Author's note: This is just a short little Monchele fic about TOE, written from Cory's perspective. Read and review.
He's having trouble keeping it together. So much trouble.
He knows it. Everyone else can see it. Everyone else, her excluded. She never notices. And she'll never notice.
It's great for work. The directors all tell him that he's doing a great job capturing the essence of the character. But what they're reading as him trying to keep Finn from crying is actually pain. It's actually the feeling of his heart breaking. He never thought it would be possible for a heart to break, then he'd met her, and it had become a daily occurrence.
Some days are worse than others. The summer wasn't so bad, because he was busy filming his movie in Europe and she was back here. Actually, most days, he was too busy to think about her. Now, he sees her almost every day. And every day he thinks about her. He thinks about the fact that she's not his. That she belongs to someone else. She wears a necklace with someone else's initial on it just as Rachel has her Finn necklace. He wishes it was a "C" around her neck.
Everyone tells him that he needs to get over her. His reaction is always the same, "How would you like me to do that?" They always avert their eyes and change the subject to something that doesn't matter. That's the point where he always blocks them out and scans the room to see if she's there, to watch her when she's not paying attention. He realizes how creepy that seems, but it's something to hold him through the loneliness.
Sometimes, he thinks she does know. When she's throwing him glances that seem a little less than innocent or when she licks her lips just a little too slowly. Sometimes he thinks she just likes to tease him. Sometimes, he thinks she's waiting for him to make a move. Sometimes he does. Mostly when he can hide it under the guise of Finn and Rachel. She always pulls away. But she always looks like she doesn't want to.
He knows he could have any girl he wants. He's not oblivious to the fact that he's attractive. He knows wherever he goes, some girl is always going to hit on him. He knows there's always a store room, a bathroom, a work room not too far away. But he doesn't want any girl. He wants the girl. The one he can't have. The one he'll never have.
She's crying and he looks like he wants to cry. He does want to cry. He wants to cry because she's crying. She's looking at him but he knows she's not really seeing him. She's seeing that other guy. The one he can't stand. The one she calls between every take. The one who gets to hold her, fall asleep with at night and wake up with her in the morning. That's who she's seeing. That's who she's singing about. That's why she's crying.
He wants her to see him. He wants her to be singing about him. He knows better than to think it'll ever happen. He knows she just sees him as a friend. He can't take it. He's starting to think he's going to lose his mind. He's angry that he has to watch her singing this song. He's upset that this is the tenth take. He's nervous that they'll have to do ten more. He wants to cry.
The director yells cut. Everyone else's face change. His doesn't. Someone notices. Their hand is on his shoulder. He just shrugs it away. He watches her. She calls him. She's laughing. She's happy. She says "I love you." She never notices he's staring. Everyone else does. They all leave him alone. They always see him staring.
She never does.