Newest chapter, I have a few more weeks before school starts, so if people are still interested in reading this story I will try and upload at least one more, maybe two more chapters before I am back at school :)

Chapter 9 ; If Tomorrow Never Comes.

~One minute I held the key, the next the walls are closed on me. I discovered that my castles stand upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand. It was a wicked and wild wind; it blew down the doors and let me in. Shattered windows and the sound of drums, people couldn't believe what I had become~

He was disappointed to notice that he had a slight migraine forming and his dizziness had also decided to return at full force. Balancing himself on the wall to stop himself from falling over he looked through the peep hole in the door and felt the colour drain from his face considerably at what he saw. He could feel his entire body begin to slightly tremble as he reached out and opened the door to be greeted by two stern looking police officers.

Before he could even open his mouth the older officer spoke, "Are you Dr. John Carter?" the officer's name badge stated that he was Officer Braddock.

"Uh yes, yes that's me." Carter said raising an eyebrow, confused as to what was going on.

"Well we'd just like to ask you a few questions regarding your neighbour Katie's recent suicide. It's just some routine questions, nothing to worry about. Do you mind if we come in?" The younger officer asked, whose name badge stated that he was Officer Parker. He stepped forward towards the door, indicating that Carter didn't really have an option on letting them in or not.

"Oh yeah, sure." Carter moved out of the doorway and allowed the two officers to enter his apartment and almost immediately regretted it.

"What happened here?" Officer Braddock asked, tilting his head towards the shards of broken glass covered in blood and the smashed window. "Did you have a break in?"

Feeling his face pale even more, "Erh.. was just a minor break in. Nothing major, nothing was taken." Carter shrugged heading towards the kitchen. He needed to get the two officers to leave the lounge room, the last thing he needed was them finding the empty bottle of Dilaudid at the end of the blood trail from the window. Turning around he felt the last bit of colour leave his face as he noticed that's exactly what the officers had found.

"What's this exactly?" Officer Parker asked, holding the bottle up to the light that was streaming in from the broken window and examining the label. "Dilaudid?" he questioned.

"Yeah, yeah it's Dilaudid. I'm prescribed it for a back injury." Carter quickly turned his back on the officers and faced the kitchen, he hoped the officers hadn't notice the colour fade from his face. "Ah would either of you like something to eat or drink?" he asked, desperately trying to change the subject.

"No thanks Dr. Carter, hey Braddock isn't Dilaudid the drug that was found in Katie's tox screen?" Carter's breath immediately caught in his throat as he heard the words come out of the younger officer's mouth.

"Actually Parker, yes, you're right. It was Dilaudid." Officer Braddock looked over towards Carter. "Any idea how she would have gotten a hold of such a drug Dr. Carter?"

"Nope, no idea." Carter said, a little too quickly for the officer to like.

"You are aware Dr. Carter that whoever broke into your apartment left a blood trail towards this very table." Officer Parker slowly said, he was beginning to tread in dangerous territory.

"Yeah... and?" Carter asked, not liking where this conversation was going.

"It just so happens that this bottle of Dilaudid was sitting on that very table." Officer Braddock added in, giving Carter an accusing glare.

Shrugging off the glare he received, "The Dilaudid was only placed there last night when I got it out of the medicine cabinet. It wasn't sitting there when the person broke in to my apartment, if it was I would have called the police to report the break in." Carter turned around to face the officers and leaned his back against the counter behind him.

"Wait you never reported the break in?" Officer Parked questioned, now becoming curious himself.

"No, no I didn't. I've been busy with work and I just haven't had the time, and honestly nothing was stolen so I didn't see it as a huge importance." Carter shrugged.

"So someone just casually breaks into your house and you don't even think twice about reporting it!" Officer Braddock was starting to get angry with him, he knew there was something Carter was hiding. He just couldn't figure out what it was just yet.

"Dr. Carter are you sure the bottle of Dilaudid was placed in the medicine cabinet?" Officer Parker asked, noticing something off about the situation.

"Yes! I am sure it was placed there." Carter sighed, beginning to get annoyed.

"Was there any signs of blood leading towards where the Dilaudid was placed?" the younger officer asked with an unreadable expression on his face.

"What? No." Carter was now definitely annoyed. What's this damn officer trying to imply here.

"Then how come Dr. Carter there's a slight amount of blood on the side of the bottle?" the look that fell across officer Parker's face was still unreadable, but the look that fell across officer Braddock's was the one of a child who had just won the main prize at a carnival game.

Carter's eyes slightly widened at the question, not expecting it at all. "Ah, I must have accidently smeared blood on it from my hand when I had been inspecting the window.. look I don't know, but can we please hurry this up, I have places I need to be this morning." He of course was lying, he had nowhere to be until 6pm that night for his shift, but they didn't have to know that. The sooner he got rid of both of them the better.

Officer Braddock narrowed his eyes and looked at Dr. Carter with disdain, "As you wish, but we will be taking this bottle back to our forensics team and they will find out whether or not you're telling the truth." Officer Braddock then walked over to the lounge chair and positioned himself in the middle; his partner walked across and joined him in the adjoining arm chair to his right a few seconds later. "Please come sit Dr. Carter." Braddock nodded his head towards the empty arm chair to his left.

Sighing he headed over towards the two officers and sat in the vacant arm chair, the leather making familiar noises as he placed his weight in the chair. "So what can I help you with?" he asked, sinking back further into his chair. He just wanted this to hurry up and be over with.

"Where were you Tuesday afternoon between the hours of 2pm to 4pm?" Officer Parker asked, trying to take control of the situation at hand. He could sense that his partner was becoming annoyed with the answers that the doctor was giving.

"I-I was at home asleep." Carter knew asleep wasn't exactly the correct word for what he was doing. Maybe something along the lines of completely out of it in a drug induced state would have been more accurate, but he sure as hell wasn't in a rush to tell the police officers that bit of information.

"Right, so you were asleep, off in good old dream land while Mrs. Palmer was outside your apartment knocking on your door and screaming and desperately pleading for you to save her daughter's life? Is that about right Dr. Carter?" Officer Braddock spitefully asked, he was sick of Carter's lies.

Anger flashed through Carter's eyes at the older officers tone, who the hell did he think he was and what was he trying to imply? Was he trying to blame Katie's death on him? He thinks I killed her. "Yes that's right, look I am sorry but I think that it's time that you go. I really have a lot of things I need to do today." With that Carter stood and headed over towards the door and opened it for the officers who were still currently sitting in the lounge chairs.

"Very well then Dr. Carter, but just so you know, this isn't finished." Officer Braddock said, his tone almost bordering on threatening. The older officer strode through the door leaving his partner behind in the apartment, confused as to what had just taken place in front of him.

"Dr. Carter I'm sorry about my partner, don't take it personally. He's just got a temper and well, he tends to take suicide cases pretty hard." The younger officer sheepishly said as he followed after Officer Braddock's retreating form.

Carter just nodded in reply and shut the door on the officer's backs. Well I am damn glad that hell is finally over. He glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it was 10:45am. He wasn't due for work for another seven hours and he had no idea how he was going to pass the time without driving himself insane in the process, after thinking for a few minutes he opted on deciding to aimlessly watch the TV for the next few hours and maybe try and get some sleep also. As much as he didn't want to risk having any more nightmares, he was still pretty tired even after last night's alcohol induced slumber, and the last thing he wanted was to go into work tired and off his game. He didn't want to rake in any more unwanted attention from his friends.

Checking his watch he noted that the time was 5:52pm. He looked up from where he was standing and watched through the ambulance bay doors as the doctors and nurses walked past – his friends. They were in there doing their jobs, helping people and saving countless lives. He used to feel so important when he would go to work, he felt as if he was really making a difference to somebody out there, that because of him someone was now able to see another year of their life, that they were going to witness all of the amazing things still yet to come in their lives. However now all that he felt when he went to work was emptiness and regret. He used to feel amazing when he saved a life, but now he was beginning to see the darker side to things and that was starting to deeply worry him. When he saved a person he use to assume that he was doing good, that he was giving them more great years to come. But what if they weren't great years? What if they weren't so thrilled with living, what if their whole life was just full of pain, and he had basically just given them more suffering. Shaking the thoughts from his head he took a deep breath and headed through the ambulance bay doors.

He was immediately hit with the familiar aroma of disinfectant. He gave the waiting room a quick glance and took in the patients that were waiting to be seen, there was roughly 7 to 8 people out there. Heading over towards the admit desk he went to pick up a chart but was interrupted as the ambulance bay doors flew open revealing a gurney being pushed inside by two paramedics. He rushed over towards the gurney, as did Mark, Kerry and Chuny.

"What happened here?" Mark questioned, glancing down at the patient on the gurney. It was a girl no less than 13 years old, she had scrapes and bruises covering a high percentage of her chest.

"Automobile versus 10 year old girl, blunt trauma to the right lower chest and a fractured left femur." One of the paramedics stated, handing the chart over to Kerry, who quickly skimmed through what was written down and noted that the little girl's name was Natalie.

"She was stable, but then I lost her pulse en route with decreased breath sounds on the right." The second paramedic added, as they helped move the girl onto the trauma room's stretcher, they then left in search to find the girl's mother who had followed behind the ambulance.

"Right, we need to set up a chest tube right away." Kerry shouted, taking control of the current trauma she placed the chart on top of one of the machines next to the gurney.

"Her pulse is thready, get her on 10 litres blood mass." Chuny exclaimed, whilst hooking the girl up various wires and machines.

"Can somebody page Corday!" Kerry shouted as she assessed the girl's injuries.

"Get a trauma panel, U.A, type and cross for four." Mark shouted as he read her current vital signs.

Elizabeth came rushing through the doors seconds later, "What happened here?" she asked, rushing over to the patient.

"10 year old girl versus automobile, she's got a blunt force trauma to the right lower chest and what looks to be a fractured left femur." Mark rattled off, still watching the girl's stats.

"Oh God, poor thing. I need two large bore IVs, squeeze in a saline and prep the chest." Elizabeth shouted, assessing the girl's current situation for herself.

"Guys her BP's 80 palp, pulse 110." Chuny shouted.

"We need an ultrasound stat!" Mark ordered, not liking the bruising on the girl's chest and stomach.

Suddenly the little girl opened her eyes, "I want my mum! Where is my mummy!" she screamed out.

"Shh, she's just outside sweetie, how are you doing Natalie?" Kerry asked, gently stroking the girl's hair.

"Mum!" Natalie agonisingly shouted out, grimacing in pain.

"Let's get her something for the pain, one percent Lidocaine!" Kerry shouted, still stroking the girl's hair, trying to calm her down. Tears were beginning to streak the sides of her cheeks, mixing with the dirt and blood that was currently staining her face.

"I need a ten blade!" Elizabeth shouted, authority lacing her voice.

"Get an x-ray up here for a portable chest!" Mark also shouted.

"Right, I need a 28 french, now!" Elizabeth shouted, seconds later Chuny handed her the requested instrument.

"Pulse ox 92 on 10 litres." Chuny exclaimed.

"Erh we need to-to intubate." Carter exclaimed, the first thing he had said or done in the past five minutes that he had been standing in the trauma room.

"I didn't know you were in here Carter? Anyway, quick then intubate her." Mark yelled.

"I, ah, no." Carter mumbled shaking his head, re membering back to the last time somebody requested him to intubate someone.

"No? What the hell Cart-" Mark turned around and shouted at Carter, but was cut off by Kerry.

"It's right, I'll intubate her, give me a six and a half." Kerry shouted, a few seconds later, "All right I'm in, hook me up."

"Oh wow." Chuny exclaimed, shocked at the site before her.

"Damn her chest is full of blood." Mark exclaimed, not noticing Carter considerably pale at the mention of blood.

"Her pressure is down to 70, looks like an artery has been nicked." Chuny stated.

"Chuny call the OR, have them hold a room. It looks like it was more than a nick." Elizabeth shouted, closely examining the little girl's chest. "Alright, we almost got more than a litre out."

"Her pressure is down to 50!" Kerry exclaimed as the beeping from the machine echoed throughout the trauma room. "Natalie! Can you hear me! Natalie!" Kerry shouted.

"She's unresponsive." Mark simply stated.

"Chest tube output is 1200ccs, all right, let's prep for a right-sided thoracotomy." Elizabeth ordered.

"Are you going to stick the bleeder?" Carter asked, the second thing he had said or done. He was curious as to what Elizabeth was planning however.

"No, no it's too close to the bone. Alright, let me get the o-silk on a Keith needle." Elizabeth said.

"W-what are you doing?" Carter asked, becoming more and more puzzled.

"It's the Kennedy manoeuvre, transmural haemostatic suture." Elizabeth stated, as if it was obvious knowledge.

"Second unit is in!" Chuny shouted.

"Right hang another!" Mark yelled, observing Elizabeth's procedure.

"And auto-transfuse another from the cell saver." Elizabeth added. "Right, now take the superior and the inferior and tie them tight on the outside." She ordered.

"Oh dry as a bone, nice." Mark complimented Elizabeth's handy work.

"Wait, pressure's crashing!" Chuny shouted, the situation now becoming tense again.

"But the chest is dry?" Carter asked, now confused as to what was happening.

"Do an ultrasound, check the stomach. She dropped her pressure, she must be still bleeding." Elizabeth shouted, wondering why the patient was still not out of the woods.

Mark quickly checked the ultrasound. "God, you're right, her stomach is full of blood."

"Damn it's the liver, she blew the capsule." Kerry exclaimed, worry evident in her voice.

"We should've checked the stomach earlier! All right, let's hang two units and let's get her up to the OR now, let's move!" Elizabeth shouted, regaining control of the situation. Mark, Kerry and Elizabeth both rushed out of the trauma room, pushing the gurney towards the elevator.

Carter just stood there in the middle of the trauma room watching his fellow doctors; his friends take the little girl up to the OR, the little girl who they had been trying to save. Carter would normally feel ecstatic at the fact that a life had been saved, especially a child's – but he didn't feel anything, nothing at all. He felt completely numb.

It was now 10:50pm and Carter was becoming more and more annoyed at the slightest thing. First he had mentally beaten himself up about not helping in the trauma, then a second trauma had come in and he had purposely snuck into an exam room so he wouldn't have to deal with it. Then he had gotten confused numerous times while trying to diagnose his patients and now the stupid chart wouldn't come out of the chart holder.

"God dammit!" he yelled, causing everybody in earshot of the admit desk to stop what they were currently doing and look up to see the chart holder come crashing down to the floor and the charts scattering around it as Carter stood there breathing heavily, obviously biting back a lot of anger.

Embarrassed by what just happened Carter quickly took off in the direction of the lounge. Leaving a stunned audience behind him. Kerry was standing next to Carter when his sudden outburst happened, she quickly placed the chart she was holding onto the desk and followed after Carter.

Mark also had witness the event unfold in front of him and was equally as stunned as the rest of the ER was at what had just happened. Deciding it was best that he follow after as well, he excused himself from his current patient and followed the direction that Kerry had took off in, hoping to get to the bottom of what had just happened.

Carter pushed open the doors to the lounge and stumbled inside, he tried to focus his vision on the couch in front of him, but failed. Everything was a giant swirl of colours, his head was pounding and he felt as if he was going to throw up any second now. Oh god this must be withdrawal.

"Carter!" Kerry shouted, running in behind him, not noticing his deteriorating condition. "What the hell was that out there!" she asked, trying to control the shock and anger from her voice. By now Mark had caught up and was standing beside Kerry, also unaware of Carter's current condition.

Carter didn't respond, instead he stumbled over to the couch and flopped down onto his stomach, burying his head into his arms he let out a small moan. "Just leave me alone." He half mumbled into his sleeves, barely audible to the other occupants of the room.

"Carter, talk to us, what's going on?" Mark questioned, worry starting to creep into his voice.

Suddenly the lounge door flung open to reveal an annoyed looking Peter Benton. "What the hell man! I heard you chucked a tantrum in the ER?" anger and concern both colliding together in his tone of voice.

"Just go all of you away!" Carter shouted, his dizziness greeted him at full force again, and he gritted his teeth to suppress any outward show of pain.

The first thing Peter noticed was that Carter had mixed his words up, like that time out in the car park. Something was definitely wrong here and he hoped he wasn't the only one who noticed that. He looked over to Mark and Kerry and saw blank expressions, either they were good at hiding their emotion or they didn't notice Carter's slip of words.

"Carter we just want to help yo-" Mark started to say but was cut off.

"No! I don't want help, I don't need help, I don't need anybody! Just go away!" Carter shouted, this time looking up at the people surrounding him.

Peter saw the look of worry cross Mark and Kerry's face as they also noticed how glazed over Carter's eyes had become and how he was now beginning to sweat profusely. "Carter man, you're sick, I'll take you home." Peter tried, hoping that Carter was willing to leave the place with him. He wanted to speak to him alone.

I need to get out of here, I need to get home, I need to sleep, god what I really need is a fix.

"Yeah, yeah okay." Carter mumbled, trying to sit up but failing as he was greeted with an intense bout of dizziness accompanied by severe nausea. "I'm g-going to be s-sick." He half stuttered, his face becoming pale.

Mark quickly rushed out into the hallway and grabbed an emesis basin and rushed back in time to shove the bowel under Carter's mouth as he emptied his stomach into the basin. All that his stomach contained was half a bottle of vodka that he had drank last night, realising he hadn't eaten in days he made a mental note to fix that when he got home. He didn't need his friends thinking that he also had some form of an eating disorder.

After Carter had finished being sick, Peter shot Mark and Kerry a look and realised that they also smelt the lingering stench of alcohol in Carter's vomit. Carter unaware of it flopped back down onto the lounge and closed his eyes tightly shut in pain. The lights were working wonders on his headache. A slight groan of pain escaped his lips as he placed his arm over his eyes; shielding them from the light.

"Come on Carter, let's get you home." Benton kneeled down beside Carter's form and placed his arm under Carter's shoulder and placed Carter's arm around his shoulder's, he then lifted the man slowly from the couch, surprised at how easy it was to lift Carter he glanced at his friend's form for a few seconds, noting how much weight he looked to have lost. He couldn't be much more than 140lbs at the most.

Carter just moaned in reply and closed his eyes as he let Dr. Benton guide him out of the lounge. Peter glanced back at Mark and Kerry and shot them a look that told them that he would take care of everything; that he'd get to the bottom of what was happening with Carter if it was the last thing that he did.

As Peter half carried Carter towards the ambulance bay doors he could feel the eyes of almost every single person in the ER on his back. This was sure going to start the rumours running like crazy. First Carter knocks over all the charts in the ER in a fit of rage and then he's being half carried out. Benton sighed to himself as he looked over at Carter. His eyes were still tightly shut and he was biting down hard on his bottom lip, probably trying his hardest to fight off pain.

Once Peter made his way to his car, he opened the passenger seat and gently lowered Carter's body into the seat, and buckled his seat belt over him. He then walked around and got into his side of the car and took off out of the car park, heading towards Carter's apartment building.

"Hey man you still with me?" Benton asked after a few minutes, trying to break the awkward silence that was hanging in the air.

"Mhm." Carter half moaned, rolling his head to the side, he let out another groan of pain. "Where are we?" he suddenly realised he had no idea what was happening and where he was. The last thing that he remembered was that he was standing in the admit area of the ER.

"In my car, I'm taking you home. Do you remember what happened?" Benton asked, quickly glancing over to take in Carter's condition. His face was still pale, his forehead was laced with beads of sweat and his eyes were still glazed over – that was not a good sign at all.

Everything suddenly hit him, as he remembered what had just happened moments ago "Y-yeah." Carter stuttered, "W-was in the lounge. You came to t-take me home. I r-remember now."

"Good, that's good Carter. Want to talk about what happened?" Only one thing was going through Peter's mind right now, and he hoped to God that he was wrong.

"No." Carter simply said, glancing out the window he saw his reflection and the sight before him shocked him. He knew that he looked terrible, he even felt terrible – but his reflection was deathly. His face was as pale as a ghost, his eyes had dark circles underneath them and his eyes themself were glazed over, his head was laced with sweat and his cheekbones were protruding more than they normally were. I really need to start eating more.

"Can you pull the car over." Carter blatantly asked, "Please."

"Why?" Benton questioned, wondering if Carter was going to attempt to run off into the forest or something stupid that only Carter would think to do in this situation.

"I think I'm going to be sick." He mumbled, clearly embarrassed about the whole situation.

At that Peter veered the car over to the side of the road, before he had time to react Carter had opened the passenger's door and had began to be sick onto the side of the road, still half sitting in the car. After a few minutes had passed he leaned back in the seat and wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve, his face going a deep shade of red from embarrassment. This was the second time tonight he had been sick in front of his former mentor; the man he held the most respect for.

"You okay man?" Peter asked, unsure what he could do to help the young doctor. He hated the fact that there was nothing that he could do right now to make everything better.

"Yeah, feel better now." He mumbled, leaning his head back against the seat he closed his eyes and tried to focus on breathing slower, he noticed his breathing had become more erratic and he didn't want to worry Dr. Benton any further than what he probably already was.

Peter had once again regained driving on the road when a thought suddenly entered his mind. "Carter." Benton's voice had a warning tone to it, "Are you going through withdrawal?" he never even looked over at Carter as the words passed through his lips. He kept his stern gaze on the road ahead of him, afraid that if he looked over at Carter's form he would lose it completely.

The words hit him like a freight train, he looked over at Dr. Benton, he could see that he was clenching his jaw tightly shut, trying hard to suppress any form of emotion. "No." Carter simply said, he wasn't going to admit that to Dr. Benton, no way in hell – he couldn't. He just couldn't.

Benton just sighed in response, he somehow had a hard time believing those words. Seconds later he pulled up in front of Carter's apartment building. Getting out of the car he walked over to Carter's side and draped his arm around his shoulder and helped Carter out of the car. Carter shrugged out of Peter's grip once he was standing and proceeded to unsteadily walk towards his apartment.

"Carter, get back here." Peter said, the same warning in his tone.

"I'm fine, thanks for the lift Dr. Benton, I appreciate it. I just need to go and get some sleep." I just need to go call my doctor and make another appointment so I can get another fix.

"Carter you're not fine, you almost passed out in the damn lounge, now get back here!" He yelled after the young man, following him into his apartment complex.

Carter turned around and faced Dr. Benton, "I am fine. Thanks for your concern." He then turned back around and headed towards his room, Benton closely behind him.

Carter was too quick however and made it into his apartment room and slammed and locked his door on Benton's face before he could follow him into the room.

"Carter! Hey! You open this damn door now!" Benton yelled, pounding his fist against the door frame. "Now! Carter now!"

Carter clenched his eyes tightly shut and willed Dr. Benton to be quiet, the pounding and shouting did nothing but intensify his already excruciating headache. He gritted his teeth together and opened his eyes, not the slightest surprised to notice that he couldn't see two feet in front of him. Everything was a blur, the colours danced in front of his eyes in a sick taunting way. Dr. Benton's voice had begun to sound distant and he noticed that the colours were beginning to fade away and be replaced with darkness. The last thing he remembered was hearing his own pained moan escape his lips.

"Carter!" Benton shouted, getting more and more annoyed at Carter's lack of co-operation. Deciding that he needed to be more forceful with him, Peter slammed his body against the door frame repeatedly until the lock smashed and the wood splintered and the door flung open, "Cart-" he stopped mid sentence as his breath caught in his throat as he took in the scene before him, it was the worst sight he could have ever imagined.

Carter was lying on the floor, his nose and ear were bleeding; leaving streaks of maroon red down his face, however the most horrific aspect of the situation was that he was currently in the midst of having one seriously violent seizure.

Please review guys! Makes me know that some people actually will read this when I upload the new chapters, makes me more inclined to write and submit them faster :) & yes, I am cruel for leaving it like that - poor Carter ! D: