A/N: Hello, all! Welcome to my new fanfic!

This will be a collection of (hopefully) funny oneshots concerning President Snow. Please note, this is EXTREMELY OCC. You really think in-character President Snow could be funny?

Also: This will probably contain many Mockingjay spoilers. So I'll put this here so if I end up forgetting and having it spoiler central, you were warned.

Anyway, on with the first one, I say.

DISCLAIMER: Don't own President Snow. If I did, I think I'd sell him for slavery or something. Or kill him. Depends.

The smell of smoke and decaying flesh filled the air, making President Snow smile. A slow, psychotic smile which would make anyone in the vicinity think "What the hell is this guy smoking?"

Of course, no-one was around. The trio who lived in District Twelve's Victor's Village weren't here, and everyone in their right mind was running from the firebombs. And rightfully so.

Snow chuckled to himself menacingly, only stopping when he had subconsciously began to drum his fingers together the way villains used to do in the old movies.

Not that Snow had been picking up tips from those old movies. Who would think such a thing?

Anyway, Snow crept into one of the houses which looked like it had been lived in recently. Luckily, he got inside Katniss' house on the first try. There was this one time he'd broken into the wrong house and scared a poor girl called Olivia with his roses. The poor girl screamed for about an hour then threw them out a window. If you looked around District Twelve for long enough (which I do not recommend) you could probably find them.

Snow crept up the stairs humming the Pink Panther theme and jumping up the stairs to the beat. And snapping his fingers.

You'd have to wonder what all those antidotes did to his brain.

After he reached the top of the stairwell, he seemed to bow to an invisible audience, as if his rendition of the Pink Panther was worthy of applause (which it wasn't. Wrong key, idiot) He brushed off his suit and sauntered down the hall as if he owned the place. Which, I guess, he technically did own it, being President and all, but would you like it if he walked down your hallway like that? Yeah, didn't think so.

Snow paused in front of Katniss' bedroom door, tapping it lightly four times.

"Knock, knock," he whispered. "Oh, that's right, you're on your way to your death, Miss Everdeen. You couldn't possibly be here."

I really wouldn't feel safe with this guy running my country.

He opened the door and slipped through, resuming the humming of the Pink Panther. With the finger-snapping and the jumping to the beat. I'm pretty sure that if Katniss had seen this, she wouldn't be as scared of him as she was.

President Snow stopped in front of her dresser, where an abandoned vase of roses sat, beginning to wilt. He pulled a single white genetically enhanced rose out of a pocket on the inside of his coat. It would have been dramatic, but Snow started laughing manically again.

Way to overdo it, genius.

He placed the rose in the center of the vase, breathing in its sickly sweet smell, then running as fast as he could away from the place. It was almost as if the rose was about to explode. He stumbled down the stairs, tripping, and tumbling down to the bottom. He stood up, brushed off his suit (again) and ran out of the house towards the hovercraft that was waiting for him.

As soon as he was in the hovercraft, he breathed a sigh of relief and sat down behind the driver.

"That was a close one, eh?" he said. The driver simply rolled his eyes and wondered how people let this guy make all the decisions.

A/N: And that's it. Hope you liked it!

Just as a note: The joke about humming Pink Panther in the wrong key is a bit of a music joke, so don't worry if you're confused about that one.

Review?