Tegan punched the wall of her room leaving a noticeable dent. Her mother would yell at her later on its discovery, but this was the last thing she was worried about. She was mad - pissed - , and she didn't know whether the anger was directed at Sara or herself. Who knew three simple words could make Tegan so mad, change her world so much, and make her question everything she knew.

"Tegan, I'm gay." Sara's words replayed in her mind like a CD stuck on repeat. There was no denying her sister's sexuality now. She had known for a while, but was unwilling to accept it. If her twin was gay, what did that say about her? That didn't mean she was gay too did it? She could be straight and have a gay sister, right? It was completely possible. There were a ton of siblings in this predicament.

Too bad that wasn't the case this time. No matter how hard she tried, there was no denying that Tegan herself was gay too, not that she was ready to admit that. She'd hang on to every last string of hope she could praying that this was just her new teenage hormones kicking in. If she was gay, why didn't she accept it as easily as Sara had? But truth be told, Tegan wasn't sure if Sara had accepted it easily. This was their first time talking about this subject, and Tegan had walked out on it almost as soon as it had started. She had no way of knowing whether or not her sister had struggled with the same thoughts she did.

Alerted from her thoughts by a light knock on the door, Tegan stopped pacing long enough to answer it. She already knew that it was Sara, eager to finish their conversation. She wouldn't have answered it if their mother hadn't been in the house, asleep downstairs. The last thing she wanted was for her and Sara to get into an argument and wake up their mother, bringing her into the whole thing. She opened the door and found what seemed more like her shadow than Sara in the dark, unlit hallway. Tegan watched as the silhouette seemed to separate from her own being and move into the room without Tegan's permission.

The moonlight hazily drifting into the room from the uncovered window was the only light the two had, yet Tegan could see that Sara was visibly upset, and on the verge of tears.

"Do you hate me, Tegan?" It came out as more of a whimper than a question

Honestly, right now, in this exact moment, Tegan did hate Sara. She hated her for everything she represented; everything she was afraid to be. "No," she answered stiffly, faded anger still present in her voice.

Sara inched forward her arms outstretched. She'd heard that they used machines to squeeze cows before they were slaughtered to calm them down. Maybe a hug would work the same way with Tegan. "I'm sorry, Tee."

The embrace did nothing but anger Tegan more. the thought of the very person she was trying to get away from sharing such an intimate moment with her upset Tegan. But no matter how much she didn't like it, she was unable to tell Sara that, but the hug was more than Tegan could bear. She pushed Sara off of her, but cushioned the blow with her words. "You don't have anything to be sorry about. It's not your fault."

Sara sat on Tegan's bed, her knees tucked into her chest so to keep her hands to herself, avoiding offending Tegan any more.

Tegan took another shot at the wall, but with less energy this time. Sara flinched.

She had trusted Tegan with her secret for a reason. She hadn't expected Tegan to get this upset. She figured Tegan was the one person she could tell without being judged. She didn't understand why Tegan would act like this.

Sara placed her head on her knees and began crying. All of this was just too overwhelming for her.

Tegan slumped against the wall opposite her bed. She was pushed over the edge by her sister's sobs. Tears began welling in her eyes. It wasn't long before they were pushed over the edge and began to run down her cheeks. She was licking the salty taste off her lips when Sara finally said something.

"Why are you so mad, Tegan?" Her voice was squeaky and more higher pitched than usual.

"I'm not mad! I just . . . " She didn't know what it was . She didn't know why her heart always skipped a beat when she saw her best friend, Laura, or how she always felt a pang of jealousy when she saw Sara with Laura doing something as innocent as walking down the hall together, laughing. "How did you know?" she managed to ask at last.

Sara lifted her had to look at Tegan, her eyes were glassy and wet. "I don't know. I just did." She waited a moment before she asked, "Why?"

Tegan shrugged. She wasn't ready to discuss what was going on in her head. She wasn't sure if she knew what was going on herself.

"Do you want to know why I told you?"

Tegan sniffled and wiped her tears away with her sleeve. "'Cause I'm your sister?"

Sara got off the bed and sat down next to Tegan in the same position she had sat on the bed. "Yes. That's part of it. But there's another reason."

Tegan tilted her head towards Sara, once again aware of the closeness between the two. Their knees were touching, but it wasn't as bad as the hug had been, and at this point, Tegan didn't have enough energy to get mad. So she let Sara look her straight in the eye and whisper Tegan's worst fears to her. "I thought you were gay too."

More tears came out of their hiding spot inside Tegan's tear ducts. She quietly looked away, but Sara grabbed her face and turned Tegan back towards her. "Are you?" She asked.

"I don't know," was all Tegan could say.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't know! I'm not sure, okay!" Neither could speak for a moment, but both were startled by Tegan's sudden outburst. When Tegan spoke again it was in a whisper. One more bout of anger would surely wake their mother. "I don't want to be. But I think I like Laura."

"Is it just Laura, or are there others?"

Tegan's mind wandered back to all the times she found women attractive. It seemed spontaneous like a muscle cramp. She could be doing anything with the attraction struck. "No. There are others."

Sara hoped that upon this realization it would help Tegan to realize what she actually was.

"How did you find out. Like, for sure. How did you finally know?"

"Do you really want to know?" Tegan nodded. "I had sex with Raye."

"You had sex with sensei?" Raye was their karate instructor. Tegan chuckled. "I didn't know you liked her."

"I don't."

"Then why would you have sex with her?"

"The opportunity came along. She kept hitting on me, and I figured if I'm going to do this, now's as good a time as any to find out if I like it."

"And . . .," Tegan prodded.

"And I did."

Tegan thought for a moment. Did she actually want to have sex with someone she didn't like or even know all that well just to find out whether or not she was really gay? No, she didn't. That might have worked for Sara, but she didn't want her first time to be with just anybody. "I don't want to do that with some random girl. I'd rather it be someone I know. Someone I can trust."

"Who did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. You just gave me this idea."

"Well . . . you trust me, right?"

"Yes. . ." Where was Sara going with this?

"Well, why don't you try it out with me?"

Tegan was shocked She couldn't believe what Sara was suggesting, and she could think of many perfectly good reasons not to. "Because you're my sister!"

"Who else do you plan to find?"

She had a point. Tegan couldn't think of a better person to try this with. Sara was promising that she wouldn't get creeped out afterwards. No one would have to know. Sara was the one person who Tegan could guaranteed wouldn't say anything about the experience to anyone else. It was practically the perfect plan. But still, they were sisters. It was weird. Who would have sex with their sister? It didn't matter what the circumstances were.

"Come on, Tee. What have you got to lose?"

"I don't know about this?"

"It'll be fine."

"Sara, I don't -" Before Tegan could finish her protest, Sara's lips smacked against her own. It wasn't an unpleasant kiss, but Tegan was still on the fence about going through with this. She felt nothing but relief as Sara's lips separated from her own in order to grab her hand, help her up, and lead her over to the bed.

They kissed again, more roughly this time. Sara's tongue flicked over Tegan's bottom lip asking for entrance. Tegan saw no option but to give into her sister. She opened her mouth a fraction of an inch and Sara immediately took advantage of it, practically shoving her way into Tegan's mouth and encircling Tegan's tongue with her own. Even Tegan had to admit that the kiss wasn't bad. Sara definitely knew what she was doing.

Sara spent more time kissing Tegan than she would've if Tegan had been more willing in the first place. Stopping now would just seem awkward. IT would make the situation lose its purpose. She was afraid it would leave them memories of the time they "just made out with each other for no reason". There would be no deliberation behind it. She had to kiss Tegan to make sure she felt more comfortable and secure. She needed to know that Tegan wasn't going to walk away.

However, foreplay was out fo the question. This wasn't meant to be a loving, sexual experience. It was an experiment. Nothing more. So Sara didn't bother to kiss Tegan's neck, or nibble on her ear, or place butterfly kisses down her navel. She went straight to unbuttoning Tegan's pants with her free hand. The other was holding onto her sister's neck, keeping their faces attached.

Tegan helped kick off her pants, scooting them farther up on the bed in the process. Sara's hand remained in the vicinity of Tegan's nether regions. She palmed her momentarily through her underwear, feeling the dampness already there. She grabbed the underside of Tegan's thighs and used her biceps to pull her to the edge of the bed. She slipped off the soiled underwear, revealing the small patch of hair between Tegan's legs. Sara ran a finger down the length of Tegan's slit. She briefly passed Tegan's clit before dipping lower and effortlessly sliding a finger in despite her tightness. A light moan escaped Tegan's lips.

Sara looked up. Her sister had her eyes closed and her head tilted back. Perhaps Tegan would enjoy this after all.

She pumped her finger in and out of Tegan. Slowly a couple of times before retracting it completely. Tegan whimpered a little from the sudden lack of friction, but was quickly rewarded with Sara's expert tongue circling her clit. The swollen button twitched slightly beneath her tongue. Sensing her over stimulation, Sara moved her tongue lower, slipping it between Tegan's warm, wet walls.

Tegan tried her best to hold back her moans. She reminded herself that their mother was in the house fast asleep in bed with their step dad. They didn't need to know what was going on in here. She opened her eyes for the first time since all of this started. She decided to look under the door. She was searching for dark shadows moving across the crack beneath the door. There, of course, was nothing there. It was Tegan's paranoia. They had nothing to worry about.

Tegan propped herself up on her elbows closing her eyes again, enjoying the feeling of her sister's tongue between her legs. When she opened them again she was staring straight into the full length mirror on her closet door. Strange how the room was pitch black and yet she could see herself reflected in the thin strip of glass. And what a sight she was. She was sitting there, her eyes glassed over with lust, legs spread wide open with her sister's blond, spiky, hair-covered head between her legs. It disgusted her. She disgusted herself. Who gets off on their sister like that? Another tear trickled down her cheek as she came against the will of her mind.

Sara wiped her face off on the white cotton sheets before making her way back up to Tegan's face. She leaned in for one final kiss, but Tegan turned her head. She kissed Tegan's cheek instead. Tegan still flinched.

They sat there for a moment. Tegan still half naked, her head turned away from her sister, deep in thought. Sara just watched Tegan, her eyes burning holes in the back of her head. She was the one to break the silence. It was slowly killing her inside. "So, what'd you think?" There was no reaction from Tegan whatsoever. "Come on. You're not even going to look at me?" Tegan twisted her head slightly, once again bringing her eyes to Sara's. Sara tried to ignore all of the regret and guilt and hate reflected in the brown pools. "So, are you gay?"

"Yes." Tegan was able to say it this time without hesitation.

"Are you mad?"

"I'm not mad," She insisted again, but anger laced her voice.

"Are you upset?" Sara sure was. This wasn't the reaction she had wanted from her sister.

"More like disgusted." Tegan pushed Sara off her with all the force she had. Sara toppled to the floor landing on her back with a loud thud. Tegan pushed herself off the bed and grabbed her pants off the floor, completely ignoring her abandoned underwear.

Sara hadn't anticipated any of this. This had been meant to help Tegan, not make things worse. She had meant no harm. She found herself crying involuntarily.

fTegan had put her pants back on and stumbled to the door whilst fumbling with the button of her pants with one hand.

"Wait!"

Tegan stopped in her tracks.

"Do you forgive me?"

"No." She made sure to shut the door on her way out.