cry over someone else's views. I wouldn't let it get that far. I had far more self respect – I wasn't a blood whore, I never had been.

Yelena was a bitch. There was no two ways about it. She discriminated against everyone. She hated me for daring to love a Moroi. She detested my mother for having had a serious relationship with my father, and she couldn't stand my father, simply because he didn't want to treat the dhampirs as a lower class . It sucked, majorly, but I wouldn't let it get to me. I was one of the best goddamned Guardians in the world, and even the Queen admitted it. I would serve my "penance", and I would come back to my lover and my friends and I would live my life the way I wanted to.

I hated it all. Why couldn't anyone leave it all alone? Why was it my life they had to meddle in? I'd given up the life I'd desperately wanted, given up all my dreams. I'd never wanted the restrictive life of a Guardian. I had too selfish a nature to ever selflessly give up my life for some I didn't know, or care about. I didn't want to die for someone who didn't love me. But at the same time, I didn't want to completely immerse myself in human life. I wanted to be able to live the same life I'd always had, and have my family and friends with me. It had been the cry of my childhood "It's not fair". My mother had explained to me that no, it wasn't fair, but we dhampirs had to live with that, and cope with it as best we could. I didn't get that. Why did we have to live second class lives, and give ourselves up for the Moroi?

And that was why Yelena hated me, I guess. I refused to conform. I had a relationship with the Moroi I guarded. Okay, fine, I'll admit it, he initiated it, which is unusual for him as he's much quieter than me. But the sex was awesome, I loved him and the Queen couldn't do anything about that! Just because she's a frigid old bitch...

Love is something that cannot be forced, it comes when you least expect it. And it can be so different for many people. It can take you over like fire, or it can cover like you like an old, comfortable blanket. For me, it was both ways. There were times when I loved him so much that the passion felt like fire, and times when I was down and he was just there. It made me happy. And that was something I hadn't had much of in my life. There weren't many times in my life I'd been truly happy. But he made me laugh, he made me smile. He could make me giggle hysterically and make me melt with one look. It was scary, having someone with that much control over me.

I'd never expected love to come from him. I'd never expected it to be all encompassing. I'd never thought I'd care so much about him. And now I was going to lose him.

"It's only for a year." He smiled, the easy grin that came so easily to him when he was relaxed. "You'll be back before you know it. And, by all accounts, the Princess is supposed to be lovely, and her Guardian." He looked at me. "But that's not what's really getting you down, is it?"

He knew, of course he knew. He just understood me that much. His face softened. "Oh, sweetheart, you don't think what the letter said is true, do you?" I looked down, and put his finger on my chin, slowly moving my face up. "You are not nothing to me, understand? You mean so much to me it's indescribable. You know that, right?"

I laugh, shakily. "What, I'm not allowed a moment of doubt? It just got to me, that's all. I know you love me." I shook my head. I was trying to brush him away again. I couldn't accept that he loved me so completely; I was always making jokes to stop us getting too sentimental. Well not this time. I wasn't going to see him for a year. I needed to give him this much. "You know I love you too. Remember that, okay. Because I'm going to miss you, and I want to make sure you're thinking of me when your parents are foisting gorgeous women on you! I know it's going to be hard for you."

He chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm sure Dom and Ariana will have my back." His face turned serious. "I could come with you. I mean, I'm sure I can-" I put a finger against his mouth, effectively shutting him up.

"Don't be silly. You know you can't. You'll just have to settle for emailing and phone calls. Now help me pack."

"I'll visit you! I'll make sure I will!" he sounded like a little boy. It still wasn't enough. That letter had shaken me, uprooted my conviction that yes, he did love me. But I would recover from it, and I would come back to him.

A/N Sorry about the insanely long ANs! So what d'you think? Tell me in a review! But no flames please-I'm under enough stress as it is…

Love,

The Hatter