A/N: So basically what happened is that I was looking for some MetabeeXBrass fanfiction and found none. Well, found very little worth reading, anyway. There were SO MANY absurdly stupid plotlines—Oceana being gratuitously evil in an attempt to kill that ship, gratuitous kidnappings by the Rubberobos to try to force them to admit their feelings for one another...all sorts of nonsense. So I decided to write my own to, quite narcissistically, show everyone else (despite that I doubt more than three people frequent this category anymore) how it's done.

...Well, at least now I know why so little of the stuff out there is decent. This pairing is HARD to write, between the fact that Metabee and Brass almost never interact in canon and the fact that Arika is such an incredibly overprotective buffer zone between her Medabot and the rest of the world. But I think these are at least acceptable.

I did this as a 50-theme challenge just because it's fun, and I'm too lazy to come up with an actual storyline. Themes were chosen by pulling fifty random words out of The New Roget's Thesaurus, 1978 edition.

Oh, and number 30 is a total Chobits steal, though I don't think it's anything a non-hardcore-Chobits-reader would recognize. Also, I've already started work on a spin-off oneshot based on number 45.

Innocence and Ego
(The Illustrious Crackpot)

1. Criminal Class

The Phantom Renegade was so dapper, so dashing, so classy, Arika insisted, that he probably had girls falling for him left and right. Metabee crossed his arms belligerently and countered that he was just as "dapper" and "classy" as this stupid masked nutjob but no girls were fawning over him. At this, Brass just lightly touched his arm, leaning in to put her mouthpiece by his left audio receptor...and stoically informed him that "dapper" and "classy" were not in fact terms that had to do with Robattling.

2. Behavior

"Now don't worry, I can get us through this," Metabee assured the others gravely, though they were only trying to cross to the other side of a crowded park. "Just stay cool and do as I do."

Before anyone had a chance to react, Brass leapt into a pose, planting her feet firmly shoulder-width apart and pointing authoritatively at the sky, calling out in her almost emotionless little-girl voice, " 'NOW DON'T Y'ALL MESS WITH US, OR YOU'LL BE GETTING A META-BEE-BOPPING!' "

3. Inconvenience

As much as he loved hearing Mister Referee's opening shpiel, the golden Hercules Beetle 'Bot was groaning. He hated team Robattling with Brass—she was such dead weight, every Robattle inevitably reducing him to just frantically protecting her from their opponents, thanks to her complete lack of fighting skills and the fact that Arika would devour him and Ikki if Brass came out of the battle with so much as a single scratch on her body.

4. Chubby

"No, Arika, those Medaparts don't make Brass look fat," Ikki droned for the umpteenth time, resting his head on the counter in defeat while Metabee snored on a stool to his left.

5. Pungent

"Please, Metabee...I realize that neither of us has any olfactory sensors, but I can nearly see stink lines radiating from your body."

6. Gifted

He was the top, the greatest, the best around, and he wasn't exactly shy about letting others know it. In fact, Metabee was always so firmly wrapped up in his own ego that Ikki was truly stunned when his Medabot actually uttered a compliment for someone else, especially when the KBT-type had never so much as acknowledged Brass's existence until that moment.

7. Taste

"An ancient KBT-type Medabot and an SLR-type?" shot off the prep school boy disdainfully. (At that moment it would be odd to think that, in the months to come, Kouji would grow to be one of their closest friends.) "Well. No accounting for taste."

8. Be Worthy Of

While her Medafighter was distracted trying to haggle over the price of a magazine, Brass ran a hand across the package in the display case. It was stupid, really—just a whimsical pipe dream—but maybe if she had a new body, a more powerful one with better attack moves...would that battle-obsessed Medabot pay attention to her then?

9. List

If only Arika let Brass Robattle more often, Metabee thought, he was sure she had enough skill to be listed in or at least near the top two hundred in the country. But because she was so rarely afforded opportunities to rack up match points, she'd only barely made the top one thousand. He surprised himself with the realization that he actually felt sorry for Brass, with her worth constantly being gauged by this unfair ranking rather than by her true abilities.

10. Ambassador

"Honestly," Brass muttered to herself as she glared down into the ring, earning a surprised glance from her Medafighter. "He's representing the entire country of Japan in this tournament—the least he could do is buff out those rust stains."

11. Leading

Metabee flailed his arms angrily, his patience wearing thin. "Aw, come ON! I should totally be the leader here! I'm the awesomest! There ain't no Medabot around that's awesomer than—"

"What about Brass?" Neutranurse offered suddenly, startling the other 'Bots—Brass especially, as she had never volunteered for the position.

Metabee's fist shot up in preparation for another furious rebuttal, but he unexpectedly paused, considering the proposal. "Actually...actually, that's prob'ly a better idea." He rubbed his head sheepishly. "She's way smarter'n me, anyhow."

12. Interchange

To be fair, they were all in a bit of a hurry, and both of the medals on the table were Beetle-types, and it was very dark. But no amount of justification could make up for the unexpected shock and horrendous awkwardness of the tanklike macho 'Bot and the decorative girly 'Bot abruptly waking up in each others' bodies.

13. Axis

Though still incredibly bewildered, Brass did actually spend the rest of the afternoon explaining the concept to the enthralled Metabee, until (with Ikki and Arika squatted at desks in the back of the room, watching with amusement) she really did feel like some kind of elementary school teacher. But really, honestly, how was it even possible that, until he'd spotted the spinning globe sitting on Coach Mountain's desk, Metabee hadn't known that the Earth was round?

14. Cinder

"It's nothing," he kept insisting, flicking almost carelessly at his blackened and charred Medaparts, but every time she looked at him it was all she could do to keep from crying tearlessly into her hands.

15. Channel

Really, Brass hadn't at all minded lending her body to Oceana; after all, Oceana needed a pair of eyes to help her recognize her missing Medafighter, and with Brass's medal remaining active while stored in Arika's Medawatch, it's not like she was missing out on the action. It wasn't until she heard the adoring puppy-dog tone in Metabee's voice that she regretted her decision, if only because of her current inability to kick him until he shut up.

16. Commonplace

"To tell the truth, KBT-type Medabots are pretty rare," Henry reflected, leaning on the counter. "Metabee's model especially, of course, since it's so old—I mean, vintage—but the Medabot Corporation really hasn't produced very many of them for some years now." He paused, glancing back over his audience, and gave a warm half-smile. "And y'know, female SLR-types are pretty hard to find too—they're collector's items, mostly—so I guess you could say that both of your Medabots there are practically one of a kind."

17. Journal

As furious as he was that Arika had managed to rope him into helping her organize the back issues of the school newspaper, he was actually really enjoying reading all the old featurettes on various local Medafighters and their Medabots. And no matter how many times he was told, he wouldn't believe that he'd already gone through all the editions that had ever been in print—after all, he hadn't found an article about Brass yet.

18. Pallor

"You sure you're okay?" Metabee demanded, green eyes widening with concern. "You're lookin' kinda pale."

She was saved from a stupid response when Ikki slapped a palm to his forehead and groaned. "Metabee, her face is painted white. She ALWAYS looks like that."

19. Pitfall

It was an odd sight, the normally shameless Metabee seeming so...well, embarrassed, as he clambered clumsily up the side of the surprisingly deep hole he'd tumbled into. He even allowed Brass to help pull him out, though he snapped neatly back into his usual gung-ho self once he'd secured a promise that she would never tell anyone of what had happened.

20. Willful

"Don't worry about Metabee," Peppercat remarked abruptly, leaning slightly over Brass's shoulder from behind. Brass jumped a little; she hadn't heard the other 'Bot approach. "He's just stubborn."

In silence they continued to watch the group assembled a few yards away, Metabee, Arika, Spyke and Sloan catcalling wildly as they circled around Ikki and Samantha, who were engaged in yet another absurdly frantic shouting match. Brass let out a sigh, though if she'd had a mouth it would have been curled up in an amused smile. "I wonder where he got that from."

21. Shortness

He really shouldn't have felt out of place, as the enormous Arcbeetle towered over all of the other Medabots present, but she still couldn't hold back a laugh when she spotted Metabee rising defiantly to his tiptoes.

22. Prodigy

After Sumilidon did the impossible in his match against Team USA, miraculously managing to access the Medaforce despite not possessing a rare medal, the general reaction was divided between overjoyed acceptance and abject terror. Except for Brass, who merely seethed with silent envy, knowing that that one action had propelled Sumilidon into a select and private group that she would never be able to reach.

23. Infinite

As wacky as it sounded, Metabee knew that the dream he'd been trapped in had been a vision of the past, the ancient yesterday from before Medabots existed and before any ancient alien warriors thought to engrave their souls on metal hexagrams. And still she was there. Centuries before and centuries after, she was still by his side.

24. Ridicule

"...So now you know my secret," Brass finished with a defeated sigh, pushing the children's dress-up dolls back underneath Arika's bed. She kept her eyes averted. "Please don't make fun of me."

Metabee blinked, cocking his head to the side, and inquired with sincere confusion, "Why would I do that?"

25. Devil

An enormous grin plastered across his face and his eyebrows quirked as high as they could go, Dr. Aki just went on nudging Metabee suggestively with his elbow—"KnowwhatImean? KnowwhatImean?"—though the little golden Medabot looked as baffled as before. However, Brass, who had gained a basic working knowledge of adult humor from the TV shows Arika watched when her parents weren't home, smothered her face in her hands and thanked the Original Medal that this horrible old man hadn't given Medabots the ability to blush.

26. Wild

"I'm sorry about Metabee," Ikki apologized once he was sure his Medabot had left the room. He glanced over to the closet where a deeply entrenched Brass was hanging up some of Arika's clothes, hoping the Sailor-type 'Bot was out of earshot. Lowering his voice just in case, the boy went on, "And y'know, if you want me to keep him away from Brass I'll totally understand—"

"Nah, s'okay." Arika's offhand shrug was a surprising response, considering how often she complained about how crassly Metabee acted around her 'Bot. "Brass's such an introvert, she probably needs an aggressive influence like Metabee to force her out of her shell."

Before his self-preservation instincts had a chance to stop him, Ikki inquired with sincere confusion, "So you mean you're not aggressive enough?"

27. Proximity

Of course, Medabots didn't have any sensory apparati, so she in no way "felt" the missile launcher tower brushing against her head as he stared questioningly into her wide pink eyes. However, to create more realistic Robattling, Medabots were programmed to react as if they could feel, so the contact made her jerk backwards just the same.

28. Comment

True, Arika's latest blog post—a photo of a battle-scarred golden Hercules Beetle Medabot looming victoriously over his comatose opponent—had scored over nine hundred hits to only one unsigned "favorite" rating, but still, Brass did not hesitate for an instant in shooting off a scolding email of "Comment before you fave, Metabee".

29. Loud

As all the neighborhood lights started snapping on, accompanied by outraged threats from the faces popping into the windows, Metabee decided it was time to hightail it out of there. So maybe it hadn't been the best plan, but c'mon—he'd only just remembered to ask Brass about that video disc of his last Robattle, and of course Arika's house would be LOCKED at three in the morning, and since her room was on the second floor, what was he supposed to do, whisper?

30. Insane

"No, it's not crazy," Dr. Aki responded, and if he'd bothered to turn around he would have seen the triumphant (and maybe just a little wicked) smile widening across Arika's face. It was a good thing she'd left Brass downstairs while she attempted to confirm her suspicions—it wouldn't do for Brass to find out about her Medafighter's matchmaking plot when she herself was to be the focus of it. "If the distinct personalities embedded within each medal tell us anything, it's that Medabots are just like humans—and since they exist outside of human complications like moral quandaries or physical desire, you could even say that the emotion is purer."

31. Propriety

Her voicebox crackled with the audacity of what she was about to attempt, but she covered it up with a false cough, knowing that this might be the only chance they'd have to converse without their Medafighters' interference. "Er, Metabee..." she began delicately, tentatively, "I, well, find it prudent to discuss with you some, er, circumstances that I have begun to—"

"Whoa whoa whoa!" He held up both hands, a confused look on his face. "Too many big words! Dumb it down a little for me, would'ja?"

She paused, cocking her head to the side, then tried again, feeling slightly awkward about being so forthright with her language. "That is...recently I believe I may have been experiencing some unknown form of emotion, which I believe may be somehow related to the way in which I regard you, to the effect of—"

His eyes were as blank as ever. "Dude, still not gettin' it."

She ground her internal gears, as a human might grind teeth, and pure frustration overcame any lingering embarrassment or social properness. "I may or may not feel romantic affection for you."

"Huh—? Oh, sorry, I wasn't listening, I...Hey! Brass! Where're you goin'? Brass!"

32. Discipline

Without warning, Arika whacked him hard with the rolled-up newspaper, and though he felt no pain, the sheer force of the blow was enough to send Metabee crashing to the floor. "That's for making Brass cry!" she snapped furiously, ignoring both Brass's protests that really she wasn't at all offended and Ikki's frantic insistence that Medabots didn't even have the ability to cry.

33. Go

Usually he'd just take off running without even so much as a heads-up, leaving the much slower Sailor-type Medabot behind in moments. But this time he actually glanced back at her over his shoulder, then abruptly grabbed her hand, pulling her along with him.

34. Emblem

In explaining the events of the "Beetlemania" incident to Arika, Dr. Aki first had to inform her of the strong resonance between Medabots of similar medal types, a result of the similar coding (almost DNA-style) due to their common cloning heritage from the same class of rare medal, or from the same specific individual rare medal. Brass supposed this explained why she had always felt closer to Beetle-type Medabots, and why she had such a strong affinity for Metabee, seeing as his rare medal was very close to the one that hers had been cloned from; but then again, both Rokusho and Arcbeetle had rare Beetle medals as well, and she'd never felt any particular emotional attachment to either of them...

35. Frank

Within moments the overweight man burst out through the doors of the HopMart and bolted down the street in terror, Metabee hot on his heels and shooting with wild abandon, followed shortly by nearly everyone in the shop, Ikki calling out that it was all a mistake while Arika viciously egged the 'Bot on ("Get him, Metabee! He can't do that to Brass and get away with it!") with poor Brass and Henry taking up the rear, Henry insisting pitifully that really it was kind of Brass's fault for sitting on the display counter while the man was in there shopping and come on guys Frank had been the only paying customer in his store for days!

36. Shape

"Oh, Metabee," she sighed with just a hint of reproach, fed up with his neverending complaints about being stuck in that temporary patchwork body while Miss Caviar repaired his original parts, "no matter what Medaparts you're wearing, you're still you."

37. Untidiness

Brass had been fairly shocked and honored when Metabee—without Ikki's prompting, even—had offered to lend her some spare water parts so she could accompany the gang to the beach. These feelings dissipated fairly quickly, however, once they entered the second hour of searching for them among the disastrously vast jumble of junk that some referred to as the Tenryou attic.

38. First

All chatter abruptly stopped as Metabee stepped into the room, looking extremely out of place amidst the flowing sea of pink that was "the girls' room" at Karin's slumber party. Though she hadn't even been involved in the discussion, Brass stiffened with impending mortification. He wasn't supposed to be there after the declared curfew, and how much had he heard—

The two factions, girls and girl-Bots versus boy-Bot, just stared silently at each other for a few moments, until Metabee jerked backwards in sudden understanding. "Oh, you were talking about a first kiss!" he clarified loudly, sounding incredibly enlightened as well as a little relieved. He shook his head, chuckling to himself. "Haha...wow, that makes way more sense. See, when I was passin' by in the hallway, I thought you were talkin' about a first kill!"

39. Deceitful

Why bother hiding? Feelings were nothing worth lying about—they were just what they were, and they were normal. Daily life could go on as usual and there would be nothing that needed covering up.

40. Undercooked

"HEY! ALL OF YOU, CUT IT OUT RIGHT NOW!" For good measure Metabee fired a laser volley just over the heads of the complaining Medafighters, immediately shocking them into attention. "IT'S NOT BRASS'S FAULT SHE HASN'T GOT TASTE BUDS, OR EVEN A MOUTH FOR THAT MATTER!" the golden Medabot fumed, pointing an accusing finger at the group. "SHE MADE THAT SPECIAL FOR YOU, SO EVEN IF IT TASTES LIKE DONKEY DOO, Y'ALL ARE GONNA EAT UP EVERY LAST CRUMB AND BEG FOR SECONDS!"

Brass was sure that, if she had been human, a massive sweat drop would have been forming on her forehead right then. "Um, thanks, Metabee...I think."

41. Estimate

Ikki and Arika couldn't help but groan when they heard Henry's estimate of how much he was going to have to charge for repairs. But when they looked back at the two damaged Medabots lying unconscious atop the counter, the back of Metabee's hand just barely touching Brass's, an exchanged grin was enough to express that it would be worth every penny.

42. Unity

Finally he relented, dropping his head in shame. "Well, o-okay, fine, I do kinda hate team Robattling with you." She didn't even have time to register disappointment before his head shot back up, an intense expression in his eyes as he blurted out, "But that ain't your fault! It's just 'cus Arika's such a pain about it—I know you've always got my back!"

43. Prohibited

Of course Arika would reprimand her harshly if she found out that Brass had been sneaking out at night to wander through town with Metabee—not to mention that these jaunts weren't exactly pleasurable, with every one so far ending with a frantic flight from some manner of trouble that the mischievous golden Medabot had gotten them into. But still, Metabee's casual attitude and the pure sneaky rule-breaking involved were enough to make her look forward to every occasion.

44. Sprawl

Without even getting up, Metabee grabbed her by the hand and yanked down hard, bringing Brass crashing rudely onto her back beside him. He pretended to ignore her indignant admonitions, instead just lazily watching the clouds drift by overhead; after all, girl had to learn to relax sometime.

45. Break

Henry willed his fingers to fly faster over the keyboard, hoping desperately that he'd have a chance to finish up this newest chapter before his break ended and he'd have to head back out to the storefront for more "field research". Anxious as he was, he remained extremely grateful for that sudden burst of inspiration that had rescued him from a week's worth of writer's block—after all, what better twist to his IkkiXArika fanfiction than to throw in a sudden smattering of MetabeeXBrass?

46. Well-Born

Metabee just shrugged unconcernedly as he reclined against the wall. "I mean, yeah, rare medals are important an' all that, but aside from this whole 'Medaforce' thing—and y'know, folks like the Rubberobos or that 'Phantom Whatsis' tryin' to steal 'em from you—it's not like they make any difference." He inclined his head. "Like you, Brass. Your medal may not be rare, but it definitely makes you way cool."

47. Departure

"What? ...Ohhhhhh. Oh, NO, you've got it all wrong—Ikki and Metabee are just heading out of town for a few days to visit their (well, Ikki's) grandma!" Suddenly Arika leaned forward with an evilly coy grin, causing her Medabot to jump back in alarm. "But why oh why are you so worked up about this?"

48. Smear

With any other 'Bot—or with any human, for that matter—Metabee would've just laughed uproariously, tossing out pun-filled jibes and altogether amusing himself over their discomfort. But Brass always looked so pristine, so clean and polished that she practically sparkled, and the sight of her suddenly plastered with soy sauce and mustard caused the unborn chuckle to die in his voicebox as he quickly snatched up a napkin and started wiping her forehead.

49. Sharpness

"Aw, how cute—two Medabots holding hands," cut in Space Medafighter X in amused condescension, causing Metabee to jerk his injured hand out of Brass's grasp as quickly as if she'd been covered with thorns.

50. Obscene

He thrashed and squirmed and swatted and cussed violently enough to make a grown man cry, but still Brass managed through sheer patience to pin him to the ground and forcibly grate the soap bar against his mouthpiece, ignoring the frothing spewing suds as the 'Bot attempted (garbledly) to keep up the stream of colorfully abusive language that had prompted Arika to give Brass this order in the first place. Metabee continued flailing for a while, gagging and spluttering, while the Sailor-type Medabot kneeled impassively on top of him; then, as if an afterthought, bent down and gently nuzzled her mouthpiece against his.

It was the first time anyone ever successfully made Metabee shut up.

~Fin~