#2 – Returning

Summary: Kakashi hates this place. Still, he returns, again and again.

Characters: Rin, Kakashi

Warnings: no fluff! Angst, rather. Last chance to leave.

Set: most un-canonishly in my own private Naruto-verse, when Kakashi´s around 28

The smell bites into his nostrils.

It's a smell typical for this building – maybe he hates it so much because of the smell. Maybe he hates the smell because of this building. Maybe he's just being irrational. Kakashi doesn't really care.

The room is small and almost – almost – inviting. There are curtains in front of the window and flowers on the bedside table, and a small, fragile person is sitting in the chair at the window, glancing into the sky over Konoha. Brown hair falls down to her shoulders. Rin doesn't turn around when he enters. He can't remember when she has looked at him – really looked at him – the last time.

"Rin."

She doesn't stir at the sound of his voice. Rin, the girl he has known for almost all his life, continues to stare at something far off in the distance. He walks around the chair so he can see her profile clearly.

Her small face, the curve of her cheek-bones, the soft, pink lips. Her brown eyes are devoid of any emotion and somewhat… cold. He'd never thought she'd ever seem that cold and unemotional to him, Rin, the girl – the woman – who cared about other people more that about herself. He knows he's at fault – he is the one to blame for having her like this. This is his punishment – seeing Rin stare off into the distance, not listening to him, not reacting, not even acknowledging his presence.

Kakashi carefully positions himself against the wall and pushes his hands into his pockets. He can already feel his nails biting into his skin but the pain is nothing compared to what he feels when he looks at her. Punishment. He was the one who wasn't able to save her. He wasn't fast enough – not even slightly – to save her from the torture she has faced. He has failed her – failed Obito – failed his Sensei. He is one great failure, and he knows it. He can't even protect the people precious to him.

"Tsunade-sama gave me another S-rank mission, that makes the second one in one month. It's getting hard for her to find enough shinobi to keep Konoha running. You know – these times – war times – aren't easy. They weren't when we were younger and they still aren't now."

He takes a deep breath and tries to relax. His arms are bandaged in three different places; his side still aches from the stab wound he has taken. He feels empty and utterly exhausted and afraid to fall asleep, afraid of being alone. There's only so much pressure a person can stand until one breaks.

"Akatsuki was no easy opponent and these new guys – Hikari – aren't, either. The only difference is that they act on orders. There's nothing worse than politicians employing criminal organizations to enforce their will."

Night falls, slowly. The sun is setting in a golden and red and orange glow, touching Rin's hair, her face, smoothing out the lines and lighting her eyes. Suddenly, she seems like the Rin he always knew.

"I haven't visited Obito for three weeks. He'd laugh at the amount of trouble I've gotten myself into. He'd hit me for what I've gotten you into, too…"

His voice sounds strangled. It's not the first time he thinks those words but it's the first time he says them out loud in ten years. Interesting, how much the brush of death can make a person think about his life.

"I promised him. And I meant it. Now look what I've done to both of us."

Rin doesn't answer. She never does. She just continues to look out of the window, her hands folded in her lap.

Carefully, he leans down and brushes aside some strands of her brown hair. She doesn't move. He has thought about it for days – being imprisoned and tortured and starved – hating himself more and more. If that's what Rin had to go through, he deserves to die. He deserves to be killed – by either her or Obito. But neither one of his friends is alive any more. He leans down further until his face is millimeters from hers. Her eyes don't look at him. Carefully, he touches her lips and dread washes over him – what is he doing? Is he betraying Obito again?

He straightens again and prepares to leave.

Suddenly, something tugs at his vest.

Kakashi freezes and whirls around to stare at Rin. She has turned her head, slightly, and is smiling at him. It's the Rin he remembers – soft and caring and delicate. He doesn't dare to move.

"Kakashi," Rin whispers. "It's good to see you."

He still hasn't moved, afraid to break the spell lying on him. Brown eyes watch him almost amused. Then, they cloud over and for a moment, her body turns rigid. It's over as fast as it started: her eyes lose focus, her hand falls down again. She's gone once more.

Without another word, Kakashi flees her hospital room.